Anyone disappointed after finding out the sex? HELP!

[MacMac123]

OK, I know I'm going to sound like a real cow, but I always thought I would have a baby girl (since I was a teenager), I've never really been particularly interested in baby boys or liked them that much, and even since I got pregnant I assumed - like 100 per cent - I was having a girl.
Just had my 20 week scan and found out its a boy. And this has really upset me. I feel like such a cow as the baby is healthy and its all going well and I've had an easy pregnancy but I'm feeling really scared and tearful.
I keep thinking what if I don't bond with it as its a boy, and what if I always wish it had been a girl. I feel like I won't know what to do with a boy and won't be able to bond with a boy.
There is no doubt if I'd been told it was a girl I would now be as happy as larry, whereas instead I've been crying. When technically its the same baby as it was all along, nothing has changed. It doesn't help that mother-in-law confessed she'd been hoping for a girl and then said 'oh well next time next time' and this is my 1st baby and her 1st grandchild so I felt really bad about that as wwell.
Has anyone else felt this way or am I total freak? And does anyone know if when it arrives it will be OK and I will love him? Am I being a total twat?

Blimey, what happened there?!

I love my Ds to bits and wouldn't have him any other way (tho' once long ago at a scan I wished he was a girl)....don't tell.....

Another one here who wanted a girl and was really disappointed at the scan. In fact I felt shell-shocked - which is ridiculous, given that it's a 50/50 chance. I, too, had already picked out a name for a girl, whereas I hadn't given boys' names a second thought. I think it was partly because my only contact with babies had been with my little niece, who I absolutely adored (and still do!).

Anyway, now I have DS I worship him (in fact my husband tells me I spoil him rotten). AND he was a nightmare as a little baby, so we didn't have the easiest start - it took about 3 months for me to really bond with him (because he was difficult, not because he was a boy), but now at 8 months I can't get enough of him. I guess what I'm trying to say is, even if you don't feel an instant rush of love when he's born, don't worry, it doesn't mean a thing - you'll adore him soon enough. And on a lighter note, boys' clothes are so much cuter than girls' IMO - get yourself some retail therapy!

I had 2 DDs and really enjoyed them so when was having twin DC I thought I would have more girls or b/g. Boys didn't really appeal to me tbh they always looked so rowdy but when I found out I was having twin DS i was over the moon as they were healthy (I had had a stillborn DD just months before). I didn't look back. I found out boys are fab, just as nice as girls and so loving and funny, I would NEVER change them and feel lucky to have experienced having sons. I know it's a worry that they don't bother when they are older but that happens to girls too. i will just have to be nice to my DIL not like my MIL is with me!!

I haven't read all the posts but i can totally understand how you feel, only i was the other way around, with my first child i really really really wanted a boy, and she turned out to be a girl and i have to say i was a bit disappointed and felt quite numb when she was born.

I know that sounds terrible but it's the truth. I have since done a lot of soul searching and have realised why i didn't want a girl and it is because of the absolutely terrible relationship i had with my mother and 2 sisters growing up. But, my little girl is a unique individual and our relationship is nothing like mine was with my mother and so i had nothing to fear really.

Your relationship with your son will NOT be indentical to the relationship your brother had with your mother; it will be what YOU make it and as long as you love and care for your son I am sure he will love and care for you, even when he's grown up.

We will see in about 10 weeks time

I have 2 boys and would like a girl and expect to feel some dissapointment if its a 3rd boy, but i KNOW I will love him with all my heart

Really admire your honesty in admitting this...I do feel for you, but mostly just want to reassure you.

I really wanted a girl, but was convinced I was having a boy (even though didn't find out). From the moment he was born though, I loved him desperately, and the bond has just grown stronger and stronger over the past 2.5 years. Finding out now is great for you as you still have 20 more weeks to fall in love with your little lad. Honestly, boys are REALLY FUNNY, little energy balls of fun. And you don't need to worry about pink rooms and barbie and glitter! They are really very low maintenance, but do take lots of energy.

I have a friend who has 2 boys and a girl and she said she would rather have another 10 boys than one more girl, girls are much harder work emotionally! Now I am pregnant with triplets, and I will definitely struggle if they are all boys (fancy being a mother to 4 sons!!), but I know in the end it will all be fine, and I will love them. I'm going to teach them how to cook!

Hope it all goes well for you.

HI

I have 2 boys and am pregnant with #3. I always wanted a girl , but with my 1st I was just ecstatic that everything was OK, with #2 I was slightly disappointed but he has grown into such a loving affectionate boy, well actually they both have. So this time , I thought itmight just be a girl, on an earlier scan Dr said "maybe a girl", next one he said "def a boy" - I was so upset, even though everything was fine with him. However I am 38 weeks pg now and can't wait for my little boy, I am so excited. I know that I will have pangs over the years, when I see pink in the shops etc... but that's all they will be, nothing more serious.

I am sure you will get used to the idea and by finding out now, I think it will be easier.

debinaustria you sound like me... my DS2 is my girly boy too! lol

I agree with everyone! It's perfectly natural to feel this way if you had your mind set as you being the parent of a girl! I have one of each and whilst I adore my dd my ds is the one who always creeps on my laps for cuddles and kisses He is scrumptious and a far easier toddler than dd was (although she was a fabby baby and he was cross for about 6 months )

Don't worry, MacMac! I felt exactly the same as you, always assumed I would have girls, have only sisters and had never had anything much to do with little boys and found them really incomprehensible. I didn't ask to find out the sex when I was pregnant but was absolututely convinced it was going to be a boy and was (secretly) really upset about it, but I didn't tell anyone (I wasn't on MN then and really didn't feel I could tell anyone in RL how I felt). When DS was born, and the doctor passed him up to me for a cuddle, he looked straight into my eyes and from that moment I was gone, a slave to love. He is a darling, darling boy, and I now (secretly) feel quite sorry for mums who don't have sons! I guarantee that you will feel the same.

I too agree with everyone, don't worry it's normal.

I didn't find out with my dd but me and everyone was convinced would be a boy, wasn't! MIL asked dh if he was sure it was a girl after she was born!

I was a bit shell shocked and couldn't quite get my head round having a dd but now, 7 1/2mths preg (and don't know again) I can't imagine having a boy!

dd is gorgeous and funny, full of energy and I wouldn't swap her for anything but I know 'whatever' pops out (in my dreams!) this time will also be great and I will love them.

You are having a baby who will be gorgeous and you will love them, just give yourself some time, it's a strange time becoming a parent for the first time, I can honestly say that I have felt differently about it all 2nd time round. 1st time I constantly worried about what I had done, was I ruining my life? then feeling guilty for feeling like that. It all turns out fine.

i feel the opposite. i already have a ds and was set on having anohter little boy so ds had a playmate and i never liked the idea of having a girl, i thinki t stems from the fact i had a crap relationship from with my mum and am scared of history repeating itself. i had my scan two days ago and discovered i am having a girl. i was devastated and still coming to terms with it but still cant get excited about it. will this change or does anyone want to swap?

I like you was always convinced that I would have a girl, I come from a family of girls, it was what I was used to etc etc. I had a girl first and when I had my second one I was expecting a girl again and got a boy.

I was really scared I wouldn't know what to do with a boy, wouldn't love him the same way I love my dd.. and pretty much worried throughout that I simply wouldn't bond with him as well.

I could not have been more wrong, my ds is wonderful, very loving and cuddly, I think that he is absolutely fab. I am loving the experience of having a dd and ds and am really glad he is a boy - I wouldn't change him for anything

MacMac - I sort of know how you feel. Not quite the same, but when I found out that my second baby was going to be a second girl, it was like a door slamming, because for various reasons we had decided that we wouldn't be having any more babies, and I then knew that I never have a son. I still feel a bit sad about this, but it doesn't mean that I love my little girl any less. The reality of the baby you give birth to and the unconditional love you feel for him/her is so different to a theoretical boy or girl. Also if it's any consolation - for years my brother was hopeless at keeping in touch with my parents, but now that he is in his 30s, he is great to the extent that he and his girlfriend are going on holidays with mum and dad this year!

MacMac - I was totally convinced I was having a girl (all girls in my family) and didn't find out sex. Then out popped a boy. I was quite shocked and it took me a couple of weeks to get my head round it. He is 16mo now and honestly and truly, I ADORE him. I wouldn't swap him for a girl AT ALL. I always said if I was going to have a boy I would want a boy first then girl second.

Boys are hilarious, they make you giggle, mine is a proper fearless fred and climbs all over everything. He is loving and cuddly and just beautiful. I am smitted.

However, next time round, I am hoping for a girl because although it doesn't make any difference at this age - I think when they hit their 20's, a girl still needs her mum whereas a boy gets a girlfriend/wife and mum becomes a little less important IYSWIM.

Honestly, once you get your head round that you are having a beautiful little boy you will be fine. Don't feel guilty about how you are currently feeling - it is perfectly natural, no one else needs to know unless you tell them how you are feeling and don't let anyone make you think you are being awful for having these feelings.

If you search the site, it is a common feeling!

Now you can start thinking of boys names, looking at the gorgeous blue stuff that is about and planning a 'boy' bedroom! My LO bless him has had to make do with boring neutral colours in his room. I am now planning a SPACE THEME!

Chin up x

My first child was a little girl and when I became pregnant again a really wanted another girl. I decided to find out the sex at my 20 week scan because I knew if it was a boy i would need time to come to terms with it. When it was confirmed that I was having a little boy I was gutted! But by the time he arrived I had got used to the idea and from the moment he was born I adored him! He was the most gorgeous baby and now (he is four) I still adore him. I find the relationship I have with him is completely different from the one I have with my daugther (now eight) - although he can be a real handful he is so loving and cuddly and eager to please. My daugther at the same age was already a stroppy little mare!

Don't worry - when he arrives you will love him to bits. And given the choice having had both I would go for a boy everytime. Little boys are lovely!

Don't feel guilty, this is normal. All will be fine in the end and you won't be able to imagine it any other way.

I thought I'd have a girl first and dh really wanted a girl. Out came a boy. He is wonderful (now 14) and has been since day one, although he was 'full on' as a toddler.

I really wanted a girl next time round. Out came another boy(now 12) who not only was a boy but didn't look at all like me or ds1 (both dark eyed and haired). There was this blonde and blue eyed (like dh)interloper for whom I am ashamed to say I did things very automatically and still spent most of my time with PFB. However, by about 3 months, I was in love with ds2 and he is still a darling whom the others say is my favourite!

By number three I thought I could only make boys. It took me a long time to get used to dh's words at the birth: 'it's a girl'. Moody, demanding and quite a tomboy, she certainly doesn't fit with that ideal of the perfect little girl but we love her.

By number four I had realised that the most important thing for me was getting to know the character of my child, not whether it happened to be a boy or a girl.

So don't worry. It won't be long before you can be the one giving reassurance to other mners.

i have 2 boys and am preg again with no.3. we have the 12 week scan on wednesday and i am dreading we get the top scanning bloke as he is really good at sexing at this early stage and got both our boys right at 12 weeks.

I am dreading being told this baby is another boy but am bracing myself for the news, i know i will still cry.

dh says no more after this so this is my last chance for the girl i long for.
I love my boys so much it hurts and feel so terrible for feeling this way, but i cant help it.

i am expecting my 6th boy in july
i have 1 girl but shes older now
i guess i wanted a girl deep down as its the last time but i have bonded with this baby already and we call him samuel all the time

we lost our last little girl at 24 weeks so i was worried this time

im now nearly 32 weeks and this baby is quite ill and will be classified as disabled

dont want to be a nagative person here but all that are dissapointed with what they get

please just be so thankful your baby is healthy and well thats whats important
i wish mine was

gettin things in perspective is what matters
we all try for a baby
yeah i know we all have a wish i did to
i still cant wait to meet him though gettin more impatient by the day

Buy and read Steve Biddulph's book Raising Boys. It's a fab read and will make you feel much more confident and positive about having a son. I felt disappointed when I found out ds was going to be a boy, followed by massive guilt for feeling like that. He is honestly the best person I've ever met - sounds soppy and OTT but he really is such a super human being. your baby will be wonderful too

Wow I just can't get over how many people feel the same way. I think its something women should talk about more. But it seems like the bottom line is everyone loves their babies no matter what the sex.
I actually feel a lot better today having had lots of tears yesterday. i know that at least the baby is healthy and my boyfriend is over the moon that its a boy and although he's being really understanding I can see a little look of total perplexity on his face, and I don't want to upset him.
It's itneresting you all say boys clothes are cuter. Are they really? One of the reasons I wanted a girl is so i could turn her into a little style icon (er - don't say unhealthy reason to want a girl -I know!!!!) and I thought all boys worse was jeans and t-shirts? Mind you, i did think Cruz Beckham looked super sweet in the batman outfit he wore for a week, perhaps I can dress mine in something like that when I feel the need for a change?!
It's nice to hear people feel gender disappointment when they realise its a girl and not a boy. I thought secretly all women wanted girls but I was clearly wrong.
The most important thing is that the baby has been kicking like mad and reminding me that its on its way no matter whether its got a willy or not!

All your posts has made me think though that while having time to reconcile by finding out can be good, perhaps its not worth the upset.
I reckon if you have strong feelings about a preference, you shouldn't find out. Beucase from what you all say it doesn't matter at all when they are born anyway. So why set yourself up for 20 weeks of upset and confusion and feeling worried becuase you've found out you've got the 'wrong' sex.
Although that said, its now 2 days since I found out and already I am feeling little bits of excitement about having a boy - especially after reading all these posts.
I never raelised little boys were so nice, or such Mummy's boys, or so cuddly. I just though they were annoying!
Teenage boys are awful though! Mind you, so are teenage girls!

MacMac, I went through this twice with my ds's, cried for a week after finding out ds2 was a boy! But as you say you're feeling better about it already and I think you won't have 20 weeks of feeling crap by the sound of it - the disappointment of anything wears off and then you find positive things about it. I have found out I'm having twins recently and one is a girl, and tbh I would have been quite happy with 4 boys - the two I have are absolutely fabulous. My MIL was also somewhat disappointed about no girls and showed it which was a bit upsetting.

Happy little boy story - DS1, who's 4.6, got off his bike this morning, and ran towards me with arms outstretched to give me a huge hug. Asked him why - 'just cos I love you mummy' - huge grin plastered on my face at this point!

And I personally think that baby boys look gorgeous in dungarees or tank tops over shirts with smart trousers

i was the same with my first and i didnt find out till the birth, sadly i do put it down to why i developed pnd with her, it wasnt her fault it was mine. I have an appaling relationship with my mother and have had bad relationships with women all my life, so i was not as much wanting a boy as terrified of having a girl. I dont even have many female friends. I ended up with two girls and have recently found out i am expecting a boy. All i can say is, its your baby and you will love him no matter what. Even with the PND at times i couldnt bear my own baby, but still deep down, i knew i loved her, i was just so scared of her! Use the next weeks to prepare yourself, think of all the nice things having a boy means but dont feel guilty, there are many reasons for having a preference.