Late term abortion

[Samsung98]

Feel so awful even posting this but I’m absolutely deverstated & don’t know what else to do Im 20 weeks pregnant & have just been dumped by my bf he says he wants to help raise the baby but not be with me I’m absolutely heartbroken we both have mental health problems I have anxiety & depression still PND with my 4 year old daughter from a previous relationship & do not really enjoy being a parent which makes me think how on earth will I cope with 2 being single!?! I have booked for a abortion next week but I can’t decide what to do to make things worse I have had to move back home 40 miles away from my bf which will make co parenting very difficult :( please help I know I’m a disgusting awful person for considering abortion or having another baby when I don’t even enjoy looking after my daughter

Op says she's been 'watching' and reading footage of what it entails so I imagine she has plenty of information on what the procedure entails.

'But medically speaking it is a foetus.'

Yes very true, some paperwork I had to sign re post mortem etc described ds as just that.

The medical staff explained re term has to be used etc.

Bereavement midwives and Dr obviously referred to ds as 'baby....name' throughout procedure.

OP. In all honesty, your reason for choosing not to give birth and adopt based on your DM's experience is completely illogical and skewed. Many adopted children grow up happily.
I was a PREM baby back in the 80's, born naturally way to early to survive. Yet I did. I 100% disagree with posters on hear talking about how viable a baby is at certain gestation points-I am living proof that is bollocks. I was born not long after what is today's current threshold for abortions.

Yes of course Martha, they did for me too. But the language used for TFMR or late MC are very different (rightly) to what is used for late term abortion.

@MarthasGinYard I’m sorry for what you had to go through I can understand how this post & my situation is upsetting to read & hard to understand .. The pregnancy being so late on for termination I can completely understand that’s why I’m struggling to think what to do I’m trying to be strong & keep the baby but I’m just so scared & worried for the future raising it with everything & all the difficulties I won’t be able to go back to work if I have this baby because of the nature of my job when I planned to have the baby the baby’s dad was going to stay at home and look after it & my daughter when I would go to work but now I won’t have that & with the distance between where my 4 year old daughters dad lives & the unborn babies dad it adds tremendous amount of complications I wanted us to be a full family because I wanted to give my daughter the stability of a family environment with the new baby not them hardly seeing each other being split between two places.

I am utterly appalled at the number of posters who have come on here to express pro-life/anti choice views and think the pregnancy should continue at any cost. All of the reasons the OP has given for considering termination are valid and sensible, particularly her own mental health and the potential effects on her existing child. OP, I know it's an understatement to say that this is a very difficult decision but whatever you decide to do, please don't factor in the irrational opinions of pro-lifers. Only you are living your life and only you can say what is best for you

'I won’t be able to go back to work if I have this baby because of the nature of my job when I planned to have the baby the baby’s dad was going to stay at home and look after it & my daughter when I would go to work but now I won’t have that & with the distance between where my 4 year old daughters dad lives & the unborn babies dad it adds tremendous amount of complications I wanted us to be a full family because I wanted to give my daughter the stability of a family environment with the new baby not them hardly seeing each other being split between two places.'

This is all logistical stuff which can be daunting to look at all at once

There aren't many jobs you can't do these days because you have a dc.

I also work in aviation extremely irregular hours.

Regarding your expectations of 'family' well, no it's not perfect but most families aren't.

You would still be a 'family'

Have you confided your feelings to tour DM?

So, I'm hearing that you don't want to abort but you don't think having the baby would work either. Is that right, OP?

Do factor in the different perspectives as others experiences may help. Your DP can still stay at home like you planned can’t he? Yes your family will be split but he still could.

Boomsk Something ‘looking like a human’ and being able to ‘feel kicks and movements’ is completely irrelevant to the question of an abortion. These are superficial characteristics. A foetus with serious abnormalities which have a long term impact has both of those, and yet our society has decided that it is appropriate to allow abortion.

You and other posters refer to a ‘but it’s healthy’ argument too. This implies that if the foetus had abnormalities then abortion would be appropriate. This is regardless of whether the suffering is the baby’s or the family’s. An infant with Downs does not necessarily suffer from pain or disability. We consider the demands on the woman and her family to be enough to justify abortion. However, the impact of having an unwanted baby in serious financial, housing and mental health difficulties could be equally damaging to the woman and her children. This means that we cannot exclude or disapprove of abortion for the latter, without also excluding abortion for the latter.

My son is 30, physically well but for various reasons I am still supporting him at a cost to myself. I love him very much and choose to support him as I do because of that. Having a baby is a lifelong commitment, so abortion should be the woman’s choice up until the limit of meaningful survival rates. In this country that is 24 weeks.

'I don’t even enjoy looking after my daughter'

This part was what resonated with me as I've been through periods of this Op, and felt like I shouldn't really be a mum. Obviously I don't just mean the odd feeling of it which any parent gets at some stage, if they are probably honest.

Do you have long periods of this? has this feeling become stronger since your split?

Have you spoken to anyone about these feeling in RL?

Why are you threatening other posters Boom?

Iris was not pulling apart your post she was addressing its points.

I don't care to be graphic on here. But I will if you don't wind your neck in

Why? Because your ego can't cope with being challenged?

Get over yourself.

Excellent post, Iris. Boom, your threats make you look really aggressive and make your agenda quite obvious. Unhelpful to the OP and her situation at all.

Oh, you couldn't cope with my post so you had it deleted? I didn't even say anything in it that could be remotely deemed offensive in any way. The exact opposite. Very brave of you.

The reason I took issue with Iris picking my post apart was because in order to defend my viewpoint, I would need to be graphic and this thread is not a place to do that. That's why. Not some 'fear' of Iris or having someone challenge me.

Funnily enough, you're getting into graphic territory at 20 weeks.

Think you're the angry one here, boom.

Your post was deleted because you threatened Iris that was nothing to do with the OP.

I think maybe it is time you left this tread Boom

Boomsk I reported your posts, because your comments are unhelpful and really really unsuitable given the thread content.

I've given birth to a stillborn child at 23 weeks, I fucking know how hard it is. Your shit about getting graphic makes it fucking hard reading. But you're only thinking of yourself and your little ego which cannot bear being challenged.

OP is in a really difficult situation, if you can't say anything decent then do us all a favour and fuck off.

No posting history beyond last night, and numerohs, grossly offensive and hurtful posts.

Ffs.

My little ego couldn't give two shites about your rather large ego.

Someone tore my views on late term abortion apart leaving me completely unable to reply without getting graphic to clarify the reasoning behind my feelings.

I threatened no-one. What a lunatic claim.

Lisbon - if you lost a baby at 23 weeks then you know exactly what I'm talking about when I'm talking about a late term abortion. Funny you called it a 'child'.....

Given that the OP is now 20 weeks, it could easily be 23 weeks before she loses/aborts her child/fetus.

What are your boyfriends health issues, is he receiving help? Is he supportive of the abortion?

I'm entitled to my viewpoint that 'I split up with my boyfriend' is not a good enough reason for abortion 20+ weeks. If you don't like my viewpoint - fair enough.

Lisbon - if you lost a baby at 23 weeks then you know exactly what I'm talking about when I'm talking about a late term abortion. Funny you called it a 'child'.....

I do not know exactly what you're talking about, not in the slightest. I know that you have no right to say what you've been saying and that your continued threats of getting graphic are unsuitable.

I called him my child because he was.

Does that mean the doctors did? No, it doesn't. Does that mean that medically he was a child? No. Does that mean any woman should be horrified and bullied out of having a termination up until the legal cut off? Hell no it doesn't.

My decision to refer to him as a child is mine, and mine alone. It changes nothing for anyone else, and if OP was my friend and needed support to attend for a 20 week termination I'd bloody we'll hold her hand if she wanted and go with her!!!

This thread is not about you, your viewpoint or its defence, Boom. You continue to be personally aggressive and threatening to people. It's rude and off-putting and your agenda is not helpful to the OP.