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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

very dodgy subject....my friend is picking sex of baby, in the worst way imaginable

204 replies

jiggerypop · 21/02/2008 15:06

A very close friend of mine is preparing to get pregnant for the forth time, she has 3 gorgeous girls and is desperate for a boy, she wanted a boy each time and although she has always wanted 4 kids she intends to find out with an early gender test (2 different types to be as sure as she can be) then a cvs to confirm it, she says she will abort if it is not a boy.
she is a very lovely woman, she is a great mum to her girls but she is so depressed at the thought of never having a son.
I am so sad about her plan, it is heartbreaking because I know she will do it and she will have to live with the guilt if she goes ahead with it. she will do it all privately, I have tried to encourage her to go to look into sex selection abroad but she says she doesn't have the money....

I won't dump her as a friend, I just can't believe what she is about to do

OP posts:
LadybirdG · 21/02/2008 15:07

How sad.

finallypregnant · 21/02/2008 15:08

I am not going to comment on this as I think once I start, I wouldn't stop.

Wisteria · 21/02/2008 15:08

I find that tragic.

MAMAZON · 21/02/2008 15:09

Im sorry but to me she is saying her daughters do not mean as much to her as a son would.
what a dreadfully thing to grow up knowing.

I am completly pro choice but it is women liek your friend that allow pro lifers to gain ground in the argument.

MissingMyHeels · 21/02/2008 15:09

How awful. Does her partner support her in this?

LadyOfWaffle · 21/02/2008 15:09

Isn't that illegal though?

JingleyJen · 21/02/2008 15:12

Wow, I am surprised that someone who is already a mother to girls could decide that it was a good enough reason to terminate a pregnancy.
I have never been in that situation, but can understand wanting a child of a particular sex (would prefer a girl next time) but would only get pregnant in the first place if I could handle the reality that the child may well be a boy.
Astonishing really and really sad

ConnorTraceptive · 21/02/2008 15:12

Sorry but I wouldn't be able to remain friends I really wouldn't.

I'm not anti abortion and I admit that in both my pregnancies I wanted to have sons so I'm not even judging the fact that she has a preference - I think many people do.
But what she intends to do is wrong.

jammi · 21/02/2008 15:13

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MoreSpamThanGlam · 21/02/2008 15:17

Im sorry but I find that disgusting.

I am not anti abortion, but there has to be a bloody good reason and the fact that your spoilt friend wants a boy just turns my stomache.

I can understand the longing for a certain sex (I did it myself) but ultimately it is about having a child not a dolly.

If she wants a girl then maybe she should think of adoption.

Original poster
jiggerypop · 21/02/2008 15:17

she plans to not tell her dp, he is not sure he wants a forth child, but I know he was sad to not have a ds with their last baby (who is just beautiful). she had an abortion just before I met her 12 years ago and she says that it has never affected her emotionally, she feels that she will be more emotionally scarred by forever longing for a son than by aborting again. I don't understand, I cryed when she told me. I'm sure it is illegal but there is no way of stopping her, other than by getting through to her conscience, I know she will only tell me but I wish she didn't.

OP posts:
Sidge · 21/02/2008 15:20

I think she is very misguided if she thinks she can get an abortion for that reason.

I can't imagine 2 doctors agreeing to it for that purpose, private or not.

Disenchanted · 21/02/2008 15:20

I know this is going to sound a bit daft, but has she tried the shettles method previously.

Ive heard really good things and have read the book and it makes sense.

Its a form of natural sex selection. Of course its not guarenteed but surely its worth a try?

Its horiffic what she is proposing to do, i could not remain friends with her

wannaBe · 21/02/2008 15:21

"she is a very lovely woman,", no she isn't she's a selfish bitch who doesn't deserve children.

I hope she doesn't manage to get pregnant .

Original poster
jiggerypop · 21/02/2008 15:23

I'm so ashamed that I havn't even told my dh of her plans, he would tell me to dump her in a second. but I can't, we have been very close though most of our adult lives and although we are very different people, I see a lot of good in her and I really hope that I can get her to change her mind somehow. writing it on here and hearing other's reactions do make it all the more sad though so perhaps if she were to go through with it I would not be able to remain friends...

OP posts:
MrsMattie · 21/02/2008 15:24

What a horrific thing to do. I sympathise with you. I tend to stay out of my friends' affairs and never openly judge them by my own values if I can help it (each to their own etc) but I would find this very hard to swallow if one of my friends did this. I am completely pro-choice, by the way, but I do think this is taking it to a tasteless extreme....

tiredemma · 21/02/2008 15:24

She sounds disgusting.

Im all for a womens right to have an abortion- but not in this instance. Its horrific.

I hope she fails to get pregnant. What an incredibly selfish woman.

I have a wonderful cousin age 36 who will never have children and is devastated by this and my very dear best friend has just discovered that she will need IVF in order to ever get pregnant.

Shame on your friend

Original poster
jiggerypop · 21/02/2008 15:24

I hope not too wannabe

OP posts:
dippydeedoo · 21/02/2008 15:25

thats disgusting ....i have 3 boys would love a daughter but its not a huge choice you can only have one or the other to do this she must be so selfish with no respect for life at all.
i think i agree with wannabe she doesnt deserve to get pregnant.
she sounds v sneaky and devious imagine not telling your dh........wonder why that is!!

sleepycat · 21/02/2008 15:26

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sleepycat · 21/02/2008 15:27

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wannaBe · 21/02/2008 15:27

I would tell her dh.

TheHonEnid · 21/02/2008 15:28

she is deluded

I cant believe she is even discussing it with you tbh

she wouldnt get an abortion for that reason and after having a cvs test I think questions would be asked

hopefully she will never get pg

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 21/02/2008 15:29

Having an abortion when you don't already have a child is very different from having one after you have given birth.

TBH I am pretty much 100% against abortion, and have had preferences each time I have been pg for a particular gender, but what she is doing is selfish, wrong, illegal AFAIK and inexcusable.

What does the potential dad to be think of her plan?

hatrick · 21/02/2008 15:30

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