very dodgy subject....my friend is picking sex of baby, in the worst way imaginable

[jiggerypop]

A very close friend of mine is preparing to get pregnant for the forth time, she has 3 gorgeous girls and is desperate for a boy, she wanted a boy each time and although she has always wanted 4 kids she intends to find out with an early gender test (2 different types to be as sure as she can be) then a cvs to confirm it, she says she will abort if it is not a boy.
she is a very lovely woman, she is a great mum to her girls but she is so depressed at the thought of never having a son.
I am so sad about her plan, it is heartbreaking because I know she will do it and she will have to live with the guilt if she goes ahead with it. she will do it all privately, I have tried to encourage her to go to look into sex selection abroad but she says she doesn't have the money....

I won't dump her as a friend, I just can't believe what she is about to do

We have abortion on the band and then laws we don't enforce which say we don't. Typical British farce.

Is it cultural? Is she Indian or Chinese?

very when you hear about things like this.

"My cousin is on her 4th girl and she says that she will keep on reproducing until a boy arrives "

lol - I hope she's not too disappointed if she does finally have her boy - we had family friends when I was little who had 5 boys and wanted a girl - they tried again hoping for a girl - and had one - they were delighted.........however she grew up to be a complete tomboy and those dreams of "girly" things soon went out of the window

That is so strange. She wants 4 children but is happy to abort the 4th baby after she'll have felt it kicking, just because she doesn't like the gender?
I really hope she doesn't get pregnant until her head is properly sorted. I am very pro-choice, but I think that abortion should be rare, for those who can't cope with a baby (for whatever reason), not for those who want a specific baby and this one isn't good enough.

i do not condone this womans actions

people do -however- terminate pregnancies hourly on the basis that the baby was not what they hoped for in one way or another

By MAMAZON on Thu 21-Feb-08 15:09:25
Im sorry but to me she is saying her daughters do not mean as much to her as a son would.

So true Mamazon, I remember when I was pregnant with Dd2, and someone asked if I was having tests done because I have 2 disabled kids, and I answered that I wasn't because it would say that my Ds1 and DD1 would not mean as much.

I don't care if it is cultural or not - it's disgusting!

i dont think mamazon is right

anyone with a string of one gender may yearn for the opposite but that does not mean she loves them less..

when I was pregnant with Callum last year, I really wanted a boy, I couldn't think about having a girl, but if they had told me it was girl I would have been happy. To abort a healthy baby because of the wrong sex is disgusting.

I'm so very sad to read the op. I'm sorry, but your friend is not a 'lovely woman' rather a very selfish one. I don't think she will feel differently when she's pregnant as she's had 4 pregnancies before and so she knows what it's like and how she feels about it. Are their cultural reasons or family pressures making her so desperate for a boy? What is she going to do if she keeps conceiving girls, will she keep conceiving and terminating pregnancies until she finally has a boy?

My views on things like this are very strong and I don't think I could still be friends with someone who did this. Our ideas and values would be too far apart. I'm not anti-choice by any means but this does seem to be a spurious reason for terminating a pregnancy.

I am pregnant with number 3 and already have 2 DDs, I am fed up with people, family, friends the bloody window cleaner telling me "oh you'll be hoping it's a boy, or it had better be a boy this time" erm why? I am not shallow enough to believe all a child is about is what is between it's legs.

In some ways I actually don't want a boy as I don't want the "oh spoiled/precious boy" comments as if it means the DDs are secdond to him.

It's one of lives little things if you are lucky enough to have children you don't get to chose. I actually cannot believe your friend told you of her plans.

I'm pro-choice but this story makes me sad.

From an objective POV however, it's a no more spurious reason than choosing to abort because you want to keep your figure or because a baby would interfere with your career plans.

She doesn't sound depressed. She sounds spoilt.

What will she do if its a girl and she aborts it will she keep on trying until she gats what she wants

I can understand that she wants a girl I had 2 boys and when I found out I was pregnant I secretly hoped it was a girl and it was !!
but as for gender selection in that form thats really ,very sick

I think she needs help

I'm the middle child and 2nd girl, my mum has told me (very mater-of-fact) that they wanted a boy. My brother was born shortly after me.

cushion cover it is different! In your two other spurious scenarios the women did not plan to get pregnant. Therein lies the difference. What a reprehensible idea. I could not say nothing and what I would say would certainly end the friendship. Does she know its down to her husbands sperm? Fucking helll words now fail me

If she wants a boy so badly, why does she not adopt one?

She will be able to have an abortion before 23 weeks and 6 days of pregnancy in a private clinic citing social reasons. She can self refer without her GP's knowledge so, unless she chooses to disclose that she has had cvs - the clinic won't know.

They don't tell you the sex on the scan where I live and didn't even do that 20 years ago because so many local women abort girls. I wanted a boy after 2 girls (I fllowed a boy diet and got him but that may well be pure chance) and then had twin boys after that for good measure. I wanted a mix of the sexes if that were possible. I would not however have aborted one of the wrong sex. Surely it's easier just to implant a male and do the foreign IVF thing.

you know. i'm not SO horrified by this.

there are many many many abortions performed for not life or death reasons and many women that use abortion as a kind of contraception.

i'm assuming this will be an early abortion.

it is horrible, but no more so than the above. pro choice is pro choice. her body her decision.

who are any of us to say that she wouldn't be as traumatised by not having a longed for girl as, say someone that says they need an abortion because their short term boyfriend has left them, or they just don't feel ready to have a baby. why is one disgusting and the other ok?

Hatrick, did you see my ?

Don't have to answer if you don't want too. I was just interested.

just read the OP. I couldn't stay friends with someone who killed a baby cos it was the wrong gender. Thats heart-breaking.

I had a boy first and tbh would have been happy with another son as I would know what I was doing then! I had a girl and I was thrilled as I had an excuse to go shopping and I knew my DH was keen to have a girl. With my next pg I wanted a boy again and was blessed with one. Am just wondering, for the first time actually, if I wanted a boy as I know my mother was not happy to have a girl.?? I hate my mother so not sure where that all fits.