Pregnancy after loss part 2

[LER2023]

After the lovely Hopingrae had created such a wonderful thread.

I wanted to carry this on, as many more women need that added extra support.

Previous thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/5016264-pregnancy-after-loss-support?page=1

Hope everyone can find some support on this thread x

@Traitors2024 oh bless you what a worry! Great that you've been so well looked after thus far. Absolutely get your concerns about leaving the more equipped hospital. Maybe just ask if there is some wiggle room in staying put until you hit 24wks at least? But I suppose it's a great sign that they are happy to discharge you for now - as @MOGMOGMOG85 said, I think it's mostly about how fluid levels are looking at this point? The fact you've gone 2wks with no labour/infection is really hopeful. Pprom must be terrifying so sending a big hug your way. Will you be an inpatient at your local hospital or just home on bed rest if you leave current hosp? 💗

@DogMom62 welcome and gentle congratulations on your BFP! As you will no doubt have seen if you've read through the thread at all, we can certainly all relate to the anxieties that pregnancy after loss can bring. In terms of pregnancies after loss being successful, it's a mixed bag. Unfortunately some of us have had recurring losses. After 3 losses last year I'm currently 35wks so even after recurring loss there is hope. There is just no way of knowing what hand you will be dealt. As you can see from the posts above, even those of us who have progressed to 2nd and 3rd trimester aren't all having smooth journeys, and lots of these worries are exacerbated by the previous losses we've had as well.

I think the best you can do is take things day by day. Allow yourself to hope where you can and accept that what is in store is out of your control.

Sorry if that's not the most comforting post!! But right now, there is every reason to hope that this new bfp of yours will progress healthily as the vast majority of pregnancies do... One day at a time 💕

Thanks @MOGMOGMOG85 and @SnookyPook

Yea it is PPROM that's happened but it's just been leaking rather than losing large amounts - having weekly scans to monitor fluid levels which is so far within normal limits. They want to send me home rather than to another hospital. I've been on bedrest for the last week, although docs want me to move more due to clot risk, and have noticed on days that I'm standing/walking a little bit more there's slightly more leaking. I have a 3 year old at home so not sure how bedrest at home will work but I will try!

Thanks for all the pointers @MOGMOGMOG85 - I'm vigilant with pads now and haven't got as far as thinking about breastfeeding but great to have early warning, I struggled with breastfeeding my daughter and persevered for 11 hard months. The shock of all this hasn't quite worn off and I don't think it'll hit me until well after baby is born - this was the miracle baby after 4 miscarriages over 2 years so there's a lot invested in him/her.

@Traitors2024 is there anyone who can take over with your 3 year old? It's really important you rest as much as you can! Except for moving for clotting risk of course xx

Yeah I've had to pull together family to look after her while my husband works and spends some nights visiting me so I think if I go home I'll need to still ask them to take shifts during the day.

I'm going to ask tomorrow to stay here until I'm 24 weeks and reassess how comfortable I am to be discharged at that point.

Good luck @Traitors2024 - yes do ask them, and also do pull in as much help as you can get and don't feel bad about it xxx

Morning, I’ve had 3 losses and this is my fourth pregnancy, I have a scan next Friday where I hopeful be will 9 weeks and a couple of days. I’m getting very close to the time where I went for my last scan and then told me out baby had passed away at 8 weeks 4 days. I am having no bleeding or pains etc, but I just know how common missed miscarriages are and the scan will be the same day time and weeks as when they told me our baby had passed away, I am getting all anxious and feel like booking a private scan to tell me now, but part of me wants to wait until my scan but what if it’s the same outcome and I think I am pregnant but the foetus has already passed. Why is this whole process just so difficult, I hate that there’s no answers

@Rockyslife it is the absolute worst bit of pregnancy after loss I think reaching those previous loss milestones. There is no easy way through other than to keep reminding yourself that this is a completely different pregnancy and there is no reason it will go the same way. Try to hold on to hope until you have a solid reason not to. It really does sound like things are all progressing well, and I know MMC makes you doubt that but although your experience has skewed your perspective of statistics, it is still unlikely to experience another MMC. Ultimately though, nothing I say is likely to help! You just have to love through it, one day at a time. FWIW, I doubt a private scan would reassure you and awful lot beyond the time you are in the scan room, but of course it's still valid to have one if you want that momentary confirmation that right now, all is still well. It's great you have another booked at EPU regardless. 💗

@Rockyslife Have you decided if you will have an earlier scan? I agree with SnookyPook it may help in those 5/10 minutes you are having the scan but there's no guarantee you won't be worried again immediately after. I also didn't have any signs of a problem and I'm at the same stage again now so feeling anxious overthinking every twinge. It's a difficult decision to make and there is no right or wrong, do whatever you think will help you mentally.

Hi ladies,

Thank you to those who replied, I appreciate your words of advice and I’m trying to remain positive and calm. I did a digital clear clue yesterday afternoon (after having about 15 pees throughout the day!!) and it came back positive 1-2 weeks 🥰 I've had the tiniest amount of sporadic yellow/light brown discharge when going to the toilet, hoping that’s northing to worry about as I spotted red blood around 6 weeks last time.

However, I’m a little worried as one of my strong early symptoms last time was heavy achy boobs and they don’t feel anywhere near as bad this time! Have you ladies found symptoms to be different in your pregnancies after MC?

Hi all, I hope you don't mind me joining here. I found out I am having a MMC this week at 11w1. I went for a private scan as there was a delay with my 12 week one and I was told there the foetus stopped growing at 8w3.
I'm booked in to the EPU on Wednesday. Last night I woke with some cramps and I have had very small bits of brown discharge since Wednesday. Do you think it will happen at home?
It's all just so gutting 😞 I can't believe how much I thought things were going to be ok and that I was nearly near a "safe" period. The worst is when you wake up in the morning and remember it's happening.
I am very lucky to have one LO at home and I will keep remembering that.

I meant to also ask, if it does happen at home, does it go on for a long time? Will I be in a lot of pain? I'm concerned that my husband will go back to work tomorrow after his days off and I worry I'll not be able to look after my toddler. I don't really have family close by - I'd considered going to my parents house but I would prefer to pass anything at home in private. Thank you.

So sorry you're going through this @peepsypops. I had an MMC at around the same gestation also spotted at a private scan, I was able to see my EPU before it started naturally at home which was really helpful. Noone can tell you how or when it will happen but there is an amount of bleeding that is normal. I needed to go into hospital during mine because it was "incomplete" and heavy bleeding continued for some hours...over the phone they advised sitting on the toilet and pushing to help things pass. My husband had gone out when mine started and I was at home with our toddler which was upsetting - can you have someone look after them for a day or 2 just incase? Also, buy maternity pads to wear for the next while so you're prepared.

Check the miscarriage association website for information and call your EPU again for a chat if you think it's starting sooner than your appointment, hopefully they'll talk you through what's normal and what to escalate.

Thank you so much @Traitors2024 that's very helpful.
May as ask was the onset quick? I'm unsure if I should be staying at home all the time or can I do things as usual? I'm not good with sitting here thinking - yesterday was awful. I could ask my mum to take her possibly... she brightens a bad situation so I'm reluctant to send her away

@DogMom62 Lovely news 😊 Congratulations. Symptoms can be different for every pregnancy, MC or not, so try not to read into it. I know early on you are desperate for signs to make it feel more real but some women don't get many side effects at all. Give it a week or two while your hormone levels are building 🙂

@peepsypops I am so sorry. Can your mum come to you instead? You would still have your little one close and your mum to talk to if you want. If you are comfortable, explain to your mum what you're going through, and if not tell her you are ill with something making you need to rest and go to the bathroom (like food poisoning) and she will understand why you can't chase a toddler around. The pain is different for everyone, and depends whether you've been given medication to help your body pass everything. I'm truly sorry, this is a horrible time but you will get through it. Look after yourself, especially your mental health, and make the most of the support around you, isolating yourself makes it ten times worse.

This is the hardest part (of pregnancy in general and especially miscarriage) because noone can tell you when or how it play out, your body has been holding on for weeks already. I believe that once I knew I was going to miscarry my body caught up and I went from light bleeding to heavy bleeding within a few hours but I think everyone will be different. Talk to your EPU though and make sure you have a number to call if you're worried.

Just read your messages and wanted to reach out to say how sorry I am for you going through this, especially with little one at home.

While not exactly the same, I lost my little one and it was discovered at a private scan.. My EPU seen me the same day. Prehaps a phonecall to them to explain your situation (childcare, signs you have already etc) they might be able to get you seen a little quicker than Wednesday? I'd definitely get someone to take your little one too, or come and sit with you both. I was medically managed but was in quite a bit of pain once my waters had gone, more back pain than anything, and I don't think I'd be able to hide the discomfort from my littlest (and I have a high pain threshold for labour etc) plus you might need to go into hospital if you run into complications so having childcare already in place would be a benefit. All I wanted at the start of mine, and right after, was my earthside babies so I spent a lot of time on facerime to them but honestly, they were better off not witnessing me in discomfort or on edge.

Its a very tough situation and how to handle it best is very personal, but best advice would be to reach out for as much support as you can (including from the EPU)

BIG HUGS x

I had minimal symptoms with my current pregnancy (almost at 36wks now!). I was really worried after 3 losses last year as I had no nausea at all - actually had more symptoms (until they stopped) with my MMC. Every pregnancy can be very different and it doesn't have to mean anything sinister. 💗

@peepsypops so sorry for your loss. I found out about my MMC at 11+4 - baby had stopped developing at 7+5.

Trigger warning - description of miscarriage

For me, it was like the blunt reality of the news and the scan triggered whatever had been causing my body to hold onto the pregnancy to finally let go. It was a Friday and they'd booked me in for surgery the following Tuesday but I started miscarrying at home - started with spotting and light bleeding on the Friday and then ramped up. On the Saturday it was easiest to sit on the toilet as it was coming quite constantly. Pain wise I found it very bearable - more like a bit of a painful period or early stage labour before the contractions get too intense. Of course everyone's experience is different but just sharing mine as it is pretty positive. My bleeding calmed overnight and then started again late on Sunday morning. That caught me off guard a little as I had thought maybe it had all stopped and then I stood up and flooded a pad. Back to the toilet for a few hours and then I passed a couple of larger clots which also felt very emotional and I'm sure we're the actual pregnancy sack - I literally felt a pull of my heart as they left my body. It did then calm down again. When I went for my pre-op on the Monday I told them I'd bled a lot and they scanned me and found I'd passed everything.

I don't think I could have easily handled it alone with my 3yr old as it was easiest just to sit on the toilet for hours and focus on the loss. I would have struggled to entertain him and keep him fed/watered etc. Not to say it would have been impossible but it would have definitely added a layer of complexity. Though I absolutely get what you mean about these little tiny people bringing comfort as well. He certainly got some extra big cuddles that weekend. Sending you a big hug and strength to get through the next few days. 💗

This sounds similar to my experience but after an hour of constant bleeding (like a tap) I called the hospital for advice and was admitted after another hour or so.

Try not to panic @peepsypops , lean on as much support as you've got for as long as you need to.

Sending you strength x

This sounds similar to my experience but after an hour of constant bleeding (like a tap) I called the hospital for advice and was admitted after another hour or so.

Try not to panic @peepsypops , lean on as much support as you've got for as long as you need to.

Sending you strength x

Does anyone else have low PAPP-A? Just got an email about it. I am only just below the cut off (0.4 vs my trust cut off of 0.4125), but it just feels another thing to worry about.

@Traitors2024 hope you are doing ok. Are you still admitted?

I also hope everyone else is ok. I have been following along but not posting much as my anxiety has been so high.

@Orlahoping Me too, the last week has gone painfully slowly with anxiety increasing every day. Fed up of being on my lonesome but I can't just come here and moan about nothing 😅 How are you feeling? Do you have any checks or scans coming up?

@Uguberry I feel like pregnancy after loss is just incredibly lonely! Either people don't understand or, in my case, they probably do but I don't want to bother them. I feel like a broken record! My husband is working away a lot and I WFH so am often trapped in my own brain.

I have a gender scan on Thursday, just past 16 weeks, so I have that to look forward to.

How are you getting on?

@Orlahoping Yes, and I don't blame anyone for not understanding because you can't until you've experienced it. I feel guilty thinking I could have been more supportive to a friend a year before, like most people I didn't know what to say or how to help. I have told 3 people about this pregnancy and I try not to talk about it much, even though it's all I can ever think about!

That's hard, I hope you give yourself breaks out of the house for a change of scenery and a chance to clear your head ❤️ How long is he gone for at a time? My husband is only away visiting family at the mo but with no one else around and not speaking the language where I live it has been an extremely quiet time 😂

Ah that's a lovely stage to reach and only days away! I'm 2 weeks behind you