November Babies: Thread 4 (Into the Second Trimester and Beyond!)

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Hi everyone,

New thread for those of us due in November 2024. Old faces and new: welcome!

The last thread got a bit quieter as the Facebook group seems to be picking up. Link is here: fb.me/g/p_dSrSRkjpYfziyYWj/jkEMUg9j
It will expire in 48 hours so just ask if you need a new one!

Looking forward to hear how everyone is getting on as we approach/enter the second trimester ⭐️

If everything is okay and you've got a low risk pregnancy, it's just the two scans on the NHS @strawberrycake12. I love seeing the baby on the scans so much.
I was far too impatient to find out the sex of the baby. With my previous pregnancy I decided to not found out, until I had the option of finding out at the NIPT test at 10 weeks and then I caved 😂😂

I love this group. Feel like I learn something new each time I check in. Googled all the "team" colours. I thought most people would be team yellow and not finding out before 20 week scan, and that's what we are doing, so learning about other options has been a surprise! I'm glad there are options for those who want to know asap for whatever reason.

I don't have innate team green patience to wait until birth - the baby's room is already decorated and we're renting clothes not buying them (you can choose "gendered" packages if that's what you prefer, you can select the colourful "neutral" package, or you can choose each piece individually yourself), so finding out the sex, for us, is for thinking more clearly about names. I've heard that sometimes baby is too coy at the 20 week scan to tell though so we'll see.

We didn’t find out our first’s sex which was really lovely for everyone when he was born. I’ve always said if we have another I’d like to find out. My partner doesn’t want to but I’ve had such a rough first trimester that he’s relented! I think I’ll feel more prepared if I know. We’ve got a ton of stuff from DS that will be great if another boy, but I’ll definitely need to sell some and go shopping if it’s a girl! I am really impatient for my 20 week scan now. It’s on 3rd July and I am just counting down the days!

We absolutely do not have the patience to wait and also want to find out for DS’ sake.

Im convinced it’s another boy though!

Think I've got another boy cooking as well, but we're resolutely waiting until November to find out.

Bit far in the future, but is anyone planning any more babies? My husband wants a third, but if this one IS a boy I think I can't possibly risk having three of them!! How would I cope 😂😂🤣

We are definitely not having another after this one. The thought of 2 scares me, let alone any more! Also we’d have to move if we had a third, get a bigger car etc. Only at Christmas I was having doubts about a second but I’m excited to be giving DS a sibling!

@UnravellingTheWorld this is my third! I'll let you know how it goes! We've got one girl and one boy, both very stereotypical for their sex 🥴

@UnravellingTheWorld this is our third! We also have a boy and a girl already. Slightly bricking it on how chaotic it will be but also excited!

no more for us i dont think - 2 is enough! i've no idea genuinely what sex we are having but partner is adamant girl! we find out 5 week on fri!

This is my second and pretty sure the last. Though I did say that last time....! Both my babies have been conceived via IVF, so I don't fancy the expense or physical effects of doing this again. Plus the horrendous first trimester sickness.

I'm also slightly panicking about how to split our attention between two, so no idea who parents of 3+ do it - I commend you! I'm one of four, so like the idea of my DD having multiple siblings, but I'm afraid I just don't have the backbone to go through pregnancy and newborn phase again after this, already steeling myself 🤣

This is our first and last! I found conception (IUI) a real struggle physically and mentally (even though we were incredibly lucky that it didn't take long), let alone pregnancy which has been horrendous, so we've decided this is us now. We weren't sure whether we'd go for a second child before we'd even conceived this baby, so it's not a big shift to stay at one child for us. I'm sad in some ways but relieved in others! So it's a real mix

I didn't actually tell my husband a firm "no" (he'd be happy to have 3 or 4!!), and I probably could be convinced to have a third to try for a girl. But the thought of even a chance of 3 boys just terrifies me 😂

Don't get me wrong; I love my son to pieces, wouldn't change him for anything, and he was a fairly "easy" baby (as easy as babies get). But my word, he is hard work and so frigging CLINGY 🤣

Not sure if it’s right to post on here but I have felt really low the past few days. Becoming a mum of 2 is seeming more and more ‘real’. I don’t know if its panic or anxiety or both but I am feeling like I don’t want to have another baby which is crazy because I am having another baby. My daughter is also getting really upset seeing my belly grow and the thought of a baby joining us that I feel awful and like I am taking something away from her rather than adding. I am so conflicted and honestly ashamed that I feel this way. All was well at my scans even had a private one to confirm gender which has made it all feel very real and like its happening and somehow all I do is cry and feel overwhelmed. I have spoken to DH who is being supportive but initially he was happy with the 1 and I wanted another. Whats wrong with me :(

@Daydreamer94 I've definitely also had days where my overriding feeling is "yikes I've bitten off more than I can chew here" but the same way you found room in your life for your first, you will find room for your second.
There's nothing wrong with you, you're going through a major life event and your body is full of hormones whilst you're doing it. Even our positive life events come with a level of stress and challenge, and it's OK to have days where you're wondering if you're up to it.
For me the feeling is starting to subside, my little boy is only 28 months so another 5 months in age seems like he will be in a different phase and potentially understanding more. We haven't tried talking to him specifically about the baby coming yet as I think it will be too far away for him to comprehend yet.

@Daydreamer94 - you poor thing, please go easy on yourself and always feel free to post as this community is here to listen and try and help.

I understand where you're coming from. Your hormones are going haywire and you're adjusting to huge change incoming. I also wonder if I'm doing the right thing disrupting my little family of three with another baby, especially after I swore my DD would be an only! You're allowed to mourn that it won't just be the three of you come November. I'm confident that if you let yourself experience all the feelings without guilt you'll come out the other side and find some excitement for your arrival to come. Wishing you all the luck - you are not alone!!!

I’ve had days of feeling like this too. I worry about not being good enough to be a mum of 2. I worry that my 2yo will miss out and won’t get the quality time he’s so used to. I worry about how it’ll impact my relationship with my wonderful DP. I think it’s normal. You know it’ll be a huge upheaval for you all and your LO will have her whole world changed. But it’ll also be wonderful - a whole new person to love. Have you reached out to your midwife about it?

@Daydreamer94 it's so normal to worry. Mine are 4 and 2 (and I'm having a third!) and although I love them both dearly I sometimes think "what the hell have I done??".

How old is your DD? Could you get some books to read together about the baby? Or if she's too sensitive about it for that maybe some accessories for her to play babies with her dolls/teddies so you can keep talking about babies in a low key way. We talk a lot about what the kids will buy for the baby. Also do you have a nickname for the baby that she can use?

@SouthwestSis thank you for commenting back. It feels good to get it out to someone other than my husband. I have honestly felt scared to say anything to anyone but just knowing other’s feel the same, makes me feel less alone.

@muddlingthrou I was the same and swore not to have another, a mixture of bad pregnancy, long labour and extremely colickly baby sent me to a really dark place and I developed slight PND. I got therapy and it helped and overtime my DD has become my world and I love being her mum more than anything. Thank you for sharing your experience too as I know its not easy to talk about. I haven’t reached out to anyone other than DH. He is so worried about me bless him which makes me feel awful.

@Kinsters she is 5, so really understands but I think its hard for her as she has got so used to being on her own. I have tried to talk about baby with her and what this will mean but she keeps having fears we’ll no longer love her :(

I am sorry you have felt the same. I know how unpleasant it can be. I am glad I spoke up on here as its been eating away at me and causing me so much stress over the last few days. I have all those exact same worries but I keep trying to shut that voice up rather than acknowledge and feel it as I am scared tbh. No i haven’t spoken to them, I am worried about being judged and not understood.

It's so normal to feel this way! I remember being pregnant with my second and just not being able to imagine how I'd love a child as much as my current one. But honestly the cheesy stuff about your heart expanding is true and it's why I'm less concerned about it third time round. You will all be so fine. But it's also totally normal so don't feel bad.

I was told if an older sibling is struggling with the concept of a new baby that you could get them a special gift "from" the baby when it's brought back from hospital to help. We did that and it seemed to work haha.

I don’t think a midwife would judge and you’ll probably find that they’ve heard it many times before. In my area, there is a mental health specialist midwife who supports with anxiety etc. There may be someone similar they can refer you to, just so you can get it off your chest and be told by a professional that it’s normal and ok! A friend of mine recently had her second when her first was just a little over 1 and she told me she felt exactly the same way lots of times throughout her pregnancy. It’s the mum guilt doubled now you’ve got number 2 on the way! Take care of yourself x

Thank you, honestly. I think I might reach out to them as I have felt it so helpful opening up on here but it easier when you are slightly anonymous. I really appreciate your kindness x

I am wishing my time away just so I can get to that part where all I feel is love and nothing else matters but I also want to cherish this time too. I probably won’t have more so this will be my last pregnancy and I want to take it in but my anxiety is just not letting me. It seems hell bent on making me a anxious wreck.

the present idea is really good! We are definitely going for that x

@Daydreamer94 I'm so sorry you're feeling so low 😩 I don't have any real advice, just wanted to give you a virtual hug. Don't forget that every pregnancy and baby is different, so the stuggles and difficult times you experienced with your first won't necessarily be repeated.

Hope you feel better soon 🌸

Happy Friday, how’s everyone getting on? I had my 16-week midwife appointment today (but at 17+3) and got to hear the heartbeat 🥰

Apparently if it sounds more like a train, it’s a boy, and if it’s like a horse, then it’s a girl - but it kept changing 😄 it was definitely more train to start with, but then went quite horsey, so who knows.

Hope everyone’s doing OK.@Daydreamer94 I can totally empathise about feeling anxious, I hope you have some good support IRL as well as on here x