Husband dosn't want pregnancy, I can't face trauma of later abortion AIBU *TRIGGERING*

[HelpfulSailor]

Found out I was pregnant last week. Had all but decided on a termination as our circumstances are not amazing - we rent DH has a new job etc. For reference I am late 20s he is early 30s

Call the clinic and they can't fit me in for my first consultation until the end of Jan by which time I will be 14/15 weeksish. I took the appointment but when the lady on the phone told me how long I would have to wait I had a breakdown.

Told DH that I don't think I can go through with it at that point it will be too traumatic for my mental health.
I had a miscarriage at about 12 weeks when I was 18 and it is the worst thing I have ever gone through and I experienced PTSD type symptoms for several years. I worry a termination at a later point in a pregnancy would make me spiral.

He said we had agreed that now wasn't the right time for a baby, and listed off all the reasons why we should terminate and try again in six months or so time. He also said he knows how hard the decision is, it is entirely up to me and will support regardless.

I don't know what to do. Am I being selfish not having a termination at 14+ weeks because I think it would be too hard phisically and emotionally?

We can't go private or travel to another clinic - all the ones I can get to are booked up to about the same point in Jan.

I feel like what ever I choose I am going to regret it and I don't know what the least worse option is. I don't want to give myself mental health issues and I don't want my DH to resent me or a baby that he is adamant we are not ready for.

So AIBU to not have a termination, even though I agreed on getting one with my husband, because I don't think I can handle the trauma of an abortion later into pregnancy?

:53AcrobaticCardigan

Sorry OP, but I think terminating a pregnancy only to try again in 6 months is pretty horrific. The reason being it would be more convenient in 6 months time... Wow. Credit cards would be paid off during the pregnancy and moving house is not impossible during pregnancy. I believe it’s a woman’s right to chose but to abort to try again in 6 months as more logistically convenient is absolutely shocking.

Exactly this. Also I had an early termination 8 or 9 years before I had my eldest. It caused scaring in my womb which resulted in complications with my pregnancy and delivery. It's your choice but in your shoes I wouldn't.

TTC is ‘trying’ for a reason. It isn’t ensured. You can have the ideal AMH sand FSH levels etc and still not conceive and it’s a mystery. Terminations come with risks. If you want a baby you can’t be cavalier with this - and I believe you are. You’re assurance that you’ll try in 6 months smacks of a blase attitude - ‘I’ll have a baby later on’ - like its guaranteed. It isn’t.

There is no ideal time for a baby or for TTC. If you WANT a baby RISKING not being able to conceive and terminating only to try a few months down the line is reckless.

Further - there seems to be a sad trend to blame shitty partner behaviour on ‘undiagnosed autism’. I have a family member with autism and it isn’t a pass to be a knob. Maybe he is just a controlling prick who is telling you to fuck with your body for the sake of convenance. Maybe he is autistic BUT autism doesn’t explain/excuse/justify being an asshole.

Finally, the trauma of a late abortion won’t help you or your relationship. I couldn’t have an abortion that late. I don’t accept your excuses for waiting. You do have money and if your baby is such a burden (albeit because it’s 6 months early) have the respect for it and your own mental and physical health to terminate before things go too far along. Pay. Travel. Do what it takes. OR have the child you claim you want (6 months in the future) rather than assume one will simply appear at the scheduled time like an Amazon delivery.

We can't afford private the money for the house is from my parents and we don't have it right now.
I have explained this up thread I didn't put all this in my OP as I did not think is was relevant.
I also said up thread we are moving in August as that is when our tenancy agreement ends so we have to have found a house by then baby or not.
We have planned to spend the time from now until we move paying off both our CC I have £1200 on mine and DH has £800 and they are currently full.
We only have a £250 overdraft and I stupidly didn't think to have an emergency abortion fund in the back.
We have no savings as we just got married we only spent about £5500 but we are on the low side of average earners and don't have much spare cash as rent round here is high.
CC is maxed from when DH was out of work.

£5500 on a wedding

It's very sad that you are going through this trauma. I think if your mental health suffered a lot after you had a miscarriage which you had no choice over I worry how it will be affected if you make the choice to terminate.
I'm with everyone else as to how utterly crazy it is to terminate now then try for another pregnancy in six months.
I think it would be good if you could think of yourself for once. Do what you want to do regardless of your husbands opinions. It's you body and your mental wellbeing that will be affected by all of this. I think he could be saying the six months thing to persuade you to terminate then move the goalposts later on.
I don't think he has your wellbeing in mind at all and is being controlling to satisfy his need for 'planning'
I wish you well in whatever you decide.

I'm not being funny but they aren't big balances on your cards.

Still bloody madness.

That's all you have on your credit cards?? I've got double that on mine and currently limping through maternity leave and paying off slowly- it's totally doable!

This is all a bit mad.

@Inliverpool1 I hope that’s not serious. You don’t know anything about this poster.

£5500 on a wedding

That’s not a lot!

Exactly nespresso why don’t you try applying for zero balance credit card so in the meantime you’re not paying for interest. Aborting pregnancy for the sake of £2000 and then trying for another child 6 months later is You’re married, both in employment, apparently committed to each other - either one or both of you just doesn't fancy having a child. Which is fine - no everybody wants to have children. Just no need to give paltry reasons to justify your (both of you) decision.

This is about two fucking grand?

Are you fucking kidding? You're going to do this for a couple of grand?!

I really want to be of the opinion that if any woman wants an abortion, she should have one. But this is awful.

If you have this abortion you will regret it. The pair of you will. Give your head a wobble.

Why are you having a clinic abortion privately and not just getting a medical termination on the NHS?? I just don't get this.

I am not pro life at all costs and think there are many reasons why a termination is the right thing to do but for timing? For 6 months worth of timing? That really blows my mind.

Wow definitely don't have an abortion just to delay getting pregnant by six months! For one thing your hormones may be so messed up by the pregnancy that it takes much longer (even to fall pregnant or you may struggle (or be unable) to get pregnant again.

£2000 of credit card debt between you is really not a significant factor at all even if you were on minimum wage; particularly when you consider your PTSD from the previous experience, which is much more long lasting and significant. If you credit rating is ok then you can just transfer that to a 0% balance transfer card but you may well be able to get it paid off before the end of the pregnancy anyway!

I think you need to explain to DH that it's not as simple as just getting rid now and then trying again in a few months. This is the opportunity and another might well not come along.

Credit cards versus human baby?

Fuck me. I'm normally pro choice but I cannot reconcile you think paying off credit cards earlier is worth terminating your baby.

I thought there had to be a good reason to abort, what next? Would you abort because you wanted a new car and it didn't fit in with your plan?

Maybe it would be better for this thread to move to pregnancy choices.

Why does being pregnant change anything though? Nothing changes if you’re pregnant? Your mortgage etc isn’t impacted

So AIBU to not have a termination, even though I agreed on getting one with my husband, because I don't think I can handle the trauma of an abortion later into pregnancy?

This was your original post and no OP YANBU to decide you want to cancel a termination.
It doesn't matter what you agreed with your DH.
It is your decision and having a late termination followed by ttc six months later seems a recipe for disaster.
Please try and get some counseling to look at this issue ASAP.

And I say that as someone who is pro choice, but also spend my teenage years worrying about getting pregnant, only to now be in my early 30s and having spent £7k for fertility treatment for my DP.

If you want a baby, don’t throw away the chance whine you’re actually pregnant

im sorry if i sound really anti abortion.but i cannot beleive your going to get rid of this baby your lucky to have been gifted with to what (by the time the apt comes about) start again in 4 months!yes yes i know its not a life yet,but it the bloody start of one.and you dont know what going to happen in 6months.what complications might happen with an abortion and you DO WANT CHIDLREN IN 6MONTHS.please

I thought it would be huge cc balances but it's not!

We've decided to move this thread to Pregnancy Choices as AIBU isn't really the right place for it.