Twins / 3rd preg / termination?

[ForLilacStork]

trying for a third but have found out it’s twins. We have a 3 and 6 year old already and twins hadn’t even crossed my mind.
I have some health issues which terrify me + the anxiety I’m already feeling which are making me lean toward termination, but I don’t know how I’m going to feel after.

atm I wake up depressed, sad and sick (plus being sick ALL day) and just want it be over and wish it would just go away but I feel so guilty because we wanted one kid, not two.

we are fortunate to have family around but I can’t help but think how much are they really going to help? People are so busy with their own lives that the help is short lived.

then there’s the issue of how I’m going to manage 4 kids, 4 schedules, working, husband that works long hours etc
hubby is happy to support me no matter what but would be thrilled to have two more.

we live an easy life right now and I don’t want to struggle (mentally, physically, emotionally, financially) but is this selfish?

I’m also entirely terrified of what it will do to my body + have had two natural births but have already been told I’d be having a C-section which I’ve already had a really hard time processing.

Is there anything that helped you make this decision?

In all honesty in your situation I'd never even try for a third...

1 in 3 women in the UK have had an abortion. It's nothing unusual, but it's a hard decision as you live with the thought that you did it for the rest of your life. It's entirely up to you to be honest with yourself and think how you'd feel after. Especially if you go on to have a third. Will you feel guilt or just relief? It's not possible to know for sure, but you might have an idea how you'd feel. What's your financial situation? Would the cost of having twins (nursery fees x2 etc) break the bank to the point you'd struggle financially? Do you have family support with childcare? Will someone help with the other two children while you're absorbed by the twins? There are many considerations in this situation

Very selfish honestly. Trying for a baby actively then getting two and wanting to get rid of them because it doesn't fit into your lifestyle.

I can't help but feel very very sad reading this.

Then you have women trying for years and can't have 1. Your post makes me sad and disappointed.

i do agree with @Sunshine1621 to be honest as brutal and honest as the post is.

I have twins so yes I have skin in the game so to speak since I find it incredibly sad that so many pregnancies are terminated of healthy babies purely because there are two of them. Is it hard …yes. Is it expensive…yes. Has my lifestyle had to change….yes. Would I do it all again….yes in a heartbeat.

statistically speaking if your babies are non identical twins then you have a very high chance of the next pregnancy being twins and the one after that and the one after that. Would you keep terminating until you got a desired singleton?

im in the best body shape of my life post twins compared to my singleton as an aside.

I would caution you to think very carefully about it and also to speak to a professional (therapist or ob) about this. An abortion is not as “easy” as some
make it to be. It can affect your mental health more than having twins would. I terminated my 3rd pregnancy last year after experiencing awful perinatal depression and anxiety. I freaked out and thought i just couldnt do it even though it was planned. I was only 7 weeks along but the mental impact I can tell you will stay with me forever. I think about it every day. I eventually got professional help and medication in place and we tried again, and I just had a miscarriage a couple weeks ago. So even with trying again, it is not always guaranteed esp if you are in your later 30s like me. It may never happen for me again and i’ll have to live with the what if that one i terminated would have been ok. There is no way to know sadly. In any case, please please talk to someone IRL about this. It can be a shock at first but over time you can come to accept and welcome this as a gift.

Nobody can force you to have a c-section your body your choice. And it’s not necessarily set yet if the babies will present in a way that means a c section is recommended I know people who have had home births with twins so nothing is off the table especially if u have had natural birth before. There are specialists who can advise you on natural birth with twins , tandem feeding twins get help from people with personal experience of twins. You need to think about what you really want because if some part of you wants this you can make it work and you can ask people to help. I’d help for example if my kid was friends with your older kid having them for play dates and stuff and I don’t even know you. I thought I wanted to terminate a third pregnancy (singleton) but changed my mind and I wouldn’t change this for the whole world now I have three amazing kids. I’d have loved a fourth two. Equally if you don’t want another pregnancy you can and should choose to terminate. Terminating because it is two does seem a little mind boggleing to me but I am just some random person on the internet

good luck and best wishes

Sorry you’re feeling like this. Sounds really tough. I’m sure the sickness isn’t helping either. Have you spoken to midwife about this? There’s some really good perinatal mental health support that can help with the anxiety and also help you navigate termination services if that’s what you want. I would reach out to them in first instance 🤍

This was me down to the same age gaps, the difference being that I always had a feeling I might have twins. It was still a shock and took some processing- there were practical issues around cars, house etc. I never considered a termination, particularly as I had miscarried a few months previously. This was over 20 years ago, all grown up now and it has passed in a flash.
i would eliminate the c section from your thinking, really that is a minor consideration in the scheme of things. Only you and your husband can decide what is best for your family.

You can have a selective termination where you just keep one…. But you need to think about how you’d feel about that. I do find it strange try for a baby and then abort. Twins are always possible! But it’s your body.

There’s no right or wrong here, you have to do what is right for you and best for your family.

What?! Surely not

Would you feel more able to think about the logistics if you weren’t feeling so rotten? It might be worth looking into anti-nausea support from your GP while you’re deciding.
I feel very sorry for you that some of the posts here seem to be very judgmental. No-one takes a termination lightly unless they are a horrible person which I don’t believe you are, or you wouldn’t be asking.
@HappyViewer’s advice is right. Do what is best for you and your family.

Absolutely disgusting reply. OP’s pregnancy has absolutely no impact whatsoever on people struggling to conceive. And selfish? Who else does OP have to consider other than herself? This is a decision which should be entirely selfish.

Appalling.

OP, do what you want to. If your gut is telling you to terminate then you’re well within your rights to do so. If you want to keep them, then you can. It really is your decision and you shouldn’t feel bad either way.

Why would being lighthearted about it make someone a horrible person? Should a woman be writhing in guilt and indecision? And if she is she’s a great person, and if not she’s horrible? For the exact same action? It is a medical procedure that women can elect to have.

Where on earth did I say OP was being light-hearted about it? I said the exact opposite. I am totally supportive of the right of any woman to terminate a pregnancy she doesn’t want to continue. If you want to discuss termination / abortion as a method of contraception, then that would be better dealt with on another thread, not derailing OP’s thread here, as that was my meaning in case you hadn’t taken the inference.

And @imonthehunt, I won’t discuss any further with you here as that is really unfair to OP.

People saying it makes them feel sad might want to consider who is actually going to be doing all the work involved with these children. If you feel so sad go and foster?

Op I hope you get some good advice and reach whatever decision is best for you and your family.

You said OP wouldn’t be taking it lightly as only horrible people take it lightly. OP can feel any way she likes about it and it does not change what kind of person she is.

You said OP wouldn’t be taking it lightly as only horrible people take it lightly. OP can feel any way she likes about it and it does not change what kind of person she is.

I think you should do what your heart and soul tell you. Just not sure why people plan more children and assume they will just get one. Twins aren’t that uncommon really. Admittedly, probably easier if they occur the first time, since there aren’t other children to consider and you get fair warning (particularly if fraternal) that you could get a second set if you try again. Hope you make the right decision for you and your family OP but only you know what that is x

I really don’t think this is true at all - certainly not in the UK and certainly not without a huge risk of miscarrying the second. Please disregard this unless you’re told by a gynaecologist or termination service otherwise.

Agree with @vipersnest1 that some good antisickness may help you feel better and improve anxiety/ poor sleep.

I know this is probably not the main factor in your decision making at all and obviously can’t comment without your full medical history but having twins alone is not a clear cut indication for a c section. Usually there would be another reason why this was recommended unless the 1st twin was breech. I say this only to say you could ask for a second opinion / clarification over whether the c section is more a recommendation or an instruction. If the latter then it might be useful to find out exactly why as this may be the case if you/ should you become pregnant with a singleton .