Pregnant after Loss and Dreaming of Rainbows - 5

[Avocuddles]

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hey ladies, I'll catch up with the new threads in a bit but I am just having a bit of a wobble day, I've come off my progesterone pessary so been feeling a bit depressed and worried then to top it off I've had a sore vagina or like it feels something is up there its really hard to describe, but I'm now worried it could be my cervix, has anyone had an incomplete cervix and had symptoms?

Can anyone give me any advice? I just did the shopping and stupidly lifted a heavy bag from the checkout into my trolley. I instantly felt a contraction in my womb, kinda like braxton hicks (which I seem to get after sex). I still feel a tiny bit crampy 15m later... I'm freaking out that I did something wrong and can harm the baby. Hoping its just standard braxton hicks... I certainly won't be doing that again. I'm a bit of a packhorse normally and sometimes I forget that I can't do everything now. It's very very mild cramping low down, and feels exactly the same as the after-cramping when I've had sex after I felt my stomach tighten... xxx

It's ok, I'm feeling better! Sorry, I panicked - that awful feeling that you might have done something to cause your baby harm :( xx

@MOGMOGMOG85 I'm sure all is fine, I think we all worry and don't want to do anything to cause harm, if your still feeling contractions you could call a midwife for reassurance

@Sazzy312 sorry that your having a difficult day, no personal experience here, but sending you lots of positive thoughts and good vibes to hopefully help you feel a bit brighter.

@MOGMOGMOG85 it definitely sounds like a combo of Braxton Hicks and ligament pain. I often forget that I can't just pick up heavy stuff etc, to date it hasn't done me any harm beyond the "ow you bugger" moment and the bit of panic that liens to follow. Keep an eye, but remember that baby is very well protected in there!

@valeriesparx I agree the whole tempting fate thing is a happiness sucker. I also don't believe in fate, unless it involves pregnancy. Isn't it strange how minds work. Sorry to hear you had spotting, Me and my SIL both had spotting (we are due 1 day apart) the spotting was even 1 day apart, both babies are fine.

@AnxiousLady1 I love that your mum was praying to, there has to be something in it you know, Chanting/praying is the way forward I tell you!

@Seahawk80The three-nagers are awful aren't they. My dd is also 3, the little madam. I'm so greatful that DH is working from home, I'm not sure I could of kept DD and myself alive during the first trimester.

@marmitecheesetoast sounds like you consulatation was helpful going forwards with this pregnancy and your be getting lots of support.

@Anon20something my heart is breaking for all those emotions your DH went through at the scan. Poor soul :( It must be hard for him especially as he can't feel the sleep patterns of your little boy. Cute pic though, such a clear picture of his face!

Hi,

I'm so sorry to jump back on this thread - I posted a few days ago after losing my baby boy at 18 weeks, he was born almost a week ago.

I've generally been doing ok this week, but today I've had a really rough day, I've been in tears on and off all day - I'm just so terrified about never being able to have another baby and, after some extensive googling, can't find any clear info or real-life experiences that will ease my mind a bit.

I just have a question but don't want to cause upset for anyone so please don't feel the need to respond - I wondered if anyone is willing to share if they've had a successful pregnancy after a late miscarriage? I can only find info on early ones and wonder if it's just the same, or if a late miscarriage has different statistics/outcomes.

Again, I am not currently pregnant again and so this isn't directly relevant to this thread, so please don't feel the need to respond.

Thank you all xx

@KerryW87 not a personal experience, but my best friend lost her twins at 25 weeks and 13 months later had a perfectly beautiful healthy baby boy who is now almost 9 months. There are also ladies here who have had late losses who are well into healthy pregnancies. I know it's hard to believe it right now, but this isn't the end of your journey. I'm not suggesting for a second that it will be an easy road but you can, when you're readyto, keep trying. I would suggest taking some time, allowing yourself your grief and letting your body heal before you jump straight back into TTC, just to take a little bit of stress and pressure off yourself.

@Knotemma Firstly, thank you so much for replying. I didn't want to upset anyone by asking questions but after a few days of getting out and seeing family and being "ok" I feel like I completely lost that tonight and was just inconsolable, trying to google to find someone saying they had a healthy pregnancy after a late miscarriage.

Your message is so appreciated, I know I'm maybe just in the early stages of recovering from losing my wee boy, but I just felt so upset tonight and your message had given me the bit of hope and reassurance I needed. Thank you so much ❤️ xx

@KerryW87 my friend and former colleague had a son who was stillborn at full term, she was 40 and he was her first baby. She now has two little girls who are 3 and 6 months. It doesn't take away the pain of losing her son but she is so happy to have her family. I think there is a strong biological need to have another baby after a late loss, your body doesn't know what to do with all the hormones. I hope this helps a tiny bit x

@Seahawk80 Oh, that's such lovely news. I'm not sure what's wrong with me today - I can usually be quite logical but I was frantically searching online for happy stories and just couldn't and had a bit of a wobble. I know it's been less than a week, though.

Thank you so much for sharing your friend's experience, it's really helped put my mind at ease a bit. I think you might be right about hormones too...it's all I can think of even though I'm still grieving my wee boy. Thank you so much and hope you're well ❤️ xx

@KerryW87 my heart goes out to you, it's such a hard time. In addition to what others have said, I just wanted to add that you might get better Google results if you search for 'rainbow baby stories' as that's the term for a baby born after a loss. Sending you lots of love, take care.

@Hagster My partner was in tears the first few days like I was, now he's sort of sprung into action and is out gardening and sorting the house and just coping so well, I so want to be like that too and for the most part I am; I get up and out with my boys (10 and 8) and keep busy for them, but I feel I'm always holding in tears and last night was just a wee wobble, and then I feel bad for not doing as well as I could be.

Thank you so much for this :) I didn't think to search for it in that way. I hope you're well and thanks for messaging ❤️ xx

@juniperandrose I don’t have any good tips for scan anxiety I’m afraid, I’m in the full on denial camp of dealing with things. It sits at the back of my thoughts all the time and I just live with a low level of constant anxiety. Not very healthy! I would probably agree that distraction is good… I’m not very crafty, but enjoy gardening/my allotment so do that a lot. I spent a very nice afternoon pruning my tomato plants yesterday and I felt really relaxed by the end of it! I also found doing a jigsaw quite a good mindless distraction.

@MOGMOGMOG85 @Anon20something Gorgeous scan photos! The 3D ones are getting much better I think! A few years ago I always thought they looked really creepy, but these just look like gorgeous scrunchy newborn photos. Amazing.

@shefliesonherownwings Good job on the hair cut… I cut my own yesterday. I probably should have waited and booked an appointment. At least no one is really seeing me at the moment :-D

@seahawk80 @footprintsintheslow @marmitecheesetoast I feel your pain. My 2.5 year old has decided he doesn’t want to nap. Exhausting, but the worst bit is from 4pm he’s just all over the place. I used to really enjoy bath/bedtime, lovely stories, really fun and cuddly. Now it’s just a battle to get him into bed and asleep. He’s also getting harder wrangle as I get bigger!! I'm hoping either he starts to nap again, or deals better with a bit less sleep.

@marmitecheesetoast Consultant appointment sounds really tough. Good to get as much info as possible, but awful to think that perhaps something could have been done to save your son. Sending a massive hug, and look after yourself while you deal with the new information. Pleased they are giving you the extra scans this time.

@MOGMOGMOG85 Glad you’re feeling better. As I said up message a bit, I’m having to wrangle my toddler so much at the moment I’m constantly getting weird pains/stretches. I just put it down to damage to me, rather than the baby. Funny how everyone tells you to be careful until you’re manhandling a 19kg toddler, then suddenly it’s all fine.

@KerryW87 My loss was early so I can’t help, but hope you’re feeling better today. I have had two friends who had a stillbirth and had a successful pregnancy within a year of their loss. I don’t know what the odds are, I would think it’s to do with the reason you lost your little boy. Are the Drs able to give you more of an answer?

Hope everyone has some nice weekend plans. I've been up since 5:15 with my son, so I'm planning a lunchtime nap, and a quiet day of pottering/playing/maybe some TV to get us all through! Pleased it's due to rain so I don't feel bad about not being outside much.

@KerryW87 Sorry, when I said feeling better, I know you won't be. It's such an awful thing. I just mean I hope you are ok. Sorry if that sounded insensitive. I know a week after my miscarriage (and mine was early) I think I was reading everything possible to try and figure out stats/liklihoods/reasons etc. Sending you lots of love, and hope you manage a bit of rest in between all the other feelings.

@tmc14 Oh no, of course I didn't think it sounded insensitive at all! It was really kind of you to reply, especially when I know I'm not pregnant and I've just sort of jumped onto this thread. Thank you so much ❤️

It'll take 6 weeks for tests on me/placenta to come back, but the midwife did say during labour that the amount of blood I lost (1 litre) and the amount of large clots would lead her to believe it was perhaps an abruption of the placenta, so if it was that then I'm hoping it was a horribly unlucky fluke and not necessarily something with me that would happen again? It's all guessing until results come back, I know...you just can't help but desperately look for answers and statistics to try and feel hopeful.

Thank you so much for replying, hope you're well ❤️ x

@tmc14 I feel the same about the rain! Also DS doesn't feel very well which actually means he will sit still and watch a Disney movie with me. With napping DS gave his up around then but he was ready. My sister did say that if you want it to carry on you can spend a couple of weeks driving them around / walking in buggy to get them to sleep and then they should go back to naps in the cot for a while. Could be worth a try if your DS is struggling.

@marmitecheesetoast ha ha yes the threenagers. DS' new thing is doing an "anger wee" when he doesn't get his way. So fed up of constantly washing clothes. I know he does it on purpose and it's not an accident because he admits it - I mean at least he's honest 😂

After my Disney movie I need to tackle unpacking all our kictchen stuff. Those of you who remember me from before May remember we started a kitchen extension in November. It was fairly small and straightforward but lockdown just stopped
Work for ages so it is finally almost finished! So happy but not so keen on unpacking mountains of dusty boxes!

@KerryW87 I think your tears and fears are totally understandable and natural. I was exactly the same and I still cry from time to time now.
I know we've chatted so you know I had a 20 week loss. I became pregnant just 6 weeks later.
Unfortunately I had a loss at 7 weeks but they were totally unconnected. So don't dwell on that.

Then we waited for a while to try again as corona virus put me off a bit but when we tried again it we lucky to fall pregnant on cycle 2. I'm now 15 weeks and things are all looking positive.

You've got children and that's so positive for you to know as your body has done this before. It's very reassuring for me to know that. This will happen for you. In the meantime if you want scientific based information that Miscarriage book is excellent.

@tmc14 I agree on the frantically reading up on things. After our late loss in October I became obsessed with reading scientific papers and journals. I started taking notes and listing questions for my consultant. Looking back I was frantic and obsessive but it helped me cope with things as I felt I was doing something useful.

@KerryW87 I just wanted to say as well that after giving birth which you have recently done your body is filled with endorphins or happy hormones. I don't know about you but I felt almost ecstatic even though it was the saddest situation to be in. I was hyper alert and relieved it was all over after being at home for two days dreading the birth. For the following few days I was out shopping and happy to have family and friends over.

Of course these hormones subside and we are left with the grief and for me the anger and bitterness came. Each day was different and it was exhausting. I slumped and became lethargic. I was shocked after originally thinking I'd handled it all so well.
I think the initial endorphins masked the reality of the situation.

So what I'm trying to say is everything you feel is ok and natural and try and accept the feelings as tomorrow they might me different.

@KerryW87 I'm so sorry you lost your little boy. Never apologise for how you're feeling, we all know what it is like. I had a full term stillbirth last November and I was obsessed with googling rainbow baby stories and hearing about others who had had full term losses and gone onto have healthy babies. We were lucky and I fell pregnant in February, I'm now 24 weeks and so far all is OK.

I also have a good friend who lost her daughter at 16 weeks last year and pretty much a year later had a healthy boy. She actually found out she was pregnant again on her daughters due date. There is no reason it can't happy again for you lovely, just be kind to yourself xxx

@KerryW87 I completely understand about being in a different place to your partner. My partner was so 'ok' that he suggested we still go to a music festival two weeks after our loss last year, he felt we needed to do normal things. He seemed so fine but actually has really struggled during this pregnancy and we've had some conversations recently about how he didn't really process it at the time. I suppose the point I'm making is I think partners can deal with it quite differently, so don't feel bad for not feeling in the same place, but equally he might need to just be like that for a bit too, and might deal with it more directly later (so neither is the 'right' way if you like, there is no 'right'!). Just let yourself feel whatever you're feeling right now, it's still such early days and the last thing you need is pressure from yourself on top of everything else you're going through x

After my bad feeling yesterday and cramps I've had some bleeding today. Only when I wipe (sorry if TMI). The EPU is closed until Monday so I'll just have to see how it goes and call them then. I don't feel very positive but then again this is the first pregnancy I've had with no bleeding, it's just always been earlier than this. I just hate the waiting. All I want is a brother or sister for DS and it just seems so unfair. Does anyone know if it's worth me calling the midwife or would you just wait for the EPU?

@footprintsintheslow You're so right, although almost a decade ago, I did have two healthy pregnancies one after the other and so I'm lucky to have both my children and the knowledge that I have managed it before, I need to keep looking at it like that, thank you ❤️ I definitely just got myself into a state last night.

With our boy being my partner's first, I'm so anxious to give him that happy outcome although he has been great and told me not to put pressure on myself.

I'm so thankful for all your advice and support this past week, you've been so helpful and kind. I'm so glad you're now expecting again and wishing you a lovely healthy rest of your pregnancy! xxx

@Hagster Thanks so much for replying. Your partner sounds a bit like mine - I do actually understand and agree with getting back to "normal", I'm just not doing as well at it as he is. I suppose we all do just handle it differently, and again, my family keep telling me to cut myself a break and just accept however I feel day-to-day. I almost planned a catch up and making lunch for a friend with a wee baby for tomorrow, but realised I wasn't actually ready and was forcing myself to do that, so I cancelled it.

Thanks so much for the support and lovely message, and congratulations on your pregnancy ❤️❤️

@Shefliesonherownwings Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry for your loss last year. I found it difficult enough at our stage, that must have been so incredibly difficult.

That's it, I felt just so obsessed with finding happy stories that related as closely to my situation as possible, even though even those stories can't predict what will happen for me. Glad to know I'm not alone I'm feeling that way. I so hope we can fall pregnant again soon and have a wee healthy baby one day. I'm so happy you're expecting again after what you've been through, sending lots of love to you for the rest of your pregnancy ❤️