anyone else pregnant with loads of kids already?? feelin bit judged ngl

[Chattymum23]

hi all not sure if i should post this but here goes

i’m 8+4 with baby no.5 (all boys 😅) n tbh i feel like everyone thinks i’m a joke. haven’t even told half the fam cos i know what they’ll say. last time i told my mum i was preg she rolled her eyes n said “again?” 😔

i know it’s not ideal but it’s happened now n i just want to be happy bout it. i love my kids loads even if life’s a bit hectic

i’m knackered n got sickness bad but still doin school runs n sortin all the meals n tantrums. nursery called again yday bout my 4yo n i just cried in the loo after

anyone else got a biggish family n feel like ppl look down on you? not after a row just want to feel a bit less alone

I think it was probably posted as a wind up thread.

Housing benefit has been replaced with Universal Credit. Universal credit is the benefit that has the 2 child cap, it will not increase with the arrival of a new baby.

i’m knackered n got sickness bad but still doin school runs n sortin all the meals n tantrums. nursery called again yday bout my 4yo n i just cried in the loo after

If you are crying and in the loo, why are you having a 5th child? You are barely coping with 4.

I assume you're 8 weeks as morning sickness at 8 months is unusual.

Only you can choose what you do now.

But it is linked to income and her reduced income if she doesn't work so many hours will go up.

I don't expect her partner is the father of the other four children.

Congratulations! My husband wasn't keen on a larger family, so we stopped at 3, but I would love to have had 5. Years ago, 4+ children was normal, even though most large families weren't well off. Yes - there will be practical problems, but you sound like a capable and hard working mum. I'm a tax payer - and am much happier for my taxes to go to you to help you raise your children than to the thousands of illegal immigrants arriving in the UK. Keep smiling and ignore those who are looking down on you.

Depends really. If the parents can financially support a large family without help from external sources then I don’t see a problem with it. However I have known someone who was frustrated with their DC having a fourth child because they’d been having to support them in various ways since child 1. Struggling to pay rent, needing a new car, can’t pay for their MOT, kids need new shoes etc it was never ending. One parent was a SAHM and the other didn’t have consistent work so in situations like that I think it’s fair for the person who is being relied upon to judge as it’s just irresponsible.

I’m a mum to 5 from 15-18 months.
people do judge and give their unwanted opinion, I love my busy family and wouldn’t change it for anything!
rise above the judgement they’re not worth your headspace.

Huge Congratulations. I have 7 DC and love it. My DH and I decided to have 6. I know that is what the majority of people would say is way to many but To be honest it is my life and I adore DC. I got pregnant again which was a huge surprise. ( I was 45 and taking all the necessary steps to avoid it. Was so shocked as was the doctor. Anyway the fact is my DH and I are hard working. Do not claim any benefits and adore our DC. We manage with the only support of my DB who lives in another house on our joint owned land. Yes it is tough and yes it is hard work but if you can manage it is hugely rewarding. All my DC are best buddies. Old squabble but they all get on. My situation is not for the faint hearted and I do get more negative comments so tend to not post on here with the amount of DC I have but I don’t listen to any comments. I had a terrible childhood but have learnt so much from it and I would not change a thing. All the best

I wouldn’t be surprised tbh. It does come across a bit like someone trying hard to sound a bit uneducated (haven’t seen ‘ppl’ written like that since 2007) but who knows.

If you can afford so many and have the space for so many, why not? There’s plenty of people who’d love a big family (I’m one of them!) but finances and/or health/fertility and/or age means it’s not possible. Enjoy your family and don’t worry about the opinions of others 😊

But not aware of contraception it would seem.

Proper hand grenade this one.

I don't think you can claim for more than 2 kids. So not sure why people are frothing.

Not sure why your own family are judging you.

If a person decides to have 4, 5 or however many DC of their own I wouldn't judge them.
If you know that you could afford to bring them up and meet their needs as in both care and financially it's no one else's business.

Once again, light the touch paper and watch it burn ………

If you know that you could afford to bring them up and meet their needs as in both care and financially it's no one else's business.

Doing part time cleaning around the school runs?

I think people get cross because when you are in a position where you CANNOT have another baby, planned or not. Where your home, job and other children's/child's wellbeing is dependent on not having more its really fucking annoying when people continue to have babies without a care in the world. It's irresponsible and horribly selfish im afraid.
My friend has accidentally fallen pregnant recently, she has 4 kids. She's having an abortion and is devastated, but she cannot and will not have a baby where it will have a detrimental effect on her family.
Grow up.

I was asked at a party if I know how to use birth control (when pregnant with my 5th and last). It was rude but it made me realise how probably most people were silently judging and this woman had just said the words out loud.
Realistically economically there is a disastrous birth gap which will bite us in the arse in twenty years (it already is) but if our children grow up to be net contributors then this is what counts. What’s important is that you and your family are net contributors. Sadly this is often not the case and leads to awful prejudice and classism.
Encourage your children to go out there and lead happy, fulfilling lives and be higher rate tax payers and then no one can complain. Don’t apply for benefits then no one can complain. Or just ignore them. Your choice. My tax payments are over 3k a month so my opinion is screw them.

Hi,

It is tough especially when they are little but as they get older it does get easier.

It seems you’re working dealing with four soon to be five children and you love those kids dearly as you say, you are doing a great job.

You’ve got the right attitude. You’re making sure the kids are fed clothed and happy that’s more than a lot of children get in life.

Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks all that matters is you and your kids are happy.

So you have 4 kids, you rely on benefits and work a few hours a week at best . You won’t be getting extra funding for this child and that means you are actively choosing to plunge your EXISTING kids into poverty so you can have another baby with a blike who doesn’t live with you and ( let’s be honest) will walk away. This is totally not fair to your children. The money you receive in UC is barely enough to cover them and their direct needs. It’s grossly unfair for YOU to choose to have another baby and to take their funding to raise your child. Food, clothes, school trips etc are all expensive now and your 4 children are already at a terrible disadvantage living with a single mum on benefits and you should not be choosing too make their lives worse/harder.

i know a young mum who is 27 and has 4 kids age 0, 2,3,4. The dad lives with them and despite trying their very hardest they can’t stay on top of their kids or their house. It’s a total shit show tbh. And yes of course petite judge them. Neither one works full time, the dad does 4 hours twice a week for his own sanity. they are relying on the state to fund their kids and statistically their kids chances at succeeding in life are minuscule.

I had 4 kids myself over 10 years and it’s HARD even with an amazing parent on side helping you. I/we could have done so much more for our kids but the reality is that we both worked full time (me midweek , him weekends) spent 85% of our time putting out fires and didn’t actually get to enjoy them all that much past the one foreign holiday a year and two theme park trips.

you would be insane to deprive your kids of the government funding meant for them, to have another baby to please YOU. Especially when you already have school in the phone for the kids you already have.

how old are you? how many baby daddies do you have? what is the emotional hole you are trying to fill with all of these kids?

I'm not usually one to comment on taxes as they support the majority of families in this country but you think that it is great to have more DC as long as the child lives in poverty rather than supported by the tax payer?

OP has another thread running about her DCs behaviour at nursery and suspected ASD. I would imagine that is likely part of the reason for judgement from family. What I will say OP as a parent of a DC with Autism and ADHD, the reception year of school was brutal. If the school is any good there will be meetings after meetings with school, ed psycs, for the EHCP etc. If the school isn't good your DC may not be in school all of the time. Either way you will need to give so much of yourself to getting your DC through reception. The expectation for a parent of ND DC is much higher. I have a supportive husband, only two DC and a decent income and that period for me was the hardest of my life. We're only just starting to see any kind of light now that he is nearly 9 but it is still really, really hard.

@Coffeeloveerbut she can’t afford them. She works part time cleaning schools and will be topped up by benefits. I’m guessing why the op partner doesn’t live with her? Sorry op but I am judging you. It’s 2025 not 1925 there is choices and multiple things to stop getting pregnant. Of course your children are loved and cared for but as another poster says they can’t eat that or use that as clothing.

I have five boys too OP and it's not been easy, I was young, naive and made a lot of mistakes. My youngest has autism and my second youngest is fighting a cocaine addiction (he had to move away). My eldest was addicted to heroin for years but I am very proud of him because he's been clean now for six years. The second and third own their own properties and have had stable jobs since leaving school. But despite the ups and downs I love every single one of them and wouldn't have it any other way. It might be worth pointing out that with the majority of couples having two children the population won't grow and in fact the way it looks at the moment is that there won't be enough people working in the future to pay the pensioners! My youngest may have autism and be unable to work (the others all have jobs) but he is incredibly intelligent and has a lovely personality. I couldn't imagine my life without him in it. I hope you get as much joy from the baby you're expecting and don't let anyone bring you down.

I love babies and had 4. What I didn’t anticipate is having 4 grown men in my house who couldn’t get along and can’t afford to move out. One is autistic and probably never will and I thought a 3 bed house was fine with 4 boys 2 to a room. Not so much now they’re grown men all saving like crazy to get out of here but in the meantime it’s pretty cramped and miserable. I know babies are adorable but one day you’ll have 5 grown ups in your house and unless you can afford to help each of them equally with a house deposit they could be there for a while.

I'm sorry you're being jumped on, but people are just seeing what alot of people are seeing in tbis situation (which you know as you've experienced negativity and have made tbis thread from worrying about it) that you're having an unplanned child tonadd to an already large family. Yes your children are clothed, fed and loved, but you will have less time for them with am addition, and obviously less to give them opportunity wise if you have straightened finances due to having so many children. It's just a fact.

Children don't NEED extra curriculars of course, but by having a large family in a single income household you do end up having to choose between necessities and niceties more, and adding to your family will inevitably mean less for the ones already here. Less time from you too.

That's all, it's just a fact, and tbh I'm on the other end where I have one because I worry about affording him things but then worry alot about him not growing up with siblings and that big loving family you see on tv, we all have our worries. But I'd say that if you do want to add this baby to your family then take measures to prevent further accidental pregnancies and enjoy the ones you have.