Late term abortion

[Samsung98]

Feel so awful even posting this but I’m absolutely deverstated & don’t know what else to do Im 20 weeks pregnant & have just been dumped by my bf he says he wants to help raise the baby but not be with me I’m absolutely heartbroken we both have mental health problems I have anxiety & depression still PND with my 4 year old daughter from a previous relationship & do not really enjoy being a parent which makes me think how on earth will I cope with 2 being single!?! I have booked for a abortion next week but I can’t decide what to do to make things worse I have had to move back home 40 miles away from my bf which will make co parenting very difficult :( please help I know I’m a disgusting awful person for considering abortion or having another baby when I don’t even enjoy looking after my daughter

You are not pro choice if you attach conditions.

As early as possible, as late as necessary.

That's nonsense to say you're not pro choice if you attach conditions. It's not as clear cut as that. It's about where on the scale the balance tips for each individual. Of course you can be pro choice and believe the time limit should be lower.

Can i just remind posters this thread is not about their opinions.

I am more towards keeping the baby the last couple of days I have been imagining life with baby & my daughter I think for once in my life I just need to stay grounded & not act out of haste I’ve never really known how to be happy in 2015 I had a abortion when I got pregnant by my daughters dad & due to financial pressures & me having to work as a webcam model to pay the bills I had an abortion at 4 weeks at the time I didn’t think it effected my but now looking back it did after that I engaged in dangerous behaviour drinking deep depression & up until that point I was happy looking after my daughter when I think about it that’s what triggered my PND ... instead of getting treatment I drank then got a job that involved going to different countries to get away from home life which not looking back was actually a lovely life we had a beautiful house solid relationship but I just was not happy. Bored of my relationship & unhappy with my life & being a mum when I would fly away with work I would engage in dangerous behaviour eventually I left that relationship after 3 years to be on my own as I felt bad over everything let the house go I moved back in with my mum she has her own mental health problems so we massively clashed I ended up being kicked out & having to re home my beloved chihuahua that on top of dealing with 2 quite serious health scares my way of coping was more risky behaviour & drinking ... I carried on working at my airline got another flat things got a bit better then I met my unborn babies daddy in the September we were soulmates & connected incredibly quickly so rushed into everything he invited me to move in with him & where I was so happy I did not hesitate so packed up moved in with him in the February into his studio council flat with the plan to get a bigger place up there then move my daughter up there with us the more we lived together the worse our mental health became due to me not being able to fly I was at home everyday he left his job because of his own mental health then some of his health problems/ways made me anxious or insicure where it fed my anxiety/depression sighs I just don’t know ! I really feel I have ruined my life by how I have chosen to live it it’s very depressing I’m hoping one day the sales will change but I know until I get proper help it never will the most frustrating thing about this whole thing is I can’t help but feel if I would of got help sooner this relationship would not of broke down

As you can guess by my last post I am in incredibly selfish mum & only think of myself that’s one of the main reasons I don’t think I’m suitable or fit for the daughter I have let alone another

So you had one abortion, had your daughter but left her with someone while you upped and left and moved in with your 'soul mate' and now you're pregnant again and wanting a late term abortion because you've split with the father and you both have mental health issues.

If you can't keep the baby then consider adoption and then I'd strongly suggest you stop getting pregnant

Morning OP.

Your life is not ruined. Ok to be brutally honest you have made hasty decisions in the past which you admit so dont rush in to this.
Seek support.
As I said before there is no right or wrong here and choice you make needs to be one you can live with.
You already have a child that needs you and you need to decide if you can give her the care she deserves if you decide to continue with your pregnancy or not.

Contact housing associations councils in other areas get your benefits sorted take it one step at a time call shelter call your MP as refusing to house you breaches a lot of policies I'm too tired to remember right now

But above all think about what your doing and what you should be doing

Go to the drs you can get medication pregnant or not

Yes that’s the point of my post I’m a crap awful mum & don’t think I should be having anymore which is why I’m not sure about this one ... Also I had an iud coil but had it removed for this baby it was planned it’s worth knowing too the only reason my daughter wasn’t full time with me up there is because I have to share her 50 50 with her dad otherwise she would of been there with us full time I didn’t just up & abandon her

Also for all of those asking no adoption isn’t an option I would consider

OP whatever you do, please make sure you speak to some professional helpers, counselling or such like, anyone without their own agenda/bias

@12345gl are you op with name change?

I am one of my good friends has put me in contact with her friend who is a professional councillor I am also going to call the Marie stops help line I will also be talking to the baby’s dad over the week to discuss the future & a way forward.. anyone who sees this could you please comment yes or no at the end of your posts based on my history & what I have said weather you think I should have another baby or not obiously I know the decision is ultimately mine to make but maybe some of you reading this have been in similar situations & can just offer your ultimate opinion on the situation.

Whatever it says online, it is very difficult to find somewhere that will do a surgical abortion late term. I have had to transport patients to London hospitals from the NW and even then we have had the women bsck because of refusal to do for one reason or another (high BP, high risk blood clots etc)

This is a horrible situation for you OP. I'm sorry you're going through this.

So you had your coil removed for this baby and now you are aborting?

Please please OP no matter what happens in your relationships after this, focus on getting yourself better, and getting yourself and your daughter a more stable life. Don't plan anymore babies.

Thanks prequelle I will find out early next week what the abortion will actually entail luckily it’s early in the week so will have plenty of time to think about it ..also have the 20 week scan mid way through the week I have decided I will make my decision that day

OP, this:

'Please please OP no matter what happens in your relationships after this, focus on getting yourself better, and getting yourself and your daughter a more stable life. Don't plan anymore babies.'

Others have said it for me. Get yourself support.

I am mainly posting in response to an expression used in a PP, to ask that people please, please not refer to stillborn babies as 'stillborns'. It's horrible.

anyone who sees this could you please comment yes or no at the end of your posts based on my history & what I have said weather you think I should have another baby or not

It is not our decision to make.

Sorry OP but you need to own this.
Mumsnet is not a way out of your responsibilities.
You cannot lay your future at the feet of strangers.

Please consider adoption! It's the best choice in terms of giving you a relatively guilt-free future. I'm trying to say that in a very gentle and kind way. You can truly complete someone else's family and give your baby the best chance at life without hardship for yourself. Wishing you all the best. ❤️

I agree with Tessa that you should consider adoption rather than abortion. 21 weeks is really late to abort a healthy baby.

OP it's become a lot clearer with your recent posts... you're struggling because your coping strategy used to be a "running away" type of strategy. So was mine. That strategy becomes incredibly difficult when you have children. I had counselling and have found other, healthier, more effective coping strategies that are compatible with my life as a mum.

Your situation is that another baby will add pressures and will further prevent your usual coping mechanisms. At the moment you're looking at it from the option of taking the extra baby out of the equation, but that's not the root of your problem. I think such a late abortion would be worse for your mental health and that would also have an effect on your existing child. So look at what you can do to balance the other part of the equation - getting proper counselling so you can adapt your coping strategies.

Things might look bleak and impossible just now, they won't always be that way, it's about getting the support to find the right way for YOU to cope.

Sorry I don’t recall mentioning or referral to still born babies ? If I have in anyway sorry ... & yes I absolutely know I need to focous on my self & my daughter half the reason I am in this mess now is because I never have done that even when I had my daughter I was in a similar situation when I found out I was pregnant I was 22 bf said to not have baby other wise he would leave but I went ahead with it anyway in the end he came round so In the past I have made decisions by my choice but still been very unhappy

Whatever you decide to do with this pregnancy,

I'd make damn sure you don't get pregnant again. You clearly dislike being a parent so stop putting yourself in that position.

And a termination at 21 weeks is bloody hardcore.

Yeh obviously I have learned from this never to again that’s the whole reason I’m considering this late term abortion

Thing is, OP, we can't advise you because we are not you. The right choice for us will not necessarily be right for you. Personally, I wouldn’t consider abortion that late on for anything other than the gravest of medical reasons because I wouldn't be able to live with myself afterwards. Other posters would have an abortion without a second thought and be far happier for it because of their own views, so it would be the best choice for them. You have to decide based on your own morals and views rather than anyone else's. Counselling is a great idea and I'm glad you're going to access it before making any decisions.