Pregnancy after loss part 2

[LER2023]

After the lovely Hopingrae had created such a wonderful thread.

I wanted to carry this on, as many more women need that added extra support.

Previous thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/5016264-pregnancy-after-loss-support?page=1

Hope everyone can find some support on this thread x

Morning everyone. How are we all? This is really random but I need to ask the question, since we found out we were pregnant again I haven’t been interest in dtd and can’t think of anything worse than getting physical, is this the same for any one else? I feel like I am neglecting my husband

Morning all.

Another small milestone passed for us this week. We told our eldest we were expecting again. That's now 7 people that know. In my other pregnancies we'd already shouted it from the rooftops by this stage (17.5 weeks)

In terms of DTD I went through phases. At the start it was a no go as I was so poorly, then it was because I was worried then I had a spell of always wanting it and now I'm just too tired most days so unless DH catches me on a morning when the children are out it never happens - that has been a good incentive for him to do the morning club runs etc right enough lol so small win as I get a long lie too!

Question for you all.. I've had a on/off headache for 3 days now, right at the back of my head. It's been constant since last night though. At what point is a headache a concern in pregnancy? I forget.

I think this is very normal! I also found I was just super anxious in case it could trigger another loss or anything (highly unlikely but didn't help the libido!) We have done it a few times from 2nd trimester onwards but nothing regular. On my due date group we had a chat about this recently (bearing in mind all 3rd trimester and some babies have arrived at this point) and quite a number of the women hadn't DTD at all since their BFP. My Hubby has been super understanding and sweet about it. I have found talking about it though and just saying I've not forgotten him and I can't wait until it's on the table again etc is helpful!

@OnNaturesCourse ah that's lovely you felt able to share with your eldest - are they excited? RE headache it could be worth just letting your midwife know - they may want to check your BP etc. Could you also be a bit dehydrated?

I had my latest growth scans and checks Friday/Monday... And they've booked me in for a c-section next week!! Monday 22nd I will be meeting little man 🥰💙 Can't believe it! Eek!

@Traitors2024 hope you're doing ok. Been thinking of you. Did they discharge you in the end or are you still in for now? Sending big hugs xx

Thanks @Orlahoping and @SnookyPook - I'm doing ok. The bleed on Saturday seems like a one off and I was discharged yesterday (although the doctor on Monday was encouraging of staying in another night) - I tried very hard to continue to rest yesterday and today which wasn't easy with my 3 year old visiting to settle me into my temporary accommodation! So far so good, I have a weekly scan so will see tomorrow what these leaky waters are looking like.

Hope everyone is doing ok, I follow along the thread but also have been avoiding getting involved too much as a way to help my anxiety.

@Rockyslife I'm fairly similar. Up until about 16 weeks I just felt too unwell and am still scared about the risk of triggering bleeding etc, even if I know that isn't that rational.

@OnNaturesCourse I hope telling your older child went well. I told my daughter recently and she's very excited, but I tried to do it as late as possible (after 16 week scan). I'm not sure on the headaches, I have suffered with them throughout and whenever mentioned to a midwife or doctor they aren't concerned, but I've always had bad headaches. I think if it's a new or different, sustained thing it's worth mentioning for sure.

And wow @SnookyPook so soon! How are you feeling?

And sorry for coming on here mainly when I have a question but I wondered if anyone on high dose folic acid stopped taking it at 12 weeks or continued throughout? I'm sure the consultant said to continue throughout but the last doctor i saw said I should have stopped at 12 weeks, so now confused!

Oh @Traitors2024 that sounds so difficult. Good news that the bleed seemed to be a one off, and that you are getting good care. I hope you are able to rest as much as possible and sending positive thoughts your way. Hope the scan goes well.

@Traitors2024 that is sounding hopeful - everything crossed for good news at the scan tomorrow 🙏🏼🤞🏼 Must have been lovely/tiring seeing your 3yr old today! Is the temporary accommodation somewhere near the hospital with the better NICU? Anyway, keep resting and hope all keeps progressing smoothly for you 💗

@BreezyLemonHelper eek! I'm excited / daunted 😄 Very ready to meet little man tbh and start getting to know him and enjoy some snuggles. Feeling slightly unprepared still though and also a bit daunted by the C-section and recovery. However I feel at peace with my decision and happy it's the right one for him. So I will get through it I'm sure! Lovely your daughter is excited and great that you've had a reassuring 16wk scan - did you find out boy/girl? I was told high dose folic acid was pointless beyond 14/15 weeks but I was on it due to family history of spina bifida and the reason it loses purpose is the spinal cord etc is all developed by that point so not sure it would be the same for other reasons?

@SnookyPook eeekkk next Monday!! The first rainbow of the group. That’s really really beautiful 🌈🌈🌈🌈

@SnookyPook
Yeah luckily a friend of my husband has a house that's empty for the next month so I'm staying there - it's within 20mins of the level 3 NICU and even still the doctors are saying I need to get an ambulance at the first sign of contractions. I'm feeling hopeful that baby will stay put long enough for me to go home and have him/her there but there's plenty of monitoring from the hospital that I feel safe eitherway.

Oh wow @SnookyPook you're meeting him so soon!! I'm so so pleased for you! What a journey it's been for you xx

@SnookyPook DC was excited but a bit "why didn't you tell me before...". I suspect they kinda knew anyway as they had been staring at my rounder tummy, and asking why I was so sick lately. Exciting time for you, nearly there!

@SnookyPook oh that's great. Glad you are at peace with the decision and it sounds like you have been looked after well by the medical team and have confidence in what's best. You have got through all the incredibly hard things so far, so you've definitely got this! I'm excited for you to meet your little one soon too! Sending all the positive wishes your way.

Thanks for your experience with the folic acid. I think I need to just try and get hold of the consultant to be sure. My daughter is very excited, and I'm 18 weeks now and feeling movement, so all feels positive. We haven't found out sex yet - my partner is coming to the 20 week scan with me, so hopefully we will find out then.

Not been on here in a long time and desperately trying to catch up, but here I am in the pregnancy after loss group, which I’m so very grateful for. Had a MMC in April at 11w and since had a weird ‘period’ in May and a normal period in June… and now I’m pregnant again. This has happened very quickly and I’m so grateful but I have the worst anxiety in my chest. I’m under the recurrent MC clinic due to 6 pregnancies in total (my 6 year old between them). I have hashimotos, PCOS and also APS (sticky blood) so I’m in about 8000 different tablets and injections. I tested VERY early because of the issues and needing access to medication as soon as possible, so I think I’m only due on my period today anyway.

Not even sure what I’m posting about or why, I’m just stuck in the circle of nerves and anxiety and feeling grateful all at the same time.

Suppose I’m doing all I can and literally everything else is in the hands of Mother Nature and out of my control.

@SnookyPook oh wow, I can't believe you're at this point already!! Sending you all the best wishes in the world for little man's safe arrival! So very exciting. I've been hovering but I know I've not posted in aaaages. I'm 25 weeks now, starting to feel the positive anticipation about it all. I can't wait for my DS to meet his little brother. I bet you're the same 💙

@Hopingrae wow 25 weeks!!!! That’s amazing!! Congratulations x

What's crazy is I joined this group hardly 4 weeks pregnant I was so so early, so nervous and scared. I'm now 18 weeks pregnant 😭 it hasn't been a easy pregnancy so far but my god it's all worth it, feel blessed (and stressed😂) but thank you all for being there from the start xx

Morning ladies, I need a little bit of a helping hand. I’ve been absolutely fine up until this stage where I’m a little bit past my last scan of where they said baby had stop growing. I am absolutely petrified about tomorrow’s scan, they offered me an earlier one for today but then I’m like I want to stay pregnant for another day, but I am sending myself stir mental, but then also don’t want the scan because I am prettified of those dreaded words. There’s just not a lot of support for situations like these where you start to have panic attacks and trauma bought up from the last time. Do I ring for an earlier scan and get it done and over with or wait for tomorrow

I’m due on today on one app, and on my other 2 apps I’m 3 days late.

keeping everything crossed for a positive test!!

although I’m wearing a pad I’m hoping for my period not to start, I’ve been really poorly with a viral infection this past week, the viral infections been that bad the doctors are asking me to look out for symptoms of viral meningitis, which is nice!

we’ve finally decorated the house to how we want it, it’s only taken us a year🤣

so I think it’s time for a break and maybe a healthy pregnancy🤨🥺

@Rockyslife I’m so sorry that you’re finding this so triggering, it’s so hard and I’ve been there!

It’s entirely up to you what you do, but for me I wanted to find out sooner rather than later so that if it wasn’t working out, I could think about next steps. Be kind to yourself, and keep us posted. I’ve got everything crossed for you 🤞 x

@LER2023 🤞 for a positive test for you! When will you test?

@Rockyslife Aw I know the scan stress, it's completely terrifying. How far along are you? I've got my 13 weeks scan on Monday and I'm getting more anxious as it gets closer. Keep imagining getting into the room and just not being able to go through with it. Maybe have a scan today to get it over?

@warmbutteredtoast aw congratulations on getting to that scan though, it must be absolutely petrifying, it’s all so triggering. I’m 9ish weeks, I just feel like my bloat has gone and I’m less tired which is worrying me. I’ve taken the scan offer for today. Like you I don’t even know if I’ll be able to go through with the scan

@Rockyslife and @warmbutteredtoast I relate so hard! I have a scan in a few hours but also just don't want to go through with it. I'm 16 weeks and somehow even more anxious than I was pre 12 weeks 😑

Hopefully this afternoon when my wee is stronger lol