Late term abortion

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Feel so awful even posting this but I’m absolutely deverstated & don’t know what else to do Im 20 weeks pregnant & have just been dumped by my bf he says he wants to help raise the baby but not be with me I’m absolutely heartbroken we both have mental health problems I have anxiety & depression still PND with my 4 year old daughter from a previous relationship & do not really enjoy being a parent which makes me think how on earth will I cope with 2 being single!?! I have booked for a abortion next week but I can’t decide what to do to make things worse I have had to move back home 40 miles away from my bf which will make co parenting very difficult :( please help I know I’m a disgusting awful person for considering abortion or having another baby when I don’t even enjoy looking after my daughter

Oh no .... I'm pro choice .. but 20 weeks is late ... give the baby a chance with a new family .. probably a better choice for your mental health too

It’s legal up to 24 weeks and I know someone who had a 20week abortion for social not medical reasons, but I do think it sounds like you need support to think through all the options and not feel so trapped by the circumstances.

Having worked in this area in the past councils are unfortunately known to lie to people to keep them off their books. It seems very unlikely they could legally force you to abandon your children to house you. I’m not for a minute suggesting they haven’t told you that, but they can be utterly heartless. But legally I’m sure they will have to house you.

Please please ring social services. Honestly think they will provide the best all round support and kick up the arse to other organisations.

OP, an abortion will do nothing for you in the long term.

Do what you need to do OP

If you feel better for your mental health to have the abortion, please do it.

No one else out there is going to raise the baby. People say “give it up for adoption” but how many people adopt?

Please be kind to yourself

Goodness I’m so sorry you’re in this position

A surgical abortion is carried out up to 24 weeks. The procedure is detailed on the BPAS website.

Morally corrupt? You can't police the reasons given for terminations, otherwise where does it stop? If you don't have anything decent to say, then just stop posting. Unless aggressively attacking a woman 20 weeks pregnant, with PND and in a really difficult position is how you get your kicks? Calling anyone else morally bankrupt feels quite ridiculous when you say it like that doesn't it?

OP, I'm sorry you're in this position. I think speaking to a counsellor and finding out all your options and what is best for you is key at the moment. Find out all the facts and make your decision from there.

Fwiw you're not an awful person, not at all.

Having such a late abortion would be awful, and I personally don't think relationship breakdown and its consequences are a good enough reason. You're being fobbed off re your housing situation. If I were you I'd get proper advice on your housing options and what support you can get to help you cope. But it's your decision.

I'm sorry that you're going through this but your choice seems purely based on the breakdown of your relationship so I do wonder if with the right support you could raise the baby or have a full term baby that you give up for adoption to someone who desperately wants to be a parent. 20 weeks is very late for an abortion for social reasons in my opinion. Please speak to someone and remember this is not your family's choice but yours. I would speak to a social worker about your housing situation. You will be a low priority because you're living with family but if they served you notice to leave I would think you would shoot to the top of the list. I'm pro choice and you should make the decision that's right for you and this baby but please ensure you get all the info first and dont make a snap decision that you may regret

A baby can not survive at 20 weeks gestation, please do not let this sort of nonsense sway your very difficult decision OP

Stick your morals onemummy

You are a nobody on the internet.
Women can make this decision if they have to and they do not deserve to be beaten with the morality stick by you.

OP is clearly struggling and does not need your morals or judgement. She needs support to make the decision that is right for her.

If you knew that you'd be housed and helped OP, would you still go down this route?
My heart is going out to you x

Given that your BF has stated he wants to help bring the baby up, would he consider being a single parent and raising it alone?

Onemore you are talking out of your righteous arse. A simple Google will tell you that the youngest ever baby to survive was delivered at 21+5. Abortion is legal up to 24 weeks.

OP I'm sorry. Sounds like a miserable choice either way. I wish you well and hope you find peace with your decision. I agree a social worker may be the best person to speak to right now.

Whilst I think that a 20 week abortion would potentially be very damaging to your mental health, only you know whether it would be likely to be more or less damaging than parenting another baby.
Adoption may be trickier, not least because of having to continue the pregnancy and have the birth, etc, but also presumably having to explain to your 4 year old why you were very heavily pregnant but there is no baby coming home.
I'm sorry that you are in this position. I agree that counselling is the best thing at this point, but that time is of the essence for obvious reasons. There is absolutely no moral judgement from me - exercising your legal right to an abortion in order to cope with your own life as best you can is perfectly valid as far as I'm concerned.

What ever it says in the bpas site most surgeons will NOT carry out surgical late abortion.

It is too risky. If surgical had been an option for me when I found my baby has a chromosome abnormality I would have taken it.

As a result I underwent the most traumatic day of my life and would not repeat that for anything or anyone.

The reality is most late terminations are medical management (induced miscarriage)

I haven't read any replies but I'd just like to say that a surgical termination is not painful
You will be asleep in seconds and you will be woken up in 10/15 minutes after the procedure
Please think your options through carefully with a clear mind as you are slightly more ahead then I was
Much love

OP, there was a poster on here not long ago that needed an abortion at 19 weeks - she really struggled to find a hospital to help her, I don’t want to worry you but you do need to move fairly quickly if this is the route you want.

Re adoption - I do think people over simplify this option.
If you didn’t want to raise the baby yourself, other family members would be assessed first - it’s not like America. So if dad or his family, or yours, wanted to raise the baby and they were suitable then this is where it would go.
Don’t underestimate the emotional trauma of this too.

It sounds to me like if your relationship hadn’t broken down then you wouldn’t be considering this? In that case I wonder if abortion really is right for you.

Good luck, I’m sorry you’re going through this x

Hellen the NHS website also states surgical abortion up to 24 weeks as does the Marie Stopes website so please be careful with the info you post.

fuzzy have you actually tried to get a surgical at 20 weeks?

I have. My baby was very disabled and it was for medical reasons not social but the reality - and I don't care what any website says - the reality is that it is very difficult to find a surgeon who will carry out a surgical termination at that stage . The op deserves to know this and if she takes me earlier advice to get counselling she will get all the relevant information she needs .
I am posting from experience. I could not find a surgeon locally who would do a surgical.

Only you can decide but do speak to social services about support now, potentially having the baby adopted and any other options available locally eg people who provide support and housing for pregnant and parents

Thanks everyone for all your supportive comments I understand everyone has an opinion & how wrong & upsetting this subject is to those who have lost babies or are trying :/ To those of you asking yes to be bluntly honest if it wasn’t for the relationship breakdown I probably would not be concidering the termination because if it didn’t I would not have to consider the 40 miles distance between us co parenting also out of respect for the baby’s daddy I cannot list his personal or mental health problems which also add worry to how it will work co parenting.. but knowing he is a good dad to his daughter is what gives me hope that & it could work. My anxiety & depression & current discontent to my own daughter is the main thing that worries me how I will cope with two children I know it’s something I should of thought about before getting pregnant ...: I just worry how I will cope without the support of being a family with the baby together it was something that meant a lot to me & the baby’s daddy :/

Yes 19 weeks 5 days.
At a nhs teaching hospital in a big uk city.
The woman next to me was 22 weeks and having the same procedure.

I also support women in difficult situations and have been the "support person" after their abortions at both private and nhs clinics after 18 weeks.

Abortion up to 24 weeks is legal in the uk there is no need to find a surgeon who will carry out surgical abortions as they are available.

My apologises OP this is not a thread about our experiences it is about yours and I do not want to derail.

Please take the advice and speak to SS or GP.
Do not make a snap decision without support.

Any decision you make is the right one for you.