Arguing with Mum since pregnancy

[Hope63]

Anyone else arguing more with parents since their pregnancy?

I'm 30 years old & currently living with my mum and I'm 28 weeks pregnant. I'm in the process of buying a house with my partner.

Mum and I always had a good relationship, I was her only child and her world. Since becoming an adult, things have changed, we don't see eye to eye on household things which leads to arguments. This has especially become more apparent since becoming pregnant. She complains about everything I do which makes me feel anxious & feel like I'm walking on eggshells in the house.

Just as an example, she complained a tea towel had a stain on it that didn't come off in the wash. I said it's a tea towel, it can be used for wiping up spillages on the worktop therefore it's bound to get stains on it. This is personal preference, some people may prefer to use kitchen roll, I don't. Anyway, instead of accepting a difference of opinion, she called me nasty names and stormed off upstairs and didn't speak to me for the whole night. Other things she complains about is how high I put the water in the kettle, I can only put the water level to number '3'. She will always find something to complain about every day and I find myself wasting time double checking how much water is in the kettle or making sure everything is back in my room so she can't complain I've left a pair of shoes out etc.

Since pregnancy, this has got worse. Part of me feels like there's underlying issues and she's upset that I'm leaving the house and upset that I'm starting my own family and she's venting it in an unhealthy angry way, rather than communicating with me about her feelings in a healthy way.

I'm more upset at the fact since I've been pregnant, I thought she would have been great and supportive but she's been the complete opposite. My mum works 12 hour days so understandably she's tired after work but she never cooks the tea. She doesn't even do little things to take care of me or help me out like make a cup of tea when she gets in from work or close the blinds or wash the dishes. I do it all the time. My partner has even brought it up in conversation how he feels like my mum 'forgets' that I'm pregnant sometimes, either that or she's not arsed but he said he doesn't understand why she wouldn't be arsed and I don't understand why she wouldn't care about my pregnancy either, especially with it being her first and probably only grandchild.

Is anyone else going through a similar thing or has any opinions as to why my mum might be reacting this way?

Well becoming an adult was 12 years ago. Even if your very lengthy university years are added on that’s 5 years of post education adult life yet you still sound like a stroppy 15 year old.

It still sounds as if you have a fair bit of growing up to do OP. You need to move out sooner rather than later. You do sound very entitled. I don't think you realise just how you're coming across here.

In my initial post, I have not once said that my mum 'needs' to cook dinner or make a cup of tea. I merely stated that she does not help out around the house and I do it all or if my partner comes over, he will do it which I don't believe is fair. I think it's important for everyone to contribute. I personally wouldn't expect my mum to cook the tea all the time or make brews all the time so I don't understand why she expects my partner and I to cook her tea all the time or make her brews all the time. My mum doesn't contribute towards the cost of the food I buy or my partner buys.

As I've mentioned to other people, I do work. I work Mon-Fri 8 hours a day and I pay rent.

So move out then. You don't get to tell her what to do in her own house.

If you were my DC I’d have asked you to move out LONG before now due to your behaviour. My youngest DC moved out last year and would never have expected me to make meals or tea! If I CHOSE to do these things fine but I would not be dictated to in my own home.

I'm not sure what a 'DC' is.
I believe it's important for everyone to contribute within the household. I don't think one person should be the taker. My partners family will take turns cooking the tea or making brews for each other. I think it's only fair that my mum chips in from time to time making a cup of tea. It takes 5 minutes.

As mentioned in my initial post, I do cook her tea. Her tea is ready for her when she's home and I will make her a cup of tea too.

Oh and you’re pregnant not ill!

In my initial post, I have not once said that my mum 'needs' to cook dinner or make a cup of tea

No but your complaining she doesn't after a 12 hour shift.
She doesn't take care of you by not making you cuppa is what you said in your op

😂 like? Sorry it's abit laughable really.

How can you call your own mother a taker when it’s her home?

DC is a ridiculous cringey affectation on this website where people refer to their kids as 'dear children' (shudders).

You need to move out. Your point about people remaining in their parents home for longer these days is one of the reason we have an overly infantilised adult population without practical skills and without emotional resilience.

@Hope63 so you talk about fairly contributing in regards to making tea, do you fairly financially contribute to the household? So assuming there are 3 of you in the house, do you pay a third of all the bills? Do you contribute towards things such as the tea towels?

Op if you want looking after, maybe go to your partners and he can look after you!
Your post is coming across like a spoilt princess, there is no way on this earth I would expect my mother who had just worked 12 hours to make me a cup of tea after only working 8 hours myself. You are a grown woman who I'm sure is capable of looking after yourself, pregnant or not!

I'm not going to disclose how much rent I pay as it isn't anyone's business but I pay my fair share and I also pay for food for both mum and I which my mum does not contribute towards.

I work 8 hours Mon-Fri.

I lived at university for a few years and I have also lived abroad

I haven't said in my initial post that I expect my mum to run around after me whilst pregnant. I said that she does not help out with things such as cooking tea, making brews, closing blinds or locking doors before bed time. Personally, when you live in a house together, I believe it's important that you all contribute to these things and don't expect one person to do it all regardless if you are pregnant or not.

Thanks for your input. I agree, I do believe our relationship will be better once I have moved out.

So despite every post advising you that you are needing to look at your attitude and that your mum is not unfair, you're still arguing about it

I agree with another poster earlier, you are hard work

Thanks for your input. I agree, I do believe our relationship will improve once I have moved out.

Thank you, I appreciate this. I don't understand why people seem to this is normal or rational behaviour over a tea towel stain. I can buy these for £1 from B&M, not a problem at all and which I will quite happily do, I don't expect to be called nasty names because of it.

I dont want to rat on you or make you feel bad but your argument is a bit flawed. Your calling out your mum for getting upset over something petty like a stained tea towel but your complaining about something equally as petty as making a cup of tea.

Can I ask though...if you have your mums dinner on the table when she gets in from her 12 hour shift from work...how do you expect her to offer to make the dinner? You've taken that decision out of her hands.

I worked 10-12 hour shifts 5 days a week right up until 7 days before I gave birth and as much as my husband helped around the house it was never assumed by me he should do more. You chose to get pregnant so please don't make your mum feel bad that you now expect her to do more for you. You are a grown up, she's had her pregnancy and been there done that.

I think you need to take a deep breath, buying a house and being pregnant Is stressful so just take each day as it comes and remember you will be in your own place before you know it with your own wee family. If your mum doesn't do the cooking or the shopping now she will soon have too so don't worry about it. Just focus on growing your little person and moving into your own place and thinks will align themselves in time

Your mum has come to the end of her tether by the way and your intransigence about it probably comes across as controlling being that its HER house and HER things you seem so careless and unbothered about.

You should have replaced the tea towel.

Excuses. You could have moved out years ago and rented. Are you paying market value rent?
I wouldn't like anyone using all my tea towels to wash up spills as unless you throw them in the wash and actually wash them straight away they will stain (I can't stand stained tea towels, it looks dirty and lazy) so it means you'd be turning the washing machine on for a tea towel?!
Move out. Her house her rules. You're bloody 30yrs old with a partner and a baby on the way. Actually adult independently away from your mother.

The tea towels in question are from B&M and I have bought the majority of them. I am thankful she is letting me stay at her home and I pay rent and buy the food but I don't believe allowing someone to stay at your home automatically gives you the right to call them names and pick arguments with them.

If you're not happy JUST MOVE OUT!