Due December 2024 - thread 3

[CatCaretaker]

Thread 3 - for those of us still waiting on our babies, and those whose babies have arrived safe and sound.

Previous thread:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/5202240-due-december-2024-thread-2?page=40

@HelterSkelter224

I'm so sorry

Bloody hell, I forgot it all but those first few days/weeks are tough aren't they

I'm 5 days in and I have said a few times it's a miracle anyone breastfeeds there's so much against you

I have put a big pressure on myself as well, I breastfed my first until she was 3 and I feel like I have to do it again, but this time is different.. DD has lost 10% of her weight day 3, she isn't doing many poo or wee nappies... I am really stressed and frightened.

We are reweighing today and I feel so anxious, the midwife is coming at lunch time. I have literally spent these last few days in bed just feeding her.

I so so sorry your partner isn't being more supportive, mine isn't perfect by any means he was being a bit of a dick with DD1 when I was literally in labour 2-3 minutes apart contractions. I actually swore at him and shouted because he messed around so long putting the pool up, when I finally got to get in I gave birth within 20 minutes, I was in complete agony before that waiting for the water to be the right temp. If he'd done it any later I'd have given birth on the floor instead. Yesterday DD1 went to my mums for a sleep over and he took himself off to the spare room to have a full nights rest leaving me with the baby!!! Wtaf, it astounds me how selfish he can be.

It's so different (and easy) when you feed a toddler, I completely forgot what it was like with a newborn. I just feel so out of my depth.

We have been doing top ups as well but I've just been using the hakker and then feeding her small amounts with a syringe, but formula was mentioned and I just don't know what the best thing to do is

I just want everything to be ok, but I want to give DD2 everything I gave DD1, I want things to be as fair as possible

I feel sick with it all, I'm scared we're going to end up in hospital

Had some two nights ago and then some last night, both for around 2 hours and then tapering off. With my son, I had this for two nights in a row and then my waters went, but this feels much slower!

DH has taken the toddler to his parents for the day and booked me in for a massage so I can truly relax.
Don’t know what to do with myself 😂 but taking full advantage of a quiet house. Will spend the day harvesting some more colostrum and on the birthing ball, so fingers crossed it does something.

@HelterSkelter224 I'm sorry you're feeling so low about it all. It's really difficult to accept especially when you've spent 9 months having this idealistic plan of how it will go. My breastfeeding journey came to an end pretty abruptly. As you know I had a C-section too, my milk didn't come in until day 4. But the minute I was wheeled out of surgery, the midwife I had (not my normal midwife as she was on training) spent two hours pulling at me and baby trying to get him to latch. In the end my mum intervened and said that's enough now, I think she could see we were both getting quite distressed. I was in a state of shock, I went into hospital that morning and everything moved super quickly and I was in theatre within 45 minutes of arriving, I was shaking terribly when I came out, quiet off my face and slurring my words in recovery and of course little man had just made quiet an abrupt entry into the world. He wouldn't latch and was just screaming. I hadn't even had a chance to properly hold and admire him yet.
I continued overnight to try and get him to latch but he wouldn't, so I was expressing but was only producing a very small amount of colostrum so had to top up with formula.. that night I had 1 hour 45 minutes of sleep and the night before my C-section I'd only had two hours (due to nerves). I was discharged with nothing but paracetamol and ibuprofen and when I got home I could barely stand up unaided I was absolutely exhausted and in agony. My mum and sister had to come around and help me shower, I then got into bed and just crashed. I was so beyond exhausted, I was actually hallucinating. My DH had been feeding baby and I could have swore his face was turning blue, I went into hysterics, it really freaked DH out. He was absolutely fine, I was just so sleep deprived I was out of it.
My DH did most of the feeds that evening via formula/bottle, The next day I continued to try to get him to latch with no luck, so again kept expressing. But I was producing less than he was needing. My milk came in around day 4 and I kept trying to get him to latch and express; but I was getting minimal then at his 2nd weight check he'd lost more weight and they advised me to up his formula and I sort of felt defeated by that point. I wasn't producing enough to be able to keep up with his needs. I was gutted but after talks with DH we decided to stick with formula. Thankfully a couple days later at another weigh in he'd gained more than enough weight and his feeding amounts were upping very quickly, he was clearly hungry! Sorry .... I'm babbling on here.
But what I'm trying to say is sometimes the odds are stacked against us, even if you've done everything by the book and done all you can. You haven't failed her.. you've done your very best at a very difficult and vulnerable time. And although you want to give DC2 the same as DC1 they won't be any less off for it and they won't even know the difference. I know it's so hard but please try not to be so hard on yourself. Your mental wellbeing is far more important to your little one than breastfeeding is. As long as they're fed and content and mum is happy and relaxed, they truly all that matters. ❤️
I'm sorry to hear about DH too. It can be hard when they're not sharing the same values as you. I've had my moments with DH over the last couple of weeks too. I think men find it really hard to underhand just what a massive undertaking it is to be pregnant for 9 months, birth your child and deal with postpartum aswell as a newborn to care for. Plus you've had major surgery too! Sometimes I think it's because we make it look so easy, (because we're superwomen) they almost take it for granted. My DH has moaned nonstop the last couple of weeks about various aliments, 'headache? Backache? Tiredness? Stuffy nose' drives me insane when I'm here recovering from having 7 layers cut through and stitched up, and everything else that comes with postpartum. But your not alone and your doing a fantastic job. ❤️

@LilyJessie @Twinkletwinklelil thank you ladies. I know I shouldn't be being so vain, but it's so hard to see such a different body staring back at you everyday, I feel like I have imposter syndrome. I don't feel like me at all. When I'm naked I can visibly see it's my bump slowly deflating. But when I have clothes on, I just look like frumpy and fat. I just feel so so uncomfortable with how I look. Plus I can't do any exercise until 6-8 weeks because of having a C-section (not that I'd have the energy to do so right now mind you!) So currently just having to accept it.

I'm thankful to my body for giving me this amazing little boy, who I'm just in awe of. And I'm so proud of myself for overcoming such fears to bring him into the world. I just wish I felt abit more like me and less like shit 😂 x

@HelterSkelter224 sending you so much love ❤️
so sorry you’ve gone through that and the lack of support from DH.

I have read a lot of stories of women being able to reintroduce breastfeeding! Do you have a community class nearby for feeding? Speak to HV?

my DH felt useless and would always try and push a. Bottle on me and DS. But with DD now, I’m letting him do a formula bottle at night so I get some sleep with my DS (only goes to sleep if I take him). He also refused a bottle - wouldn’t even have expressed milk. Just the boob. I found it incredibly hard still BF’ing when pregnant and only managed to stop 2m before. It was hard. The first few weeks ur supply is still trying to build - it takes ages! You get such anxiety that baby ain’t feeding enough, but this time we’ve topped up with formula. You have to do what’s right for you - I’m sorry your dh isn’t supportive.
have a look into reintroducing, you can bring your supply back.
lots of skin to skin helps too.

@Lunamoon23 so sorry you went through what you did, too. The latch is distressing. Did you get baby checked for tongue tie? Hospital tends to miss it and it affects the ability to latch.
my mom actually helped me, I remember being 5days pp, in agony, verge of tears.. and my mom showed me how to latch. It stil hurt but it was way better.

sending you both love ❤️

And @HelterSkelter224 you haven’t failed. Not at all.
you have given birth to a beautiful baby and you’re doing the absolute best you can. Be proud of yourself.

Baby boy is also two weeks and whilst it breaks my heart to hear how you’re feeling, it’s so reassuring for me to hear others experiencing similar. I’m so ready to throw the towel in with breastfeeding, I’m just not enjoying it at all. One breast he is an absolute dream to feed on but the other he hates latching too and it’s caused so much discomfort for both myself and him. I totally feel you.

@HelterSkelter224 -
You are not a failure at all, breasts isn't bed... Fed is best!
I have never ever been able to tell if someone was breast or bottle fed... Only able to tell if they grew up with or without a loving family unit.

Your body has done amazing things. It's okay to feel sad this hasn't gone thd way you wanted it of course, but your baby is loved so much by you, that's what they really need. Formula is fantastic these days and gives them everything they need.

It's so hard when a partner isn't being supportive, and I'm so sorry you're facing that on top of everything else. But YOU are fantastic mama! Your baby loves YOU. Xxx

Had my sweep today and I am 1 cm dilated, with a soft cervix and she could feel babies head...
Having read about this, you can be 1 cm dilated for ages... But being as I was completely closed last week I'm taking that as a small win!! If nothing happens, sweep on Thursday again!!

@LilyJessie thats good there’s been a bit of progress from last week.

I spoke with midwife on the phone today and asked for a sweep. They can’t do it until Thursday. Hopefully I will have gone into labour on my own before then.

@MaybeBaby2024 -
I have everything crossed we will both go in to labour by Thursday!
Sounds very positive for you. Come on babies!!! ❤️🙏🏼

@LilyJessie Think DP quite likes the idea of having one of the first babies of the new year lol.

@MaybeBaby2024 -
So does mine!! Haha! I'm still not convinced I'll get there by then 😂

Baby girl arrived this morning at 7:31am by emergency section. Waters broke on Saturday night and I was admitted, assuming I'd go into labour spontaneously within 24 hours.

That didn't happen so they induced on Sunday night by Oxytocin drip. I'd heard so many bad things about induction that I opted for a mobile epidural. The induction was going well and contractions were bearable but I didn't progress at all. Literally not a single cm dilated in 8 hours of labour.

To make matters worse the epidural failed at some point (due to congenital fused vertebra issues that I have) so for the last two hours or so I was in agony but was determined to follow through.

After 8 hours the doctor made the decision to do a section. Luckily baby was happy out the whole labour, not a bother on her.

In theatre they should have been able to use the same cannula for the section anaesthetic bit when they introduced it it did absolutely nothing at all. That's when we discovered that the epidural had failed (there had been clues obviously but as a first timer I really didn't know what to expect).

The anaesthetist then had to put in a spinal block ... which failed first try. There was talk of a general anaesthetic but luckily the second attempt at spinal block was successful and baby was born soon after. She's absolutely incredible, and I'm actually really happy with how the hospital dealt with the situation, even though I had to have an induction in the end.

I'm currently trying to establish breastfeeding and the midwives have been amazingly helpful and supportive. Hopefully baby will have a weigh in tomorrow and we can start to get an idea of how it's going (she did have a very substantial pooey nappy today, so hoping that's a good sign).

@CatCaretaker Congratulations 💕 sorry to hear you had to go through all that, but enjoy your new bundle.

Oh also dp was absolutely incredible throughout. Sp helpful and supportive. I couldn't have done it without him.

@CatCaretaker congratulations!
sounds like you took it all in your stride! Well done and enjoy the bubble.. good luck with BF xx

Congratulations @CatCaretaker

We're having a tough time with breastfeeding here, DD lost 10% and she hasn't gained any of it back yet day 5

I've been put on a feeding plan but most worryingly she's not doing many poo or wee nappies

I never had any issues like this with DD1 so i have felt absolutely devastated and sick with worry that something might be wrong. All of this has affected DD1 as she can see how upset i am and it's made life very difficult. My anxiety is through the roof and I'm just praying she has gained when i next get her weighed on New Year's Day

@CatCaretaker -
Fantastic news!! Soooo many congratulations 👏🏼🎉
You absolute warrior!!
Sounds like a very stressful time, that you absolutely smashed out the park. Super mum!! X

@RedRobyn2021 -
You are not a failure at all. Every baby is different. DD1 might be watching you love and worry over your new baby... But she will only be seeing the love her mummy has for her children.
I have everything crossed she gains some weight tomorrow. But nothing of what I read tells me failure.
You sound like a fantastic mummy. X

Congratulations @CatCaretaker! Hope you are both doing well!

@MaybeBaby2024 I’ve always said I can see me going into labour and looking out to fireworks, so I’m wondering if I’ve manifested this now.

DH would prefer to wait until the 2nd as he thinks a NYE birthday will be difficult when they’re older.

@CatCaretaker congratulations on the arrival of baby girl. Sorry it didn't go as planned but glad to hear you were well taken care of and despite that you had a positive birth experience. Take it easy, and take your pain medication regularly and also, little tip: ask for laxatives if you're taking oramorph while in hospital or anything stronger than paracetamol/ibuprofen to go home with. The oramorph made me extremely constipated which was awful!

Have any ladies who aren't first time parents advise if they've ever suffered from PND?
I had a particularly bad day yday. Practicality cried all day.. for no obvious reason. And also, I'm constantly exhausted! Like I could easily sleep all night and all day! Worried it's the starts of PND or is it just normal postpartum? X

@Lunamoon23 i did. But I didn’t realise until waaay after that I was suffering.

I will say, postpartum early weeks are particularly up and down because of your hormones being all over the place.
I would reach out to your GP and get support regardless.
I was in denial that I had PND. I was still getting upset 6,7, 8 months later. And then again a year on.

having my second made me realise how unwell I actually was with my first.

@Firsttimetrier that sounds so beautiful!! I hope you get your NYE/D baby! 🤩 but if not, what a lovely way to start the year regardless 😊