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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

very dodgy subject....my friend is picking sex of baby, in the worst way imaginable

204 replies

jiggerypop · 21/02/2008 15:06

A very close friend of mine is preparing to get pregnant for the forth time, she has 3 gorgeous girls and is desperate for a boy, she wanted a boy each time and although she has always wanted 4 kids she intends to find out with an early gender test (2 different types to be as sure as she can be) then a cvs to confirm it, she says she will abort if it is not a boy.
she is a very lovely woman, she is a great mum to her girls but she is so depressed at the thought of never having a son.
I am so sad about her plan, it is heartbreaking because I know she will do it and she will have to live with the guilt if she goes ahead with it. she will do it all privately, I have tried to encourage her to go to look into sex selection abroad but she says she doesn't have the money....

I won't dump her as a friend, I just can't believe what she is about to do

OP posts:
Oblomov · 21/02/2008 15:32

This is terrible. Has she actually been trying for a boy ? Has she exhausted all the methods - you know shettles etc?

jumpingbeans · 21/02/2008 15:32

omg, I didn't think I could be shocked by anything anymore.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 21/02/2008 15:33

Congrats hatrick!

How do you feel about a blue one after 3 pink? Was it a shock or a nice surprise?

hunkermunker · 21/02/2008 15:34

I would have to tell her husband, I think.

She sounds mentally ill - nobody normal talks like this about aborting babies for being the wrong sex, do they?!

Oliveoil · 21/02/2008 15:34

well let's hope that her daughters don't find out this plan as they will realise what a huge disappointment they were at birth

tiredemma · 21/02/2008 15:35

can I just ask what 'shettles' is?

sparkybabe · 21/02/2008 15:36

I've got 3 bys and I've always said I wouldn't get oreg again unless I know 100% it was a girl. As it's not poss to know with any degree of certainty, I;d rather not get preg at all.

Lauriefairycake · 21/02/2008 15:38

Maybe you could encourage her to get some therapy, to be that attached to having one particular sex hints at deeper issues.

I am very pro-choice but not for this

wannaBe · 21/02/2008 15:38

when my mum worked at a gp surgery, they had a patient who demanded a sexing scan to determine the sex of their unborn baby, and if it had been a girl they wanted a termination and wanted the nhs to pay for it. They were indian or pakistani.. so a 1st born son was important to them culturally or some such crap. The hospital refused to divulge the sex to them afaik.

I would tell her dh. If you don't, then you are complicit in the deceit if she goes ahead.

Oblomov · 21/02/2008 15:40

Actually, when I was in hospiatl in November, having my ERPC after my missed miscarriage, the nurse looking after me, who was .... of Indian origin, was pregnant.
And she was telling another patient that she had wanted to abort becasue it was a girl and she already had two girls, and wanted a son.
She had sent their 2 girls to stay with her parents, the youngest, aged only a few months old, until after she had given birth.
She said she would not have another girl, she would terminate next time, it had to be a boy.
I , was shocked, but dh reminded me that this is still very common paractice in some areas of the world.
We should not be that shocked.

wannaBe · 21/02/2008 15:40

tiredemma shettles is something to do with having sex at certain times of the month to ensure a boy/girl. something to do with male sperm swimming faster but dying quicker and female sperm swimming slower but living longer or something...

Oliveoil · 21/02/2008 15:41

we should be shocked actually, it's feckin outrageous

wannaBe · 21/02/2008 15:42

am not shocked as such but think it's disgusting that one sex of baby can be considered so insignifficant so as to get rid of it if that's not what you want.

jezzemx · 21/02/2008 15:43

Can she really do that???? legally I mean. If she is having these tests and then asks for an abortion (if the results don't go HER way)then surely the medical team will refuse. Wouldn't they????? how very very sad.
Why is she so desperate for a boy??

Oblomov · 21/02/2008 15:43

oliveoil, the desire for a son, is very dominant in certain indian cultures. I am not condoning it, I am just saying that it is very strong. You know this, yeah ?

nailpolish · 21/02/2008 15:43

this is one reason my local trust refuse to tell couples what sex their baby is. its very common unfortunately. another reason was that one couple sued the hospital for mistaking their baby for the wrong sex - they had splashed out on lots of blue stuff and htey wre actually having a girl

totally unbelievable

dittany · 21/02/2008 15:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nailpolish · 21/02/2008 15:45

exactly, dittany
if she did go on to have a girl, she could always leave it in the gutter like they do in china

expatinscotland · 21/02/2008 15:45

How sad!

One of my first cousins is adopted from a region of India where sons are preferred.

How frightening to think she could have not been here with us simply because of her gender.

NatalieJane · 21/02/2008 15:47

I know you've said she would go private for all of this, but surely that doesn't mean they would let her have an abortion based on it being a girl, just because she is willing to pay?

Oblomov, some hospitals now have a policy of not telling the sex at the 20 week scan because people will go on to abort if it is a girl. 20 weeks FFS

Oliveoil · 21/02/2008 15:47

well yes of course I am aware, I do not live in a cave

but it is still shocking and outrageous whether you are aware of not

NatalieJane · 21/02/2008 15:48

Ooops x posted with Nailpolish.

expatinscotland · 21/02/2008 15:51

She could go get IVF abroad and have the embryos screened for gender, then have only a male one implanted, I suppose.

Costly, though.

Some places will spin sperm through a centrifuge to separate them out by gender and then artificially inseminate.

I knew someone who had this done, BUT it was because she had a son with an X-linked disorder, so they wanted their subsequent children to be girls and escape the disease.

doggiesayswoof · 21/02/2008 15:51

Yes it's very common, in some cultures

But (of course) it's still disgusting. And going by OP it doesn't sound like her reasons are influenced by her culture. I agree with hunker actually, she sounds like she has a problem. I'd tell her husband.

It's also the kind of bogus nonsense that would be cited by those trying to make abortion illegal, i.e. if it was illegal then people would not be able to get a termination for such a spurious reason. (Does that make sense?)

scorpio1 · 21/02/2008 15:52

that is disgusting.

I personally would find it very hard to be a friend to her during all this. I do however have very strong views on termination which i know others don't - however using it for sex selection is just worse than anything else i can think of.

I keep thinking about the people that cannot have the gift of a child who so desperately want one and then you get women like this.

I am pregnant (33 weeks) with our first girl after 3 boys. I would have been over the moon if i had a boy - i just want a baby please!