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Pregnancy choices

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Late term abortion

264 replies

Samsung98 · 03/05/2019 14:24

Feel so awful even posting this but I’m absolutely deverstated & don’t know what else to do Im 20 weeks pregnant & have just been dumped by my bf he says he wants to help raise the baby but not be with me I’m absolutely heartbroken we both have mental health problems I have anxiety & depression still PND with my 4 year old daughter from a previous relationship & do not really enjoy being a parent which makes me think how on earth will I cope with 2 being single!?! I have booked for a abortion next week but I can’t decide what to do to make things worse I have had to move back home 40 miles away from my bf which will make co parenting very difficult :( please help I know I’m a disgusting awful person for considering abortion or having another baby when I don’t even enjoy looking after my daughter

OP posts:
Oswin · 05/05/2019 01:09

Will people stop suggesting adoption like it's some brilliant problem solver.
Fucks sake. The posts about how some infertile people would love a baby. So fucking what. Nothing to do with op.
She has said no.

MumUnderTheMoon · 05/05/2019 01:47

You are not disgusting. More people should give serious consideration to the situation they would be bringing a child into. Make the choice that feels right to you and please be as kind to yourself as you can be.

Pishposhpasher · 05/05/2019 01:51

Posters here saying "I'm pro choice but.. " are not pro choice.

Boomsk · 05/05/2019 02:01

There's pro-choice and then there's a woman at 20 weeks with a healthy baby, Her life is shit, but she's sort of past the point of no return. To me anyway. Pish - if you think abortion of a 20 week old baby is ok, that's ok for you to think. But I don't think that. And it's also ok (I hope) for me to say that.

The OP undoubtedly needs some mental health support.

Pishposhpasher · 05/05/2019 02:05

Pish - if you think abortion of a 20 week old baby is ok, that's ok for you to think. But I don't think that. And it's also ok (I hope) for me to say that.

You can say whatever you want, just don't say you're pro choice because you're not 🤷‍♀️

Boomsk · 05/05/2019 02:07

You can call me what you want. I'm not affixed to a label.

Pishposhpasher · 05/05/2019 02:09

I've not called you anything, I have just said you are not pro choice.

Boomsk · 05/05/2019 02:10

If that makes you happy........

Pishposhpasher · 05/05/2019 02:12

As a child of adoption I can tell you quite categorically that abortion would have been the better option for my birth mother.

Adoption should not be trotted out like it is a joyful delightful thing. It is very, very difficult.

MsPavlichenko · 05/05/2019 02:16

It is entirely your choice. Do what is right for you. Abortion is a medical procedure, and thankfully is legal here in the UK.

Pro choice means exactly that. Supporting women whatever they decide. Regardless of personal opinions.

I wish you the very best whatever your choice is.

BirthdayKake · 05/05/2019 02:20

It's your choice OP. The choice is there for a reason. You shouldn't feel guilty x

blackcoffeeinbed · 05/05/2019 02:46

I've just spent nearly an hour reading through this post. OP I admire you for being honest about your mental health, you are obviously very aware of the effects that has on your life as a whole. I'm not going to advise you on what you should or shouldn't do because ultimately that is your choice, you will have to live with it either way.

Tbh what has driven me to comment is a couple of the PP's. One saying that at this gestation it is not a baby, and one advising you to look at how formed this baby would be now. I can answer that after losing my daughter at 21 weeks and 4 days. She WAS a baby, although skinny she was fully formed, she had all of her fingers and toes and nails had begun to form. She had features, eyebrows, a perfect nose and pretty little mouth, perfect little ears. She was beautiful. Yes her organs weren't strong enough for her to survive but another 2 weeks and 3 days and she would of been helped. It's insulting that people can sometimes be so ignorant and make out that at this stage it's not a baby because it is, she was my baby, my daughter. We had a funeral for her, she was cremated and she's at home with her family who still to this day grieve for her.

OP this is your baby, your body for you to do what you think is best. But those movements you feel everyday, those kicks and those rolls are your baby telling you that they're there and they're ok. I know you don't feel strong enough to do this alone but can you honestly say that you have exhausted every option for help and support that's available? You don't need a partner to be a successful parent, if you want to do better for yourself and this baby then it is possible for you to turn things around. You are worthy of your children and you can admit your problems. People don't judge you for asking for help, it's not a weakness. We can't always run from our fears and depend on other people to bring us happiness, we have to fight for it ourselves. You could shock yourself at just how strong you might turn out to be and what you could be capable of if you just prioritised yourself and your children. It's heartbreaking reading how little you appear to value yourself, I know you've made mistakes but you can't beat yourself around the head with them forever, or keep adding to the pile.

This is a massive decision for you and I'm not in your shoes and I didn't intend on this to become any form of lecture to you, I just hope that you can make the most informed decision that is best for you. You will be in my thoughts xx

12345gl · 05/05/2019 07:13

Thanks for everyone ... I’m still incredibly stuck I think to be honest I won’t be able to make any kind of decision until after Tuesday when I go to that consultation or Wednesday when I go to the scan. I know the sensible thing to do would not be to have the baby because of the life it would be comming into with my living situation & my mental health problems/the fathers its hard because I cannot say on here what the baby’s dad has wrong with him which makes it harder for you all to understand my situation. In regards to adoption it is not an option because my mum was adopted & I’ve seen how emotional & damaged she is as a result despite having the most loving caring adoptive family also it would kill my mum if I done that it would not be fair on her at to be quite frank it’s not an option for me either I could not deal with spending the rest of my life knowing the child would be out there then one day going through the emotional turmoil that my mum suffers.

Wheresmyvagina · 05/05/2019 07:29

Can you explain a bit more about your housing situation? It's very odd that the council said they would only house you as a single person. Do they consider you intentionally homeless? Do you have a local connection in the area you have applied in?

12345gl · 05/05/2019 07:48

Yes I should of just gone & lied & said I didn’t have any connections in hindsight they did offer to help but it was staying in a shared half way house in another county for up to 2 years because my area has a wait list of 3000 they were not lying about the wait list because a family friend who works for the council dealing with domestic abuse victims confirmed it .. I declined the councils help because staying in that half way house would not be helpful to me when I can stay with family I need them right now & on the day I was offered my mobile home which is also why I declined the help I think with my current state I am definitely cannot cope running a flat or house again I am still heavily in debt from my last rental accommodation.

12345gl · 05/05/2019 08:45

Too Boomsk .. Her life is shit, but she's sort of past the point of no return. To me anyway. Pish - if you think abortion of a 20 week old baby is ok, that's ok for you to think.

Pishposhpasher · 05/05/2019 08:50

I think you've confused me with another poster op. I'm pro choice.

MangoFeverDream · 05/05/2019 08:52

Posters here saying "I'm pro choice but.. " are not pro choice

Not many of us would be pro-choice according to your exacting standards.

OP, I will only reiterate what others have said; only you know the circumstances in which you will have this child. You still have time to seek termination if you think this is for the best.

But it’s not a simple procedure at this point, and it can be traumatic, especially for those with mental health issues. There are really no right choices (or good choices) for you, unfortunately. Just the one that you think will serve you best moving forward.

MarthasGinYard · 05/05/2019 09:01

I have indeed had a termination myself but was barely 6 weeks. So I couldn't say I'm not pro choice. However this late in the day, and still talking about having 'plenty of time to think about it' does astound me in all honesty.

I also had to deliver my DS at just under 19 weeks and for anyone saying it's not a baby at this stage. I can guarantee you they are.

Pishposhpasher · 05/05/2019 09:05

Not many of us would be pro-choice according to your exacting standards

They're not exacting standards. Pro choice is pro choice. Abortion is legal up to 24 weeks in this country for any reason.

I may find the thought of a 20 week old foetus being aborted difficult, but I still support a woman's right to choose.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 05/05/2019 09:07

I may find the thought of a 20 week old foetus being aborted difficult, but I still support a woman's right to choose

This. Policing terminations based on personal feelings in each situation leads to a slippery slope. Where does it end?

So aye, there will be situations where I'd personally find it hard to understand reasons, but I'd support her right to choose a termination. Because it's not about me.

ReganSomerset · 05/05/2019 09:11

Ummm, let's not get derailed here into pro choice vs pro life. We are talking about OP and her situation. This isn't the place for philosophical debate regarding what constitutes pro-choice. If you want to have that discussion then start a new thread.

OP, you've decided what to do in the short term, which is good. I agree that you should revisit the decision when you've had your appointments.

Pishposhpasher · 05/05/2019 09:14

regan I hope you are applying that role to the pro lifers on this thread.

My posts are relevant to the thread. Abortion up til 24 weeks for any reason, end of story. Anything else is up to the OP.

MangoFeverDream · 05/05/2019 09:14

for anyone saying it's not a baby at this stage. I can guarantee you they are

I think there’s a lack of knowledge about what abortion is at that stage. A lot of doctors simply won’t do it (can you blame them?)

Someone upthread mentioned it would be a simple 10-15 minute procedure!! Only if she was 12 weeks .....

Grim.

However, she has the legal right to it, so it’s her decision, at the end. But she also has a right to fully know what it entails.

Pishposhpasher · 05/05/2019 09:15

You might feel it is a baby, and as someone who had a late MC at 19 weeks, I understand why. But medically speaking it is a foetus.

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