Pregnant after loss and dreaming of rainbows - 3

[Avocuddles]

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Morning ladies. I have my 12 week scan this afternoon. I am beyond anxious and just can’t imagine this being anything but bad news! Will keep you all updated ❤️

@rachelrainbow wishing you luck for today's scan, hope all goes well.

@MOGMOGMOG85 sorry to hear about your bleed though it sounds encouraging that it appears to be old blood. As you say there's not a vast amount you can do at this stage but wait and see but fingers crossed it was a one off.

@Avocuddles do you know why bleeding happens? I know about implantation bleeding but it seems a bit late for that, I've not had any more cramps this week and I'm 5+5 today... we haven't had sex recently and I didn't do anything strenuous :(

@MOGMOGMOG85 If it's brown blood it means it's old. You're still early on and it's perfectly possible your body was gearing up for AF, but you got pg instead. Sometimes, therefore there is a small amount of old blood that might be discharged in early pregnancy. Wear a pad and check if it's still there continuously or if it turns into different colour blood, e.g. looks fresher (more red). The latter would be a sign of MC. You need to wait a bit, unfortunately it's early on and even an emergency scan wouldn't be of any assistance now. Keep us in the loop and try to distract yourself for now and not worry too much. I know it's easier said than done, but stay away from Google. Take care ❤️

@MOGMOGMOG85 hoping there’s no more blood and everything’s okay.

@rachelrainbow best of luck for your scan today!

I am up early as starting back at work today. Have been off for weeks whilst they have been trying to sort out a non-clinical role. Am basically going to be sitting in my own little room answering telephone helpline all day! Plus anything else like audits and stuff if the phone isn’t ringing too much. Am feeling kinda excited to see different faces and stuff, plus have been surprised how much I’ve missed working. Also have felt a little guilty not being at work during these difficult times for the NHS, but am glad that work have encouraged me to put my health first I suppose.

Thanks @Avocuddles I haven't got as far as a midwife appointment before so I guess I have a lot of other stuff to find out! 🤞

Sorry you have had bleeding @MOGMOGMOG85 it happens in a really high % of pregnancies and is normal, but I know we are bound to think the worst. Hope you can relax a bit today and take your mind off it.

Good luck with the scan @rachelrainbow and good luck back at work @mysterioussheep - I am very ready for the weekend now! Had a better night's sleep last night though which is helpful

@MOGMOGMOG85 I had this at 6+3. Like you I woke up one morning with brown discharge. I was even more concerned as I had period like cramps all that day too. I kept an eye on it to make sure it didn't get heavier or change colour. It didn't (stopped by end of that day) so I waited a week and a half until private scan and all was completely fine. Understand that no matter what guidance will say, spotting will always be alarming. But it is definitely normal at this stage and I reckoned at the time it just took a while for implantation bleed to work it's way out. There is increased blood flow going on in there. Just take it easy today and treat yourself. Xx

@rachelrainbow Best of luck with your scan! Let us all know you get on okay xx

Hi ladies, hope you're all ok. Is anybody else having horrible dreams? I used to have dreams that a baby I was looking after was in danger of some kind (counsellor said it was guilt relating to my TFMR), but since I found out I'm pregnant again I have dreams every night of someone taking my baby away 😔 they're so vivid as well.

@rachelrainbow wishing you the best of luck today!

@MysteriousSheep I hope you enjoy your first day back. Nothing to feel guilty about though, your safety comes first!

@MOGMOGMOG85 I'm sorry you've had bleeding, I think old blood is ok though. Fingers crossed it's all stopped and you don't have any more x

Thank you @AnxiousLady1 @Whiffle77 @MysteriousSheep @MrsMGE @1stbabs. I've had nothing now for a couple of hours and have started to calm down and think of other reasons for it. When I saw it I was just convinced that I was having a miscarriage and felt so gutted and empty. I've been having a lot of nose bleeds so I figure maybe my blood pressure is high and they say the cervix is soft and sensitive with increased blood flow. I haven't had sex since monday, but i did use the ride on mower all day wednesday and it was a pretty bumpy ride. Plus gardening can be strenuous work generally. I've taken the day off as holiday (all of my sick leave was taken up with the last miscarriage) so I'm resting. I'm not cramping or in pain... This is gross but it could be related to going No. 2 - I've been very very constipated (this happened last time as well pregnancy just slows me right down) and its possible that having trouble going to the loo put pressure on my cervix too? idk mb i just overshare there for no reason haha... trying to stay positive anyway. Its crazy how one little thing can just tip your day upside down and you go from being in the worst possible place to being quite calm and hopeful within a couple of hours xxxx

@MOGMOGMOG85 I'd say the bumpy mower ride could be a contributor, it might be it's "shaken out" some old blood out of your system (as in sped it up). Rest up now lovely, put your feet up and have a cuppa 😊

@rachelrainbow good luck for your scan!
@MOGMOGMOG85 sorry to hear about the bleeding, remember it is normal in alot of pregnancies. And the fact that its brown old blood can be reassuring, i get its easier said than done. Try and take it easy today look after you and keep an eye on it

@MOGMOGMOG85 glad you are feeling better - I know what you mean about rollercoaster emotions changing quickly!

@1stbabs yes I have lots of vivid dreams. Various schools of thought say that they are your unconscious mind bubbling into consciousness, so no surprise you are preoccupied with anxiety about loss. Try to pay attention to them, to how they feel. No need to dwell on them for hours, but don't push them aside. It's hard but your unconscious is communicating something, it wants to be heard and understood. Talk to someone about them if you can. Just describing what happens in them and having someone hear you is therapeutic and helps you process the emotions. My miscarriage dreams are always symbolic, I dream about losing my handbag and desperately trying to get it back, but there are obstacles I can't get past. Be kind to yourself, you have been through a very difficult experience. xxx

@MOGMOGMOG85 I think @MrsMGE and @AnxiousLady1 answered your question perfectly. I'm hoping and praying that it's implantation bleeding or old blood and nothing to worry about for you.

@MysteriousSheep you have nothing to feel guilty about, am glad your work has sorted an appropriate role for you where you'll be shielded from high risk and I hope your first day back goes well.

@1stbabs I'm not having horrible dreams per se, but I am having weird vivid dreams. Last night's involved me being at McDonalds head office (no idea why!) and having a tantrum because they didn't actually sell McDonalds food in the canteen and then not being able to decide which jacket potato filling to choose...... the previous night I had a dream that involved floating down a river and then ending up a Bavarian restaurant. Told you they were weird!

Question - are many of you having regular sex? We didn't at all in the first trimester as my first miscarriage bleeding started not long after sex and although I know that in reality the events were probably not connected (after all the second miscarriage still happened at similar stage in spite of zero sex) I was still too nervous. I feel more comfortable with the idea but my husband is still really nervous about it. We've had penetrative sex twice over the past few weeks and whilst it was enjoyable it still felt a bit 'wrong' and he clearly was a bit terrified throughout! Is anyone else having similar issues?

@Avocuddles I'm 11 weeks and have only attempted this once since finding out I was pregnant. Equally very nervous through frst trimester. When I did atempt it a couple of weeks ago I was too nauseous, my boobs hurt, and no position was comfortable so I had to give up. I felt really guilty and do still feel guilty that this has been put on the backburner.

@Avocuddles We had sex the night before I found out I'm pg and we're not planning more in the first trimester. But afterwards I think it's meant to be nice for mum and baby 😊😁

@Avocuddles I'm now 22 weeks and we have had sex twice since I fell pregnant. None of which in the first trimester for the same reason as you, MC started after sex. Then had trouble with sickness for weeks and just not feeling it really, and being so tired! Managed it twice now, although I did start crying the last time, talk about ruining a moment!!

@Avocuddles we're not. I just feel bloated and worried all the time so not really in the mood. And I know with sensitive cervix it can cause harmless bleeding but I don't want any bleeding as it would make me fly into a panic! Also after years of scheduling it while TTC (I'm not joking - we were using Google calendar invites at one point) it's lost a bit of the magic! How depressing! We're not completely keeping our hands off each other either though (IYKWIM) as want to keep our relationship close. I'm still in first trimester though - I might feel differently when further along.

We defo aren't in the first trimester, just don't want to risk it even though I know it's safe. Plus I feel like a big nauseous blob which isn't very sexy! Just not really felt in the mood...will see what happens in second trimester, I've not actually really noticed not having it 🙈 was so sick of it whilst ttc!!!

@Doughnut100 yes I think you're right about my subconscious wanting to be heard. Strangely I'm not really feeling too anxious about the pregnancy, I'm trying to have a what will be will be attitude. I think talking them through it a good idea so thank you. Your dream sounds very stressful as well. Anxiety dreams are horrible, but nice to know it's probably normal after loss x

@Avocuddles your McDonald's dream really made me laugh 😂 maybe vivid dreams are quite common in pregnancy then! I'm very early at only 5 weeks but I don't think we'll be having sex until second trimester if all goes well. I know they say it's fine but I just feel weird about it. Also last time I felt awful for the whole 19 weeks so wasn't ever in the mood!

Gosh, I am so glad I'm not the only one abstaining in first trimester. Was honestly feeling guilty the longer it went on. Everyon's comments have reassured me now too. x

@AnxiousLady1 You have nothing to feel guilty about, lovely. I think we're all trying to avoid those little things that would make us worried or paranoid, if we can. You're not alone 😊

@Mimba1 hahaha google calendar invites made me laugh out loud 🤣🤣🤣 me and DH both work in sales jobs, and after I explained to him Mumsnet jargon we both laughed at "BD" meaning "babydance"... in everyday life for us it means doing Business Development. So I always said "we need to do some BD tonight too" when it was that time a month 🤣 how unromantic 🙄

We haven't had sex since I got pregnant yet, I think he's scared (and I feel bloated and horrible atm!).

@Avocuddles I'm 10 weeks and we've had sex once since finding out about the pregnancy. Tbh I know DH would prefer more but with feeling rubbish and nervousness about bleeding I keep putting him off. I'm hoping once we get to 12/13 weeks I'll feel more comfortable about it.

In my last pregnancy we managed it a fair bit from my second trimester onwards.

@MOGMOGMOG85 hope your ok? I echo what the others have said, brown blood is generally old. Glad it has stopped, and you have the day off so you can put your feet up and rest.

@rachelrainbow Good Luck for your scan today.

@1stbabs I am with you on the dreams, they are horrible and tend to be about my exs, so more nightmares. I also wake up think I've heard my ex step children crying / coughing / shouting, which I got alot when they first moved out. Since been pregnancy this has been triggered again, so going to speak to my Counsellor at my next session. My hate at the minute is that I keep waking up at 5am and not being able to get back to sleep.

@SunStruck I echo what you said re BD, it's the same for me and it cracks me up when I see it on here! That's why I say "sex" or "DTD" (although the latter sounds like DPD to me) 😂