Graduates of the TTC After Pregnancy Loss thread. Aka: The Penguin Huddle

[MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue]

This is a safe and supportive thread for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and are now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread, have suffered a loss and are now pregnant please feel free to join the penguin huddle 🐧

Positive pants ON. Let’s get our rainbows ladies 🌈

@Indreamland if you weren't measuring ahead at 20 weeks then your midwife likely has it wrong.
To stop yourself worrying I would go to GPs and have an ordinary fasting glucose test. My gps are rubbish for appts etc, but I got in with the nurse and she did it, they can also do a quick pin prickk test. I know they're not the best tests, but it'll give you an idea of glucose in blood and if its normal.

Sorry to be nosey, but what makes you high risk?

Hi everyone, it's been a long time! Thanks for asking after me @strawberrye. For those who don't know me I was one of the original penguins. I stepped away from the TTC threads in pregnancy for my sanity but so pleased to see this graduates thread and that so many people are on their way to a happy ending.
I finally got my happy ending two weeks ago after a three year battle when my little boy and girl twins arrived. 😍 They are perfect and I'm in awe of them. Thank you all for your support over the years and I hope you'll be cuddling your rainbows soon xxx

Oh that is beautiful to hear @Boboelephant - sending you all so continued luck ahead x

*so much

Congratulations @boboelephant it's good to hear from you.

Still finding things hard but I'm not expecting that to change atm. At this point in DD2's pregnancy I was in hospital very poorly as a reaction to the medication that was trying to save her and feeling upset that I needed to come off it and wait a few days until I could start another medication. This pregnancy I've spent the morning building train track with DD1 which has been nice.

Wonderful to hear from you and big congratulations @Boboelephant! xxx

@Bluebelltulip it must be so hard comparing all these milestones to what you were going through previously. You are so strong. I hope the train track and time with your DD has given you some distraction.

When did you ladies feel like you can actually accept that you are pregnant and there is a good chance of bringing a baby home? I know it is early days for me (only 4+4!!) but I am so scared I wont change this view I hold atm that this is going to end badly again.

Doesnt help that DH said if we lose this baby too then he doesnt want to try again.

Thanks @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, it's been nice.

@Twittlebee it took me a while to accept that I was pregnant again and I am finding it difficult to think about bringing this baby home but my consultant said that's very common in pregnancy after stillbirth or neonatal death.

@TwittleBee I think it all depends on your circumstance. For me the nipt and dating scan meant a lot as I had a termination at 13.5 weeks, for others they may have miscarried several times before 9 weeks. I definitely felt so much better after my nipt resukts at 11 weeks and then dating scan at 13 weeks. However, I've started feeling nervous about my 20 week scan because of history of chromosomal issues. I think I'll feel more relaxed after that. But it does get so much better after 12 week dating scan, those first few weeks are horrendous and the anxiety was never off my mind, I feel like I'm actually getting on with my life, whereas before I felt like it had come to a standstill.

@Bluebelltulip thank you for your reply, it is reassuring it is common after neonatal death. really finding it hard not to feel guilty too, like I am replacing him, when he was our rainbow baby, doesnt feel right that this one is being referred as that too...

@rubyroot thank you for your reply too, see I feel the opposite I think now. previous pregnancies it felt like time was dragging, standing still but this time it feels like i am barely thinking about this baby as a baby at all, I am not obsessing like i had before. I know this sounds daft as I am now questioning it and maybe that seems obsessive but it isnt in the same way - oh now i am ranting and have no clue how to get across what i mean!

@Boboelephant yaaaaay I am SO happy for you! Congratulations on your beautiful twins.

Bobo gave so many of us such incredible support on the penguin thread and I can’t thank her enough for her kind words during such a wretched time.

@InDreamland I also had a trace of glucose in my urine at the 16 week appointment. Apparently it’s really common (my book says 50% of women have a +glucose at some point). Mine was down to Alpen in the morning and I’d say yours is definitely what you ate. My sister had GDD and had a C section, baby was fine. You’ll be fine :)

Sorry I’ve not been around. I’m generally coping really well but I’ve had two scares and I know there are some really anxious people on this thread so I didn’t want to update and to put it in peoples’ heads that the same might happen to them (all the scares were dealt with immediately so no waiting in limbo thankfully). I’m 16 weeks and all is well :)

Amazing news @Boboelephant, congratulations and thank you for raising our spirits. I'm also expecting twins - the consultant thinks we're having a boy and a girl too. Is it as scary as I imagine?

Aarrrgghhhh has a whole response to everyone typed out on my journey home from work and lost the lot. Will try to remember what I wrote.

@TwittleBee thanks for trying to reassure me and sharing you were measuring bug with both yours too. I think I'll be worried about every little thing with this pregnancy. TBH I still don't really believe in this pregnancy or accept that I have a live baby inside me and I certainly don't believe I'll actually have a happy healthy baby to bring home with me in February. 5 years of unexplained infertility followed by 2 mc's last year have totally destroyed any belief in ever having my own family and child. I've had far too much disappointment and heartbreak to think I'll actually finally get to bring my baby home, watch then grow up etc.

@Bluebelltulip thanks for sharing you're another who has measured on the big side too. I have to wait until after 25w appointment before booking GTT as I'll then know whether I need to book in straight away or wait another couple of weeks and do just before 28w appointment. Sorry you're still finding things hard, after all you've experienced I'm not surprised you're anxious. I hope you can relax in this pregnancy soon.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue thanks for reminding me you're also measuring 3 weeks bigger. It does seem to be not uncommon from the posts here. I guess I'm just worried because I'm also in one of the categories for high risk factor. I'd be annoyed too if I kept having people comment on the size of my bump, it's none of their business. Someone commented to me that her daughter is due the month before me and isn't showing at all yet I have such an obvious baby bump - I just ended up feeling fat.

@rubyroot apparently being Asian is a risk factor for GD even without any family history.

@Boboelephant yay!!! Congratulations!!! What lovely news about the twins, I'm so thrilled for you! You've been there for so many of us and I remember you're kindness when I first joined the TTC thread last summer.

@Mistymeow thanks also for sharing you've had glucose in your urine. It does certainly seem to be more common than I thought. Guess I'll have to wait until my GTT to be certain whether or not I have GD. Glad to hear the scares were dealt with quickly and you're all okay at 16w.

Grrrr I've just lost a long reply too.

@coconutlatte44 so lovely you enjoyed your holiday! I'm going to be 32 weeks by the Feb half term so we're looking at nice hotels in the Cotswolds and hoping I will be able to enjoy it!

@TwittleBee it's so hard waiting for that scan. Did you have any early ones? I'm now counting down to hearing the heartbeat next week but thinking of another scan before the 20 week one.

@Bluebelltulip sorry you're going through a difficult time remembering your last pregnancy. I'm further than I've ever got before but it just feels too good to be true 

@TwittleBee I'm not sure I'll feel 'safe' until baby is in my arms either. My loss was early at 6 weeks but I've had years of infertility to come to terms with. I was basically convinced I would never have my own children and I'm so happy to be experiencing a pregnancy but this happiness feels very fragile as if it could be snatched away at any time.

@Mistymeow how scary - at least things are ok for now. I struggle to get things out of my head so appreciate your consideration but remember that this thread is for support so post if you need to. I can't forget all the things I've read over the years so one more thing to worry about won't make a lot of difference!

So I'm still worrying of course! I think being at home makes it worse as I've got more time to think. It's just so hard to believe there is a healthy live baby inside me when I can't see or feel it.
I caved and took an anti-sickness tablet this morning after another miserable day yesterday. I spent the afternoon in bed then DH made a lovely veggie lasagne and I managed to get about 5 mouthfuls down in about 45 minutes 😔 I just wish that dr hadn't put the seed of doubt in my mind about taking them for too long.
We had a clear out when we moved our bedroom at the weekend and I've got a pile of leftover fertility meds, syringes and expensive fertility supplements on the side looking at me. I feel like I want to be able to get rid of them all now and have a bit of closure but I just can't bring myself to

Morning ladies,

Would someone mind making a new thread soon? We're getting quite full on this one. I think it'll be thread 5? This one didn't get numbered. We're due a roll-call I think.

@Boboelephant I am so incredibly thrilled for you after everything you've been through to have two lovely little bundles in your arms is just so, so exciting and encouraging for the rest of us. Thanks for popping in! Congratulations xxx

@Mistymeow It's very thoughtful of you not to want to worry anyone else when you've had some scares, but remember that this thread is here for your support too. You can always PM me if you want to; I don't mind having details. It might help to process things if you talk about it? Going through scares is not nice to do without support. I'm glad you're okay though. xxx

@InDreamland Sorry about your most recent worries chicken. I don't think I can add anything other than what others have already said. The midwife doesn't sound like she was very concerned about it. Hang in there. xx

@ChikiTIKI sorry your MIL is being inappropriately nosey. I think DH needs to have a quiet word with her.

@janey15 15 weeks!!!! What a milestone! Congrats!

@Beaglemum93 31 weeks! Yey! That's really wonderful.

@Kayjay2018 I love Pinterst and go on it most days... However it gets a bit overwhelming sometimes seeing so many ideas! I sometimes feel a bit inadequate with my little projects. Haha
In my first trimester my tastes changed most days. There was a lot of things I just couldn't face eating (mostly healthy stuff annoyingly). I craved McD's chicken nuggets a couple of times and was living on very beige food for a few weeks, but I was just happy whenever I could keep anything down. Once into the second trimester I was able to get back to eating lots of veggies and things though.

@Catconfusion What a lovely picture and congrats on graduating from EPU. Sounds like they've taken really good care of you.

@strawberrye I found crochet harder to get my head around (I'm self taught of crochet and knitting), but once I got a couple of the different crochet stitches in my head it got easier. Youtube is great for tutorials. Please show a picture of the rainbow blanket when it's done!

@coconutlatte44 So lovely that you got away to Portugal for a last holiday. Hope you're feeling nice and relaxed after it. I'm glad the scanxiety has subsided now and you're enjoying feeling his movements.

@Twittlebee I hope those two weeks go by quickly. It's really hard when you've had a MMC not expecting it to happen again. Hugs xxx
For me my anxiety got gradually better after each scan (had them at 7, 9 and 13 weeks). I had a MMC and 3 early losses before this pregnancy, so seeing the baby continue to develop each time instilled a bit more confidence in me each time and I began to properly relax after 13 weeks. I still got moments/days of panic after 13 weeks until my 20 week scan and once I was told that baby looks healthy and average I really started to believe this was happening and I had a chance of bringing her home. It's a long, tough journey, but you just have to grasp any positive moment and run with it and be patient and kind to yourself on the bad days.

@Bluebelltulip I think you're doing incredibly well and are so strong. Keep taking one day at a time. Hugs xxx

I'll be 26 weeks tomorrow. I'm seeing my consultant again today. I think maybe for a growth scan? Not actually sure... Losing track.
Everything going well and feeling good. Heartburn has subsided since acupuncture last week and I can feel baby girl kicking away right now.
Still getting the odd thuddy palpitations though so going to mention it to the consultant today.

NEW THREAD LADIES:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3724018-The-Graduates-of-TTC-after-pregnancy-loss-thread-5-The-Penguin-Huddle?watched=1