Pregnancy after loss part 2

[LER2023]

After the lovely Hopingrae had created such a wonderful thread.

I wanted to carry this on, as many more women need that added extra support.

Previous thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/5016264-pregnancy-after-loss-support?page=1

Hope everyone can find some support on this thread x

Thanks for setting up a new thread @LER2023 I love that you and @Nic2908 are still here as I've no doubt well hear positive updates soon! 💖

I haven't been on much as I'm on a 3 week holiday trying to distract myself as much as possible from the looming 20 week scan. I've sent an email to a private clinic about getting a scan here next Monday as this limbo is starting to drive me a bit insane (as much as I'm pushing it to the back of my mind). I keep reading posts from ladies who have felt movements already and I haven't (well I don't think I have) so I feel like I definitely can't wait another nearly 3 weeks before my official one. We're heading an hour up the coast this weekend for a change of scene so hopefully that will be a nice distraction.

I hope that any of you ladies that have been struggling the last few days are doing ok. And I hope those waiting on scans get them as soon as possible 🤞

Hi lovely ladies!

I’ve been experiencing cramping a lot this time round, but also have had an upset tummy on a few occasions and been quite gassy (sorry tmi lol). I think the cramping is trapped wind/bowel related but sometimes I find it hard to distinguish between that or whether it’s period pain like cramping. Making me super anxious, no spotting or bleeding yet but I’m only 5+4 so not getting my hopes up yet.

I feel like I can relate to everyone on here, thank you all for sharing your stories.
I have had both pregnancies through IVF which is another added stress. I had a mmc last November at 8 weeks which was the most shocking and horrible experience. No one prepares you for losing a baby, I used to not really think much of miscarriage but when you go through it, wow. No one understands until you’ve had it, some of the comments my (lucky) friends who have never experienced it were shocking- ‘at least it was early’; ‘it’s only your first pregnancy, you will be fine next time’. Grrr.
Sitting here having made it to 9.5 weeks and I’ve had several scans, only as someone else said because I want to know if I’ve lost it as early as possible. It’s so sad that it ruins the pregnancy experience for us, I want to just relax and say I’m pregnant and all is ok but I cannot stop analysing every symptom/ feeling in my body.
Yesterday I didn’t feel sick at all and I’m so worried again.
My NHS scan is still 3 weeks away which seems like a lifetime x

Hi ladies, I've just been reading through the thread. I've been wanting to join for a while, but it's difficult to admit pregnancy after loss is so difficult.
We lost our son at 16w3d. He was born in December 2023. I am currently 14 weeks pregnant with a little girl now. However, it hasn't been the easiest pregnancy with bleeding and so on.
My son's due date is approaching and I'll be around the same gestation in this pregnancy as he was when he passed away. The timing isn't great. Although, I am so so thankful to be pregnant again. I'm just praying this little one can hold on.

Haven't caught up on this thread yet sorry. Just replying to your message on part 1 @bey - I'm finding that most people leave the conversation alone when I answer "fine" to the how are you keeping type questions. I am glad I've told people though not least because we've had 2 other Nov pregnancy announcements from family and a close friend which I think may have made me uncomfortable if I wasn't able to say, 'me too'!

Do what's right for you though.

@Zlcb

I really resonate with what you have said. Miscarriage just was not an option for me when I found out I was pregnant last year, nobody close to me had been through it so we all just thought I’d be having a baby in June (so crazy to me that my baby would be due in less than a month if I hadn’t had my MC).

I want this one to be different but the anxiety every time I go to the toilet (which is frequently because I cannot stop weeing lol), or every time I feel a cramping/twinge/strange feeling in my stomach, it’s honestly exhausting. I do find so much comfort in hearing all your stories and knowing I am so not alone, nobody in my life gets it!

Hi lovely, I am so so sorry for your loss. Any loss is terrible but to lose your baby at 16+3 is simply awful. Congratulations on your current pregnancy with baby girl, I am sure and have everything crossed for you that she will be your special little rainbow baby after losing your DS. Unfortunately timing often isn’t perfect with these things, but I just think, it’s meant to happen when it’s meant to happen🩷. We are all here to listen if you have worries or feel like venting x

Looking to have a bit of a vent, sorry, but also a sense check as to whether how I'm feeling is all normal. I'm currently 8.5 weeks pregnant and had my booking in appointment today. But I have been feeling so unwell - spending half the day in bed and have constant headaches that I just can't shift. And constant nausea. Tonight this has ramped up to being sick 6 times, including water just now. Feel so hot to the touch but also shivery. I'm scared I might have a bug, that could affect the baby, and also scared if it's the sickness ramping up, because I already feel like I can't cope with all the symptoms. This is my fifth pregnancy, after my daughter and then 3 losses. I'm on progesterone, and wonder if that could be elevating the symptoms.

Thank you @SunflowerDream
@BreezyLemonHelper it sounds like you could have a bug. I had norovirus at 12 weeks and the baby was fine at the dating scan a week later.
I've got a private scan booked for today. I'm absolutely terrified. I had horrible cramps and backache all of yesterday- although not today and my symptoms seem to have dropped off.

@BreezyLemonHelper it may be worth going to a walk in/call the midwife line as you don’t sound well!! I hope you’re feeling better soon.

@1yearplan how has your scan gone? It's very very normal for symptoms to tail off around 14wks as that is when the placenta fully takes over. I also had backache and some cramps around then too as I think uterus starts expanding more and the weight gets more to bear. Really hope all is ok. I know this must be a super worrying time for you with reaching a similar gestation to when you lost your son. Sending a big hug.

@BreezyLemonHelper that sounds miserable - hope you're doing a bit better now?

Thank you all - it's now become apparent I've got a stomach bug, so hopefully it doesn't last too long. Feeling a bit better this evening and being sick less. Now I'm mostly able to keep some drink down. I know reading online it says baby should be ok, but it's just making me worried, I had a bug just before a previous miscarriage, and in my head it was linked.

@1yearplan I really hope your scan went well today.

Anyone else delay/delaying self referring to the midwives? I don't want to have to cancel my booking appointment again like last year, so am leaving it until at least after my first scan and just keeping everything crossed that goes ok. Even if it does, my first pregnancy I had a great scan at 7.5 weeks and it still went wrong so I don't think I'll ever feel out of the woods tbh.

@SnookyPook and @BreezyLemonHelper
The scan went really well, thankfully. I was sure it was over for us, but there she was, wriggling away 🩷
I just need to get through next week. I can't wait until I can feel her move regularly.
I hope you're feeling better soon @BreezyLemonHelper.
@moosey89 I delayed booking my midwife appointment. I've delayed buying anything and buying maternity clothes initially too. I've still not bought anything for the baby yet.

@1yearplan that's great news! Fingers crossed it all continues to go well.

Glad I'm not the only one - I imagine I won't buy anything until after 24 weeks x

Hi @1yearplan

Your story is so similar to mine and I fully understand the admitting to be pregnant statement.

I lost my daughter at just over 16 weeks last June. This June I will, hopefully still, be pregnant with this rainbow and I'll just over 15 weeks. The similar time line scares the hell out of me, and I've not told anyone aside from my DH. Last scan at EPU baby was measuring a week behind my dates (which would be impossible for me...) so that plays on my mind as well. Pregnancy has been littered with cramping and unpleasant issues.

Its so strange to be so scared by something but so thankful for it aswell.

@moosey89 yeah I haven't been able to bring myself to fill in my booking form yet! I am having a scan just before 8 weeks and will do it after that

@OnNaturesCourse my heart aches for you. I feel like the lovely innocence of pregnancy is lost.
I've been having 2 weekly scans because I'm nervous. How are you feeling about the crossover of dates? Ours son was supposed to be due next weekend. I think we'll try to do something nice on this occasion, but we'll continue to celebrate his actual birthday each year by doing something positive for charity.

I think I'm doing OK but I think that's done to the fact I've pretty much convinced myself I'm not getting a baby this time round either... I'm too scared to think otherwise. I can't allow myself to have hope. I'm simply surviving through this by almost ignoring it (hard when I've been so poorly with it)

Like I can't imagine ending this year with a baby. (EDD is 22nd December) I've almost convinced myself I'm just battling a illness at the moment.

I wasn't offered extra scans or anything. Just one at the start to check placement before starting progesterone. Even then I could barely look at the screen.

Hi ladies, is it OK to join?

A bit of backstory, I've had 3 recurrent losses last year, due to undiagnosed thyroid and blood clotting issues.

Currently 8+4 days pregnant, haven't even self referred to the midwife yet as I keep on putting it off to 'after the next scan' to check it's still going well. Pregnancy after loss has completely changed my mindset for this one. I seen a heart beat at 7+5 and should be feeling so much more positive and upbeat but so afraid something will burst my bubble.

Any advice on how you all coped with getting through the stages would be greatly appreciated x

@OnNaturesCourse I apparently can only get pregnant around April/May. Third pregnancy at that time now! So I know what you mean about timelines aligning. This Jan/Feb was tough with the due dates for 2 of my losses within 2 weeks xx

@T2024 Hello! Oh after three losses this must be so scary this time round BUT at least they found a reason why before and I’m sure you are on the correct medication for it now? This is going well having had a positive scan 🙏
I have just had the one MMC last year and I panic each and every day. I think I’m driving everyone mad, especially my husband who is stressed enough with work and all I do is mope around worried.
I’m 10 weeks and a few days ago my sickness seemed to have just stopped. It had been awful but now I can even eat things I’ve been hating etc. so I’m really worried again.
Ive had 3 lots of bleeding but positive scans at 6/7/8 weeks. Trying to hold out for the NHS one which isn’t until 13 weeks 😩
Basically I’ve tried to make you feel positive but also showing that you’re not alone as we are all out here panicking every time there’s a cramp/ go to the toilet and can barely look down in case of more blood etc.
We are all in this together and sending you lots of positive thoughts for your rainbow baby x

@T2024 so sorry to hear of your previous losses.

I’ve just had my 5th pregnancy end in a MMC at 11 weeks. I’ve also been diagnosed with APS (blood clotting disorder) and thyroid disease too. My 4th pregnancy resulted in my son, who is now 6. With him I was put on blood thinners and thyroid medication.

My most recent pregnancy I think I started the blood thinners and an increased dose of my thyroxin too late as I could only be prescribed them by a dr and I earliest appointment I could get was 9 weeks! We went private in the end and got them at 6.5 weeks, however the baby died at 8w1d and I found out at a scan at 11 weeks.

Have you been given medication? You need to start it straight away if you have and are now pregnant xx

@Zlcb thanks so much and I'm so sorry to hear about your loss too, that must have been so tough to go through. Did they do any tests?

Yeah I'm pleased about the most recent scan, on thyroid medication, blood thinners, vit d, high strength folic acid.

Hopefully now that you're 10 weeks, your placenta will have taken over and that's the reason for less symptoms, I remember it happening with my first successful pregnancy around 9.5 weeks too.

Totally get you re hubby, it's so difficult to stay 'positive' as they say - mine always says, well sure the last scan was fine, what am I worrying about 🥴 he's definitely in a different experience to mine.

Sending you lovely ladies positive thoughts and wishes too x