Pregnancy after loss part 2

[LER2023]

After the lovely Hopingrae had created such a wonderful thread.

I wanted to carry this on, as many more women need that added extra support.

Previous thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/5016264-pregnancy-after-loss-support?page=1

Hope everyone can find some support on this thread x

Thanks for setting this one up @LER2023

Hi, thank you @LER2023 for setting up this part 2. I had read every single post on the previous thread and really want to be part of this wonderful network of ladies.

I am currently 5+3 with my second pregnancy and have no live children, I had my BFP a week ago today. I suffered a MC last November, baby measured 9+2 when it had stopped growing. I am so incredibly anxious this time round, I know nothing but miscarrying so it just doesn't feel like this one will end any differently.

I've seen on here lots of people going for early scans, I don't think I am going to do this. I had an early private scan at 6+2 with my pregnancy back in October, baby was absolutely fine, the right size, I got to see and hear the little heartbeat. I still suffered a MC at 9+2 despite this hopeful early scan (sorry if this is not very reassuring for some of you expecting mummy's). That's why I think I am just going to wait for my 12wk scan because I really don't think anything before that will offer me any reassurance....

I feel like nobody in my life gets what I am going through so that's really why I wanted to come on here and join this wonderful group of ladies who have been through similar, and sometimes even worse, things as me. 💓

Thank you for this thread and the previous one. I had a MMC at 11 weeks (baby stopped developing at 8w1d) after seeing a strong heartbeat and all being well at 7 weeks. I was meant to have surgical management but I passed everything myself at home before the surgery date. I tested negative on a HPT two weeks ago, which was about 10 days after my complete MC. I’m trying to take that as a positive that my body ‘did its thing’ and sorted me out fairly quickly.

Would anyone be able to share how quickly they ovulated after their MC or MMC? Did your body just carry on as ‘business as usual’ so to speak?

Thank you x

Place marking the thread.
Thank you for setting up part 2 💜

I get this regarding the reassurance.

I had a few early scans, and my 12 week one before losing my daughter at 16 weeks.

I had a early scan through my EPU with this one and I could barely look at the screen - I got no reassurance from it all. I don't think I'll ever get the same reassurance from scans now.

A miscarriage, be it one or multiple, takes away so much more than the dream of that baby - it takes away future hope and security. It's horrible.

Hi @Jellybelly888 ,

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss, I know your pain all too well💓. My story is so similar to yours, I also saw a healthy baby and heartbeat before my MC and also was booked for surgical management but passed it myself at home the day before my surgery was booked. I truly believed that was my body 'doing it's thing', as you say, and hopefully your negative HPT shows this for you too.

I would say my body returned to it's normal self and cycle approx. 2 months after my MC - this might be sooner or later for other women but it was like this for me. I bled for almost 3 weeks with my first period after my MC, but the month after everything was pretty much working as it did before.

@SunflowerDream thank you for your reply and I’m so sorry to hear of your loss too. Seeing the little heart beating away and then it’s gone the next minute is just dreadful 😔

That’s really helpful thank you. I’m due on my
period in about 5 days according to my usual cycle lengths if I counted the MC bleeding as a period and beginning of CD1. Not expecting it to be bang on though, so we will see!

Love this thread and wishing you all the luck with your pregnancies xxx

this is such a hard when it comes to ovulation times.
Just because your body needs time to get back to the usual pre pregnancy state.
So ive found that id miscarried on 3rd of April officially talking through EPAU. was definitely before that on the 28th of March though! i hadnt ovulated as far as im aware prior to my first period after my mc. so i started my first period on 27th of April and finished on the 4th and apparently my ovulation is today.

Whether i have ovulated before my first period i'll never know. possibly worth doing some ovulation strip tests to find out when your at peak ovulation.

Sorry for your loss! x

Edit: just to add as well, my period was a normal 7 day period too, i bled for a couple of days after my mc, approx. 4 days after? then stopped and i hadnt bled since until my period.

its awkward af after a mc, tbf i got back to dtd straight after my initial mc bleed had stopped!

Joining.

Currently 4+4 after a miscarriage in April at 7 weeks. I'm just desperate to get past the 7 week mark without bleeding and hopefully have a scan around 8 weeks to see a heartbeat 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

Thank you for replying💓

That last sentence is so poignant and just sums it up all so well. As soon as I had my MC last year, as selfish as this may sound, I felt really sorry for myself. I knew that I would never have a normal or happy pregnancy and that every pregnancy moving forward would be full of dread and anxiety. I just feel so jealous of all the Mummy's who won't ever feel like this.

honestly the wait is a killer!! i hated waiting to get to so many weeks. after a loss its so much harder too!!!

@SunflowerDream i had this!! i still do!!

Ive had 3 miscarriages now and the feeling never gets easier. i was on a thread earlier and someone was questioning people on mn their experience on epidural as they were questioning whether to have a baby or not. which im not going to lie really pissed me off. as we're all here on this thread and we're anxiously waiting for a good sign and then someones like im wanting to find out regarding pain whether i would get pregnant.

I did get a little irritated by it but i feel like thats what most of us on this thread isnt phased over, we just want the little baby in our arms that we've all been hoping for so i did call someone selfish for questioning whether to have a child on the terms of epidural and labour pain, but of course it was a frenzie and people were saying that it was selfish of me to say someone else is selfish over questioning their thought process of whether to have a baby or not due to pain and that those who dont want children are selfish (which really is something i never actually said)😂

Id like to sit in a womans shoes who havent had to deal with a loss or in my case multiple, for us women to then be prodded and poked to find out why we are miscarrying. my own point of view like, but id like that relief😅

@OnNaturesCourse@SunflowerDream I totally get the feeling that reassurance scans won't be reassuring. I'm having early scans not so much for reassurance but because I've had 2 missed miscarriages, I want to know as soon as possible if it's happened again, so at least I can get sorted as soon as possible. Because of recurrent loss I'm under the care of the EPU so scans will be every 2 weeks. I've not registered with the midwife yet though, seems pointless to do it so early in case things don't work out.

I agree, it's really difficult that so many women just don't understand the struggles that some of us face with pregnancy. My mum had two completely perfect and normal pregnancies, no MCs or any concerns. I didn't even consider MC as an option when I was pregnant last year because nobody close to me had had one. It just totally feels like life's not fair🙁

Its definitely shit that life throws at you, its horrible.

We will all have our rainbow babies at some stage! X

Thank you for setting thread 2 up, I might not post loads but I'd be lost without this thread x

you're welcome to join in when you need to theres no pressure to speak on this thread🙂

@moosey89 I didn't even think about it like this, that makes a whole lot of sense just wanting to know as soon as possible if it does happen again (I have everything crossed for you that that's not the case this time round). I guess it's reassurance in a different way to why I was saying I didn't want to have any early scans this time round (unless I have any concerns of course).

I was lucky in a way with my MC as I knew it was happening, it started with brown spotting and turned into a big heavy bleed - my hospital care was diabolical and it wasn't actually confirmed until over a week after I began spotting, but I just knew, mother's intuition I guess. I know and have read so much about MMC's that I won't be getting my hopes up if I have no spotting or signs of an MC last time, as I know I may not have any clear indicators. It just feels like there is no relief in any scenario, but I wish I could just be a bit more positive🙁

Thanks so much for setting up the follow-on thread @LER2023 ! I think this thread has become super important to so many of us and as evidenced by newbies (welcome!) - much needed to other Mummies just getting their BFPs after loss.

As you've all said, it's such a different ballgame going through pregnancy after loss. My personal experience of the early scans this time reflects what @moosey89 said. As my first loss last year was unfortunately a MMC there is an added layer of just not trusting your body to know when it's over and I couldn't bear the thought of getting to 12wks oblivious that baby had stopped developing a month earlier. As I qualified for early EPU scans anyway I just went with what they offered. They were extremely nerve-wracking but did provide a little reassurance each time that at least 'for now' and capturing that moment in time, I could know that things were progressing as they should. But it's definitely very personal and I can equally see why you might not want to put yourself through more anxiety!

@SunflowerDream really feel for you on the 'never experiencing a happy normal pregnancy' it really does suck. But, when our rainbows come along and make it safely to our arms it will make it all the more precious 💗

@LER2023 I feel you on the epidural question being frustrating! I also find the threads about timing babies to e.g. avoid Christmas etc a bit annoying now! Just want a healthy baby whenever they decide to come along!! My MMC last year would have been an October baby and I was really pleased they'd be older in the school year etc... then lost that pregnancy... Then two more... Now on track for a full on Summer, youngest in the year baby and I don't give a damn!!

its funny because i always said i wouldnt want to be pregnant for summer, as being heavy in the summer as it is, is a killer. but now i wish for nothing more!! according to my app its ovulation day and my nipples feel like theyre being torn off my boob.
this is V unusual for my body to be feeling like this on 'ovulation' day, Ive had one actual period since my MC, and that finished the sunday thats just gone, so even if i was like 1 day pregnant again i wouldnt even know.
maybe phantom, but i wont be too sure until maybe the end of the month when im able to start testing again lol.

if i fall preggo now i'll have to cancel my appointment to the recurrent miscarriage clinic and ring the doctors asap lol oh the crazyness involved!

@SnookyPook

I couldn't agree more about what you said about baby's birth month. My first pregnancy I was due 9th June 2024, it would have been perfect in our family at that time - but it was a total accident and was not planned. This time round, I obviously just wanted my rainbow baby so desperately that I couldn't care less when it's born. Calculating from LMP, my baby is due 6th January 2025, which probably wouldn't have been my first choice, but I would take a baby with any birth month if it means I can just have a healthy baby in my arms😞.

@LER2023 I always said exactly the same about not wanting to be pregnant over summer! I was just so happy with my last pregnancy timing wise, I found out in October and it was due in June - even though the timing was really not planned, it felt perfect.

Now after the loss, I will be pregnant all through summer if we are successful with this one, but if it means I get my rainbow baby at the end of it, I couldn't care less when I am pregnant!!

@SunflowerDream my son is a January baby and I actually had a lovely pregnancy with him (he was a lockdown baby so bit of a surreal time but health-wise etc was the dream and barely any of the anxiety as he was a pre-loss baby). I remember Summer was second trimester when you tend to feel a bit better anyway and the fun of starting to show etc without too many aches and pains! And January birthday gives something nice to look forward to in a sometimes bleak month (and January sales!) 😊

@SnookyPook aw that actually makes me feel really pleased with a January birthday for baby (if we get there). You are so right that it is a fairly miserable month and we have no birthdays in January across either of our families so it will be something to celebrate and look forward to for sure. I just really hope we make it that far this time!

Place marking to follow your wonderful strong women. Xx

Marking place again tentatively. I am lurking a little at the moment as I am still only 5 weeks 6 days along and feeling VERY nervy. Really appreciate all the support I see here and hope to be more active soon as my pregnancy progresses 🙏.