very dodgy subject....my friend is picking sex of baby, in the worst way imaginable

[jiggerypop]

A very close friend of mine is preparing to get pregnant for the forth time, she has 3 gorgeous girls and is desperate for a boy, she wanted a boy each time and although she has always wanted 4 kids she intends to find out with an early gender test (2 different types to be as sure as she can be) then a cvs to confirm it, she says she will abort if it is not a boy.
she is a very lovely woman, she is a great mum to her girls but she is so depressed at the thought of never having a son.
I am so sad about her plan, it is heartbreaking because I know she will do it and she will have to live with the guilt if she goes ahead with it. she will do it all privately, I have tried to encourage her to go to look into sex selection abroad but she says she doesn't have the money....

I won't dump her as a friend, I just can't believe what she is about to do

I addmittedly am really, really hoping for a girl after 2 boys, but i would NEVER, EVER even think about this.

Its disgusting.

I understand the overwhelming 'want' of a particular sex but God gives us what he does, and at trhe end of the day what we have is a baby, a child, beautiful, precious and should be greatly wanted regardless of gender!!

yes there are clinics abroad who will only put back certain gender embryos - was on a programme i saw - one in Cyprus. surely worth a try??

Is she going to use NHS for a termination?

Article about sex selection.

I think the DH needs to know. I don't understand how it can be legal even if it is private - I thought two docs had to agree that it was seriously damaging to either the mother or the baby's mental/physical health?

I agree with Hunker, I would tell her husband, in fact I would actually write to her GP if you are sure she is serious about it.

you know I think that being pro-choice makes me even more about this. I'm pro-choice, not pro-abortion. And that means having a bloody good reason for making the choice to terminate.

girls are better than boys anyway

I'm horrified that anyone would even consider it let alone tell anyone, even her BM.

LOL Enid

Go and colour in some plaits or whatever it is you do with girls

Not sure about writing to her GP. Might be tempted though.

jigs - I hope this doesn't affect you too badly, is there anyone that you could talk to about it in confidence? Obviously, we're always available too.

I'm really not sure how I would react to a friend of mine saying this, I know I'd disapprove but I'm not sure how our relationship could continue.

As for needing 2 Dr's consent, I thought the 2nd signature was usually the surgeon performing the termination and therefore, more of a formality than actually obtaining 'permission'? And is there enough cross-over between private & NHS for each party to be aware of whether a woman seeking termination has had other tests done?

and the consent - it can be social reasons - she could just say she couldn't cope....with her already being a mother they will think she knows about it enough to be serious about terminating.

Maybe she isn't actually serious and was having a bad day when she made the ,I hope that is the case. If she is that desperate for a boy why doesn't she just keep on having them until a boy arrives? sounds a bit crazy but better than aborting! My cousin is on her 4th girl and she says that she will keep on reproducing until a boy arrives . Aborting a girl will not make her anymore likely to have a boy, maybe you should point the obvious out to her?

I couldn't deal with such a shallow minded person. To abort a healthy baby for such a non reason as gender...the mind boggles

Sadly my mother knew a lady who did do what this lady is talking about, 30 years ago. But in that case she had lost a much loved son, due to some terrible genetic disorder. She watched him suffering terrible pain for his short life and the illness was terminal. Any potential male children would have suffered the same fate. She decided to abort boy babies to prevent them suffering short painful lives and kept the girls. I think she had a couple of daughter at the end....Poor woman.

The chances of having a boy after 3 girls are really low anyway aren't they (so I've heard from a relative with 2 boys and wants a girl). My relative has decided not to have any more kids for that reason. She should adopt.

I read somewhere that although the chances of each gender is techically 50/50, once you have three of the same gender you have a lot higher chance of future children being the same gender...which makes sense.

I read somewhere that some men have more male sperm whereas others have more female. Or, at least, that they have healthier / stronger sperm of one sex or the other.

There are ways to try improve chances for one sex or the other but I am truly saddened that someone would take it so far as to abort if found preg with the "undesired sex". I don't think I could look her in the face...

[purses lips and fiercely braids hair while watching Cinderella and listening to Hannah Montana soundtrack]

I don't have a problem with abortion but what she wants to do is just weird. To be so hung up on having a son that you'd go to those lengths. It's just very weird and very sad.

I'm sure she could do it because she could just tell the dr she'd decided she didn't want a fourth child without saying why. But it really is too

lol enid

i love having girls too

Very very very wrong.

I had a girl after 6 boys!....so it can happen! (didn't keep having babies to have a girl either, had a girl first in fact, just love babies, no matter boys or girls)

seems so bizarre that i agree with hunker and DSW, that she might be mentally unstable

surely going abroad to have gender selection is preferable, althbough ethically and morally dubious, to terminating a healthy pregnancy solely due to the gender?

the thing is , if she has CVS, and it does confirm she is carrying a boy, but she miscarries due to the CVS, how would she cope with that?

do you think she is just considering it, and is sounding you out, to see if really, she is being totally barmy about the whole thing?

and if she did do it, i could not remain friends with her, how could i look her in the eye?

Oh well it's certainly not nice for her to be thinking of terminating on those grounds, but you're all very quick to want to dump her as a friend when to me it sounds like she needs someone now more than ever. She is clearly very depressed, she needs someone to talk her out of it rationally rather than just dumping her as a friend and screaming at her that she's disgusting. I would go back to her and see if she really is serious, put your thoughts to the back of your mind for a moment and talk to her about how she must feel to even be contemplating this. None of us can think of doing it because none of us are ill, I think she most certainly isn't well, wouldn't you say?

Plus there's always adoption, it sounds like she hasn't thought of this, in fact she hasn't thought of anything.

I mean adopting a boy, not putting her baby up for adoption.

I agree that she sounds depressed. If she really means it then I truly feel sorry for her.

I remember watching a fertility programme once where the doctor said that many couples have 3 or 4 girls (or boys) because the quality of the other sex sperm is so poor that either the feotus would not be viable or the child could be born with major medical problems such as a serious heart defect. I'm sure this isn't true in all cases but sometimes mother nature does practise selection for a very good reason.

Sadly, I think she'd have no problem finding a clinic to perform an abortion as long as she didn't go NHS. If she had all the tests done privately they wouldn't necessarily tie them up. My GP had no record of my private nuchal scan.