Pregnant after loss and dreaming of rainbows - 3

[Avocuddles]

Just setting up placeholder for new thread.....

Big member of the crier club here too!!! Was catching up on "our girl" yesterday and was bawling my eyes out, have cried at lots of tv, ads, burnt the dinner, and even after sex!! One way to ruin a moment!!!

Wow! So much to catch up on today! I've actually had a really busy work day today so less time reading.

@DressingGown87 that sounds tough! What a f-wit! Can't believe anyone would say that, let alone someone you've been close to. I'm totally impressed by how you've got so many things together despite facing so much adversity. And you're the same age as my little sister! So pleased that lady spoke to you.

@Lori86 welcome and sorry for your loss. I love this thread because there are ladies at all different stages that can share their experiences. You've come to a good place!

@MrsMGE Boris! That made me laugh so much! Although I did cry when I realised I'd mistimed the garlic bread so it was ready 10 minutes before the pasta bake last night. And I have had a little tear at Captain Tom. Has anyone else snooped his house on google maps or am I just a crazy stalker lady (it's OK if I am)? It looks amazing!

I don't know if I can be bothered to get my hair done. I thought you were meant to get lovely thick locks during pregnancy but mine's all falling out so I'm not sure it's worth it!

So today I am officially the "most" pregnant I have ever been at 7+6. I hardly slept last night and still feel really worried that maybe it's failed and I just don't know yet but I'm trying to be more optimistic! Going to call the midwife tomorrow to register (they said not to before 8 wks) and then decide whether we want an early scan.

Have any of you done NIPT? Would you recommend it and are there good/bad places to go? I think I would like to but not sure on timing - do you wait until after the NHS 12 week scan? And do you have to do NHS screening first (I can't see why you would)?

@Mimba1 I would encourage having the NHS screening as well as the NIPT. The NIPT can only give a risk factor for the main 3 chromosomal issues. The nuchal measurement can indicate many, many more problems.
Knowing what I know now (lost a baby with a chromosomal issue) I'd personally not have the NIPT and just have the NHS screening. If its really worrying you then a cvs or amnio is the way to get a definite answer.

Is anyone else feeling like a baby elephant? I'm 15+1 and I am MASSIVE. I'm not even exaggerating.

Oh wow @MrsMGE I wish I'd not looked up bleach London, this could be dangerous 🙈😂

@Mimba1 Garlic baguette 😂😂😂

I'm a bit embarrassed about Boris, actually That was definitely a blinding spike in progesterone

I mentioned NIFTY before, it's the same as NIPT, Panorama, Harmony etc., same tests, different brand names (although I think NIPT encompasses them all). I'm planning to have it done. If anything is wrong, I'd rather know sooner (if it's one of the three syndromes), that's my personal choice. You can have it done from 10 weeks. @SunStruck had it, I'm sure she will be able to tell you more. You can also find out what you're having through NIPT 😊

@Whiffle77 I've tried quite a few already, let me know if you need any tips

Thanks @Treaclepie19 that's really helpful. So sorry that happened to you. The NHS website says there is a 1 in 100 chance of MC with amnio which concerned me. But I guess I don't even know if the screening would be high risk. One bridge at a time.

I do feel like a baby elephant but I think it's directly proportional to the amount of cheese I've eaten this week rather than pregnancy. By the time I get as far along as you (fingers crossed I do) they'll probably be able to detect a baby mozzarella on the scan!

@Mimba1 yeah there is a risk. My hospital told me normally it's babies who are already unwell or in hospitals where the procedure isn't done often. Though it is scary which is why we're not sure whether to go through it again.
See how your screening goes and go from there

Haha, I've lost 8lbs but it looks like I've put on 20lbs 🙈

@MrsMGE 🤣🤣🤣 about crying at everything! I cried when I was hungry in early pregnancy I swear, I felt so sorry for myself 🤦🏻‍♀️ Captain Tom
Is just 😭😭 what a lovely man!

@Mimba1 I did the Panorama test that scans for more chromosomal issues than the Harmony one, for my own peace of mind. I'm 36 and have had 2 miscarriages (no children yet), so knowing is important for me. Bonus you also find out the sex (we had a mini gender reveal for our closest friends at home - we found out the same time as them and it was so lovely!). It was such a relief when the results came back super low on everything (much lower than the combined test), I would recommend it to anyone.

I don't dye my hair so that's not an issue, but I do get my eyelashes done and eyebrows threaded, I'm suffering at the moment 🤣

@sunstruck with you on the eyelashes, my eyes feel bold! Eyebrows are microbladed so luckily still in tact!

I’ve cried at Captain Tom, Our Girl was floods, and because Ive run out of blue ice pops 🤷🏽‍♀️

I've not seen the latest series of Our Girl but briefly spotted Josh Bowman is in it. I really fancy him since he was in Revenge 😍 @SunStruck Thanks for the info lovely, I didn't realise Panorama is the most comprehensive one.

@DressingGown87 I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. As awful as it sounds him stepping out now is far better then later on in the pregnancy or once baby is born. You have time to prepare yourself emotional and put support in place. It does sound like you have a fab support structure in place. It's 100% possible to bring up a baby on your own, and the bond you have is incredible. A father you steps in and out is far more destructive on the both of you mentally. My first sons father was never present and being in the army was absent most of his early life and we split up at 9months. I was 17. He is more present now, an incompetent father but more consistent now lol. My ex-husband and father of my next two ended up having a drink and drug problem and was emotionally and physically abusive. Once I finally got the confidence to leave I'm gutted I waited so long and in hindsight it impacted on my parenting. Being a lone parent can sometimes be the best thing for the child. I now have an amazing partner and he's making up for 3 horrific pregnancies and is so tolerant of my crazy lol. You will be ok and clearly strong enough to get through this and be an incredible mum. Clearly this little Bambino was meant to be. Being a lone parent can be lonely but it is also incredibly empowering and make you challenge life in whole new ways. It certainly was the making of me. Sending much love x

@SunStruck how accurate do they say it is? We were looking at this but got warned off it because it wasn't reliable enough.

Oh actually @SunStruck never mind. I've just read its mainly for extra chromosomes and we had a problem that was deletions of a chromosome.

@Treaclepie19 it does test for microdeletions, please see the pic attached for the list of everything it tests for! It was a little bit more expensive than Harmony but tests for more things which is why we went with that 😄

@Treaclepie19 it may be worth finding out if your hospital / nhs trust has a screening specialist you can talk to who will be able to explain the different tests and options in detail. I was set on having NIPT but had a long chat with the screening specialist from my hospital (after being given her number by my midwife) and decided just to have the combined test, then to have NIPT if the results were inconclusive. My combined screening results came within days and were good so decided that that would be enough for us, but they were back in plenty of time for us to go down the NIPT route if we wished.

@DressingGown87 I think that although it can be tough having a baby on your own, it can also be, as @Sunflower1608 said, incredibly empowering and you will have an amazing bond. Plus, you will be in charge of all decisions and choices. I’m glad to hear you have a good support network as this is important. I have a couple of single (from pregnancy onwards) mum friends, including my oldest and best pal who had a little girl a couple of years ago - the dad was awful during pregnancy, denied it was his etc so she moved home from London and although she was worried she has done it on her own and is one of the best mums I know. Plus I got to be her birth partner which was lovely for me! I know she particularly values having some other single mum friends as she says it can be lonely at times when everyone else seems coupled up. Anyway, sorry to read about what a arse your baby’s dad is, and congratulations and good for you! I’m sure your baby is very lucky to have such a strong mum.

Thanks @SunStruck
@Avocuddles we've spoken it through with fetal medicine and our consultant. She agreed that the NIPT was pointless in our situation and wasn't very positive about the full NIPT. For our little boys condition really they would only be happy to rule it out with an amnio or cvs.
We're currently at the point of seeing how the scans go because the nuchal was fine which was our first clue something was very wrong last time. Our combined screening has come back fine but again, doesn't say for sure it's all okay.
I'm trying to just go with the flow until the next scan but it's not easy.
Only 2 weeks 4 days to go 😂

Just looked at the list and it wouldn't be worth the full NIPT. His condition didn't actually have a name, it was really rare and really random deletions. Trust me to be awkward eh!

Hi everyone, sorry I haven't read everything, I'm basically on here with a question. I just suddenly got a sharp pain in my side, definitely not cramping/stretching. It was only momentary and when I breathed in a couple of times, so I guess it felt like a stitch. But I'm not doing any exercise (quite the opposite) and it just worried me. I'm 5+4 so worried about ectopic. I guess if its gone away and if it felt like a stitch it probably is nothing to worry about? Hmm...

@DressingGown87 I don't know the whole story but I'm sorry you had that horrible meeting with your ex. Glad you didn't let him come over, how ridiculous! My Mum was a single Mum and I have always appreciated that she made that choice rather than have my crappy dad involved in my life. I met him a couple of times and it was awful. I never felt I was missing out on anything growing up. I think she found it tough at times, but now that we're beyond that time in our lives I have immense respect for what she did, especially seeing people who's parents argued all the time or had a terrible relationship etc, it's teaching your kid something amazing to look after yourself and have the strength to go it alone xx

I didnt realise there were so many different tests you could have! Are any of them standard NHS ones that we all get or are they all ones you have looked to arrange specially? Or do you have an NHS one and decide on a further one if the results are inconclusive? Or is it all just personal choice? Sorry, appreciate this may not be an easy question for people to answer...

@Whiffle77 I think the standard on the NHS is the nuchal combined test. Based on the results they may suggest an amino or CVS.
The NIPT (Non invasive pregnancy testing) isn't standard in the UK yet. It's very popular and common in the USA though. There are a load of different healthcare labs that offer it so they all offer slightly different things. You can get some of them done in specific situations through the NHS in some areas or privately. It's basically a blood test where they look at the fetal fraction DNA, but in the USA they can charge a ridiculous amount of money for it

@MysteriousSheep thank you. Not many of my friends are single parents. But they will support me as much as they can, and open to meeting people along the way. My best friend said she will be my birthing partner, which sort of terrifies me, but I know it will all be forgotten 😂

@Sunflower1608 Thank you and sorry to read you have had your fair share of idiots too. I’d only started dating this guy recently, was just of them things. So I don’t really know him as a person. Well I defiantly don’t as he is in a relationship, claims they where on a break, but evidence suggests otherwise. But they’ve just bought a house, and started a life together. He asked me if I had any male friend who would claim they are the dad, and bring the baby up. Told him to stop being so stupid, and if I meet someone, then that may happen, but I’m not doing something for the sake of it. I’m glad you’ve met Mr Right and someone who is giving you support, hopefully one day that will happen to me. You sound like you’ve done a brilliant job. I brought up my ex’s 3 children (18months and 2) when we got together, so I’ve done the whole sleepless nights, first day at school (x3), potty training, bed wetting, hospital trips, school runs every day, constant arguing, and screaming of mum 24/7. We split last year, after 4 years and loosing them 3 was one of the hardest things that ever happened. If I got through that (which at times I didn’t think it would happen) I can do this.

Honestly thank you, to every single one of you, not just for today, but for everyday I’ve been on this thread. I may be silent at times, but always readying, and the support and advice you give is invaluable to me and I’m sure others.

@Whiffle77 I was given an NHS booklet all about the various tests throughout pregnancy at my booking appointment - I imagine midwives will send out an electronic version at the moment....
Ultimately everything is a matter of personal choice so it's good to be informed and also to know what your approach would be if you did have a negative / inconclusive result.

@MOGMOGMOG85 I had a few of those kind of pains early on, they were worst in the very very early days. Probably nothing at all to worry about but if they become more regular / agonising then give your doctor a call. I'm

Woken up to brown discharge (i.e. old blood) and one little clot :( I know this is normal in early pregnancy but it didn't happen last time :( I guess there's nothing I can do but wait :(