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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Anyone disappointed after finding out the sex? HELP!

164 replies

MacMac123 · 22/05/2008 14:31

OK, I know I'm going to sound like a real cow, but I always thought I would have a baby girl (since I was a teenager), I've never really been particularly interested in baby boys or liked them that much, and even since I got pregnant I assumed - like 100 per cent - I was having a girl.
Just had my 20 week scan and found out its a boy. And this has really upset me. I feel like such a cow as the baby is healthy and its all going well and I've had an easy pregnancy but I'm feeling really scared and tearful.
I keep thinking what if I don't bond with it as its a boy, and what if I always wish it had been a girl. I feel like I won't know what to do with a boy and won't be able to bond with a boy.
There is no doubt if I'd been told it was a girl I would now be as happy as larry, whereas instead I've been crying. When technically its the same baby as it was all along, nothing has changed. It doesn't help that mother-in-law confessed she'd been hoping for a girl and then said 'oh well next time next time' and this is my 1st baby and her 1st grandchild so I felt really bad about that as wwell.
Has anyone else felt this way or am I total freak? And does anyone know if when it arrives it will be OK and I will love him? Am I being a total twat?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
accessorizequeen · 27/05/2008 20:18

it's really nice, all this 'i love boys' stuff - not enough of it in this world

limecrush · 27/05/2008 20:27

can I say the annoying PC thing and point out that they are all individuals regardless of gender? I have met rowdy girls and sensitive boys. You are getting a person not a gender- my two boys are so utterly different, they might as well be of different genders frankly.

(and alright I do agree that boys do seem to run around pointlessly more than girls etc, but you don't have to do cars and trains if you/they don't want to. Boys don't dissolve if they push prams and play with dolls. Of my two only ds2 is vaguely interested in cars).

bigshopper · 27/05/2008 22:28

Lime is right - my 3 are all completely different, though they do all rush around pointlessly quite a lot (which I like as don't have to worry about them getting enough exercise!).

It's true that there's not enough "I love boys" stuff in Europe. All of us mothers of boys should move to Asia where we would be properly treated as heroines

krang · 28/05/2008 11:12

Boys clothes are brilliant! Have a look in Monsoon, Baby Gap, Cut4Cloth.com, John Lewis, Next, Polarn O Pyret...they all have utterly brilliant, original, funky boys clothes. You don't have to condemn him to a life of jeans and 'little monster' T-shirts!

Also boys are brilliant. My little boy is a joy. You will love your little one no matter what. Seriously.

GreebosWhiskers · 28/05/2008 12:48

I haven't read the whole thread (sorry) but wanted to add my 2 pence worth -

I have 3 girls & was convinced all of them were boys (even tho' I didn't find out the sex at the 20 week scans). When pg with dc4 I was convinced I was having a girl as I thought I just couldn't have boys. When ds was held up & I saw the wee boy bits my chin hit the floor.

Thing is, all the girls are daddy's girls (the elder 2 have a different dad to dd3 & ds) but ds thinks the sun rises & sets on his mummy. My db, dsis & I are the same - me & dsis were daddy's girls when we were wee while ds has always been the apple of mum's eye

frazzledbutcalm · 28/05/2008 14:36

I only wanted a girl when pg for the 1st time. I had a boy and fell instantly in love with him. The doubts i'd previously had just never entered my mind again once ds was here.
A friend of mine has 2 boys and was devastated to discover whilst pg the 2nd one that this was another boy, she cried for months and wouldnt choose a name for him as she desperately wanted a girl. She had no interest in her growing bump, didnt want to buy anything for the baby, didnt even want to talk about her pregnancy anymore. She wanted a girl to dress up, buy the lovely pink outfits for, go shopping together, be best friends with. My reasoning to her was if she had a girl and she turned out not to be a 'girly girl' (as my 2 dd's aren't), how devastated would she be then? She's now over the moon with her 2nd ds and can't believe she had such negative feelings. The love for the 2nd boy also came immediately.

myredcardigan · 28/05/2008 15:20

With this baby (DC3) I am secretly hoping it's another boy. If I'm honest, i probably haven't gotten over the shock of DD being a she and still long for my brood of boys. Having said that, my DS is a very cuddly mummy's boy whereas DD is very independent and doesn't seem to need me much at all. She's also very sporty and is the one in the garden kicking the ball with DH. I love her to bits though and obviously wouldn't swap her for the world.

As for clothes, I buy things like jeans and plain t-shirts from Tesco, Next and M&S but mostly their girls clothes are too yucky pink and their boys clothes are too dull or covered in tacky slogans. I find Gap and Boden both very good at offering non pink feminine girl stuff and vibrant attractive boy stuff. Lots of reds and greens. John Lewis can be good too. My main problem at the minute is that DS's wardrobe seems overrun with stripey clothes. Almost all his sweatshirts are stripey.

MacMac123 · 01/06/2008 12:06

Quick update!

I started this post about 2 weeks ago when I was feeling very sad having just found out I was having a boy when I thought (for no good reason really) and wanted (really, because of the clothes and the idea of being best friends like my mum and I are) a girl!

Anyway, I think everyone's answers have been so helpful and inspiring. It's so wierd, I felt I was totally alone and a total freak for feeling negative about having a boy and it was amazing to discover that there are other people out there that feel/have felt the same way.

Two weeks on, and I feel completely differently about things. I still feel a sense of disbelief that it is a boy, but I feel excited about it too. I'm sure I would have felt nothing but happiness had it been a girl, but pregnancy is up and down anyway, and so far emotionally I've had a really easy time. So a blip that lasts less than two weeks doesn't seem like the end of the world!

Worst thing of all - on my inlaws side, the sentence 'its a boy, but she wanted a girl' has now become a kind of fact. I felt as though unless I did something the words 'she wished he was a girl' would end up on my bloody tombstone!

Anyway, yesterday, out of a surge of protectiveness for my little boy I phoned them and said enough if enough, and my reaction (which should have been private anyway but my other half has a big mouth) must never be talked about again. I explained that I had expected a girl and had experienced an emotional reaction to news of a boy, but that I am pregnant and that can happen. And told them that I have no concerns now about having a boy (not strictly true but mostly true and getting truer by the day) and that I never want to hear another word on how I wanted a girl.

My MIL in particular has been driving me crazy by saying things (in a quasi-soothing voice) like 'next time, next time it will be a girl' so I poitned out that this is my first baby and their first grandchild and I will absolutely not have him wished away in favour of thinking the next one might be a girl.

They were both quite surprised at me telling them off like that, but you know, it has to be done! All I could think was this is my little boy, he's coming, he's a real person (imagine if they end up telling him 'she wanted a girl') and I will not have him effecitvely slated for something that is a) not his fault and b) when he hasn't even been born yet!!! (I think this is known as maternal instinct!?)

My other half - althiough slightly mortified I told off his parents - is pleased that I am now defending the baby and feeling postive about it. There is no doubt that had it been a girl, I would not have had this emotional blip, but these things do pass and I already feel that I love my son and most importantly he is my baby and I am lucky he is coming at all. And nothing has made me shift my opinion towards boys than reading all these posts on Mumsnet.

So thanks everyone. And here's to little boys!!!!

OP posts:
frazzledbutcalm · 10/06/2008 19:31

Fantastic and well said mac!

expatinscotland · 10/06/2008 19:32

it's going to be dead funny if you find out at your 20 week scan that it's a girl .

DazedEmma · 10/06/2008 23:45

I wanted a boy because I believed they have more character and you know boys always prefer their mums! I just looked at the bigger picture and thought a boy would be easier to handle. I'm actually having a little girl, and although I was shocked at first, I'm super excited now! You can have a girlie next time, least she'll have a big brother to look after her )

LadyThompson · 11/06/2008 11:27

Expat, this lady HAS had her 20 week scan. That is the point MacMac, good for you in being firm with your in-laws and I am really glad you are feeling a bit better. My sister's got two boys and they are so cute and gallant with her.

Libra1975 · 11/06/2008 12:15

You didn't tell them off you just put them straight, it's called communication! I think it's great that you did and so glad you are now feeling positive about it.

WinkyWinkola · 11/06/2008 12:17

MacMac123, so glad to hear you're looking forward to having a boy! I've got one, DS and he's a champ!

The world needs lovely boys!

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