anyone else pregnant with loads of kids already?? feelin bit judged ngl

[Chattymum23]

hi all not sure if i should post this but here goes

i’m 8+4 with baby no.5 (all boys 😅) n tbh i feel like everyone thinks i’m a joke. haven’t even told half the fam cos i know what they’ll say. last time i told my mum i was preg she rolled her eyes n said “again?” 😔

i know it’s not ideal but it’s happened now n i just want to be happy bout it. i love my kids loads even if life’s a bit hectic

i’m knackered n got sickness bad but still doin school runs n sortin all the meals n tantrums. nursery called again yday bout my 4yo n i just cried in the loo after

anyone else got a biggish family n feel like ppl look down on you? not after a row just want to feel a bit less alone

Congratulations!.
Don't think anyone else said it.
It was the normal back in the day for big families.
My old school friend has 5 ( all adults now). I'd have loved more than two but had to have emergency hysterectomy.
Good luck.
Enjoy your family.

For every poster, posting things like this, what are you hoping to achieve? Genuinely?

Do you want her to rush off to the abortion clinic? I presume that's what you want as there's literally no other way you could mean these sorts of comments. The baby is there. The government aren't going to pay more in lone parent benefits for him/her, due to the two child cap. So really, how she finances his/her upbringing is none of your concern. She will have to. Why is everyone always so keen to pile on and kick strangers when they're feeling low. Is it just for self-gratification, as your 'stern words' are going to make 0 difference to this situation, other than to make the OP feel like shit.

If you go round saying 'it's not ideal' then people are going to judge you for making choices that have resulted in circumstances YOU don't consider ideal. If you announce your pregnancy with joy and as a deliberate part of your life plan, most people will be less forthcoming with their negativity. There will be those who judge you behind your back of course, for your non traditional family set up, and that your income may not be sufficient to support a large family without benefit top ups. But by being positive yourself you will reduce the overt judgement and hurtful remarks to some extent.

I have 4 and absolutely love it! I think if you think you will put the children first and make sure that their needs are met - then all good. Lots of people are terrible parents no matter how many children they have. I remember I felt very vulnerable whenever I was pregnant and didn't like telling anyone really. I think you need to live your own life and really only listen to the opinions of the people who have your best interests at heart (selected family and friends). I wouldn't give a stuff about random people's opinions - especially on the internet. I have friends with no kids,1 - 6 children and I don't judge any of them. We are all different.

She’s said she’s feeling a bit judged by her own family. I have explained why people, myself included, might judge her.
Whats done is done, and it’s her decision, but I am entitled to reply with my opinion.

Congratulations on your pregnancy ❤️

My advice would be, based on your comment that it’s ’not ideal’, to plan now and make sure you get onto some long-term reliable contraception after this baby is born.

It wasn't normal to have more than one father though, was it? Or to get knocked up by a man you don't even live with or were not married to. It wasn't normal for the state to have to pay benefits to keep such families afloat.

My grandma had five children, she's now 95 with 9 grandchildren and 6 great-children. We recently talked about her life and she said the the thing she was most grateful for was having a big family and that it has brought her so much joy. I'm sure life must feel messy, tiring, expensive, noisy and relentless but no doubt you'll feel so grateful in years to come. Wishing you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy.

Mumsnet is not just for " posh mums " , with husbands, and perfect grammar, but you posted asking if / why you may be judged .
I am sure you love your sons, but does another baby make their and your lives easier or harder ? .
You live alone ,and five children would challenge anyone in these circumstances.

Personally, I believe benefits should be there to support people who need it , but unless you have a partner who can fully support your family then I think it unreasonable to expect the state to support your choice for a fifth child . Even if your benefits do not increase , due to capping , you will almost certainly be giving up the part time job you currently have and be fully dependant on the state . Being a good mum is also about the example we set for our children .

I think this is the crux of it. You say it isn’t ideal but the person in control of these circumstances is you. It is your choice to use or not use contraception and it is your choice to allow a pregnancy to develop. If you’re being very blasé people will be concerned.

What about after baby 5? Will you look into more serious measures to prevent baby 6? Or will these things “just happen” again?

You want to be happy about this baby and you’re absolutely allowed to be but it sounds like you need to take much more control over your life. If there is a reason you could never consider termination and you don’t have reliable contraception (and you think 5 babies is plenty) consider having your tubes tied at the end of this pregnancy. Enjoy this journey to its fullest and for a final time.

Congratulations

I hadn’t thought of this but I suppose it’s true, the birth rate is dropping like crazy here

she didn't ask why she might be judged at all, she asked if anyone was in the same situation as her

I have 5 there 19 17 14 10 and 9 :) were not long come back off hoilday to the Netherlands 2 girls 3 boys

@Chattymum23 never heard of contraception??? or even abstinence???? do any of the dad's take responsibility???

She knows why people are judging her. She didn't ask for clarification. She asked if anyone else was in the same situation.

I was not talking about you, you seem to have a structured approach to parenting, a stable partner and the socio-economical means. Not sure it's the same everywhere.

I have 6 kids, would have had at least one more if I could have. (but couldn't)

Obvioulsy my life circumstances are different in that i am married and we both have ok jobs.

But absolutely having a lot of kids has meant less holidays and luxuries.

Be confident in your decision. If you are happy about this baby let people know.

Which the OP can't afford to do without benefits, as she has a part-time cleaning job that works around the school run.

The problem is that in your OP you state that you are “knackered, have bad sickness and cried in the loo about your DS”. It just sounds like you are not coping with the 4 you have so friends and family will wonder why you put yourself through it again, making everyone’s life that much harder.

It’s also quite galling for Mumsnetters that you will (most likely) expect the taxpayer to pay for all of them when people who work damn hard at full time jobs can only just about afford 2.

I hear that you’re feeling low but why wouldn’t you ensure you had contraception?

Congratulations and enjoy it. It is your choice and if you wanted a big family I am sure you are enjoying it but it gets tough sometimes and yes people are very judgmental about women raising kids and not working especially so I understand that. Hats off to you for managing a job in fact. I am having a third and already scared to tell so many people for fear of being judged. In the area I live noone even has 3 in my eldest’s class but I have to accept it is my choice and I think personally what kids gain from being in a big family cannot be gained just by shoving them to a million clubs and camps etc. I wish I was part of a big family but I appreciate it is not for everyone.

How on earth can you afford it? We are high income and stopped at 2.

The taxpayer won't be paying for the new baby. There is a 2 child cap, which OP is already 2 children past.

I can't work out if you're 8 months and 4 days or 8 weeks and 4 days.

I don't know why or what you're asking.

But she'll get other benefits like UC and housing perhaps, depending on her income.

anyone else got a biggish family n feel like ppl look down on you? not after a row just want to feel a bit less alone

This is what she's asking. 'Is anyone else in my situation that can chat with me'