Pregnant after Loss and Dreaming of Rainbows - 5

[Avocuddles]

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Updating my weeks 😄 so close now. Had a rough couple of days with tummy ache (pretty sure it’s constipation), high sugars, and 2am acid reflux despite omeprazole. Feeling a bit better today and only 2 weeks to go. I am counting the seconds x

@Bellsx 37wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 39wks (due 20/08/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@SammiLou2312 36wks⁣ (induction due 03/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hoping2020 35wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@Knotemma 36wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 31wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 35wks (26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@TunnocksTcake 34 wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@avocuddles 35wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Sunflower1608 32wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣ GIRL & BOY
@SunStruck 33wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 31wks due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 35 weeks (csection booked 09/09/20) BOY
@HighHopes20 25wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 34wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 33wks (due 11/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hagster 33wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣ SURPRISE
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 23wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 29wks (due 07/11/20)⁣ BOY
@Shefliesonherownwings 26wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 28wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 19wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 25wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 25wks (due 05/12/20) BOY
@footprintsintheslow 19 wks (due 10/01/21)
@turquoisebaby 18 weeks (due 24/01/21)BOY

@Treaclepie19 I agree with sammilou that getting some notes together for you discussion later is a really good shout. I'd also ask what her specific concerns are given that the consultant is comfortable for you to give birth at the MLU. It's awful when you have an appointment with someone who just doesn't get it. I find it very frustrating that my midwives aren't really into birth plans. I totally understand that things need to be flexible, but for me having a plan of what I am and am not comfortable with is really important. They also keep saying not to rule anything out, but for me an epidural is a big no, the idea of it freaks me out, so I really don't want to discuss having one, that simple 🤷‍♀️. Don't get me wrong they're generally lovely and supportive and I do think they just want what's best for me, but sometimes I just need to feel like I'm being listened too you know?

@knotemma its ridiculous isn't it? They make out you have no clue about anything.
She was saying my anxiety is too bad to deal with not having baby constantly monitored. How does she know that?!
I'll be contacting my consultant anyway because I'm sure if there was a need for extra monitoring she would have told me.

@Treaclepie19 If anything I'd have thought insisting on you having a birth you don't necessarily want, in a hospital, would make you more anxious! Whole point of a MLU is it is meant to be a calmer approach. Can they not adequately monitor baby in a MLU? I'm opting for that also, but still at the stage of doing my research and won't talk to my MW about it for another couple of weeks.

@AnxiousLady1 exactly!
Our MLU is even in the hospital on the same floor as the regular delivery suite.

Its sorted now I think. She phoned me and I stood my ground so she said the consultant is the one who will make the decision about whether i can be on MLU. To which I reminded her again that the consultant has already said I can do whichever I like. So my plan now is to ring the consultant tomorrow and talk about getting discharged back to midwife led so its plain sailing from here.

They do monitor in MLU but it's just not continuous. Which is fine with me because I want to move about. Well, I want a waterbirth.

Anyway I can breathe out a bit now. My consultant is brilliant so I know she will have my back.
I wanted to keep the induction appointment in case we changed our mind but I think she would let me go back to consultant led if we did.

@Treaclepie19 Good that you stood your ground with them! As you say, if it's a low risk pregnancy and the MLU is on the same floor of the hospital, AND they can still monitor (while allowing you to move around), it just makes more sense.

@Treaclepie19 glad you managed to get stuff sorted. Hope you are feeling a little better now you have spoken to her again and stood your ground x

Little update from my consultant appt yesterday - going back to Fetal medicine actually wasn’t as bad as I thought! We saw the same consultant who looked after us from 16 weeks with lily and I just love her! She gave us a cuddle (in full PPE!) and let my OH into the scan too which I think was so good for him as all he’s ever experienced was the horrific appts last time. She said the fluid was on the higher level of normal and with his size, 6lb10oz at 35+4, that she just wants me to do some glucose monitoring but that she’s not concerned at all and it won’t change anything with us getting induced on the 16th anyways. She did a full anomaly scan and said he looks perfect. We got lots of 3D pictures too. Feel so so much better, and she’s the head Fetal medicine dr in our region which has deffo relaxed me a bit with her being so pleased. She was so understanding and also said she’ll be thinking of us and lily tomorrow on her birthday. I wish we’d saw her earlier to be honest, and deffo wish we all had drs as lovely as her who just ‘get it’.

@Anon20something glad to hear that your appointment went well. It's great to hear you have a good support system at the hospital x

Updating my weeks for the last time potentially...can't believe that this time next week I will be getting induced. Although not sure if baby girl is going to try and appear before that. Been having cramping and slight back pain for a couple days now...thought at first it was Braxton Hicks but starting to think maybe it might be something more. No sign of losing my plug or water breaking yet so trying not to get ahead of myself but we shall see. Hope you are all doing ok x

@Bellsx 37wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 39wks (due 20/08/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@SammiLou2312 37wks⁣ (induction due 03/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hoping2020 35wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@Knotemma 36wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 31wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 35wks (26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@TunnocksTcake 34 wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@avocuddles 35wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Sunflower1608 32wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣ GIRL & BOY
@SunStruck 33wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 31wks due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 35 weeks (csection booked 09/09/20) BOY
@HighHopes20 25wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 34wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 33wks (due 11/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hagster 33wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣ SURPRISE
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 23wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 29wks (due 07/11/20)⁣ BOY
@Shefliesonherownwings 26wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 28wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 19wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 25wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 25wks (due 05/12/20) BOY
@footprintsintheslow 19 wks (due 10/01/21)
@turquoisebaby 18 weeks (due 24/01/21)BOY

@SammiLou2312 thank you! I feel like so much of the care has been really disjointed, but thankfully getting to see her has given me a good little boost for these last 3 weeks! Good luck for next week!

@MOGMOGMOG85 Your right there is no such thing as fate, Just our crazy brains going into overdrive and making links to everything. We took our DD foraging for blackberries for the first time, she loved it. We didn't get many as she kept eating them! She helped DH to make a "crumple" with some apples to and refused to eat it. Ahhhh kids! Have you made your jam yet? That's something I've never tried making.

Alexandra's birthday was lovely yesterday, we went to her grave and added a new windmill for her and our DD picked out some flowers for her. We have half at home with us to, I like the link, it comforts me. I came downstairs and DH had lit candles and was watching Gavin and Stacey which is what we watched when i was in labour with Alex. Definately lifted our spirits.

Not managed to fully catch up with all the posts the thread is running away again!

@Anon20something such a wonderful and positive experience. Thank goodness there are just wonderful health workers out there to keep us sane. I'll be thinking of you and Lily tomorrow. X

@turquoisebaby I'm glad you got through Alexandra's birthday yesterday. We went blackberry picking on the weekend and our little one 'looked after the pot' and it was being emptied as fast as I could fill it.

I'm definitely having a 2nd trimester energy boost. I got up early and picked a load of tomatoes, rhubarb and raspberries from the garden. Then I've dehydrated the tomatoes and made a pan full of passata to freeze. Then I made rhubarb and ginger cordial. Now I'm zonked. I sound like I live on a country estate but I'm in a tiny terrace house on an estate but I've dug up the front and back garden to grow as much as I can. It looks crazy as everyone round here has lawns but I don't care.

@turquoisebaby that sounds like a lovely day to spend Alexandra’s birthday! Sending love 💫

@footprintsintheslow aw thank you. I’m not quite sure how I feel about it to be honest, it’s very bittersweet! We are going to our wedding venue for a meal with the family to celebrate, so that feels pretty special.

@footprintsintheslow I'm in awe at how much you have done, I wouldn't even know how to make a cordial! No wonder your zonked.

@footprintsintheslow that all looks amazing! I've made bacon and butterbean soup today and started a load of sourdough bread to prove overnight and bake in the morning. Hopefully this one turns out ... Pregnancy brain has definitely impacted my ability to follow a recipe. I made a fab looking loaf last week... But forgot the salt so it tasted god awful 😂

@turquoisebaby I just googled it like everything else. I'm no Mother Earth with any stores of knowledge.

@Knotemma soup and bread sounds yummy. Nothing like homemade. I killed off the last sour dough starter I had so I stick to my bread machine now.

I was so zonked after all my action that I went for an afternoon nap which was great and luckily I'd cooked a giant stew the day before so tea was sorted. Can't believe we are having stew in August but the weather is so crap here in Wales.

Hope everyone is feeling ok today we are all another day closer to the end goal!

It's been a busy week at work and I haven't been able to check in much and there is so much to catch up on :-)
CONGRATULATIONS @Rachael321 on the birth of your son. I'm sorry that you didn't get the birth that you wanted but it sounds like you were an absolute warrior.
@Anon20something and @Treaclepie19 those sound like positive appointments (eventually), well done for standing your ground!
@turquoisebaby that sounds like a lovely way to celebrate Alexandra's birthday, I hope that you had a gentle day together x
@Shefliesonherownwings I'm glad to hear you had a relaxing break! I don't think it sounds silly at all to be upset at being away from Isla. Is there anything of Isla's that you could take with you when you go away? I have a locket that has DD1's hand and footprints inside it and her initial engraved on the back. I wear it all the time and I do find it good to have with me. Would something like that be helpful? (Eventually I'm planning on having a tattoo to represent my DDs. I have the artist in mind but just need to work on the right design and then work up the courage!) I hope that you are doing ok this week - is it the consultant appointment next week?
@footprintsintheslow I'm in awe of all your bottling and preserving! We have an allotment and I find pottering about there is really helpful for anxiety etc. Some friends are coming over tomorrow to help with it and we call it our allotment therapy!

Hi all, how is everyone? @Anon20something so glad you had a much better appointment.

@JuniperAndRose I had actually ordered a bracelet with Isla's birthstone and some of her ashes in it before lockdown. The company temporarily shut but have now opened so I need to send off the ashes and get that done. I do also want to get a tattoo tribute as well, I have tattoos already and I want something special for Isla, probably next year. I have the midwife next week and consultant on the 8th.

I am an emotional wreck at the moment though. We were at my inlaws last night and I need to say that they are the most wonderful, loving sensitive and supportive people to us. We really couldn't have got through losing Isla without their support. But last night my MIL made a couple of very innocent comments but just the phrasing used really upset me. It basically triggered my absolute worst fear that Isla will be forgotten once this baby and my SILs baby which is due in 6 weeks arrives. I know MIL would be absolutely mortified if she knew she'd in any way upset me.

I ended up getting really upset when we got home and having a proper meltdown. I did that stupid thing of saying to DH I was fine and and I didn't want to talk about it but then he managed to get it out of me. I told him everyone will forget Isla and they won't remember she was our first and the first grandchild and they'll all think we'll be fine and 'over it' when the baby is here. DH was brilliant and said no one will forget and anyone that does isn't worth our time. We will make lots of memories to include Isla and we'll make sure she's always remembered. He even said he'd have a word with his family if I wanted him to about not talking about firsts. I felt better getting it off my chest but I am just super emotional today. Plus I woke up with lovely puffy red eyes. Honestly ever since our scan on Tuesday I have felt like I'm on the edge of struggling to hold it together. It just brought back so much raw grief about Isla and fear of losing this one too. Not sure how I'm going to manage the next 8 weeks.

@Shefliesonherownwings sorry to hear you had a tough night. I'm glad you finally opened up to your DH. It's good to share our feelings, especially during pregnancy...I've found my hormones have sent my emotions a little crazy at times too which is hard but DH is always there to listen or give a hug when needed. I hope you feel a little better today. Just know, Isla will never be forgotten as long as you and DH remember her... Sending love x

Aww I’m so sorry you’re having a tough time @Shefliesonherownwings ❤️

I definitely understand how you’re feeling, and my mum has said a few similar things. I’m finding this last 3 weeks really tough, I’m terrified of losing him too. It was Lily’s birthday yesterday, and I’ve been so scared that with baby boy people would’ve forgotten her - they definitely didn’t. We had so many lovely messages and our day was filled with her. Isla will always be a part of you, and never ever forgotten by everyone who loves her, sending lots of love ❤️

Saw a few people saying about tattoos, here’s mine I got for my birthday last year. Brings me so much comfort and eases the anxiety that I always feel like she’s with me!

@Anon20something That's a gorgeous tattoo and a fabulous idea to remember Lily.

@Shefliesonherownwings honestly everything you feel is totally natural and we all understand you here. No one here will forget Isla.

@Anon20something I'm glad Lily's day was filled with lovely moments and she was celebrated.

Thank you all so much for your kind words. I'm still feeling pretty emotionally raw but baby boy has been moving loads yesterday and today so that's helped a bit. We were meant to be at the in laws again today for Sunday lunch but I've told DH I'm not up to going. I just need a bit of a break and time to myself. Think he's a bit annoyed with me but I've decided I don't care, I'm going to be selfish for once.

What a gorgeous tattoo and memorial to Lily @Anon20something. I'm so glad lily's birthday was well remembered and filled with thoughts of her. I hope you're doing OK today. Xx

Hi all. Hope you're all doing ok, especially those who have been through tough milestones recently.

Updating my weeks and feeling mixed emotions around the fact that our baby is due THIS MONTH! This group has made me learn all too well that being in the 'final stretch' still doesn't guarantee taking home a baby and nerves are definitely kicking in. Know I need to try to stay positive and not focus on worst case scenarios but it's tough sometimes....
Nonetheless, today I am pregnant and there are 26 days until my due date!

@Bellsx 37wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 39wks (due 20/08/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@SammiLou2312 37wks⁣ (induction due 03/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hoping2020 35wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@Knotemma 36wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 31wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 35wks (26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@TunnocksTcake 34 wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@avocuddles 36wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Sunflower1608 32wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣ GIRL & BOY
@SunStruck 33wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 31wks due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 35 weeks (csection booked 09/09/20) BOY
@HighHopes20 25wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 34wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 33wks (due 11/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hagster 33wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣ SURPRISE
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 23wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 29wks (due 07/11/20)⁣ BOY
@Shefliesonherownwings 26wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 28wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 19wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 25wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 25wks (due 05/12/20) BOY
@footprintsintheslow 19 wks (due 10/01/21)
@turquoisebaby 18 weeks (due 24/01/21)BOY