Pregant after miscarriage - support thread

[Nervousbuthopeful]

Hi everyone,

I'm new to posting on mumsnet, but have spent plenty of time reading through others' conversations for reassurance when anxious, and this seems like such a friendly place!

I've just found out I'm pregnant again after the miscarriage of my first at 11 weeks in August. I would love to connect with other people in a similar situation.

I'm feeling relatively ok, i.e. not totally panicked all the time, about this one, but I know it's going to be hard. I really find it hard to believe sometimes that this could work out.

Please send a comment if you're in a similar situation and would like to share/receive some support!

Thanks everyone. I'm literally sat in my garden in tears. I can't cope with this I really can't. 😥 Just don't know how I'll even survive. For added context I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since my early teens so struggle sometimes with small stuff, and this is anything but small. I'm so good at giving advice, I know what I should do to try and feel better, I just can't 😥

I known it's hard not to compare, comparison really is the thief of joy.

It is not a competition. Your pregnancy is not competing with your SIL. Yes it will be difficult if one of you has smooth sailing (as far as that is possible) and one doesn't. But you will get through whatever happens.

Are you getting some help with your depression and anxiety? Is it something you could review given your pregnancy?

@Whataretheodds It's so hard as I've been here before. I've been pregnant the same time as friends, they got a baby and I didn't. I know I shouldn't compare, it was more a shock I think and clearly them being further along has triggered me.

I've had medication and counselling for my depression and anxiety for a long time - I've actually just emailed the midwife team too as I know they have specialist mental health midwives (which the perinatal mental health team said they would refer me to). I definitely need some additional support as I can't go on feeling like this.

@moosey89 im the same, someone I know is days apart from me but keep trying to tell myself everyone is different..

Super nervous got my dating scan this morning and feel more nervous than I did the day of my wedding lol!

@Peachy3118 It's so hard isn't it, full on melt down last night!

Good luck for today, got everything crossed for you x

Good luck @Peachy3118 xx

@Peachy3118 all the best for your scan this morning

Just catching up on the last week of posts, looks like it's been quite eventful for everyone! Still have lots of food aversions and feel nauseous in the evenings, have been laying on the sofa resting most evenings and then having an early night. Eating small amounts regularly seems to make me feel less sick and porridge with honey and banana seems to work wonders in the morning. My little boy is full of chicken pox too which is great timing 🙄. Thankfully even though he's covered head to toe in spots it's not actually made him unwell and he's mostly scabbed over.

Had my first Midwife appointment yesterday. She did say when it comes to the scan appointment they have to go by LMP rather than anything I've been told at a private scan so may well end up having my scan week after next. I just want to have my scan and everything to be alright so I can relax a bit 😅

Good luck @Peachy3118

@WhiteHorse92 sounds v similar to me. Still struggling with food aversions and being absolutely shattered come the evening. Really hope my little boy goes to bed well this week whilst my husband is away as just don't have the energy 😂

@moosey89 really good idea to talk to the mental health midwives. Hopefully they can offer some good support. Things may feel a bit better once you get further along. Anxiety was high for me around 7 weeks but now I am 11 wks am starting to feel calmer and more positive

Sorry you're struggling @moosey89, really good idea to reach out for help. My midwives suggested all sorts of local services so maybe yours can too, as well as MH midwife.

Those who have someone due a similar time - quite a depressing story but gives a different perspective. When I had my MC my friend was at the same stage but her pregnancy progressed fine - I obviously had weird feelings about it all at the time. Tragically she then had to have a TFMR much later in the pregnancy so neither of us ended up with a baby, and I really wish with my whole heart that she had had hers. Unfortunately you can never guarantee that those close to you will have a successful pregnancy just as we can't for ourselves.

@WitcheryDivine thank you - it's so difficult when you're in a bad headspace.

You're absolutely right though, you can't predict anyone's outcome. Over the last few years (since my miscarriage) I've found myself panicking on behalf of other people who announce early, but also when people do social media announcements at 12 weeks because whilst it's a really good milestone, you're never really safe and I don't want anyone to go through heartbreak. Wish I could train my brain to switch to positives (still working on that). I still remember my first knowledge of stillbirth, when a colleague unfortunately had one when I was only 20. That really shook me as I'd never had any experience of it close to home and can only imagine the pain.

Had my scan date through, it's on 7th July, which is exactly 12 weeks going by lmp/miscarriage, but exactly 11 weeks going by my early scan. The midwife did say if I'm measured under 12 weeks at the scan I'll have to come back when I'm 12 weeks for the screening tests, but I've just had a look online and found out a lot of people get put up to a week behind LMP on an early scan then catch up again on 12 week scan so hopefully when I go for mine I catch up a bit!

@WhiteHorse92 you should be okay! Yeah that's why they don't generally do early scans as baby is so small so it's hard to get measurements, and people generally get back to where they should be date wise! I have my dating scan on 5th July...my birthday! 😬

@moosey89 I hear you on wishing we could think of the positives instead. The ONLY thing that works for me is distraction - work/friends/TV/going out/sleep/reading. xxx

@WitcheryDivine I think I need to get more stuff in the diary to distract myself! I work full time from home so it can be easy to get stuck with my own thoughts. Thankful for my Crossfit gym for at least a respite from that (my coach knows, as well as knowing about my anxiety about it all and is an absolute gem).xx

Great to hear of some scan dates coming through 😊 think distraction is key and also little treats to keep us going through the nausea and worry xx

@moosey89 I always feel worse on quiet days when I'm wfh too, the weeks fly by a lot quicker when I'm super busy or in the office for sure!

I'm still waiting for my scan letter I was hoping it would be here earlier this week but hopefully soon 🤞

@suz2285 do you use Badger Notes for your antenatal stuff? My midwife did my scan referral yesterday, logged in this afteroon and the scan appointment was there.

@Peachy3118 how did this morning go? Hope all OK

Sorry today has been a whirlwind with the scan and work. We have a very healthy and active looking little one 🥹 dates changed again so now a wee Xmas Eve baby!
Took a while as baby was not cooperating and clearly didn’t want measured lol.

Thank you for all the well wishes 🥰

@Peachy3118 glad everything went well for you, what a lovely Christmas present that'll be for you all 🥰

@Peachy3118 amazing news, congratulations x

@WhiteHorse92 yea but there's nothing in badger yet either 😂 I'll ask next week if still nothing in there I'm seeing here again on Wednesday

@Peachy3118 great news! ❤️

@Peachy3118 oh that's lovely the best Xmas present so glad it went well 🎄

Had my scan and all is looking good! I want to say “for now” as still feeling cautious but having seen the baby I just want to have one day where I go sod it, I’m pregnant, this might actually happen 😃