Pregnant after Loss and Dreaming of Rainbows - 5

[Avocuddles]

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@Treaclepie19 that doesn't sound like you've had a fun night, hopefully you're managing to get some rest today.

@Whiffle77 those milestones are definitely a big deal, viability was definitely my most exciting one.

@Littlegoth I'm with you on feeling huge and tired! I've actually been into the office today for the first time in 21 weeks. They're starting to think about reopening the building for some teams, so have asked everyone to go in and clear their desks. So I've been an done a big clear out, I feel ready for bed now! It was super well organized, everyone had appointment times, so there weren't too many people in, but it was lovely to see a few people. However it now doesn't feel like a workday and I'm ready for a lie down 😂

Thanks @Littlegoth and @Knotemma!

We've actually been told we will be part time back in the office as of September which will be very odd, I have only been in twice since lockdown started. Might be nice to break up the monotony of being at home though (although being at home has brought me many benefits whilst pregnant!)

Had a bit of a scare this morning... Went for midwife appointment and found that bump hasn't grown at all in last few weeks. On top of this, I hadnt felt baby move since middle of the night so was sent to mau for monitoring. Over an hour of monitoring and she finally made a few moments so they were happy she was moving ok again. Have to go back tomorrow morning for a scan to check her properly as still some concerns so got to take it steady and try and relax til then. Hope everyone is having a good and hopefully less stressful day x

Oh @SammiLou2312 I'm so sorry, that sounds so stressful. At least you are being monitored and taken care of. Please do update us, I'm really hoping (as seems to happen most often) that it is just a false alarm. Ugh the worry never stops until the very end does it :( hope you manage to find a way to relax and get some sleep tonight xxx

@Whiffle77 glad you're able to start thinking about buying stuff now! We have to start sometime... I have gone completely nuts this week - I now have enough clothes for the first 6 months (I just counted I have 104 items in total including vests, sleep suits, pram suit, hats, dungarees, jumpers, carries, trousers. I am clearly insane but I feel much better for it and I only spent about £85 - all really nice second hand stuff from Joules, Little Bird, M&S etc... I think with all the house moving stuff and moving across county (which is not moving quickly enough arrrrggggghhh!!!) I need to feel like I've got one or 2 things under control so buying clothes, pram etc is helping! Our house went on the market 5 days ago and we've only had 3 viewings booked in, I'm stressing out! 220 page views on hoopla though hoping that's ok or average at least. Sorry about your parents, that sounds horrible. I'm sure in their head they are trying to "do the right thing" but not really acknowledging your pregnancy must be really painful for you. I absolutely hate being treated differently by some people just because I have experienced miscarriage. It makes me feel marked or tainted and as though people are expecting the worst.

@Knotemma I'm concerned about your cat now lol! Is she just a drama queen?

@Treaclepie19 glad all ok with you!

@footprintsintheslow I'm so glad you're happy with your consultant, and that its had such a positive effect on you. Just goes to show how destructive it is to have a bad professional looking after you!

@JuniperAndRose also really sorry about your parents, they sound infuriating. Well done for drawing boundaries, you have every right to only keep supportive people around you at this difficult time. You need to focus your energy on being as positive as you can, but you also will still be processing things from your previous pregnancies - the last thing you need is people who a) don't acknowledge your previous losses and b) aren't really acting normally about your current pregnancy. I find it mind-boggling how selfish some people are in the face of another persons grief which they find awkward. Their way of protecting themselves becomes actively damaging to the one person who shouldn't have to deal with any more crap than necessary. It really helps you understand a thing or 2 about people though. I'm glad your in-laws are being so supportive. I say just stick with who you need to have around you to feel as good as cope as well as you can right now. If your parents can't step outside of their blinkered view of things and be there for you then they don't really have a right to expect to be involved in any way until they can sort it out... harsh perhaps but that's how I feel about it. I'm being careful with my mum at the moment and how much I want her to be involved in things. She's been pretty good in a lot of ways about this pregnancy but just in general she is a very complicated woman, with a lot of issues, and has the ability to put me down something awful - which she does regularly - and something about becoming a mother myself makes me want to be more in control of the people around me so that I am supported and not having to deal with any additional crap that I don't have the energy to deal with. The last thing I want is my Mum sapping my precious energy which could be focussed on being a better mother myself! At the moment she doesn't want to move to be closer to us (she's currently a 5 hour drive away) and I have to say I'm pretty happy about that for now! xxx

@SunStruck your bump is so gorgeous!!! I also was quite intimidated by the gym pic but then I guess I can forgive you if you live in 45 degree heat lololol! I'm sorry about the back pain - that must be really limiting actually not being able to waddle around outside to stretch your legs/muscles. xx

@SammiLou2312 sounds like a bit of a hairy morning, hopefully she's lying funny and that's why your bump hasn't changed. Best of luck for tomorrow's scan.

@MOGMOGMOG85 the cat is just a bit of an idiot... From time to time she just decides she needs to be noisy and aggressive. It's not related to her being in heat, she just has crazy days. She's going in to be spayed at the end of the month and I'm hoping that will calm her down, she's not one yet so still very young and I think we're just in the teenager phase if I'm honest! I got scratched because she's playing too rough and shouted at a lot this morning ... This afternoon she's all over me, wants all the cuddles and is generally adorable 🤷‍♀️😂

@JuniperAndRose sorry your parents have not been supportive, it's really sad when you can't rely on them. I would suggest just being selfish and drawing boundaries is a very good idea. I have had to go NC with my dad after the way he behaved when we lost Isla. As others have said, it is amazing how selfish other people can be. My dad certainly made it all about him and told me at one point how he had to walk on egg shells around me. Sorry about that! Anyway I feel much better not having any contact now and luckily my in laws are amazing. Try not to waste too much energy on them.

Wow I can't believe how close some of you are to the end and finishing work. I am finishing at 35 weeks as C section is booked for 38 weeks so only 9 weeks of work to go which sounds crazy really. I have felt that this second trimester has really dragged, not sure if anyone has felt the same?

I had a good midwife appointment today, mine is super lovely and always very aware of my MH and anxiety. She had a good feel of our boy and let me listen to heartbeat for ages, nice and strong too. I did have to have the whooping cough vaccine so have a dead arm now but otherwise all good. Time to update the weeks again I guess:

@Bellsx 37wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 37wks (due 20/08/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@Hoping2020 32wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 33wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Knotemma 33wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 31wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 31wks (26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@TunnocksTcake 32 wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@avocuddles 32wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Sunflower1608 32wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣ GIRL & BOY
@SunStruck 32wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 31wks due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 32wks (due 30/09/20)⁣ BOY
@HighHopes20 25wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 31wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 30wks (due 11/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hagster 30wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣ SURPRISE
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 23wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 26wks (due 07/11/20)⁣ BOY
@Shefliesonherownwings 26wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 18wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 19wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 23wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 22wks (due 05/12/20) BOY
@footprintsintheslow 17 wks (due 10/01/21)
@turquoisebaby* 15 weeks (due 24/01/21)

@Shefliesonherownwings walking on eggshells oh it must be so hard having to tread carefully around someone who's baby has just died, gosh what a big fuss you must have been making!!!!!! I'm sorry I think I still have a lot of anger at people who can be so selfish and unaware as you say, and it still makes me really really mad seeing other people's stories of stuff like this!!!! That must have been hard to cut contact but well done you. I do think maybe becoming a mother forces us to start to prioritise things as we not have a duty to look after ourselves for our little ones, even at this stage when they are inside our bodies we still need to stop as much negative energy as we can! I think I put up with a lot more crap when I was younger and now can't be bothered at all.

*we now have a duty, not NOT have a duty

Lots of nice positive milestones! @footprintsintheslow your consultant appointment sounds really positive. A new shiny hospital with all the most up to date kit sounds great! @Shefliesonherownwings your midwife appointment also sounds very positive! A good midwife makes such a difference I think. Ours is very kind but also has a no-nonsense headmistressy vibe about her. DH and I both love her! :-) I'm sorry your parents weren't supportive after Isla's death, it really does feel unfair that you can't count on their support.
@Knotemma congratulations on the arrival of your cousin's baby, River is such a beautiful name.
@Treaclepie19 and @SammiLou2312 well done for getting checked out. I hope the next few days are gentle and calm for you both.
@Whiffle77 and @MOGMOGMOG85 yes the parents are a mystery aren't they! I do think a lot of it is generational (which I know doesn't excuse bad behaviour). You are spot on about their reaction just creating more to deal with just at a time when it's really about just trying to cope as best you can.

Hi everyone! Hope you’re all okay - I have a lot to catch up on! I haven’t been posting much as super busy still working - I finish a week before I’m getting induced next month! Also very much on the countdown to Lily’s birthday on the so I’ve been kinda sticking my head in the sand and not wanting to think about it. Feeling very uncomfortable and massive for 32 weeks! I’ve got another scan on the 21st when I’ll be 35 weeks ish and he was 3lb7 at 28 weeks so it’ll be interesting to see how big he’s gotten - I feel like I’m running out of room!

Hi all, fell off the thread a bit for the last week or so as have been struggling with the sickness and exhaustion!

Had my early scan today, saw a baby, with a heartbeat, in the right place. Felt kind of numb to be honest. I’m obviously relieved there was a heartbeat. But it’s not much reassurance, once you have the knowledge anything can go wrong at any point. Especially when every scan with my son was textbook. But, today I’m pregnant. And I’m trying to allow the teeniest smidge of hope in among the anxiety and numbness.

I need to catch up properly but @SammiLou2312 I’m sorry you’ve had such a stressful anxious day and have everything crossed the scan goes well tomorrow.

Sorry about your parents @JuniperAndRose that sounds really difficult.

@footprintsintheslow your new consultant sounds lovely, so much better, that’s brilliant! And new hospital sounds great too.

Right I only skim read before so hope I’ve not missed anything major, I’ll go back for a proper read now... for as long as I can keep my eyes open!

Thanks for all the kind words ladies, baby girl has been moving a bit more this evening but don't think I will fully be able to settle until I've got all clear with the scan tomorrow. Fortunately scan is early doors so at least I don't have to wait too long x

Hope all goes well tomorrow @SammiLou2312

I've got the cramps again this evening. 😴

@Treaclepie19 hope you are ok...could it be stretching/growing pains? Take it steady and hopefully you will feel better tomorrow xx

It's like braxton hicks mixed with period pains 😔 Hoping it'll just be a spate of it and go off because 9 weeks of this is a bit worrying. Thank you xxx

@SammiLou2312 good luck today we'll all be thinking of you. X

@Treaclepie19 I've had something similar over the last few days on and off, but just assumed it was baby moving down and starting to get more engaged. It comes and goes, a couple of hours at a time and I'm also definitely feeling some pelvic pressure. The first time I also felt really sick, which was fun. I'm just keeping an eye for now, but if it gets painful or I get any different symptoms/pains I'll get checked out. Hopefully you managed to get some rest.

@knotemma I remember having it first time around but this is worse. The other nights ones I actually thought were early labour how intense they got.
Who knows! Could be a long few months.

Good luck today @SammiLou2312

Hope you get a bit of respite from the cramps today @Treaclepie19

Haven't been on much the past few days, anniversary of our first loss. Been strange as still having niggles like this wee one going to appear, very confusing.
Time to update again... have been updating bells for weeks but going to stop now as getting pretty close.

@Bellsx 37wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 38wks (due 20/08/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@Hoping2020 32wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 33wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Knotemma 33wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 31wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 31wks (26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@TunnocksTcake 32 wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@avocuddles 32wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Sunflower1608 32wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣ GIRL & BOY
@SunStruck 32wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 31wks due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 32wks (due 30/09/20)⁣ BOY
@HighHopes20 25wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 31wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 30wks (due 11/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hagster 30wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣ SURPRISE
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 23wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 26wks (due 07/11/20)⁣ BOY
@Shefliesonherownwings 26wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 18wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 19wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 23wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 22wks (due 05/12/20) BOY
@footprintsintheslow 17 wks (due 10/01/21)
@turquoisebaby* 15 weeks (due 24/01/21

Hi ladies, scan went well. Baby is fully engaged head down. Hospital think that the pain I was having the other night is due to her turning and pulling on placenta / my kidney. This would also explain the lack of movement as she is now kicking into my placenta which is muffling the movement I feel. Cord blood flow and placenta look good still but baby girl is a bit of a chunky monkey bless her measuring as 6.3lb already! Got to speak to diabetes clinic as it's getting harder to keep bloods in check and due to her size. I think it's safe to say I will be getting induced sooner rather than later. It's not the greatest pic as she is a tad squished lol but wanted to share the pic of her face and cute button nose 🥰

Also feeling safe to update my weeks now...
@Bellsx 37wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 37wks (due 20/08/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@Hoping2020 34wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 34wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Knotemma 33wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 31wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 31wks (26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@TunnocksTcake 32 wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@avocuddles 32wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Sunflower1608 32wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣ GIRL & BOY
@SunStruck 32wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 31wks due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 32wks (due 30/09/20)⁣ BOY
@HighHopes20 25wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 31wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 30wks (due 11/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hagster 30wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣ SURPRISE
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 23wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 26wks (due 07/11/20)⁣ BOY
@Shefliesonherownwings 26wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 18wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 19wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 23wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 22wks (due 05/12/20) BOY
@footprintsintheslow 17 wks (due 10/01/21)
@turquoisebaby* 15 weeks (due 24/01/21)

Finally I just want to say thank you for the supportive messages yesterday. I was having a real wobble and it helped to have your support xx

Sorry @Rachael321 think we cross posted...updated to include both our date changes x

@Bellsx 37wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 38wks (due 20/08/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@Hoping2020 34wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 34wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Knotemma 33wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 31wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 31wks (26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@TunnocksTcake 32 wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@avocuddles 32wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Sunflower1608 32wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣ GIRL & BOY
@SunStruck 32wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 31wks due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 32wks (due 30/09/20)⁣ BOY
@HighHopes20 25wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 31wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 30wks (due 11/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hagster 30wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣ SURPRISE
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 23wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 26wks (due 07/11/20)⁣ BOY
@Shefliesonherownwings 26wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 18wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 19wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 23wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 22wks (due 05/12/20) BOY
@footprintsintheslow 17 wks (due 10/01/21)
@turquoisebaby* 15 weeks (due 24/01/21)

Bloody baby brain, helps if I actually add the pic I mention too 😂

Busy thread the last few days...
@SammiLou2312 So pleased the scan went well, it's so worrying when things like that happen. Glad all is good. Also glad @marmitecheesetoast & @JuniperAndRose you had good scans too, hope the anxiety gives you both a rest for a while x

@JuniperAndRose @Whiffle77 @MOGMOGMOG85 @Shefliesonherownwings So sorry you've all had rubbish experience with parents. There's just no excuse, your losses might be hard on them, but it's a million times worse for you and you should be the priority. There's just no excuse for being a sh*tty parent when your child is suffering. Happy that some of you have found a way to not be around those who don't support you.

@footprintsintheslow Your new consultant sounds great, that's really good.

@Anon20something Thinking of you and Lily around her birthday xxx

@Knotemma I LOVE the name River for a girl... can't get it past my DH sadly... We have a nature based name for DS, and he thinks anything on the same theme sounds really twee. Bit gutted as Juniper is my favourite so far... Trying to come up with others that work for us both!

Sorry if I've missed anything... I've got blood test for iron and whooping cough vaccine this afternoon. Am also going to see if I can organise to see a Dr, or get one to call me in the next week... I've been really anxious since my scan on Monday that flagged up the placenta previa. Obviously googled it... sounds terrifying (and that was just the RCOG website), and I'm hoping it will still move but after 30 weeks is much less likely, and there's no info about how extreme it is on my notes. So would really like to chat through a few things. Feels really weird that I spent so long deciding on being induced by 40 weeks due to age, and all that that entails, and now there's a chance I'll be having a high risk section at 37 weeks, with the risk of a massive bleed before then. Just being told to come back in four weeks to confirm it isn't making me feel better. At least it gives me something to stress about... In good news, after reduced movements on Sunday, she's been super active all week, so I'm getting lots of moving about and shuffling, which is lovely.

OK, that's enough whinging from me... Hope everyone is ok and braced for the extra hot few days ahead! xx

@tmc14 ah yes I meant to say when I saw your post about this. I had placenta praevia with both my previous pregnancies. With DD I was really keen to avoid a c section so when it hadn’t moved enough at 30/32 weeks they agreed to book a re-scan and it had moved sufficiently by 34 weeks for a normal vaginal birth.

I then found out with DS it was low lying again. He died at 28 weeks of pregnancy so before I was due to be re-scanned but they scanned me before the induction and were satisfied it had moved enough to be ok.

I think generally they do move more often than not, but completely get the additional anxiety over it all. Especially with my DD, my 1st pregnancy, it really threw me as I was really freaked out by the idea of a c section. It was explained to me that your uterus is like a balloon gradually being blown up so whatever is attached to the side of it - your placenta - moves up as the balloon/uterus gets bigger. So it doesn’t physically move out the way, but moves up with the uterus expanding. Hopefully it will move enough. I think they like for it to be 2-3cm clear or the cervix to go ahead with a vaginal delivery.

I also totally freaked out when I did some googling about placenta praevia and read the leaflet about it and wondered why they hadn’t given me more of an idea how serious it could be. I think basically all the stuff about big bleeds and being careful is only relevant if you have total placenta praevia , as opposed to partial which is more common - then the placenta is only partly covering the cervix or slightly encroaching on it. I think this is much more common and I think if your placenta is completely covering the cervix they would make a much bigger deal about it (and presumably catch it at any earlier scan). Do your notes mention a distance and the OS at all?

Sorry I don’t know if any of that is helpful or just a massive ramble, just something I spent a lot of time reading about and asking questions about after having it twice so thought I’d let you know my experience if it helps at all.