Pregnant after loss and dreaming of rainbows - 3

[Avocuddles]

Just setting up placeholder for new thread.....

Another week gone already! 22 weeks today and feeling mahoosive lol! Baby girl has officially learnt to full on kick now so that's fun. Especially seeing as how she has a knack for stopping the second my hubby tries to feel 😂

Sorry for being so quiet lately, I've stopped getting notifications again and it's been a mental week at work.

@Bellsx 25wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 25wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)⁣
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)⁣
@Hoping2020 19wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 22wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣
@Knotemma 21 wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣
@LilMrsS 20wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 20wks 26/09/20)⁣
@TunnocksTcake 19wks (due 26/09/20)⁣
@avocuddles 20wks (due 27/09/20)⁣
@Sunflower1608 20wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣
@SunStruck 19wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 19wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 20wks (due 30/09/20)⁣
@HighHopes20 16wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 18wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣
@Aria2015 10wks⁣
@tmc14 17wks (due 11/10/20)⁣
@Hagster 17wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣
@seaduck 12wks (due 17/10/20)⁣
@DressingGown87 13wks (due 20/10/20)⁣
@rachelrainbow 11wks (due 1/11/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 14wks (due 07/11/20)⁣
@Shefliesonherownwings 13wks (due 09/11/20)⁣
@MysteriousSheep 12wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 10wks (due 04/12/20)⁣
@MOGMOGMOG85 10wks (due 09/12/20)

@SammiLou2312 you look fab! 🥰

@MysteriousSheep congrats on your scan! ❤️

@Avocuddles sounds great and you sound organized! Unfortunately it's not as easy out here to get hold of stuff like in the UK, lots of things are out of stock (we tried to order the cot and the changing table this weekend but both out of stock 🤦🏻‍♀️) and there's not so many options/places to order from 😳 we planned to go back to the UK to get the big stuff like pram for cheaper (as everything is much more expensive here) but that doesn't look likely now...

@Anon20something congratulations on a beautiful scan! And yay one more lady on Team Blue 💙 I think we're the only 2 on this thread so far?! Haha!

You know when I said that I'm worried I don't really feel the baby much? Just some spasms here and there in the evening that really could just be my intestines. Well I stayed up quite late yesterday (gone midnight) and the baby was going crazy!! He was properly kicking and you could see my whole belly move! 🤣 so I've come to the conclusion he's probably a night owl while I'm an early bird and go to bed early, so I've been sleeping when he's been most active probably! It was a relief but also slightly worrying as I hope this pattern won't continue after birth 😅

Congrats @MysteriousSheep and @Anon20something on your scans!

I'm so desperate to have another look and check its all still ok. My scan last week reassured me for almost a whole week and I naively thought that I'd not be worried any more, but no, I've been looking at stats and am very much aware that I'm still in the first trimester :'( to make it worse i haven't even received my date for my scan yet and I'm 10 weeks! Did anyone else get their date through really late? I asked my midwife last week and she said I might not get it for another couple of weeks i.e. only a few days before 12 weeks! I just want to know which date I'm waiting for...

Been feeling tired, weepy, having nosebleeds, and a little bit of nausea but mainly food aversions. The fact my nausea isn't as bad has upset me, and last time I was pregnant I got a lot of nosebleeds (meanwhile I found out later the baby was dead...) so I think that is unsettling me!

Bleh wish my bloody scan letter would arrive then at least I could start counting down the days!

Hope everyone has a nice weekend xxx

@MOGMOGMOG85 in that book I mentioned Professor Regan says that 10 weeks is really the critical cut off. We all tend to thing 12 but the science and research say 10 and she thinks everyday guidance will be changed in future. Hope that's some reassurance.

As for the scan date can you ring the hospital just to check?

Made it to 11 weeks! A week and a half until my next scan now. This week has been very hard but now I can tick it off and start a new one. Happy Friday everyone.

@Bellsx 25wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 25wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)⁣
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)⁣
@Hoping2020 19wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 22wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣
@Knotemma 21 wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣
@LilMrsS 20wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 20wks 26/09/20)⁣
@TunnocksTcake 19wks (due 26/09/20)⁣
@avocuddles 20wks (due 27/09/20)⁣
@Sunflower1608 20wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣
@SunStruck 19wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 19wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 20wks (due 30/09/20)⁣
@HighHopes20 16wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 18wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣
@Aria2015 10wks⁣
@tmc14 17wks (due 11/10/20)⁣
@Hagster 17wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣
@seaduck 12wks (due 17/10/20)⁣
@DressingGown87 13wks (due 20/10/20)⁣
@rachelrainbow 11wks (due 1/11/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 14wks (due 07/11/20)⁣
@Shefliesonherownwings 13wks (due 09/11/20)⁣
@MysteriousSheep 12wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 11wks (due 04/12/20)⁣
@MOGMOGMOG85 10wks (due 09/12/20)

Time to update... 26 WEEKS!!! 😲😲😲 and very uncomfortable ☹
Less than 100 days to go, and only 77 days until I stop work! Doesnt seem so far away!

@Bellsx. 26wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 26wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)⁣
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)⁣
@Hoping2020 19wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 22wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣
@Knotemma 21 wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣
@LilMrsS 20wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 20wks 26/09/20)⁣
@TunnocksTcake 19wks (due 26/09/20)⁣
@avocuddles 20wks (due 27/09/20)⁣
@Sunflower1608 20wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣
@SunStruck 19wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 19wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 20wks (due 30/09/20)⁣
@HighHopes20 16wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 18wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣
@Aria2015 10wks⁣
@tmc14 17wks (due 11/10/20)⁣
@Hagster 17wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣
@seaduck 12wks (due 17/10/20)⁣
@DressingGown87 13wks (due 20/10/20)⁣
@rachelrainbow 11wks (due 1/11/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 14wks (due 07/11/20)⁣
@Shefliesonherownwings 13wks (due 09/11/20)⁣
@MysteriousSheep 12wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 11wks (due 04/12/20)⁣
@MOGMOGMOG85 10wks (due 09/12/20)

Ooof @rachael321 that isnt long at all! How exciting!! Have you done much to get ready? How are you feeling other than uncomfortable?

Hey ladies, feeling a bit rubbish today and all of my friends are either pregnant or TTC or had kids easily so are like "I'm sure it'll be fine" so I don't want to burden/talk with them, so I hope you don't mind but I just need to let off a bit of steam here.⁣
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I'm two weeks away from my 20 week scan, and I'm dreading it. I haven't felt any kicking and I don't think my bump is growing. But maybe it is. But I don't know. My husband told me this morning that he's convinced the scan will be bad news so he's no better (which is fair, I don't blame him), and I just think back to previous and I just really really don't want to have to go through that again. I've done my best to remain detached to make it easier but I've not done a very good job because I'm not detached at all - I really bloody want this one to work out. My friends and family and work colleagues all know I'm pregnant (feel like an idiot for telling them all now but I had to because of my job), and the thought of having to go and tell them all it's gone wrong (again, as I've been very open about previous) just fills me with dread.⁣
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To be honest, I've been so busy with work (I work in the NHS) that I think that's kept me distracted from these worries but work has calmed down a bit now, and not only do I have the space to think but I'm also convinced all the stress of my job over the past couple of months has done damage, so I'm kicking myself for that too.⁣
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So basically, I'm a big bag of anxiety, and a bloody mess and I'm sure I'll regret posting this because I really don't want to trigger anything for anyone else, but I just needed to speak to people who get it and won't just offer platitudes.⁣
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I'm so sorry to dump all that here. I'm fine honestly and the irony is that I'm not usually an anxious person so this is probably at least partly hormonal which I should take as a good sign 🙈🙈🙈

@Hagster I'm so sorry you're having a tough time. A couple of suggestions from me (and feel free to tell me to nick off)

The people around you know, so should you have a bad scan result you will have support around you to help you through it.

While work has been stressful, we all have a degree of stress in our lives that is outside our control. Busy and full on doesn't mean bad. And (not to minimise your stress levels) women in war zones manage to have perfectly healthy pregnancies.

On the movement front, lots of people don't feel or recognise movement until as late as 24 weeks. You may have an anterior placenta, or the bean could just like to face your back, so your less likely to feel/notice those movements.

Bump size has absolutely no impact on the health of your pregnancy. I know someone who didn't know they were pregnant until the went into labor. She was a size 6 and did not change at all. She had a healthy 6+lb daughter.

On the detachment front, honestly by this point you'd have to be a robot to stay detached. Regardless of the outcome you are growing a very much loved and wanted child. I know it seems easier to ignore it, but I honestly think that denying our emotions makes things worse, because all the hormones flying around are driving us to want to care for the child we're growing.

It's difficult and it's scary this whole pregnancy after loss business. I genuinely feel privileged to have met such a wonderful supportive group of women here. Please don't ever feel bad for getting things off your chest, it's why we're all here and hopefully we can help make things am little bit easier and brighter for each other. Please be kind to yourself and take care xx

Thanks @knotemma, I really appreciate your words. I feel a bit silly posting 🙈. Bloody hormones playing havoc!⁣
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Your point re: having kids in warzones is very helpful for some perspective. My husband had a go at me for working too hard which didn't help so I'll remind him for a bit of perspective too 😉. He's just anxious and is even less in control than me so I don't blame him really.⁣
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I know that ultimately there's nothing I can really do except wait, either it'll be good news or not and I basically can't do anything about it at this point. Need to distract myself sometimes and let myself feel whatever I need to feel other times, and just try to recognise which of those I need to do.⁣
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Thank you for being lovely and sorry to vent 🙈♥️

@whiffle77 generally ok just tired and achey. And being used as a football pitch on the inside!

Pretty organised, have everything we need (I think) apart from a bigger house but covid preventing that!!

Have washed almost everything already and going to start on hospital bag at the weekend! OH wants to get it done just in case things happen early! I think it's a bit soon but we have everything so why not?

I know it's not everyone's thing but has anyone been watching life and birth on bbc? This weeks was so emotional! We were both in tears!

@Hagster Really sorry you're feeling like this, but it is of course completely understandable. As @Knotemma has said, pregnancy after loss is difficult, and we have the added stress of previous experience on top of the usual pregnancy stresses. I'm just coming up to 15 weeks and like you constantly have thoughts about whether bump is growing. I start to doubt my own body and think "what if it's just not cut out for it". But I was reassured here earlier in the week by others saying to not read into weighing myself etc, and I am also aware of friends of friends who have gone into labour never even knowing they were pregnant. To us that seems baffling, but perhaps that is because we are very finely tuned into every single detail and acutely aware of what is/isn't happening.

On the movement - I am guessing from your mention of a scan you are around the 18 week mark are you? I hope @SunStruck doesn't mind me mentioning at this point, but I know she was equally worried about this prior to her 20 week scan this week, and has mentioned afterward only picking up on movements really late at night when she happened to be awake. But as @Knotemma said, movements tend to not be felt until after the 20 week mark anyway.

Now that work has eased somewhat, take the opportunity to be kind to yourself and perhaps find other ways to distract you from your thoughts. I know mine tend to be worse at weekends when I'm not always busy. xx

@Hagster it's perfectly normal to feel anxious, it's a long time between 12 and 20 weeks and my anxiety was sky high last week, I was paranoid that I was having another blood clot and would drop dead, and that the fact I haven't gained weight and hadn't really felt any definite movements meant something was up with the baby. I think it's a natural defence mechanism to assume the worst, especially when we've experienced trauma in the past, but hopefully all will be well and your anxiety will melt away in the scan room (even if it's only for a while......). I've not experienced any proper kicks yet, and only started to feel daily 'flutters' over the past couple of days, but keep reassuring myself that prior to 24 weeks we're not expected to feel regular movements. This pregnancy thing is terrifying, I've ordered a couple of babygros (more to make myself accept that this is real than anything else!) and the positive birth book arrived in the post today but I'm now panicking that it's much too soon and I've somehow cursed things. I don't think any of us will truly relax until our babies are here - I know it won't be any comfort but believe me you're not alone in terms of being overwhelmed by negative thoughts sometimes.

@Rachael321 you are very organised but when you put it in terms of less than 100 days to go it really doesn't feel that far off! I've been watched Life and Birth along with my DH, it's a great programme and whilst some of the stories are frankly terrifying, it's amazing to see the positive outcomes in even the most high risk of circumstances.

@Avocuddles I am pretty organi8but I keep thinking I'm 2 weeks away from 3rd trimester, anything can happen! I'm in a group on facebook now too and there are ladies on there having false alarms etc I'd rather be prepared just in case!!

Thank you so much everyone, this is such a lovely group and I knew you'd all know what to say. Thank you. Feeling quite a bit better this evening, still anxious but more the normal background anxiety rather than the certainty I was feeling earlier. It does help knowing others are going through it too, we're all on this rollercoaster! ⁣
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@Rachael321 better safe than sorry, and then you know it's just sorted and one less thing to worry about! ⁣
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Did anyone see Kathryn Ryan has been talking today about having a miscarriage, really resonated with my own experience, think it's so positive she's talking about it although always so sad to hear anyone has gone through this. ⁣
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So glad you are feeling better @Hagster ! I think it is always worth saying something on here if you feel blue, as odds are someone will have felt very similar - and if not they will give some lovely and excellent advice like you have had above! Which then helps other people and makes them feel better too.
Yes I love Katherine Ryan, I listened to her podcast on it and it was awful what she went through but it's so positive she is talking about it. I think she has done another chat with Laura Whitmore which I will try and listen to at some point too. I think there is more aim to try and "normalise" it, it seems to be getting talked about more - or I may be noticing it more now it's relevant to me. But I think it's so important, I had no idea what was going to happen to my body or how I would feel about it - and I felt furious about the whole thing. Sex education is woefully lacking I feel, we are taught to never have sex without protection as you WILL get pregnant...but actually for most people is far harder than that, for some it's impossible, and for many like us that is just the start of a very hard journey. I wish I had been a bit more aware. It still would've hurt just as much, but the horror of the experience was awful.
Seem to have gone off on a tangent rant there, not sure how that happened 😂 this must be what happens when you cant drink wine on a friday night...!

Lovely to see all the positive news this week.

@SunStruck @Anon20something I’m also having a boy 😄. How exciting xx

@MOGMOGMOG85 my anatomy scan was last week and for the first time the anxiety didn’t hurtle back. I think partly because I am now recognising little nudges. Usually after wasting so I assumed they were gas before! More pronounced each day now which helps my confidence.

@Hagster my bump appeared right after my anatomy scan, I looked the same until then! I’m 20 weeks now and I’ve gained 2lbs (was 14 stone to start with though). Looking more pregnant than fat now which is nice! Hope you feel some lovely reassuring movement soon. I really struggled between weeks 13 and 20 as I felt normal-ish other than tired and both my OH and I were expecting bad news. We are all scarred because that’s what has happened to us in the past xx

I also had a call from my consultant yesterday - she recommended a c section as I’ve previously had a spontaneous spinal fluid leak which has never fully healed. I was going to request it so relieved that pressure is off now. It’s probably going to be under GA and will have date confirmed around 36 weeks ( short notice as I believe they like to deliver APS babies around week 37). Glad I booked some annual leave before May leave!

^Mat

Thanks for sharing your experience @Littlegoth, I'm only 10 1/2 weeks now but reading what you've written I will be prepared for feeling anxious right up until 20ish weeks when I feel movement! It makes sense. Already my sickness etc has eased off so it's only mild and that is freaking me out. It actually seemed to ease off from week 6 and then it just comes back once a week really badly and then not so bad again. Having said that I think the nausea is still there but I've become better at managing it. For example just this morning I had to ask my oh not to use a certain word (we affectionately refer to our pet rat as a "furry potato" which is usually really cute but today makes me feel really sick!) so I'm obviously still quite queasy. And yet I had a positive scan at 9 weeks, just 10 days ago, got to hold onto that.

Finally my 12 week scan date came through on June 2nd. 2 1/2 weeks to wait arrrrg! I'll be 12w6d at that point. At least I now know how long my wait is.

Theres the appointment to have blood taken also the week before - does anyone know what this is testing for??

It’s really tough because we are all so hyper aware of everything. I woke up feeling better for a bit at about 10 weeks, think it lasted a week or so, then the sickness returned with a vengeance and stayed until I was about 16 weeks! I still get waves now. If there’s one thing I’ve learned this pregnancy it’s that symptoms don’t mean anything, apart from I worry slightly less if they are strong! You had a positive scan, everything was fine and just hold that.

The blood is used along with the NT measurement for the combined testing for Edwards/Downs/Patau. I didn’t have mine taken as I had the Iona through the hospital so they didn’t do the combined test too x

@MOGMOGMOG85 I'm also guessing you didn't have any blood taken at a midwife booking appointment? So there are a variety of standard tests they also run (a couple for STDs, blood type of it's not on file, that type of thing) they might also do the draw for the NT test, but I had mine done at the same time as the 12 week scan

@MOGMOGMOG85 The blood and urine sample are also used to check things like iron levels. And for UTIs. My bloods were taken 3 days before my scan and they actually gave me my Trisomy results at the scan which was great. It depends on your Trust though, as some will take up to two weeks to let you know, either via an online app or post (depending how you are being given your maternity notes). I think the rules of thumb is if anything flags up they will let you know much quicker. Otherwise your midwife talks through the results at your 16 week appointment.

Hi all,

@Littlegoth it's interesting you mention delivery around 37 weeks, I've been wondering if I would be encouraged to deliver early due to my clotting history but it's been 8 weeks since my last catch up with my consultant and we hadn't got as far as discussing the prospect of birth by then... I have a telephone appointment with him on Friday so guess we might start looking forward at that point. I've been told that if I had to have a c section it would have to be under GA if I'd injected within the past 12 hours but don't really know any more than that.

Has anyone else been suffering with nosebleeds? Mine had gone away for a couple of weeks but last night and this morning I've had an annoying one which keeps coming back in my left nostril. I imagine my blood thinners make them take a little longer to heal than for most, the problem is that hayfever season is making me snotty and each time I clear my nose it brings out a load more blood.... Might ask my GP about it but suspect I'd be told that it's just one of those things.

@MOGMOGMOG85 my bloods were taken at the same time as my 12 week scan and I got the results through the post within a week. Exciting that you've got the date through now, not long to go!

Ps we have a few more posts to go but as we're edging close to the limit I've set up our next thread. Number 4 already!

Pregnant After Loss and Dreaming of Rainbows - 4 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3910701-pregnant-after-loss-and-dreaming-of-rainbows-4