Anyone disappointed after finding out the sex? HELP!

[MacMac123]

OK, I know I'm going to sound like a real cow, but I always thought I would have a baby girl (since I was a teenager), I've never really been particularly interested in baby boys or liked them that much, and even since I got pregnant I assumed - like 100 per cent - I was having a girl.
Just had my 20 week scan and found out its a boy. And this has really upset me. I feel like such a cow as the baby is healthy and its all going well and I've had an easy pregnancy but I'm feeling really scared and tearful.
I keep thinking what if I don't bond with it as its a boy, and what if I always wish it had been a girl. I feel like I won't know what to do with a boy and won't be able to bond with a boy.
There is no doubt if I'd been told it was a girl I would now be as happy as larry, whereas instead I've been crying. When technically its the same baby as it was all along, nothing has changed. It doesn't help that mother-in-law confessed she'd been hoping for a girl and then said 'oh well next time next time' and this is my 1st baby and her 1st grandchild so I felt really bad about that as wwell.
Has anyone else felt this way or am I total freak? And does anyone know if when it arrives it will be OK and I will love him? Am I being a total twat?

I just found out mine is a boy (definitely - has penis, scrotum, testicles...) I was a bit tearful for my hypothetical daughter but I think I'd have been exactly the same if it had been a girl.

Does mean that my MIL is having a third grandson in a year (after waiting 20 years for any grandchildren at all - she has muttered about grandchildren being worse than buses), but she's dead chuffed anyway.

Personally I'd be happiest with a geek of either sex, and have more trouble relating to a gender-stereotypical child, so it remains to be seen how that pans out! I wouldn't have bothered finding out the sex except that I used to be an embryologist so I knew I'd be able to tell from the scan, and my partner thought it might help us pick a name.

Still, at least I'll be spared the surfeit of pink tat for a while...

Totally understand.

I was expecting twins and completely thought it was one of each - they even felt different inside my stomach. When they were born, I was so shocked to find out it was two boys! It meant that (along with the usual hormones and the pressure of having to look after two babies at once), I just cried and cried for the first week. Of course, I got over it and love my bundle of boys (I already had a 20m old boy too).

So when I got pregnant with my fourth, and knew I was thinking about a girl, I just found out at 20 weeks because I didn't want the birth to be marred by anything. And yes, he was a boy! So I let myself really really think about it - that I was going to be mother to four boys, and never have a daughter, and I basically allowed myself to go into mourning for 24 hours . I terrified DH to death, but I just wanted to get it all out right there and then, so I thought about it all - no wedding dress choosing, no My Little Ponies, etc, etc.

By the time he arrived, I had got it all out of my system and was just looking forward to meeting him! Sooooo much better finding out beforehand, IMO. There was no trouble bonding or anything.

And my boys are all so affectionate and lovely, I feel as close to them as I would to any girl. (And DH talked to his mum everyday on the phone, and he's as manly as they come!)

Hope it goes the same for you

'This thread has just reminded me why I think it is mad to find out the sex of your baby before he/she is born! If you had just been through labour and given birth to your boy, you would be so relieved that he was ok and delighted to meet him and you wouldn't care about the sex then at all - you would just fall in love with the baby.'

Not true at all for all people. For some, finding out the sex of the baby gives them time to come to terms with things instead of throwing more confusing feelings into the postpartum mix.

At least one poster who suffers from antenatal and postnatal depression found it really helped her bond with her baby, finding out its gender beforehand.

I've had PND twice and both times, after labour, I just felt like running away.

Even for those who don't have PND, it's very common not to experience the 'rush of love' that others feel.

We had 'surprises' the past two times and are looking forward to finding out this time round.

I'm almost certain it's a third girl, but finding out will be a welcome change for us and our family.

Agree with Expat. The feelings that I had upon finding out I was having a second boy when I so badly wanted a girl would have been there at the birth had I not found out at the scan and I really didn't want that.

We had decided that our second child would be our last, too so this made me even more anxious for it to be a girl. I cried for a few days after the scan but by the birth had got over it and was so happy when he arrived.

He is two now and we are sticking to our decision of two and two only. I do occasionally still have those feelings of wishing I had a girl followed by feelings of guilt, of course. If I could go back and do it again and choose between a girl and a boy, I'd choose to have a girl because I still feel I am missing that something I really want. However, if you asked me to go back again and choose between a girl or my gorgeous DS2, well of course it's DS2 in a flash. I am so completely smitten in every way. Boys are so loving and attached to their Mummies. They are truly lovely babies and children (and, I should imagine, a lot less difficult during the teenage years, too!)

i have 2 boys (did u guess!!) and i can honestly say i love it!!! I am ~(and always will be) the queen bee .

i was so pleased i was having another boy even though i was convienced it was a girl beacause my pregnancies were completely different.

I did once say to a friend of mine who has two girls that i can never buy the lovely girlie stuff and she answered "and i can never buy the lovely boy stuff".

There does seem an emphasive on girls and i had several people asking if i was dissapointed and would i try again - my answer was a huge NO!!!

I do look at my friends with girls and feel thankful that i dont have to do their hair etc cos i can barely do my own!!!

I have 2 girls and was convinced DB3 was a boy for some reason, we paid for a private scan at 22 weeks and she is a girl too.

I will admit I was disappointed not at having another girl but at the thought we will never have a little boy, I feel worse for DP though house full of women. I know he wanted a boy this time.

But knowing she is a girl has been good we quickly got over the disappointment, she now has a name and we are all excited to be meeting her in a few weeks. The DDs also know she is a girl and I think it's helped them to understand a bit more of what is going on, DD1 who is 3 has said all along it was a girl baby.

Thanks for starting this thread- Really interesting reading.

I had twin sons following ICSI/IVF and was really disappointed to find out at the 20 weeks scan. It had never entered my head that my twins would be two boys.

I had to face the fact that as ridiculous as it sounds I had been trying for a daughter - not a child!

Fast forward 9 years and I am incredibly close to my two sons. People often comment on it. One of the comments earlier reminds me of DS was he was about 4 - he used to lie next to me on the bed and say 'mummy shall we just lie here and stare at each other for ages - I love your eyes'!!!!!

They are gorgeous, funny, clever, affectionate, loving - everything you could ever ever hope for in a child.

But as I said in a thread I started a little while ago. i still feel a sense of loss that I'll never have a daughter (Ive never been able to get pregnant again).

So dont feel guilty - because I faced the very real possibility of not having ANY children and yet I still had these feelings.

Its a very physical feeling - and I know it sounds ridiculous but it feels like a form of grief. But Im fed up of beating myself up about it. Its not like I wake up every morning and think - oh I must sit here and be miserable because I dont have a girl. So Ive decided to allow myself to grieve a little for a daughter I'll never have - but not for too long because I really have been absolutely blessed.

And I agree with everyone else - you will love your boy to bits.

Kizzie x

How cute is this little outfit on this little chap?

www.thewhitecompany.com/department2.aspx?DepGrpCode=CHD&DepCode=FRTD

I'm convinced DC3 is a girl, too, sweet!

Will know in a fortnight!

Haven't managed to read the whole thread so apologies for reiterating.

I wanted a girl first time round and had a boy, found out at 20wk scan so had time to come to terms with this and I needed that time. 2nd time round REALLY wanted a girl and tried the Hazel Chesterman Phillips timing method and had a girl. I found out at the scan as this may sound callous but I know I would have been disappointed at birth if it had been a boy. Also I tried to swing the odds in my favour at conception because if I tried and had a boy then I wouldn't have had another baby just to try and have a girl, (which is what I definitely would have done) because in my head I had 'had a go' a having a girl. If I hadn't I would always have been thinking what if..

We don't have any preference either way. Just want to know for once!

I've been calling her Muireann for months already .

am I right in thinking more people seem to want a girl first time round?

people wanting boys seem to have girls already (or so it seems to me anyway)?

when after all what you will get each time is a totally different human being, an individual regardless of gender.

Didn't really care one way or another what sex it was first time round.

Thought I'd never get the chance to have a child at all. Just grateful I wasn't still being a drunk, pathetic loser anymore.

With DD2, she took 6 months to conceive, so same thing, just happy she was even coming to join us.

With this one, had a missed m/c before conceiving her/him.

So again, just happy to be at this point.

kizzie - i already had children but had to have fertiliy treatment to get my fourth after a 6.5 yr gap

i wept many many tears for want of a baby but wept still more for want of a girl

fast forward 5 years and i have 2 more ds's

these two individuals could NOT have have brought me more joy ....i have cried many times for want of this elusive girl but astound people by how obsessed i am by these 'second best' boys

i am surprised myself, i suppose in the end it boils down to 'people' not genders

love is inexplicable

they are not what i wanted - but apparently they are what i needed! my gorgeous boys!!! {wish there was a heart icon}

hatrick awww shucks!!

what was dd4's name to have been ?? was it the O one? (dont want to say it as it is a contender for my soon not to be girl!)

my friend had a 34 week scan last week - she said it was amazing - facial expressions and all!!

hope it goes well!

mine is breech - i am encouraging it NOT to move so i get scan and nice early section

wont happen!

I am going through this, a bit, now.
I am only 15 weeks, so haven't had my 20 week scan yet, and am desperate to know. With ds we were convinced it was a boy from the beginning and we were really pleased. I did want a girl this time. You know, the old perfect one boy, one girl scenario - which my sil recently has had.
And dh predicted that this was a girl. But last week, it suddenly occured to me, that I think it is a boy. And that made me really sad. Because up until that point, it hadn't even occured to me that it might be a boy - silly, I know.
But I am confident that given a few days, I will be fine.
I echo what others have said, not all boys, but lots of boys are so affectionate, often more so than girls, who seem more mature, who seem to need less cuddles.
You will be fine.

hatrick my labour nerves are worse each time!

the midwife raised her eyebrows at me when i was enthusiastic for a section !