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Pregnancy choices

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Original poster

Late term abortion

264 replies

Samsung98 · 03/05/2019 14:24

Feel so awful even posting this but I’m absolutely deverstated & don’t know what else to do Im 20 weeks pregnant & have just been dumped by my bf he says he wants to help raise the baby but not be with me I’m absolutely heartbroken we both have mental health problems I have anxiety & depression still PND with my 4 year old daughter from a previous relationship & do not really enjoy being a parent which makes me think how on earth will I cope with 2 being single!?! I have booked for a abortion next week but I can’t decide what to do to make things worse I have had to move back home 40 miles away from my bf which will make co parenting very difficult :( please help I know I’m a disgusting awful person for considering abortion or having another baby when I don’t even enjoy looking after my daughter

OP posts:
12345gl · 03/05/2019 19:31

It’s with Marie stopes does anyone know what the procedure is like for it at 21 weeks? That’s the exact date I will be on the date the procedure is booked .. Also with regards to housing I have decided weather I have the baby or not I will stay at the trailer at my dads as it’s free of financial responsibility as I know whatever I do I won’t be in a fit state to return to work for a while

FuzzyLilac · 03/05/2019 19:46

The clinic will do a scan.
They may decide to complete the procedure under GA.
You are a sleep for around 20 mins.
They remove the pregnancy vaginally.

They may after the scan decide to inject a drug in to your stomach which stops the heart before carrying out the abortion.

They will inform you every step of the way. You can say no up until you have the GA.

It is always a difficult choice OP. Only you can decide if it is the right one for you.

Tunt · 03/05/2019 19:52

It can be difficult in the private sector..... BPAS only have four centres that offer it and MS also only a few. NUPAS only offer until 18 weeks. Lots of hospitals have stopped now too and only do surgicals up to 14 ish weeks.

However I’ve only had one client I haven’t been able to eventually arrange it for, and her baby had died some time previously so their surgeons were concerned about her clotting and she came back in to us for a medical. We have funding for BPAS for our surgicals.... if and when we lose that funding, which looks likely, we will go back to only offering medical after 14 weeks.

Tunt · 03/05/2019 19:53

Sorry, was just trying to clear up some misconceptions about late term abortion.

I wish you all the best OP and I hope the days passes quickly and painlessly xxx

12345gl · 03/05/2019 19:55

Thank you so much for the advice I’m absolutely dreading it :/ I’m so lost scared & frightened about everything it’s like being in a nightmare but never waking up ironically last month I had a dream I was in this position every day I wake up set on a different decision I’ve spoken to all my friends & family who all say different thins I know you all have different opinions on me & the sort of person I must be to be honest I don’t even know myself thank you all so much every reply has been helpful

FuzzyLilac · 03/05/2019 20:07

Our opinion does not matter.

Abortion is a personal choice and so it should be.
We dont live your life, you make the right decision for you.

12345gl · 03/05/2019 20:13

Thank you you have been incredibly supportive much appreciated

hullaballoonie · 03/05/2019 20:21

OK I wasn't going to post this but here we go. I had a late miscarriage and gave birth to my dead baby at 20 weeks. It was the most harrowing thing I have ever been through. I had intense labour pains and my baby came out while I was on the toilet. The nurse had to help me. I'm not going into any more detail as 12 years later it is still very painful to relive. I needed counselling afterwards to come to terms with it.
I am speaking from a very personal experience but I would not wish what I went through on anyone. I strongly urge you to consider other options.

tessiegirl · 03/05/2019 20:32

Sorry op. I am pro choice but it's situations like this that I realise I only agree with early abortions or those for medical reasons.
I cannot understand why anyone would consider aborting a perfectly healthy baby so late Sad let alone how awful it would be for you to experience.

itsbetterthanabox · 03/05/2019 20:38

@tessiegirl
How is that helpful?

tessiegirl · 03/05/2019 20:42

I'm not saying it is helpful. I just want to plead with the op to really consider what she is planning to do. I would worry her mental health could be seriously affected if she goes through with it.

AuntMarch · 03/05/2019 20:44

I know you will but please think very carefully. If you would not be considering termination if not for the breakdown of the relationship, I worry that you would regret it once it was done.

I had an abortion years ago at 12 weeks. I was young and let myself be pressured into it, and it messed me up mentally for a long time. I still think about it a lot.

It does all sound very scary, whichever direction you go in, and I'm very sorry for you that you are in this position.

itsbetterthanabox · 03/05/2019 20:46

I think counselling ASAP is the most important thing.
You need to make the right choice for you. They can help you work out which would be best for your mental health and wellbeing.
Don't let the decider be down to your ex bf or your family or housing- you will get housed if homeless with small kids.

12345gl · 03/05/2019 20:47

Sorry but how you can really call yourself pro choice then? It’s easy to look at something from the outside & say how could you do you not think I have not looked at how they do it I have to feel that baby kick every day each kick breaks my heart in two I have not slept or eaten in 4 days because I’m so torn & upset as what to do ..

Strongteaplease · 03/05/2019 20:55

Hi. I recently took a friend for an abortion at 23 weeks. Her reasons were her business and no one should judge. She had been recently dumped by her boyfriend and she suffers from anxiety and depression. She had an anaesthetic and it was all over with quickly. She is doing really well, back at work and focusing on herself and two children. Do what feels right for you. I wish you well X

Bigearringsbigsmile · 03/05/2019 20:59

Those if you urging the op to reconsider, do you really thinking about baby being brought up in a caravan with mentally ill parents is a good option?
Op stop asking others for their opinions, sit quietly and listen to your own thoughts.
You will be the person who lives with whichever decision you make.
Speaking with a trained counsellor would really help.
Much love.

selfishcrab · 03/05/2019 21:09

'What ever it says in the bpas site most surgeons will NOT carry out surgical late abortion.'

This is NOT true, TOP's are surgical after around 12 weeks, both for Marie Stopes and BPAS, the NHS may offer the tablets. I work in this field.
OP please get counselling asap, Marie Stopes have a proper counselling team, BPAS don't.
Please seek advise and support from your GP and if you have a crisis team speak with them.
You do have options and you are the only 1 who has a say in what is or isn't ok for you.

NamelessGem · 03/05/2019 21:19

What happens when you and your bf get back together in a couple of weeks

itsbetterthanabox · 03/05/2019 21:20

@NamelessGem
Why do you think they will? What odds will that make anyway?

PBobs · 03/05/2019 21:21

Honestly I don't have an "opinion" of you OP. You are clearly struggling with a difficult situation and decision and I'm not here to judge - merely to support and hope that you have a moment of clarity and make the right decision for yourself and your little girl.

12345gl · 03/05/2019 21:29

I’m factoring in raising baby alone in the decision with & without his support he has said we will raise it as a family & see each other because our daughters have become very close to I’m just thinking of the logistics us not living together with the distance especially when baby reaches school age

Seniorschoolmum · 03/05/2019 21:36

Op, you are allowed an abortion at 20 weeks and if you genuinely feel that it is the best course of action for you, then you have every right.
Only you can decide, but big hugs to you for having to make such a difficult decision Flowers

bourbonbiccy · 03/05/2019 21:37

OP you have to do what is right for you and your little daughter.
While it may be beneficial to hear others experiences and opinion this is Ultimately your decision. Only you know what it's like to walk in your shoes.
It is perfectly legal to terminate at this stage and if that is what is best for you and your child, then so be it, but I strongly suggest seeking advice and support from the relevant bodies mentioned above.

Be kind to yourself whatever your decision, you are doing what is best for you both 💐💐

hellenbackagen · 03/05/2019 22:16

My experience was that I could not
Access a surgical procedure. It may be that's because I was unlucky or where I am located- I don't know - but no where I went could offer me surgical and they all said the risk was greater of scarring and complications. This was only 3 years ago. I couldn't find a surgeon willing to do it either in the nhs or privately. Am hiding thread now as I terminated a much wanted baby and did not get pregnant again. I should avoid these threads. Good luck op.

tessiegirl · 03/05/2019 22:28

Yes, I believe I am pro choice. I believe women should have the option available to them to abort.
However I think the legal limit should be lowered significantly.
I can also understand aborting late if there were medical reasons involved.

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