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Original poster

Arguing with Mum since pregnancy

221 replies

Hope63 · 14/08/2022 00:19

Anyone else arguing more with parents since their pregnancy?

I'm 30 years old & currently living with my mum and I'm 28 weeks pregnant. I'm in the process of buying a house with my partner.

Mum and I always had a good relationship, I was her only child and her world. Since becoming an adult, things have changed, we don't see eye to eye on household things which leads to arguments. This has especially become more apparent since becoming pregnant. She complains about everything I do which makes me feel anxious & feel like I'm walking on eggshells in the house.

Just as an example, she complained a tea towel had a stain on it that didn't come off in the wash. I said it's a tea towel, it can be used for wiping up spillages on the worktop therefore it's bound to get stains on it. This is personal preference, some people may prefer to use kitchen roll, I don't. Anyway, instead of accepting a difference of opinion, she called me nasty names and stormed off upstairs and didn't speak to me for the whole night. Other things she complains about is how high I put the water in the kettle, I can only put the water level to number '3'. She will always find something to complain about every day and I find myself wasting time double checking how much water is in the kettle or making sure everything is back in my room so she can't complain I've left a pair of shoes out etc.

Since pregnancy, this has got worse. Part of me feels like there's underlying issues and she's upset that I'm leaving the house and upset that I'm starting my own family and she's venting it in an unhealthy angry way, rather than communicating with me about her feelings in a healthy way.

I'm more upset at the fact since I've been pregnant, I thought she would have been great and supportive but she's been the complete opposite. My mum works 12 hour days so understandably she's tired after work but she never cooks the tea. She doesn't even do little things to take care of me or help me out like make a cup of tea when she gets in from work or close the blinds or wash the dishes. I do it all the time. My partner has even brought it up in conversation how he feels like my mum 'forgets' that I'm pregnant sometimes, either that or she's not arsed but he said he doesn't understand why she wouldn't be arsed and I don't understand why she wouldn't care about my pregnancy either, especially with it being her first and probably only grandchild.

Is anyone else going through a similar thing or has any opinions as to why my mum might be reacting this way?

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 14/08/2022 08:27

Are you working? Are you contributing financially to your mother's household? Is your partner also living with your mum?

Because as I read it, your mum is letting you stay with her, she's asking you to do certain things her way in her house and you are putting out about it, and you're expecting her to do more when she gets in from a 12 hour shift.

You're 28w pregnant, not incapctitated. Maybe she's less scared about you moving out and more disappointed that you're not being more considerate?

Btw, tea towels are for drying clean dishes. And boiling more water than is necessary is a waste of water and electricity.

HSKAT · 14/08/2022 08:31

I think she's probably waiting for you to move out if I'm honest.
She's tired from work, it's her house, she may need some time to herself to unwind.
She likes things done her own way as that is what she is used to.

Travellingraspberry · 14/08/2022 08:38

Sorry but it's her house, she's asked you not to use the tea towels to wipe spills up (that is exactly what kitchen towel is for) so you don't stain them and save water/power by not filling the kettle up too much, you are being disrespectful.

Greatfyl · 14/08/2022 08:52

we don't see eye to eye on household things which leads to arguments.
It’s her house. If you don’t see eye to eye on household things then you need to concede to doing them her way really. You’d be annoyed if she stayed at your house and went against how you wanted things.

Thewheelsfalloffthebus · 14/08/2022 08:55

Your relationship will probably improve when you move out and tea towel stains and water levels in the kettle are no longer an issue. What’s the time frame for moving out looking like?

BeneficiaryMadness · 14/08/2022 08:56

You want your Mum to come in from work and make you a cup of tea after a 12 hour shift? Am I reading that right? How long is your work day?

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/08/2022 08:58

It sounds like think you’re equal partners in the house and as you’re pregnant you’re expecting her to do more than usual like cook for you when you’re partner is working. She thinks it’s her house - it is - and you should be doing things her way.

Nothing you describe suggests she’s upset you’ll be moving out. She probably wasn’t expecting to have her 30 year old pregnant daughter living with her and expecting her to make compromises or need looking after. Looking after you is your partner’s job if you need help. You’re having a baby with him, not your mum. She’s already putting you up and tolerating your different ways, she’s doing plenty.

Did you ever move out and live independently or have you always lived with her? Are you moving out before the baby’s born?

britneyisfree · 14/08/2022 08:59

Since reaching adulthood? You're 30! That was quite a while back. Hurry up and move outHmm

Overthebow · 14/08/2022 09:00

why would your mum need to cook dinner or make you a cup of tea after she’s worked a 12 hour shift? Why can’t you do these things? Do you work and contribute?

felulageller · 14/08/2022 09:01

Your Mum is definitely in the wrong. She has gone VERY wrong in raising a DC who thinks at 30 (!!) Her mum should be making her tea after a 12 hour shift.

You are the most spoilt DC I've ever heard of!

You should be offering her tea after her shift!

Bloody hell some people just don't realise how green their grass is!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 14/08/2022 09:05

How much rent do you pay?
How many hours do you work?

This feels like a reverse.

MakeadealwithGod · 14/08/2022 09:06

Have you always lived at home? Or did you move back in?

Whichever, it’s time for you to go. Maybe things are fraught because you are both tired and stressed. I can’t explain why she is not excited about having a grandchild sorry. There might be lots of feelings wrapped up in that if you are an only child who has never left home. Or it could just be you moving out is well overdue as you are 30 and you are both getting irritated with each other.

Wouldn’t be keen on the tea towel thing myself though.

Italianmamami · 14/08/2022 09:06

Look after you? She has looked after you for 30 years? I understand it can be hard living with parents when you are pregnant, I’ve done it but I didn’t expect my mum to run around after me when she was working and I was pregnant. I was grateful I was able to stay there and save to move out. As for the tea towel, get some stain remover and hang it out once washed on an airer or washing line whilst we have this heatwave. I’ve managed to get ice lolly stains off my sofa cushions this week, doing this. Also apologise to your mum, she’s your mum and she deserves your respect. You are 30 now, not a child. Use a cloth to wipe the sides too, this is possibly what you should have been using not the tea towel. Be respectful of her house rules because when you move out you will understand where she is coming from.

Mumdiva99 · 14/08/2022 09:07

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 14/08/2022 09:05

How much rent do you pay?
How many hours do you work?

This feels like a reverse.

Was going to say the same.....definitely a reverse.

If so your daughter is being unreasonable. It's your house, she needs to do things your way.

And tea towels are not for mopping up dirt and muck. That's what a dish cloth is for.

Soproudoflionesses · 14/08/2022 09:08

Pregnant or not, if l moved in with my mum, we would def have arguments.

I am sure things will go back to normal as soon as you move out OP.

Thesearmsofmine · 14/08/2022 09:10

At 30 I couldn’t have lived with my mum without arguments. Things will improve when you move out.

Citylife · 14/08/2022 09:12

I think people are being a bit unfair here. I can see your point. I also feel that your mums reaction and storming upstairs was disproportionate and treating you badly x

Citylife · 14/08/2022 09:13

@Thesearmsofmine 100%

DisforDarkChocolate · 14/08/2022 09:16

I'm hoping this is a reverse otherwise I have so much sympathy for you Mum.

Stop ruining her things, start being thankful she's giving you a home, and remember it's not her job to look after a healthy 30 year old, even if she is pregnant.

rainbowstardrops · 14/08/2022 09:17

Do you work too?
At the end of the day, it's your mum's house and so it's largely her rules.
Wiping spills up with a tea towel and over filling the kettle would piss me off too to be honest.

sunsoutmumsout · 14/08/2022 09:17

Familiarity breeds contempt so the saying goes

Sounds like shes working hard and then doesn't want to come home and start mothering a 30 year old adult who has gotten pregnant without living with the father....she doesn't need to be taking care of you that's your partners and the fathers job.....

Madmax1992 · 14/08/2022 09:46

She forgets your pregnant? Making yourself food, cups of tea and opening blinds doesn't stop just because you're pregnant....you're not dying. I'm also pregnant with no.3....it's not an excuse to do nothing and expect everyone else to sort stuff out for me!.

RidiculousRegina · 14/08/2022 09:53

Is this a reverse?

Your partner sounds super rude.

Why don't you live in your own home?

Your poor mother!!

MiseryWIthAStent · 14/08/2022 09:55

Op you're only 28 weeks pregnant. And also you aren't a child anymore, you are HAVING a child. It's not her job to make you tea etc, especially after 12 hour days, I did 12 hour days when I was 28(actually and 38) weeks pregnant and then come back and got on with my own shit at home because I'm an adult 🤷🏻‍♀️

Beamur · 14/08/2022 09:57

It really is time for you to move out.
Your relationship with your Mum will be much better when you're not living together!