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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Pregnant after Loss and Dreaming of Rainbows - 5

983 replies

Avocuddles · 16/07/2020 18:03

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Anon20something · 24/08/2020 12:37

@Hagster thank you ❤️ Ended up in tears with the doctor who to be honest wasn’t great. He just said it’s probably nothing and not to worry, then when I sobbed I had heard that before he just didn’t know what to say. I have the scan at Fetal medicine next week when I’m 36 weeks and we’ll see from there, he did say it’s very much just reassurance and we may not need monitoring etc. Composed myself and he then asked me about induction, I had been told a date by my consultant for 38 weeks but he went through a big tick sheet of risks (not what I needed!!) and was trying to push me to wait until at least 39/40. I sobbed again and just said I couldn’t do it, mentally I just needed a date set and I don’t feel I can cope with going over 38 as that’s when I had lily. So we’ve booked in for the 16th September, unless things change after next week!

Knotemma · 24/08/2020 12:58

@Anon20something sorry that you've had such a difficult day, the doctor really doesn't sound helpful, or particularly clued up on your situation which is disappointing. I'm glad you have an induction date, though with Lily's birthday coming up and everything else you have going on that can't be easy. Sending you the biggest hugs x

Anon20something · 24/08/2020 14:21

@Knotemma thank you ❤️ I just wish people understood how hard being pregnant again is and how everything can be so triggering/traumatic. He didn’t realise why going back to Fetal medicine was so terrifying to me until I explained it. I am pleased we have a date now, and that it isn’t bang on what would’ve been Lily’s due date on the 10th either! Deffo just a tough week. Thank you so much for your message -I know I talk about her a lot but it does always make me feel happy when other people use her name too 🥰 Xxx

Knotemma · 24/08/2020 14:29

@Anon20something it's so important that we remember them and love them, because they're always an important part of our lives. I find it's best to take people's lead, you always use Lily's name, so it's important to me that I do too. We all remember in our own way. I'm glad that your induction date isn't too close to Lily's due date, it means you can celebrate her and your baby boy separately and in ways that you're comfortable with xx

Anon20something · 24/08/2020 14:39

@Knotemma I really appreciate it ❤️ You’re so right, all of our babies deserve to be remembered and loved no matter what, when or otherwise. This group is so lovely!

I have the day off work so I’m going to relax a bit, and then attempt to tidy round his room and maybe start attempting to sort my hospital bag just in case! Has anyone started theirs? I definitely over packed for me last time but I have no idea what to put in for baby to be honest! And at 6lb+ so far I’ve not got a clue about sizes! Lily was 7lb 2 and I think newborn was about right on her but not sure!

Knotemma · 24/08/2020 14:45

@Anon20something I've got mine (over) packed and in the car 😂🤷‍♀️ I keep saying I'm going to get it out and go through it, because I packed it the day I went in with weird pains and was honestly on another planet... I have no idea what's in there! I was aiming for minimal, but have filled a weekend backpack 🤷‍♀️

I also think I want to swap from a backpack to a small Wheely suitcase, just so it's easier to get into the hospital. I saw someone the other day struggling with 2 backpacks and a baby in the car seat when I was coming out from my growth scan.

Anon20something · 24/08/2020 14:57

@Knotemma it’s so easy to over pack! Last time I took loads of clothes for me thinking oh I wanna be comfortable, I’ll want to wear this afterwards... then I actually spent most of labour in just my bra and afterwards I think I wore the same black joggers and vest top for 2 days 🙈😂 I’d deffo recommend a little suitcase with wheels, I managed last time to get everything in it and it was so easy to pull along, especially if we’ll be on our own at times with covid! I think at one point i also sat on mine and wheeled myself around the room to the loo because it was easier than walking 😂

Knotemma · 24/08/2020 14:59

@Anon20something that's really made me laugh!

MrsG3 · 24/08/2020 16:12

@Hagster @Avocuddles @AnxiousLady1 thanks for your replies and comments. Think I'm struggling as it was our 12 week scan last year that picked up my mmc and that was on 30th September. Not sure if subconsciously I just can't get past that date at the moment but if I wait until then the poor little love might make an early appearance with nowhere to sleep, no transport and no clothes 🤦🏻‍♀️ think perhaps I'll try with a fewer smaller things and if that's ok go from there!

Anon20something · 24/08/2020 17:18

@MrsG3 sorry to hear you’re struggling! Anniversaries are really tough. I’m the same, we have 3 weeks left and I have no furniture up, no car seat and no pram assembled yet! Everything is still in bags in the spare room. I can’t quite face doing them yet so I’m going to just get my OH to do them the week before 😬 this morning I pretty much sobbed and demanded to be induced at the same gestation as last time as I just can’t see past that. Just do what feels right x

MOGMOGMOG85 · 24/08/2020 18:06

@Anon20something ugh so sorry about your scan with the low fluid levels. I'll cross my fingers for you that your trip to fetal medicine turns out to be a positive one. Try not to think the worst, but also as I say that I know it's impossible - so sorry you're going through this :( xx

@MrsG3 good to see you back, I had wondered where you'd got to! Congrats on 28 weeks, that's huge! xx

@Knotemma turtle on it's back made me laugh! I got into a weird position whilst weeding at work today and then struggled to get back up Grin I had to stick my spade in the ground and kind of use it to lever myself up, just as someone walked by and was looking at me.... !!

I'm again feeling pretty anxious today about low movements. I know I can only feel low down because of my anterior placenta, so it doesn't give me the best chance, but just some days he has been so so active, and today I just felt a few shoves, and not as strong as before. I know it's most likely he's in a new position, especially now I'm back at work and bending over lots (I'm pretty sure he's been breech most of the time). Luckily I have my midwife appointment tomorrow first thing, but I just wanted to angle for a bit of reassurance on here - let me know times your little one has gone a bit quiet and it's turned out ok! I'm 25 weeks so I'm not sure how regular things are supposed to be just yet. People at work were commenting that my bump has grown this week so that is reassuring - I find it hard to tell since I seem to examine it 24/7 and so don't notice the changes! xxx

Avocuddles · 24/08/2020 18:29

@MrsG3 I completely understand where you're coming from. Our losses last year were in May and in early September and it still weighs on my mind that we're getting close to that date even though I'll be 37 weeks by then. I turned 24 weeks this time round on my husband's birthday so decided that that would be a good point at which to start contemplating buying the big things, or at least research and plan. You might never feel truly 'ready' but hopefully you'll start to feel a little more comfortable with the idea soon.

@MOGMOGMOG85 I've definitely had quieter days than others, especially when I'm busy and active. Fortunately she's always made her presence known just when Ive started to question whether I should go get checked out, but if you do have concerns then there's never any harm in contacting your hospital. The fact you've felt 'shoves' is great - the intensity of mine has definitely changed based on position, the movements now are less 'jabby' than they were earlier on when she had more space to move, I imagine things are pretty tight in there now!

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footprintsintheslow · 24/08/2020 19:26

@MOGMOGMOG85 lots of quiet times here and no pattern yet but all is well so far.
I also have an anterior placenta but was reading from the lullaby Trust that we shouldn't let that stop us accessing help if we are worried about movements.

tmc14 · 24/08/2020 19:51

@Littlegoth See, I thought it sounded like a GD symptom. My bloods for that came back fine and all my urine tests have been clear. My next appointment is next week so hopefully they’ll remain clear. I’m the same, a pint over night, wake up parched. I must be drinking at least 5 pints of water a day and still feel thirsty all the time. I’m also just very tired, so maybe I’m just trying to finish off a bit too much and need to rest up a bit… easier said than done though! I really struggled with milk supply issues with my son, so it would be amazing if the thirst linked to a better supply!

@MrsG3 I was lucky in that I had most stuff from DS, but I really refused to buy anything until recently. We did get a pram (our last one was rubbish and third hand), but had to get that at about 26 weeks as my SIL got us a good discount through her job. Recently I bought a few bits of clothing, and I did actually find it helpful. I hadn’t really wanted to engage with getting anything sorted, but I ordered a couple of cute bits online and did quite enjoy them arriving. Perhaps just try with something really small, like a set of vests or a sleepsuit, and see how you feel when it arrives? I think I wouldn’t have got all the stuff organised if there wasn’t now a chance of an early section, which scared me into doing everything! So I’m pretty sorted now, but that was more a panic in the last couple of weeks rather than feeling ready.

@Anon20something So sorry you’ve had a hard day. I would guess that if they’ve just increased monitoring but aren’t doing anything else they’re not too worried, and just keeping an eye. I’m so sorry that the Dr wasn’t better. I don’t know why it’s so hit and miss to get an empathic Dr… surely they should all be capable at talking to people who have lost babies? With the timing of Lily’s birthday as well, it’s such a stressful time. Be sure to take time to look after yourself in whatever way makes you feel better xx I have my hospital bag in the car, but only because of the increased risk of bleeding with the low placenta and I went up to my parents for the day last week. They’re only an hour and a bit away, but I reasoned that if I packed and put it in the car, nothing would happen. Stupid logic but at least it’s there (although it is missing a couple of bits).

@MOGMOGMOG85 My tiny monkey has no pattern and is all over the place. Some days it’s a non-stop dance party, some days she does barely anything. I am lucky to feel her more since turning head down from transverse at the start of the week, but it’s still a real mix and some days it’s so light… even though I’m 33 weeks! I didn’t get regular movement really until about 28 weeks… and that’s without an anterior placenta. I would say if you can feel him, even if it feels a bit lighter, then it’s probably fine. BUT, never feel scared to call triage and ask their advice.

I have to submit two more things for a course I started last year, which I will do this week, and I finish my last work project on Wednesday (I've been mostly unemployed since lockdown started, but have had the odd little thing here and there). I feel exhausted and physically quite run down for some reason, so I'm looking forward to a lovely end of the week with no responsibilities other than hanging out with DS and sorting my allotment. DH is busy doing jobs around the house that he wants finished before baby arrives, and I feel like we might, slowly be getting organised. So I'm sure a curve ball is just around the corner!!

Anon20something · 24/08/2020 21:27

@tmc14 thank you ❤️ Definitely finding this week really tough so I’m going to take your advice and we’re treating ourselves to a meal out tomorrow and lots of lazy days, I may even do a little online shopping! xx that’s not silly logic, I’m the same, it’s just how our brains work now I think!

footprintsintheslow · 24/08/2020 21:54

I've had a bit of a breakdown earlier this evening. We went for a meet up with mums at the park, the first before lockdown and I met my friends baby who would be the same age as my little one.

I felt very awkward and I know everyone had was very aware of it. I came home and cried and cried as it's all so real and I'll never be able to escape her as our children will go to school together. I hope things get easier.

Then I went to eat chocolate cake only to find my bh (bastard husband) has eaten the last slice.

turquoisebaby · 24/08/2020 21:55

@Bellsx 37wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 39wks (due 20/08/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@SammiLou2312 36wks⁣ (induction due 03/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hoping2020 35wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@Knotemma 34wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 31wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 35wks (26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@TunnocksTcake 34 wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@avocuddles 35wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Sunflower1608 32wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣ GIRL & BOY
@SunStruck 33wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 31wks due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 34wks (due 30/09/20)⁣ BOY
@HighHopes20 25wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 33wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 33wks (due 11/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hagster 33wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣ SURPRISE
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 23wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 29wks (due 07/11/20)⁣ BOY
@Shefliesonherownwings 26wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 28wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 19wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 25wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 25wks (due 05/12/20) BOY
@footprintsintheslow 19 wks (due 10/01/21)
@turquoisebaby 18 weeks (due 24/01/21)BOY

Today is the 1st anniversary of the scan where we found our DD Alexandra had passed. My obstetrician called a few days ago and offered me a scan today just to settle my worries, pleased to have something to look forward to, although its dawned on my this evening and i feel like i am tempting fate having a scan so close to the anniversary.

MOGMOGMOG85 · 25/08/2020 05:38

@footprintsintheslow I'm so sorry you had a bad day, that sounds awful :( that feeling of being miserable and not being able to entirely hide it, and knowing that other people know - is just awful and so isolating :( I hope too that it will get a bit easier in time. Sending lots of hugs xxx

@turquoisebaby I'm so sorry for your anniversary and that you're feeling so anxious. There is definitely no such thing as tempting fate and I hope your scan is a good thing and brings you some relief! It's so good to get that reassurance. I'm not a superstitious person, and logically I know that it doesn't matter what the date is, what dress I wear etc, but why is this feeling of tempting fate so strong??? I've woken up super early today because I am impatient to see my midwife at 9, and I am still worried about movement. I got a couple of further shoves/jabs last night, but really nothing compared to previous days where its been - yeah, a dance party! I just feel really nervous. I just opened the fridge and saw a box full of blackberries that we picked on the weekend that I have yet to make into jam. It made me feel sick. We went blackberry picking this time last year and we were so happy that I was pregnant - everything felt magical. And then a few days later I had the scan news. I remember getting home and trying to make the blackberry jam but all the blackberries had gone mouldy and I threw them in the bin just sobbing and feeling as though everything was rotten. I actually only just consciously realised that my scan anniversary is coming up on Monday, and I was feeling really uneasy when we were blackberry picking and trying to put it out of my mind. Reduced movement at this time is the worst. Thank goodness I have my appointment this morning.

I thought I was doing well and being happy/positive/not anxious about the pregnancy for the past few weeks, but it's never far away is it...

Hope no-one else is up at this time! xxxx

Knotemma · 25/08/2020 05:38

@footprintsintheslow that sounds like a really difficult day. I remember the first baby born after my second MC was due at around the same time I would have been and that was really tough. It took me ages to get the courage to go and visit, however when I arrived my dear friend sat me down, handed me baby and a bottle and made me get all the cuddles. That might sound really harsh and hard, but her mum lost a baby at full term and said that a friend doing similar for her was the best thing that happened, because it's broke the cycle of not being able to be around/see babies without getting upset. Not the right course for everyone I know, but it definitely helped me.
I have to say that I love and will be stealing BH as a new shorthand! Mine seems to have lost the ability to wash up over the last few weeks?! I know he's busy at work and tired from working nights and having to stay away, but we're going to have to have words. I can't be picking up after him and a baby in a few weeks!

@turquoisebaby it's such a mixed bag isn't it? The anniversary of loosing Alexandra must have been really tough. I totally understand where you're coming from on feeling like you're tempting fate with a scan, but seeing baby boy happy and bouncing around in there may really help. I don't think the scanxiety ever really goes away, but I've found it has gotten better the further along I've got. Last week's 35 weeks scan was almost enjoyable.

I've been up since half 4. Had out little cat to the vets yesterday to be spayed (she's almost a year, but lockdown obviously got in the way) woke up to lots of banging/scratching and at first though DH was home early and struggling to get in the front door. Then thought someone was trying to get in the house and freaked myself out. Checked the security camera and it turns out the cat was scratching the living room door hard enough to make it bang and rattle. So obviously I've ended up sitting downstairs with her for an hour to make sure she's ok post op... And pretty much she just wants to play and carry on... She's now expressing her deep disgust for the fact I've come back to bed without her by yelling at the living room door... White noise on for me to get some blooming sleep! Bonus pic of a cat in a ridiculous post op home made outfit to hopefully make people smile

Pregnant after Loss and Dreaming of Rainbows - 5
MOGMOGMOG85 · 25/08/2020 05:56

@Knotemma awwww bless kitty!!! Your cat sounds ridiculous haha! Banging and rattling the door would freak me out so much!!!!

Ugh I just read the news and there is a really alarming article about coffee and miscarriage/stillbirth which is upsetting me! I haven't drank any coffee this pregnancy but I have had about 5 cups of non-decaf tea (in total), and I've developed a bit of an obsession with coca cola although I only have one every few days. But now I guess I should stop that because the news is really freaking me out :(

Knotemma · 25/08/2020 06:12

@MOGMOGMOG85 I be just had a quick look at that article, and while it sounds scary, because it's an observational study it's a difficult one. They haven't carried out any research of their own, they've reviewed existing papers and research. Yes it's a big observational study, but most of what they're seen still relates to high caffeine consumption. I'll admit I'm almost exclusively decaf, but thats not a pregnancy thing. I used to be a massive caffeine consumer and it definitely didn't do me good ( talking 10-15 cups of tea and filter coffee a day, plus energy drinks. I used to work in a bar and it was the only way to cope).
Your intake is way below the recommendation of 200mg a day, so try to be kind to yourself and have that can of coke or decaf tea when you need it. It's very easy to forget that almost everything is bad for us in the wrong quantity. I'm not saying totally ignore the study...But try not to let it freak you out x

footprintsintheslow · 25/08/2020 07:46

@turquoisebaby anniversaries are awful and we all understand here. I read someone on this thread once saying that the days leading up to them are worse than the actual day itself. I think that's true.
Like the lead up to Christmas is more fun than the actual day.

@MOGMOGMOG85 good luck with the midwife. Will you ask to hear the heartbeat? My midwife said we normally only listen in at set dates but I'll have a go and all was fine. It's reassuring and you could even record it on your phone to listen back to.

What you going to do with your new blackberries this time? You be dehydrated mine in my lockdown toy.

footprintsintheslow · 25/08/2020 08:25

@MOGMOGMOG85 sorry that was meant to say...
I've dehydrated mine in my new lockdown toy. I'm squirrelling then away for winter porridge.
It's nice that you enjoy the outdoors even though it's your job as well. When I was miserable last night I went out and picked some raspberries and tomatoes and it instantly made me feel better. Glad to have got them in before the storms. I bet you can't wait to garden with your little one.

MOGMOGMOG85 · 25/08/2020 08:52

@Knotemma thank you. I didn't realise it wasn't a new study but just someone looking at other studies. Yeah, you'd think it relates to high caffeine intake and not very low very occasional amounts! I just know I'm probably going to avoid the coke now and be resentful of it as it was one little pleasure I was really enjoying every week or few days! Anyway, I sometimes wonder if caffeine might have prevented me conceiving for a while. I didn't give it up until almost a year into ttc and I used to have excessively strong filter coffees (must have been double strength at least) about 3-5 times a day which must have been a hell of a lot of caffeine! I love the caffeine buzz but you're right you do start to feel unwell after a while when your body becomes reliant on that! However I'm def going back to caffeine when I can, will just try to use it as an occasional treat (and get the big buzz!) rather than every day at work...

@footprintsintheslow thanks so much for your kind words, I am feeling a bit fragile this morning and you saying how nice it will be to do some gardening with the little one has really reminded me to try and think positive as that is a really lovely image! I think I'll just make jam, and strain the seeds out - as I'm obsessed with fresh blackberry jam! In some years I have done other bits of foraging - making jam from hawthorn berries and gathering nettles etc, but I've been a bit lazy the last couple of years and just gone for blackberries because they are seriously the best thing you can forage! Hawthorn jam is amazing though (you just need to strain the seeds out as they are toxic, however there is only one big seed per berry so its not exactly hard with a sieve, you couldn't miss one), but its hard to get it to set well and it also lowers blood pressure which I wonder if it's perhaps not best to mess with during pregnancy. When not pregnant though I honestly find a little bit of the jam on toast makes me feel really relaxed, it has a palpable effect! I will def get her to listen to the heartbeat - the only worry is he could have a heartbeat and still not be ok :( I really want them to have a look... I guess I'll just speak to her about my worries and hopefully she can put my mind at rest xxx

footprintsintheslow · 25/08/2020 10:33

I've never heard of hawthorn jam! But blackberry jam sounds gorgeous. I think I'm going to make sloe gin as Christmas pressies this year as there's so many sloes around.

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