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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Pregnant after Loss and Dreaming of Rainbows - 5

983 replies

Avocuddles · 16/07/2020 18:03

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Seahawk80 · 22/07/2020 21:38

@turquoisebaby I will keep everything crossed for you tomorrow. I know you must be wishing the hours away until the scan. I had lots of random bleeds until 13 weeks with DS and my friend had a big bleed with clots at 14 weeks and all was fine so please don't assume it's all over, or blame yourself for booking the scan. Hope you manage to get some rest and best of luck for tomorrow x

Sazzy312 · 22/07/2020 21:54

@turquoisebaby good luck for your scan tomorrow, at least you'll get an answer, I passed a big clot around 13 weeks but baby was fine, I have heard of other seeing blood and everything is alright so don't think the worst till you know, nothing can change the outcome and don't feel bad for booking that scan thats what loads of women do, sending you a hug, and that "friend" is definitely better out of your life, I've found lock down to be good for seeing who I really want to stay friends with and who shouldn't be in my life

Seahawk80 · 22/07/2020 21:59

@turquoisebaby I will keep everything crossed for you tomorrow. I know you must be wishing the hours away until the scan. I had lots of random bleeds until 13 weeks with DS and my friend had a big bleed with clots at 14 weeks and all was fine so please don't assume it's all over, or blame yourself for booking the scan. Hope you manage to get some rest and best of luck for tomorrow x

Knotemma · 22/07/2020 22:07

@turquoisebaby I also had a scary bleed at 13+2, big clot of blood at half 3 on a Friday afternoon. I was convinced that it was all over, but when I eventually got a scan on the Monday morning it was all fine. Still no idea what had caused it, I then had bleeds the following 2 Fridays afternoons, because 1 traumatic weekend clearly wasn't enough. I'm now 31 weeks, so again proof that a bleed, especially one that stops, doesn't necessarily mean the worst, though I know it's almost impossible to think like that when you're in the middle of it. Try to get some rest, I'll be thinking about you and sending positive vibes tomorrow x

footprintsintheslow · 22/07/2020 22:26

@turquoisebaby I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and hope everything is positive.

I have phased out certain friends through lockdown and it's been a great relief. Every so often I feel a pang if guilt like you but I'm going to have a new mantra that someone said on here (not sure who sorry but please let me know who you are). I'm going to say to myself "I must respect my grief" and then I'm going to do whatever the hell I feel like!

Again I just hope everything goes well tomorrow.

marmitecheesetoast · 23/07/2020 06:21

@turquoisebaby thinking of you and hoping the hours go quickly until your scan this afternoon. It must be so scary but please don’t beat yourself up for booking the scan. Will be thinking of you. Your friend sounds awful, definitely not someone you need in your life!

@footprintsintheslow I love that mantra, I’m going to adopt it! There’s also one I ce across in a yoga practice in the early weeks after loss that I keep thinking of and holding onto when I think about my ‘friend’ or worry what people think about me taking mat leave: ‘let go of what does not serve you’.
Simple but true!

@Seahawk80 thank you so much for saying that, I really appreciate it. I’m a life long worrier of what other people think so it’s hard to turn that off but I will try! I do feel incredibly fortunate to have been past the point where maternity leave is still given.

I’ve been up since 5am going to be a long wait until the consultant call at 4pm. Well I’ve got counselling this morning to keep me busy at least!

Whiffle77 · 23/07/2020 07:06

Good luck today @turquoisebaby

tmc14 · 23/07/2020 07:38

So many messages since I last read... Hope I haven't missed anybody xx

@MOGMOGMOG85 Ah, the pub sounds awful, are they still going every night? Two weeks is shocking. I had this about 15 years ago where I lived, massive speakers moved to the beer garden, after the second night I called the council and they dealt with it that day. So annoying they’re making you wait. (Also, after my last birth, I think shabby vagina pains is probably appropriate!!) And l love reading the tree planting tips!

@avocuddles @Knotemma Hope the heartburn has settled down the last few days.

@Rachael321 – my eyes are the same! So overdue a test, feeling really blurry eyed at the moment, made worse because I’m quite tired all the time. Really annoying timing.

@valeriesparx Gentle congratulations to you, I was going to write the first few weeks are so hard, but I’m still very anxious at 28 weeks, so I think the whole of pregnancy after loss is just hard and different. Sending hugs. Try and find the ways that help you with the anxiety. Everyone is different but I wish I’d tried to figure out my coping mechanisms earlier rather than waiting for my anxiety to go away.

@marmitecheesetoast No advice but sending a massive hug as it is just so hard when you’ve had a baby that didn’t come home. I hope the bereavement midwife and counselling can help you along this journey. Cannot believe the insensitivity of your friend. I’d definitely be choosing who I spent time with to protect myself. Definitely not a fraud being on mat leave. The government is not generous at all with these things, so if they feel it’s important then it definitely is. You need time to recover mentally and physically. Never feel like you shouldn’t be taking that time.

@anxietylady1 Congratulations on getting to 24 weeks. I was exactly the same, I really thought my anxiety would have subsided by now! Movements (once they settle down) I find really comforting though.

@Hagster – my trust is still not allowing partners. To be honest, my DH would be home with our son anyway so don’t think it really affects me that much. I think the rules for all hospital patients needs to be looked at. I know too many people having to be in having palliative care, or very scary treatments, or get difficult news on their own. If everyone is wearing masks I think those who need it should be allowed someone with them across all departments.

@anon20something Massive hugs to you, every day is hard but these milestones are just so tough. Glad your friends are being sensitive. My loss was early but I have two friends who gave birth when I was supposed to and I have to work so hard to block the ‘what would my baby be like now’ thoughts. Hope you’re being very gentle and kind to yourself.

@shefliesonherownwings Also big hugs to you. You’ve been through so much already, then having to go through everything again and again and deal with the autopsy report is just so awful. So pleased you’re little wriggly boy is doing well.

@Turquoisebaby – keeping everything crossed for your scan today. Definitely don’t feel guilt about getting rid of ‘friends’ who are all about themselves. Your mental health (and who you spend your time with) is more important than that.

tmc14 · 23/07/2020 07:42

I had my consultant appointment yesterday. After a long chat she convinced me of the early induction. I'm not feeling great about it but think it will be best for the baby and me. I've got lots of caveats, and they are happy for me to stop the induction at any point and switch to a section if I think it's going on too long/my body just isn't ready for it (my first labour was so long both baby and me were so exhausted, which contributed to issues breastfeeding), and I'm allowed the pessary as an outpatient, so more time at home/less time in hospital. It does mean that 11 weeks from now I'll likely be in hospital! Which seems crazy. I was so sure I would be going over like last time that bringing it forward really shortens the pregnancy for me. So weird, and seems so so soon. Although I'm sure once I'm massive and uncomfortable, time will start to slow down...

SammiLou2312 · 23/07/2020 11:18

Morning all! Hope you are all doing ok. Can't believe it's been another week already! Really feels weird now...as I'm getting induced before my due date, baby girl will be here sometime in next 5-7 weeks. Can't tell if I'm more excited or terrified lol! Still feels unreal and like I have loads left to organise and get ready x

@Bellsx 35wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 35wks (due 20/08/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@Hoping2020 32wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 32wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Knotemma 31wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 28wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 30wks (26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@TunnocksTcake 30wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@avocuddles 30wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Sunflower1608 28wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣ GIRL & BOY
@SunStruck 27wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 26wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 29wks (due 30/09/20)⁣ BOY
@HighHopes20 25wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 28wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 28wks (due 11/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hagster 28wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣ SURPRISE
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 23wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 24wks (due 07/11/20)⁣ BOY
@Shefliesonherownwings 22wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 18wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 19wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 20wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 20wks (due 05/12/20)
@footprintsintheslow 14 wks (due 10/01/21)
@turquoisebaby 13 weeks (due 24/01/2021

AnxiousLady1 · 23/07/2020 11:48

@turquoisebaby and @MOGMOGMOG85 Best of luck with the scans today. You are in my thoughts. xx

JuniperAndRose · 23/07/2020 12:01

@Shefliesonherownwings I'm so sorry to hear that there were failings identified in Isla's investigation. You are perfectly reasonable to feel the unfairness of it, because it is incredibly unfair. I hope that the solicitor is able to provide you with some good advice.

@turquoisebaby I am keeping everything crossed for your scan today. I had a very scary bleed at 12 weeks (the day before the scan) with a sudden rush of blood, but no pain or cramping. At the scan the next day the baby looked fine, so the reason for the bleed is still a mystery. I'm sending you all good wishes for a good scan today x

I can sympathise ladies with the insensitive comments. I've had to phase some people out, just because the alternative was so distressing. I try to give some people a balance (ie mostly supportive with the odd well-meaning but insensitive comment is ok) but repeated comments just aren't ok. Unfortunately a lot of these comments have come from my parents, so obviously I can't exactly phase them out, but at the moment I have told them that I cannot speak to them until they change their behaviour. I'm not sure that it will do any good, but I can't really see an alternative. On the other hand, some friends and family have really been incredible in their support, so those are the people I am sticking close to.

I have a scan on Monday and I'm already feeling very anxious! Does anyone have any tips for trying to manage/ cope with the anxiety? I think working from home and being mostly in the house doesn't help, there is nothing to take my mind off the appointment.

Whiffle77 · 23/07/2020 12:31

Just updating my weeks again!

@Bellsx 35wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 35wks (due 20/08/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@Hoping2020 32wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 32wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Knotemma 31wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 28wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 30wks (26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@TunnocksTcake 30wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@avocuddles 30wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Sunflower1608 28wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣ GIRL & BOY
@SunStruck 27wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 26wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 29wks (due 30/09/20)⁣ BOY
@HighHopes20 25wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 28wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 28wks (due 11/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hagster 28wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣ SURPRISE
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 23wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 24wks (due 07/11/20)⁣ BOY
@Shefliesonherownwings 22wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 18wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 19wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 21wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 20wks (due 05/12/20)
@footprintsintheslow 14 wks (due 10/01/21)
@turquoisebaby 13 weeks (due 24/01/2021

Treaclepie19 · 23/07/2020 12:38

Updating my weeks as I forgot yesterday. They're going faster finally!

@Bellsx 35wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 35wks (due 20/08/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@Hoping2020 32wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 32wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Knotemma 31wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 28wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 30wks (26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@TunnocksTcake 30wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@avocuddles 30wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Sunflower1608 28wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣ GIRL & BOY
@SunStruck 27wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 26wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 29wks (due 30/09/20)⁣ BOY
@HighHopes20 25wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 29wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 28wks (due 11/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hagster 28wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣ SURPRISE
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 23wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 24wks (due 07/11/20)⁣ BOY
@Shefliesonherownwings 22wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 18wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 19wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 21wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 20wks (due 05/12/20)
@footprintsintheslow 14 wks (due 10/01/21)
@turquoisebaby 13 weeks (due 24/01/2021

AnxiousLady1 · 23/07/2020 12:45

@Juniperandrose We all have different methods of keeping ourselves distracted in the lead up to a scan. I know some have suggested keeping your hands busy with things like knitting or crochet. Others have leaned toward immersive video games. Ultimately it depends what your interests are. Personally, I threw myself into cleaning, and still do any time I feel a little anxiety. I agree the working from home doesn't help as I was allowed to wallow in my own thoughts. I equally found sometimes simply watching movies didn't work for me as my mind would wander. At least with cleaning I kept myself moving and busy that way. And it had the added benefit of making me think it was one way of working toward preparing to bring a baby into the house. Xx

marmitecheesetoast · 23/07/2020 12:58

@tmc14 thank you so much ❤️ Hearing this does really help chip away at some of my hard feelings on myself about this.
Sounds like you reached some positive decisions in your consultant appt.

No advice @JuniperAndRose but I can only begin to imagine the scan anxiety (I’m yet to get there) so hope it goes quickly for you between now and then.

Hope @turquoisebaby and @MOGMOGMOG85 scans go well today xx

JuniperAndRose · 23/07/2020 14:05

@AnxiousLady1 thank you! Lots of nice ideas there. I am so crap at any crafting that it's untrue, but the idea of approaching it as a stress relief makes a lot of sense! I have an allotment so think I might go there and prune some of the tomato plants and see if there are any fresh raspberries on the raspberry bushes :-)

@marmitecheesetoast I will test out ideas and then when it's your turn for scan nerves hopefully I can be of some help :-)

SammiLou2312 · 23/07/2020 14:49

@JuniperAndRose I installed a free jigsaw app on my phone and sit and do those to calm my anxiety - especially when I'm in the hospital waiting. Hope you find something that works for you x

Avocuddles · 23/07/2020 15:43

@marmitecheesetoast hope your call with the consultant went well, really glad you're being seen by someone with such a good reputation.

@KerryW87 re the time it took each of us to conceive after loss, it took me 12 months to fall pregnant initially (aged 35 with very irregular periods), then two months. After the second loss I took some time out from trying and it was five months later that we had this BFP - periods were still very irregular so was about to start ovulation stimulation treatment but didn't need it in the end. Taking a few months out was a really good thing for my mental health and probably also helped with my physical health (time to take ubiquinol and vitamin d supplements and have a few health checks), but appreciate that everyone is different and have heard numerous success stories of women who have conceived immediately after a miscarriage.

@MOGMOGMOG85 I really wish I had your green fingers on hand to help with my garden! I'm absolutely useless but currently feeling an immense sense of pride at having managed to grow two edible, non mildewy courgettes so far this season! 😆

@Shefliesonherownwings congratulations on reaching 24 weeks, it's definitely a key milestone and it sounds like you have a lovely healthy and wriggly little boy in there. Weight and nutrition are definitely not linked during pregnancy if my biscuit and crisps consumption are anything to go by....

@turquoisebaby so sorry to hear about your scare, hope it's just that and nothing to worry about. I can't believe the insensitivity of your so called friend! Infertility and loss definitely help you to realise who your true friends are, thankfully most of mine have been great even if it's been slightly awkward at times as they all started their families several years ago and haven't experienced the same challenges. I hope everything goes well for you today.

@JuniperAndRose I still can't shake off scan anxiety even at 30 weeks! All I can suggest is trying to keep as busy as possible, be it getting stuck into a new book or game, spending time outside or getting stuck into a new project. I've been painting a lot recently (having never done it before) and also playing The Sims on my iPad which is a great way to waste an awful lot of time!

@tmc14 11 weeks will definitely pass before you know it! So exciting to think you'll be holding your rainbow baby then, though appreciate that you have plenty of reservations re the induction. Crossing my fingers that it'll be a quick and smooth birth for you.

OP posts:
MOGMOGMOG85 · 23/07/2020 16:28

@turquoisebaby I've just seen your posts and am crossing everything for you today. As for your friend and ttc that is a really gross comment, as though there is something wrong with you and your partner for it taking a while. For me struggling to conceive was a real wake up call, I had always assumed my body would work perfectly and I was absolutely heartbroken that it wasn't and felt like I wasn't a "real" woman, crazy. It felt like everyone around me just fell pregnant very easily, although I did know one other couple who had taken 2 years, and there must be loads more who just keep quiet about it. Anyway, sending all the luck your way today.

My scan is finally over and it went really well! The baby is definitely a boy and I couldn't have unseen it even if I'd opted for a surprise, I feel like this massive cartoonish cock and balls (even though I know their balls aren't really there yet - thats what it looked like!) came into view and the sonographer said "do you need me to tell you the gender?"! I cried and was so happy, but then afterwards have felt sad that it's not a girl - I think I want both haha, but you can't be greedy! Everything fine with the baby, only downer was that one of my fibroids was just too close to the birth canal for comfort. But as I have heard it these things can change. I have extra scans at 28 and 32 weeks now to keep an eye on them. As I understand it I'd need a caesarian if things stay the same. Not long into the scan the babies hand came into view, and it seemed to repeatedly be doing a thumbs up at me. I cried again, I felt as though he was telling me not to worry and everything will be ok, silly as that sounds. I only wish my partner had been there as I was alone with a male sonographer and also required an internal scan which are not very pleasant for me (there was a chaperone for that bit).

Anyway very relieved. We have at least one name that we both like for a boy so that is a relief! It's Errol. It's not my top name but I am very fond of it so if all else fails we will have a fallback. I would really like a Welsh name, particularly Hywel or Aneurin, but my partner doesn't seem keen. I swear he said he liked Hywel in the past but he always forgets if he's said yes to one Hmm

MOGMOGMOG85 · 23/07/2020 16:42

I hope no-one minds me sharing this here. Visibility with my fibroids was pretty crappy but he used 3D and we got a little glimpse of the face coming out of the void for just a split second - it was magical

Pregnant after Loss and Dreaming of Rainbows - 5
AnxiousLady1 · 23/07/2020 17:07

@MOGMOGMOG85 Aaah congrats!! Welcome to the Boys club! Great scan pic. Does your hospital automatically do 3D?? I have a private scan booked Sunday so my DH can finally come. Looking forward to seeing something that isn't a grainy black and white 2D image 😂

turquoisebaby · 23/07/2020 17:32

We have a heartbeat and a little wriggler kicking away!!!!!! I cried before I went in, during the scan and after. They couldn't find a cause for the bleed though either way, I'm so happy!!!!! Thank you everybody for the well wishes :) My stepdad was dead sweet, last week at my 12 week scan he said he was chanting 'please be ok' whilst making his coffee, He did his chanting again today, he does make me laugh.

@MOGMOGMOG85 thats a beautiful scan pic! Glad your scan went well to and little one was performing, Congrats on having a boy. Errol is a sweet name, and not too popular either (not that I'd let popularity put me off a name).

Knotemma · 23/07/2020 17:53

@MOGMOGMOG85 so pleased that your scan went well, everything crossed that you have some movement on the fibroids, but if not theres nothing wrong with Errol exiting through the sunroof!

@turquoisebaby I'm so pleased that things are all ok, I've been thinking of you all day. These kiddos love nothing more than to frighten the the daylights out of us!

MOGMOGMOG85 · 23/07/2020 17:56

@turquoisebaby yayayay! What a relief! I have to say it sounded like a great thing that the bleed stopped, and thank goodness you finally have the reassurance of knowing. I'd say its best they can't see anything - suggests the bleeding didn't even come from the womb maybe the cervix being sensitive? I may be wrong, but as you say either way, I'm so happy for you! Bless your stepdad too, we all need him doing a little chant for us hahaha! I have the same problem when a name is popular I go right off!

@AnxiousLady1 thank you! My massive fibroids can distort the ultrasound and make it very hard work for the sonographers - sometimes they resort to internal scan and sometimes 4D, anything to give them a brief opportunity to see what on earth is going on! I make it sound worse than it is, but it is a bit frustrating. With my mmc it caused them to not even be able to locate a 6 week old embryo and I was suspected ectopic for almost 72 hours which was terrifying! xxx

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