Anyone disappointed after finding out the sex? HELP!

[MacMac123]

OK, I know I'm going to sound like a real cow, but I always thought I would have a baby girl (since I was a teenager), I've never really been particularly interested in baby boys or liked them that much, and even since I got pregnant I assumed - like 100 per cent - I was having a girl.
Just had my 20 week scan and found out its a boy. And this has really upset me. I feel like such a cow as the baby is healthy and its all going well and I've had an easy pregnancy but I'm feeling really scared and tearful.
I keep thinking what if I don't bond with it as its a boy, and what if I always wish it had been a girl. I feel like I won't know what to do with a boy and won't be able to bond with a boy.
There is no doubt if I'd been told it was a girl I would now be as happy as larry, whereas instead I've been crying. When technically its the same baby as it was all along, nothing has changed. It doesn't help that mother-in-law confessed she'd been hoping for a girl and then said 'oh well next time next time' and this is my 1st baby and her 1st grandchild so I felt really bad about that as wwell.
Has anyone else felt this way or am I total freak? And does anyone know if when it arrives it will be OK and I will love him? Am I being a total twat?

So glad you're feeling better about things already. My teenage boy is still lovely despite the grunts!

I'm like Eenybeenie. I thought I wanted a girl. I was disappointed after the 20wk scan and I felt SO guilty. My cousin had just lost a baby. OUr babies would have been the same age. Both boys.

Technology is wonderful and everything, but I question the wisdom of knowing the sex in advance ifyou have a preference.

The second my son was born I was so delighted with him. I wouldn't have swapped him for pink twins!

Nature would take care of our preference if we didn't outwink it by having gender scans.

LOVE my boy. He's a gorgeous, cute, brown-pawed, giggly cheeky greedy podge.

You will love your son and you won't want to swap him for a girl. Trust me.

i cried when i was told it was boy but later that night i rubbed my belly and said your going to be mummies boy

and he is i wouldnt know what id do with a girl i love having a little boy he is thoughtful polite and gorgeous and he is 3 now never crave for a girl i have my litttle man

No one could have been more gob smacked than I was when I was told, no make that saw on the scan that DS was a boy. We'd forked out for a private scan as they won't tell us at our local hospital and I was so convinced that I would be having a girl that I felt if by any chance in 20 million it was a boy, then I needed a little time to get used to the idea. We were surrounded by girls in the family and I was just convinced we would have 2 girls.

DH couldn't stop laughing when he saw my complete utter surprise at the scan. I couldn't actually think of anything to say at the time. It wasn't that I massively wanted a girl, I just expected one. I actually got used to the idea faster than I thought but am pretty rubbish at bonding with my children until I actually see them.

So pleased DS is a boy, he is brilliant. So different to DD and has bought so much laughter into this house that wasn't really here before. I utterly, completely adore him and am so pleased he is a boy.I've found him a complete doddle so far (he's 4.5 now) and agree that girls are emotionally harder.

Ps, I love boys' clothes too! I love oranges and greens and caramel coloured things. I hate blue though.

Going out and buying some gorgeous clothes helps. I didn't buy anything blue. I really hated blue.

I thought that I'd be disappointed with a boy.

I can't believe I ever felt like that - I wouldn't swap him for anything. Honestly, wait til you actually see him, whole different ball game.

Hello, the real pity is that you're suffering so much unnecessarily. You will inevitably love your little boy. I have 2 boys and they're so incredibly cute, sweet adorable and gorgeous! Boys are normally very affectonate and close to their mums, so don't worry, he'll have a strong emotional bond with you.
Use this time before he's born to adjust to the idea of a boy and ask other boys'mums what it's like to have a boy! You'll be surprised.
xxx

I have a DS aged three, expecting number two in August, and was disappointed to find out it was a girl at the scan (not that I've told anybody that!) - I would have loved another boy, DS is gorgeous. However, as everybody else has said, it's the personality of the child that you love, not if they're a boy or a girl really. Am a bit terrified of having a bossy little madam!

Message withdrawn

I had a DS first (which is what we both wanted) and he's the best thing that ever happened to me, we have such a bond it's amazing.

When i found out DD was a girl part of my was delighted but another part of me was disappointed for the 2nd son i wouldn't have if that makes sense. Took me a while to get my head around it.

Some little girls really get on my nerves (the bossy, mardy ones) but i have to say that my DD is as chilled out and fun loving as my DS so i neednt have worried.

Haven't read the whole post but I had dd first and during my 2nd pregnancy found out bump was a boy and yes I was a little disappointed - however, if I were to have a third (I won't!!) I would definitely 100% want it to be a boy.

Girls are very independant and conditional, whereas I can ask ds for a cuddle anytime of day or night and he'll happily oblige. He'll never sit by himself and always has to have bodily contact to know either me or dh are there.

Boys are great - they're clothes are very disappointing I will admit - but I wouldn't change mine for the world

I started a thread about this a while ago and was really upset with myself over it, but someone said to me that having a preference is perfectly natural.

Halfway through labour i realised all i wanted was the baby out and ok!

Baby boys and baby girls are very similar for the first year or so - i found it really helped me to think of my baby rather than my baby boy or baby girl.

Im sure that you will find you love your baby whatever, you won't be able to help it!

HTH

You're completely normal, and boys are fab (so are girls I'm sure, but I don't have one so I wouldn't know).

I was convinced from word go I was going to have a boy, everyone in my family has a boy first, usually two, then a girl (or girls if they get to number 4 +!) I had a scan at 15 weeks at BUPA clinic so really good quality scan and obstetrician said he thought it was a girl. DH was really excited, and so was I, but with note of caution as certain he was wrong. And he was. 20 week scan - its a boy. Was not disappointed as such, but felt a bit hhhmmm.

Fast forward to delivery suite, and gazing at my beautiful, clever son who is going to conquer the world I couldn't have cared if he was a hermaphrodite!!!

He is my child and I love him.

And boys love their mummies, always. Doesn't matter that they grow up get a wife, they always love mum if you play them right at the beginning.

Trust me, you will love your boy.

I split with my fiance during my pregnancy, so I sort of hoped my baby would be a girl - it just seemed an easier option for a single mother. I'd also chosen a girl's name when I was a teenager, it's always been Isobel. I had no idea what I'd call a boy. I couldn't imagine how I'd cope with a boy either.

Anyway, when he was born, he was a boy - Matthew. I loved him from the second I saw him. His sex was irrelevant. He was my baby, he needed me, and I loved him with an overwhelming force that I'd never anticipated.

He's now nearly 3. He's so cuddley, really affectionate, far more so than his female contemporaries. I love the fact that he gets excited when a tractor drives past, that his first word was "tractor", that his wardrobe isn't a sea of pink. He isn't aggressive, he doesn't hit, he's not boistrous and loud - he's just a lovely little child who sometimes stops mid-play and says "Mummy I've got a good idea, let's have a cuddle".

Boys are great. And I can say, hand on heart, that if I'm lucky enough to get pregnant again I'd be completely happy with another boy, despite my earlier reservations.

rachelg - your ds sounds dreamy

that quote sooo reminds me of my ds now 5!

Oh, RachelG, that is such a sweet little boy you have there! My DS (4.2) says things like that - we were having a bedtime story and cuddle the other evening, and he said "mummy, your hands are cold - I will warm them up!" clasping one large cold mummy hand in between his two little warm paws. And he often snuggles up, kisses me, and says "lovely mummy!". Honestly, little boys are so full of unconditional love for their mums, it's just the most wonderful thing.

This thread has just reminded me why I think it is mad to find out the sex of your baby before he/she is born! If you had just been through labour and given birth to your boy, you would be so relieved that he was ok and delighted to meet him and you wouldn't care about the sex then at all - you would just fall in love with the baby. All the upset and worrying would have been saved. I do understand the longing for one sex over another. When I was pregnant for the first time, I secretly wanted a girl ( I think because I have such a close bond with my mum and I wanted to experience the same thing with my daughter). When the baby was born, I was over the moon when it was a girl. During my next pregnancy I had a preference for another girl as I really want my dd to have a sister but when I had a boy I fell in love with him every bit as much as I did with his sister. The difference in the two is remarkable even tho they are still very young (dd - 21mths, ds 4 mnths). DD is very much a daddy's girl, whereas ds' eyes and smile follow me everywhere! As everyone here says, you will love your baby regardless and you have time to adjust before he is born. Anyway, by the time you get to eight months pregnant you will only be concerned about a healthy labour and delivery and you honestly won't care at all about the sex at that stage.

When i was PG with my DD (now 8), i was desperate for a girl, never ever wanted boys. At the scan they asked me if i wanted to know what i wasand I took that as they could quite clearly see it was a boy and i didn't want to hear that so i didn't find out.

Anyway my PG continued and i bought blue booties/blanket/babygrows and packed them in my hospital bag. Well you can imagine my shock when she came out a girl!!!

When i was pg with my DS1 (now 3 and a half) i was adament i never wanted boys as 1) my dd was lovely and 2) my friend is mother to 2 awful, nasty little boy (still are) and it had put me off boys for life, so when i found out he was a boy i was a little unprepared. Especially after my friend had been round one day with her terrible boys who had wrecked my house and she said "you wait til your boy is here!" I was pooing myself.

21 month later i had DS2 and by that time i wasn't bothered by having another son and even my friend has said that they are so well behaved compared to her boys.

In actual fact i find boys so much easier than girls, definitely more laid back and placid and VERY VERY affectionate .

If i was pg again though, it wouldn't bother me if it was a boy but i'd love a girl to een out the numbers and to dress up all girly but purely for those reasons only.

Awww this thread has made me well up!!

RachelG your DS sounds lovely.

My DS1 is the same, although he can be boistrous and loud sometimes the little things ha says melts my heart ... like when watching the telly and something negative happens he tells me 'mum I would carry you back home, don't be scared'

he is 3! lol

A good friend of mine sobbed after her 20 week scan because she found out she was having a boy, again the hospital were quite annoyed with her.

She had wanted a girl for years and even bought an outfit for a girl and chosen a name. She said she felt like she was grieving a loss.

Anyway she had her boy and hes wonderful, cuddly, tactile etc. 3 years on she has just had another baby (having not chosen to know the sex) and is very happy to have had another baby boy (4 weeks old).

They aren't having any more children (well thats the plan!) but she says that she genuinely doesn't think she would now know what to do with a baby girl - how things have changed in the space of 3 years!

I think its normal to be temporarily upset.

I have a 4 month old baby girl and we desperately wanted a girl, she is a little madam and very hard work!

macmac - i think once your ds is born you will surprise yourself. I know it's hard when you've convinced yourself it will be one sex and and it turns out to be the other.

I had the opposite problem - i was convinced all along i was expecting a boy, i could even picture what he would look like (the spit of dp with dark eyes and hair).

We didn't find out the sex at the scan and so it was a real shock when my red-haired, blue-eyed daughter popped out! Tbh after the initial shock, something clicked in me and i went 'oh yeah, she's the baby i really wanted.' I think that's what the shock of becoming a mother does to you. Oxytocin, i think, is the 'bonding chemical' and it's very powerful stuff.

in a way, you've got an advantage over me in that now you know it's a boy you can use the next few months to prepare yourself mentally. Seek out loads of people you know who have baby boys and practise getting your head around it. also MN is a great place for anecdotes about all the hilarious things people's sons get up to...

If i were you i would go out and buy the cutest 'little boy' outfit i could find so as to start looking forward...

I haven't read all the posts, but I just wanted to say that my little boy (now almost 5) is much more affectionate and needy of me than my dd (2.5). He still wants to hold my hand and have cuddles on the couch, whereas you're lucky to get a kiss from dd and she will only hold my hand when we cross a road! Girls, imo, are def more independent than boys! I call him my puppy dog and dd my pussy cat!

As for when they're older I think it really depends on them as an individual than their gender(I noticed someone else said this too). My dh is one of two boys and his brother rings his mum EVERY day and they chat for ages on the phone whereas my dh only does every now and then.

I think it's good you've found out now so that you can get used to the idea. Yes, boys are more bouncy, but they're so lovely, and ime, enjoy crafty things, baking, drawing & sport, rough and tumble etc etc. You can also see when that wee is about to come on the changing mat whereas my dd surprised me every time! You WILL enjoy your ds and will love to see his personality grow and you will find yourself doing things/enjoying things with him that you just don't do with girls.

Just saw one of your last posts about clothes, imo boys have much more variety of dressing up clothes than girls, ok they're all super-hero type but they're different designs nad props whereas dd just has princess or fairy dresses! Also, when ds gets dressed up really smartly he looks just like his Dad and is soooo handsome. Plus is much easier managing ds' hair than dd's.. I just clip ds' when I do his dad's - saves a fortune!

I've also heard that teenage boys are easier than teenage girls..

Jennymac, I completely agree with you. I'm not against giving nature a helping hand, IVF, Hearth surgery, genetic engineering, stem cell research.... I for all of that......

But I would advise anybody with a preference to NOT find out the sex.

OF COURSE, THe purpose of the scan is not to find out the sex, but you know what I mean.

99redballoons, my son's hair is long and curly. I condition it, and untangle it, and tease the curls. My Mum keeps threatening to take a scissors to it. I've warned her we will fall out if she does!

I know totaly how you feel. I am 23 weeks pregnant with number 2. I was desperate for it to be a girl even though I already have a daughter. I come from 3 girls myself and have no experience of a mother-son relationship. Needless to say 10 days ago I was told it was a boy and my emotional reaction shocked me. I was absolutely gutted and felt completely unexcited about the baby. But I have to say I am getting over that and starting to see the positives of having a boy. I think your relationship with your children is what you make of it, regardless of gender. But don't feel bad; I know lots of others who have felt the same.