Anyone disappointed after finding out the sex? HELP!

[MacMac123]

OK, I know I'm going to sound like a real cow, but I always thought I would have a baby girl (since I was a teenager), I've never really been particularly interested in baby boys or liked them that much, and even since I got pregnant I assumed - like 100 per cent - I was having a girl.
Just had my 20 week scan and found out its a boy. And this has really upset me. I feel like such a cow as the baby is healthy and its all going well and I've had an easy pregnancy but I'm feeling really scared and tearful.
I keep thinking what if I don't bond with it as its a boy, and what if I always wish it had been a girl. I feel like I won't know what to do with a boy and won't be able to bond with a boy.
There is no doubt if I'd been told it was a girl I would now be as happy as larry, whereas instead I've been crying. When technically its the same baby as it was all along, nothing has changed. It doesn't help that mother-in-law confessed she'd been hoping for a girl and then said 'oh well next time next time' and this is my 1st baby and her 1st grandchild so I felt really bad about that as wwell.
Has anyone else felt this way or am I total freak? And does anyone know if when it arrives it will be OK and I will love him? Am I being a total twat?

You can never be sure of the sex of a baby until it arrives..... (you'll hear more from others I'm sure).

A good friend of mine was told at her scan definately a boy, no question, absolutely sure. They bought blue everything, decorated the nursery, told a few people..... They had a beautiful baby girl.

I wanted a girl because I felt like you that a boy wouldnt need me or I would struggle bonding with him. I was SO WRONG. he is 21 months now and I WORSHIP him and he is soooo attached to me we are always together and I just could not love him any more!!!!!! I am now ttc DC2 and a girl would be nice but I know now it really doesnt matter. Dont beat yourself up over how you feel but I really think you will be happily surprised at how close you are to your son!!! He is the centre of my world.

I've heard of that too. But i really don't want to hold out hope as I think I should just be able to accept its a boy and feel happy about it. Otherwise what sort of person does that make me?
I feel like I've already messed the kid up psychologically over this - imagine if he ever found out I was crying because he was a boy and not a girl.
Also, the midwife was adamant and kept saying you can see the balls. Persoanly, I couldn't see anything but my other half was going 'oh yes oh yes' nad it seems the he could see the whole lot.

Really eenybeeny that is so reassuring to hear? In fact its making me quite tearful reading your post.
The ridiculous thing is I am at work and run my own business and can't let my staff know anything is wrong at all!!!

I also think that - that a boy won't need me and then he'll grow up and will never phone me (my brother hardly ever calls my mum even though she's a great mum and has done nothing wrong and nothing to deserve his indifference, and I call her all the time)

TTT, whilst I agree that sometimes the doctors get it wrong I think to offer this as a ray of hope is wrong.

MM, you don't sound like a cow or a freak(even tho your MIL does for making that comment) and I know you are not the only person who has had the thought "I don't know what to do with a boy/girl" however I think you have to start focusing on the positives i.e. you are having a healthy baby and maybe start making a list of all the good things about having a boy and all the new things you will be able to experience because you are having a boy.

hmmm...don't want to sound too harsh, but really... YES you will love him! Don't be silly!

I found out that I was having a son too at about 20 weeks - and while it was definitely a surprise it was a great joy. And I cannot begin to tell you how much you will fall in love with your wee boy. It's incredibly special, the bond between mother and son. Especially as he'll be your PFB!

I went on to have a wee girl, 3 years later, and I love her just as much. She's fabulous. But I'll be honest - she is WAY harder work than ds was/is - she is so much more independent than him. He is a mummy's boy through and through, whereas she gives the impression that she really could manage perfectly well by herself, thank you very much! Many, many friends report the same kind of behaviour.

I did worry a little bit about bonding with my boy before he was born, but the minute I saw him - BOOM! Love at first sight. Truly.

Embrace the fact that you're blessed with a baby, regardless of gender. You'll be just fine.

And baby boy clothes are sooooo cute.

I agree with eenybeeny. I also have a boy who is 2 and he is my world, i love him more than anything and wouldnt change hin one bit.
You will bond with your son, you will surprise yourself by just how much.

Also there are so many people in this world that can't have children i feel extreamly blessed to have a perfectly healthy beautiful boy. Im also TTC for # 2 and of course a girl would be nice but i really wouldnt mind another boy!

Enjoy your pregnancy and enjoy your son when her arrives

I found out the sex because I didn't want a boy and because he was one, it gave me 20 weeks to get used to the idea. I named him in advance and got him a wardrobe of lovely clothes etc.
I have never regretted that he was a boy and not a girl. He is a fabulous son, so loving and has kept me going through some tough times.
I hope you will feel better about him soon. Little boys love their mummies sooo much! and I'm sure you will love your baby boy too!

I feel for you. I was convinced dc3 was a girl and was desperate that he would be for a certain reason. I cried at the scan and for several weeks afterwards but i started getting used to the idea and when he arrived i was really excited to meet my new son. I'm glad i found out as i was over it before he arrived iyswim and wasn't upset then when he was born. As for not needing you - thats down to the person,not their sex.

I feel for you. I was convinced dc3 was a girl and was desperate that he would be for a certain reason. I cried at the scan and for several weeks afterwards but i started getting used to the idea and when he arrived i was really excited to meet my new son. I'm glad i found out as i was over it before he arrived iyswim and wasn't upset then when he was born. As for not needing you - thats down to the person,not their sex.

Don't worry MacMac123 - I didn't find out the sex of my DS before he was born but I was really worried because I never related to boy babies - I loved babysitting as a teenager but would never even babysit for boy babies. I ended up being induced and having an emergency c-section under anaesthetic. When DS was brought to me the next morning I took him in my arms, looked at him and it was just instant love - I was totally besotted by him. Later when I thought about it I was totally amazed by how I felt - it didn't even enter my head that "this is a boy baby and I don't like boy babies". So don't worry!

There have been a few threads like this, if you can do a search.

I was exactly the same as you. I have a girl and desperately wanted another. When we found out it was a boy we were both devastated and I was really worried I wouldn't bond with him. Most people on the other threads were saying that they felt like that until the birth and then just fell in love with their baby boy. I knew that wouldn't happen to me, as I just didn't particularly like boys and didn't know what to do with one.

Guess what? DP and I fell completely and madly in love with him the second he was born and we feel so so guilty for thinking we might not have loved him as much as dd. He is completely gorgeous and I wouldn't change him for the world.

You have no way of knowing how you will feel once he is born, no matter how you feel now.

Good luck

I cried after I found out I was having a second girl and I felt like a total cow as I was so happy the first time when I found I was having a girl. I thought I knew that 'it' was a boy and in a way that she wasn't my baby. I remember being in the loo afterwards crying my eyes out and feeling so awful as there was nothing wrong with her. Everybody knew I was disappointed which made the guilt worse. Obviously I love her now! At least you have had a scan and you have got time to get used to the idea. After a month or so of finding out I was more used to it. I did her room and got clothes to make it all a bit more real. Secretly I did hope that she might be a boy when she was born but she wasn't. It is awful feeling so upset about something that doesn't matter when compared to other things that you can find out at your scan but I think you will get used to it over time.

I found out at 20 weeks I was having a boy and I was convinced I was having (and wanted) a girl.

It gave me 20 weeks to get my head around the fact he was a boy, and tbh, as long as he came out healthy I knew I would love him no matter what.

He is an absolute joy. He is the perfect child. He's almost 3 now. He sleeps really well, is the most funny charming little character, and is by my side no matter what else is going on in my life. And wouldn't be the person I am today without him.

You're so lucky You just don't realise it yet.

I thought that I was having a girl to the point that when DH said "it's a boy!" I almost said "YOU'RE JOKING!".

But as soon as I had him, the girl that I thought I was having was a million miles away, it was as if I had never thought about a girl atall. (I wasn't anti having a boy, I just really thought he was a girl).

It all just fell away as soon as he arrived.

And a lady on my ward had a lovely little girl with no name, because they had settled on Isaac , having been told they were having a boy at the 20 week scan.

Really, you'll be fine.

You should definately stop beating yourself up about it as I think every mother, whether its the first, second or third, has a slight preference (even if only a very slight preference ) even if it doesn't really matter at the end of the day. And you haven't done this baby one jot of harm because of your 'girl' thoughts.

I was told by a palm reader (dont really believe in them but...) that I would have 2 girls at 32 and 34 years of age. Needless to say when I was 32 I gave birth... to a boy . The moment he was born I just adored him and he and I are so close. He is now 4 and is cuddly, warm, funny, energetic, enthusiastic, full of kisses etc - I could go on!!!! He's amazing.... And even though I'm sure girls are fab too, out of the 7 babies born through the NCT classes I did, the 4 boys are definately more affectionate and cuddly with their mums than the girls who seem a bit more mature. Anyway I now have DS2 and am SO happy. I felt a slight disappointment when the scan revealed he was another boy, not because of him, but because I knew this would be my last baby and I would never have a daughter. But he is just as wonderful as DS1 and I couldn't be happier. You WILL adore your boy and if you can I'd try to put any worries about that to one side. Congratulation and please please dont feel like a freak

You will love him. I have 2 DS's and they mean everything to me. They are absolutely gorgeous and are much easier than my neices. They are 11 and 13 now and can be little tykes but nothing like the teenage girls I know.
Boys are so loving and the mother/son relationship is so special. I wanted DS1 to be a girl but I was just grateful for a healthy baby at the end of my labour. He was a complete joy from the minute he was born. When I was pg with DS2 I had to have a late scan as I was petrified he would be a girl ( as I really didn't want one!) I am sure had he have been a girl though I would have loved her just as much.
In a few days you will feel better. Why not plan a shopping trip to get some beautiful blue clothes for you gorgeous little boy to wear!
Congratulations any way.

i felt like you, and convinced myself for the next 20 weeks the scan was wrong. (i think if scans are wrong they usually tell you it's a girl when it's a boy, not v.v.) i had only chosen girls names, and even had dh convinced it was a girl before the scan!

i went through a phase of being fed up with pregnancy and resentful towards the baby.

ds was clearly a boy, we had no problems bonding an i wouldn't swap him for the world. after having wanted girls, am now keen for another little boy.

Libra1975 - Not a ray of hope.... a fact!

I personally didn't want a girl 2nd time around and was extremely anxious, even during labour. I was absolutely sure that I could not bond with a girl and deliberately did not find out the sex during pg. I could not get my head around what I would do if I had found out 'the wrong answer'? I wholeheartedly sympathise with OP and I do understand the uncontrollable feelings that come when something happens that doesn't meet your expectation.

This is very common. If you google gender disappointment you can read about it. You will grieve for the idea of having a girl and don't feel guilty or silly doing this. The important thing to do is to then move on to celebrating your little boy. Perhaps buy a little outfit for him and hang it in your room. Quietly try out names as you talk to him. When he is here you will love him like you won't believe. You will realise through meeting him that a baby is a distinct and beautiful personality and gender is nothing to worry about.

Congratulations.

you will not be disappointed when he arrives, he will be beautiful, and they are so cuddly, the cuddles go on for much longer than girls, they tend to grow out of it quicker, but boys are always there for cuddles with mum!

By the way, I agree that whether children keep in touch is more down to the person than the gender... I was SO bad at keeping in touch with my parents when I was a teenager / twenties and then when I met my DH I was a bit embarassed at how little I did compared to him. He would randomly send his mum presents, visit her loads and has even taken her away on weekend trips to places like New York and Venice etc... Needless to say i started to call my mum more when we hooked up

I also had not much interest in boys before I had DS. I couldn't see the appeal. DS was much cuddlier than DD and still is (just turned 5). I am thrilled to have had him even though I had little enthusiasm for boys in advance. I think you'll find he's gorgeous.

Hi,

When i was pg with dd i was DESPERATE for a boy. I was convinced she would BE a boy, when the sonographer told me she was a girl, i cried for a whole day. I was convinced that i would never bond with a girl- mainly because my mother and i have a terrible relationship and i was so worried that history would repeat itself..but not if i had a boy
Now dd is 4 and a joy, i'm pregnant with no 2 and am feeling quite anxious in case it's a boy!
My point, anyway, is that i understand exactly where you're coming from and how frustrating theese feelings can be but they will change. You can never help but love your child, whatever it turns out to be
Hope this helps a bit x

Oh my god you are all so amazingly supportive!! And helpful.
I'm so glad to hear that other people have had the same reaction. I have literally felt awful because not only am I upset its a boy but I feel wracked wtih guilt for being such a cow, and a certain degree of shame becuase a lot of people know that I've said I don't like boys, and only want a girl.
I am really relieve to hear I am not the only person who has felt this way. WHen I read the posts on mums net so many people sound really happy and together and I felt like a bit of a loon.