Graduates of the TTC After Pregnancy Loss thread. Aka: The Penguin Huddle

[MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue]

This is a safe and supportive thread for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and are now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread, have suffered a loss and are now pregnant please feel free to join the penguin huddle 🐧

Positive pants ON. Let’s get our rainbows ladies 🌈

Thanks @Mistymeow. Have messaged my manager and explained the situation (she didn't know about this pregnancy but knows about my previous loss) so I've got no pressure to go into work over the next few days. The waiting is the worst!

@Avocuddles there not much I can add that the fantastic people on here haven't already said. I'm thinking of you and hope things are not as bad as you fear. No harm in calling EPU to see if they can see you earlier than Wednesday. Take care of yourself and rest as much as you can till you can see them.

@Avocuddles sorry to hear you are bleeding and hope it is just a pregnancy blip. As others have said fight your way into EPU tomorrow.

@sadtoday21 thanks for asking after me. I am good and whilst awaiting harmony results (hopefully in the next few days) I am feeling pretty positive. I'm 12 weeks on Tuesday but am measuring slightly ahead at last scan (even though initially was measuring behind). I have even been brave enough to buy a pair of maternity jeans just because I can't cope anymore with the steroid bloating and the start of baby belly. Hope you are feeling happier now you have your NT results in hand. I have booking appt with midwife tomorrow which no doubt will be a bit of a trigger for me getting that bloody pack!

Love to all you ladies x

@Avocuddles I'm so sorry to read this. Of course you are in the right place, we are all here for each other, good or bad, and we understand the anxiety you're feeling.

I would definitely get pushed to be seen tomorrow too. As you know I measured a just over week behind last summer and it didn't work out for me. However, my body didn't MC naturally until 3 weeks later. I had one scan in that time so at least I knew what was going on. By then I knew what was happening and could mentally prepare (not that it made it easy but it did help). I also had a lot of wine which definitely helped! On the other hand I bled with my DD all the way through pregnancy so spotting it in pregnancy really can mean nothing. Either way I think being in limbo is the worst, your mind will just be in overdrive.

We are all thinking of you. Keep posting as much as you need. We are here for you and hoping for the best xxx

Regarding movement I didn't feel DD until 20/21 weeks and I had a posterior placenta. This time around I felt bubbles at around 10/12. I was questioning them but over time they became stronger. Around 14-17 weeks they felt almost like a fish tail flicking under water. At 19 weeks it was definite kicks and my husband could even feel them from outside. Now Baby Boy is proper booting me and I'm 23 weeks! I dread to think how strong he will be soon!!

We went to the zoo yesterday for my birthday and DD loved it! But it was a really long day with barely any time to sit down so I was really tired. DD is now ill with that horrid cold that's doing the rounds, and I think my husband and I have had about four hours broken sleep! I'm not winning any parenting awards today - there has been a lot of TV! Can't wait until bed time!

Awk @Avocuddles 😓 hopefully as the others have said, it's just a blip. I'm sure you're head's wrecked. Put your feet up and dont move for the rest of today then hopefully EPU or a&e will do a wee scan. Keep us updated xx

@avocuddles sorry to hear you are bleeding and fearing the worst. Will be keeping everything crossed for you, please keep us updated with how you get on and post as much as you feel is helpful.

@sadtoday21 yeah I'm waiting for the NHS trisomy screening. They said 3 working days for high risk results, so if I don't hear anything by end of Tuesday then that's encouraging. I'm hopeful it will be good news though as my NT was 1.5mm. I have booked a private gender scan for 3 weeks time when I'll be 16+6 and I'm actually feeling more nervous about that! Not because of finding out the gender, but I have a sort of love hate relationship with scans - love them because it's hard not to see baby for weeks at a time (especially as no real baby bump and no movements felt yet) but hate them for the fear of being told there's no heartbeat! I don't think I'll manage until October for my anomaly scan without a scan in between though. Are you going to book any extra scans or brave it until the anomaly scan?

@Avocuddles I'm so sorry to read this. I was thinking of you and wondering how you were today. I can't add anything to what others have said but we will be thinking of you tomorrow xxx

@Avocuddles Oh hun, I am so, so sorry you've had bleeding and are feeling so dejected. I shall keep hope set aside for you that this is one of those bleeds which is harmless and giving you a false alarm. As others have said, EPU might be able to see you tomorrow or Tuesday and alleviate the pain of not knowing for sure one way or another...
Please know that your body isn't doing anything 'wrong'; it isn't working against you and your womb desperately wants a baby as much as you do... Be kind to yourself and don't feel like your body is your enemy. I tried to see my womb and ovary (I only have one) as friends I had to comfort when I was going through the thick of all the shittiness and it helped... It weirdly made me feel a little less alone with it all. (Am I crackers?)
Huge penguin cuddles.

Ladies I think I'm having 'typical' pregnancy anxiety (rather than pregnancy after loss anxiety). I've been thinking a lot about becoming a mum for the first time recently (up until now I'd not actually been giving it much thought because I think I've just been in a bit of denial about things actually going to plan this time).

I'm almost at the point where I need to tell work when I'll be starting my maternity leave and having to think about plans for going back to work and child-care and I'm feeling really over-whelmed by it all.
There seems to be so many decisions to make and things to consider and I'm just feeling a bit rabbit-in-the-headlights.

Do any of you already-mummies have any advice?

Also, been looking into NCT classes... Wish they didn't cost so bloody much!!!!

@KnitKitty it's daunting in theory but in reality it's fine! With regards to mat leave, I took the max amount on the understanding that if I wanted to come back early I could give 56 days notice, which I did. I went back on reduced hours to suit childcare and DH and I organised the logistics of drops offs before I went back.

You accrue holiday whilst you're on leave and I decided to take a couple weeks holiday and start my mat leave on my due date, which is when DS arrived!

I didn't do NCT as local friends had bad experiences, but I chose two groups suitable from birth which I joined and I made friends through those.

@Avocuddles I'm so sorry you're bleeding, I hope everything works out for you and definitely push for an appointment tomorrow xxx

@KnitKitty I would do as @Frillyfarmer said and tell work you are taking the max amount of time. You can always change this when you're on mat leave, just check how much notice you need to give them.

I went back four days a week and work slightly shorter hours on Monday and Tuesday to manage nursery pick ups.

I looked at nurseries when DD was six months and put her name down then as waiting lists are quite high where I am. She started when she was 1 and I went back to work after my year's mat leave. I always knew I wanted a nursery as I didn't want to rely on one person (childminder), I wanted the social aspect and the holidays covered. You will find yourself looking at all kinds of stuff when feeding at 3am so I'd advise not worrying about this too much yet, you've plenty of time to research what's in your area and think about what might work for you!

I also didn't do NCT and made friends at baby groups. Sadly I have lost touch with some of them as they all had their second and I found it too hard when experiencing my losses (clearly that's my issue as they were good friends). But I have now made some great friends through DD's nursery so I think you will naturally find friends along the way. NCT is a very expensive way to make friends! I have known people who paid that money and really didn't get on with people in their group or who lost touch. I think it's a bit of a gamble and would advice local antenatal classes. I did some through the Daisy Foundation and met some nice women.

Regarding feeling like a rabbit in the headlights, I'm not sure that ever changes and most days I feel like I'm winging it as a mum! You're always learning as things are always changing. You will be fine and find that things fall into place as you go xxx

Thinking of you @Avocuddles hoping everything is alright xxxxxx

Sorry @Avocuddles I’m thinking of you xx

So sorry @Avocuddles , I really, really hope that it all works out ok. This is definitely the right place to let it all out though, we all know what you're going through to varying extent.

@Squiff70 I'm glad he's hanging on for now - when is your OH back?

Oh @Avocuddles, I'm so sorry to hear that you're bleeding. I hope you manage to get the scan moved forwards, and fingers, toes and eye crossed for you that it turns out to be a false alarm and everything is OK. We're here whenever you need us

Oh @Avocuddles I am so sorry that you're going through this worry. I sincerely hope that it is a false alarm and nothing sinister ❤️❤️ thinking of you xx

Just a quick update from me, I'm pretty certain it's over for me - don't want to post details but think the scan will confirm on Friday, so I'll go back to lurking, but will pop back to see how you're all doing and to say hi. Thanks for your support and well wishes. I've got a fertility clinic appointment this week so not feeling totally hopeless. Wishing you all the best and hope that I can join you again sometime in the future with my rainbow, some of you will be graduates of the graduates by then 😊 xx

@Navy123 He's not back until Friday very late at night. It's going to be a long week :(

Thinking of you both @Avocuddles and @VenusStarr

Thanks all for your support. No appointments available at the EPU today but they've moved my appointment forward to tomorrow which is an improvement I guess. @VenusStarr so sorry to hear your news. This is just such an awful experience, I feel fairly certain that things haven't worked out for me and the thought of starting again is crippling - it's good that you've got your fertility appointment so soon, I have my referral letter sat by the front door so will get it in the post today, though don't know whether I'll still be eligible now that I've conceived twice?

@Avocuddles you're still eligible as you have no children. All fertility statistics are based on live births not pregnancies which is something I didn't realise until after my miscarriage earlier this year. Hope you get some answers tomorrow xxx

Glad they've brought your appointment forward @Avocuddles. I hope it will bring reassurance 💜 with regards to the fertility clinic, at my first appointment after my first miscarriage the consultant wasn't fussed about me having conceived. I'm hoping he will be the same this time. I recall @Mistymeow has had a similar experience to me and was continued to be treated / supported by the fertility clinic. I think if you haven't had a live birth then you're still eligible. Plus, being on the wrong side of 35 and 2 miscarriages where the babies stopped developing at the same stage, I hope they would support / investigate rather than reset the clock. Please don't think I'm saying this will be the case for you (2 miscarriages), just my own reflections on my current situation.

Are you off work today? Hope you manage to get some rest xx

Sorry to hear your update @VenusStarr. I hope you are being kind to yourself and DH is looking after you xxx

Good news on the appointment. How is the bleeding this morning @Avocuddles?

Thanks @janey15 @VenusStarr that's good to know re hopefully still being eligible for treatment. @VenusStarr it looks highly likely I'll be in the same boat as you (2 months off turning 36....). No fresh bleeding so far this morning, but feel like it's only a matter of time. I'm at home today and have told my manager to assume I potentially won't be in all week as I really don't want to miscarry in the office. She said just to rest but I have logged on to do a bit of work to pass the time as much as anything!

Hope everyone else is ok! x

@Avocuddles I'm really sorry to hear your news and I hope that the scan brings some unexpected good news tomorrow. Sending you a big hug and thinking of you Xxx. Also thinking of you @VenusStarr and hoping that you are doing ok. I hope your DH has come around now and you are both helping each other through this

Thank you @sadtoday21, I feel like I've misrepresented dh :( I think the stress of going through a very similar missed miscarriage was getting on top of us both. He's been really supportive since our falling out. I know I've been difficult and pushing everyone away. It's breaking my heart that he is struggling with losing another baby and seeing me go through it (he was at work the first time) 💔

Hope everyone is OK xx

I’m so sorry @VenusStarr it’s such a heartbreaking thing to go through. It sounds like DH loves you very much. It’s sad both of you have had to deal with this again but there’s nothing you could have done. Unfortunately for the man it means seeing the woman dealing with the physical stuff and it must be tough for him but it is what it is. All you can do is be there for each other and I’m sure with time you’ll get through this. I hope the fertility appointment goes well and they have some answers for you. Thinking of you during this dark time! 💐 xx