Graduates of the TTC After Pregnancy Loss thread. Aka: The Penguin Huddle

[MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue]

This is a safe and supportive thread for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and are now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread, have suffered a loss and are now pregnant please feel free to join the penguin huddle 🐧

Positive pants ON. Let’s get our rainbows ladies 🌈

@KnitKitty @InDreamland I definitely think most of my anxiety is a result of our infertility more than the mc. The mc was early at around 6 weeks so I'm way past that point but I can't help but worry that this might be my only chance of having a baby of my own. It's quite possible I will never get pregnant again or that it could take another 4+ years by which point I'll be nearly 40. I feel like there is so much pressure for things to go well as the last 4 years have been hell. Our whole married life basically!

Anyway, positive pants back on for a while...

@janey15 are you aware of what the problems are? Sorry if you've already mentioned it. I understand the pressure. I am very lucky to have a child already. Born when I was 39, if this doesn't work out it will definitely be my last chance of making a sibling. I'll be 41 when he's born, and 8 still hate saying that as feel like I'm counting my chickens way too early!

Actuly 41 now. I'll be 41.5 exactly!

@ChikiTIKI I've been getting a few aches and pains too. Worse when sitting or getting up from sitting so I think it's probably ok. Some do stay for a while though which makes me panic and run to the loo to check 🙁

@Dimblebimble good luck for tomorrow. I look forward to reading how it goes tomorrow. I was so shocked to see an actual waving baby!

Lovely pic @Kayjay2018 My 10 wk one was just a blob as baby had its head towards the ultrasound and we couldn't see much - I was so disappointed!

@rubyroot we were technically unexplained ie. all their tests came back ok, but I've got endometriosis diagnosed in 2012 which only gets worse as time goes on and they know so little about it and how it affects fertility. I think it is the reason for my cramping, pulling and ligament pains that I've had from really early on.

I'm so bloated in the evenings but still have a bit of a bump/bloat in the morning. DH is convinced I'm 'showing' but it seems a bit early and my tummy is still soft. Also I've put on about 5lbs from overeating to ease the nausea and I'm generally feeling a bit tubby for me!

Those of you that have children, when did you start showing in your first pregnancies? I've been bloated pretty much from conception as I'd been on a pre-holiday diet then got annoyed as I was suddenly really bloated before we went away 🤣

Thanks @Kayjay2018 @ChikiTIKI @rubyroot @Bluebelltulip @janey15 I really hope it's good news and I'll be on here tomorrow saying how relieved I am 🤞🏻 after my scan last weds I was feeling really confident but the spotting has made me worry again.

Congrats on your harmony results @Kayjay2018
So glad everything is okay :)

@InDreamland I'm going to have a think about anything which might help your anxiety (although I'm sure you've tried everything).
When I first started feeling movements I thought it could be something else and then realised I've NEVER felt wind that way before pregnancy so could only be baby.
I think incomplete or weak cervix usually shows up in early second trimester. As you know I've been monitored for my cervix as they thought it could be weak. I had my first cervix scan at 14 weeks and then every 2 weeks(ish) until 23 weeks. Consultant said monitoring the cervix after 24 weeks isn't helpful/accurate. I'm pretty sure you would have had some indication before now if it was something to worry about... I think you've been reading too much Google, Miss.

@TwittleBee Woooo! Go digi baby!!!
No, I don't mind you asking. I have an oddly shaped/smaller womb which might not stretch to full capacity and scar tissue from previous complicated gynae surgeries which could hinder its growth. My consultant doesn't want me to go into labour because there is a chance the scar tissue could burst so having a planned c-section at 38 weeks or an emergency one if I go into labour early.
Yes, 32 weeks at least hopefully. My next target is getting to 3rd trimester... only 3 weeks to go until then...

@ChikiTIKI sounds like everything stretching chicken. But talk to your midwife if you're worried; that's what they're there for. xxx

@Frillyfarmer Yey for lots of kicks!!!

@Dimblebimble good luck with the scan tomorrow. Squeezing your hand!

@Kayjay2018 Lovely scan picture!!

@janey15 I hadn't realised you had suffered from infertility too. Yes, try to keep those positive pants hoisted up! Stay strong!
My tummy went from bloated to pregnancy bump without much noticeable difference... A bump is a bump; it just got more solid when it was more baby than bloat. I probably started showing a tiny bit around 10 weeks. It felt noticeable to me at 13 weeks but really popped nearer 16-18 weeks.

@TwittleBee that's a bit annoying, you'd be a stronger force together. Definitely don't settle for less than market value, those CF need to learn they can't steal land. Thanks for sharing your marathon advice, I know things should be okay on the tube, I'm just worrying about everything right now. The tube is horrible though. Great news on your digital!

@ChikiTIKI sounds like it could be some round ligament pain.

@Dimblebimble good luck for your scan today!

@Kayjay2018 lovely scan photo and good news all looking well. Hope the results come back low risk.

@janey15 I definitely think the 5 years of unexplained infertility didn't help before the 2 mc's. It's so hard. Ours is same, started TTC from when we returned from honeymoon so just after we got married.

@KnitKitty thank you. Yep I go Google a lot but I just can't help it plus a couple of ladies I know who've had mc's had to have a stitch, so if I know people it can't be that uncommon. Mind is in overdrive with worry, I must try remember to ask midwife on Sunday. Not felt baby move much last night and nothing this morning - cue more worry. Surely at 22+2 I should be getting more?

For those who wear rings, can you still wear them, are they getting tight or are they still okay to wear? My fingers many days seem swollen (mainly when I'm hot) and it's a job getting my wedding and engagement rings on and off. Is this normal? What stage in pregnancy do rings become impossible to wear? Or I'm just putting on too much weight?

Glad your scan went well @Bluebelltulip, beautiful scan photo!

Good luck for your scan this morning @Dimblebimble. Fingers crossed all is well.

Congratulations on the good scan @Kayjay2018 and good luck for the harmony results!

@InDreamland I haven't had a problem with my rings yet but I'm pretty sure it's normal based on some posts in the Facebook group I'm in.

I had another nightmare that I lost the baby last night :( and now he's been a little quiet this morning. I've felt him moving a bit but not as much as usual. At least I'm seeing the consultant today.

@Indreamland I had really swollen hands for a while when I was pregnant with toddler. It was when I was on hols in France, was about 21/22/23 weeks. I convinced myself it must me start of pre eclampsia. It wasn't!

@Indreamland. No it is normal at 22 weeks to not be very regular. Though I feel your pain as I have felt movements so early, the movements are even less regular so when I don't feel anything for 3 days I worry. But felt something little this morning I'm sure.

Thank you everyone for your scan comments, off to my booking in appointment soon (had bloods done a few weeks ago), enjoying having a healthy baby at the moment and trying not to think about getting results of harmony. We are going to be a team yellow as DH wants a surprise.

@InDreamland I remember seeing that the fetal medicine centre offer cervical scans if your anxiety gets too much! I'm sure you are fine, but sometimes our worries get too much and we want reassurance (I can speak on that front sitting here with 2 lots of scans under my belt before my proper booking in appointment).

Hi everyone, thanks for the good luck wishes. Baby is fine, and the ultrasound person said the nuchal thickness is fine, I think 1.5 or something?

I am feeling strangely deflated. My bladder wasn't full enough, so I had to go back out and down a bottle of water, and had to wait almost an hour to go back in (person before had a very long scan, think something was out of the ordinary) whilst bursting for the loo, only to be told my bladder was too full. I had to go and partially empty it, and in the end he still couldn't get a very good view, so the photos are really grainy. Plus I couldn't see the screen so missed seeing baby wiggling around, just had to listen to the ultrasound technician and my dhs' commentary. So I feel strangely deflated, even though of course I'm totally relieved that everything's fine. I feel like I'm being completely irrational, I think I'll blame it on the hormones.

We've told our immediate family now (well dh's family, as mine all kind of new anyway). Holding off telling anyone else for a while, not sure when til. MIL and FIL are desperate to tell their extended families.

@janey15 I didn't have a noticeable bump until nearly 20 weeks in my first pregnancy, was bloated beforehand and clothes uncomfortable from about 12.

@InDreamland I always find the early stages of feeling movements very nerve racking. It's common for fingers to swell but I've never experienced it in pregnancy.

@Dimblebimble congratulations on your scan. Must have been frustrating with the to full/empty bladder though.

I'm having a tough day, feeling like I can't handle much more being thrown at me right now, looking forward to DH getting home.

Glad it was good news at the scan @Dimblebimble although I'm sorry it was a bit of an enexpected experience. How are you feeling now that you've shared the news with family? Xxxx

I’ve dropped off the thread a bit so this is going to be a pretty selfish post! I will catch up and reply properly later.

Firstly - thanks for all your advice re: Wave Of Light. I did post but as I didn’t feel comfortable with so many of my friends not knowing I’m pregnant, I didn’t post anything hugely personal. Just my two candles and a reference to both miscarriage and ectopic pregnancies, and the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust . It was very moving to see everyone’s posts and I shed a few tears. Funny how even though I’m now pregnant that pain and those feelings at what I went through will never fully go away. I guess we all feel like that.

In other news I have had my GTT, my whooping cough, my flu (which I wasn’t that fussed about having but wasn’t anti so thought I might as well!) and my anti-d (I’m rhesus negative) jabs. I have also had my 28 week appointment (currently 28+4). Got to hear the heartbeat and found out Little Brother is breech (doesn’t really matter at this stage or even if he doesn’t turn as having ELCS) The midwife also measured my bump. Some of you may recall me getting upset/frustrated that people keep commenting on how big I am. Turns out those comments aren’t unfounded as my bump is measuring off the chart at nearly 3 weeks ahead 😳 The midwife wasn’t concerned as she said my GTT results were good and that the measurements are for the whole bump (baby, water, fat, placenta etc). She said it’s my second which tends to be bigger and the fact Little Brother’s head is at the top will also effect the size, but she has had to book me a growth scan in two weeks. I feel marginally worried about this but she was very reassuring and said that even if baby is big they won’t be too worried as my GTT was fine and I’m having a section anyway. Trying to focus on the fact that it will be nice to see him again. Finally, I have a date with the surgeon booked for early Dec when I will be 36 weeks. They won’t give me a date for the pre op and section until then (they are such a busy hospital this is their procedure) but I feel miles better knowing this is definitely happening. Midwife also talked about how she will still make a birth plan with me - all I want is skin to skin and to breastfeed straight away - so we can record this and anything else I may want. So feeling very supported if a little anxious that I’m a whale who is cooking a giant 😣

I hope everyone is doing well and those rainbows are thriving. Going to read through properly and promise my next post will be less self-centred!!!

Good to hear from you @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue
I think big is better than small in terms of growth. I think if they grow bigger on the inside they are a bit easier to look after when they first come out. I'm no doctor or scientist though and I'm sure some big babies are a handful but from my experience they are a bit more content and settled. Sounds like you're generally feeling better about things from your post-would you agree? I hope so! My DD turned 2 today and I am finishing in my current job tomorrow. Been a long day. Off to bed now, over an hour past my usual bed time 😴 hope you all have a lovely weekend! Xxx

We fell onto the second page!

@Beaglemum93 hope your appointment with consultant went well.

@rubyroot I'm wondering whether next time I slip the rings off when the swelling goes down enough to as it seems up and down that I leave them off and wear my holiday replicas (not total replicas but close enough in style) which are a size up and looser. What happens if rings get stuck and I can't get them off? I don't want them ruined but cutting off. The movements being erratic at the moment is so annoying as I then think what I have felt is just wind. This is so hard.

@Kayjay2018 thanks, I think I'll ask midwife about cervix as I'm so scared of that being the thing that ends this. Well that and Bubsy just not making it generally. How was your booking appointment? Welcome to team yellow!

@Dimblebimble sorry you felt deflated but great news that all is healthy and baby is well.

@Bluebelltulip hope you have a better day today.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue glad the GTT results were good. I'm not sure what big baby means, I thought though it wasn't a bad thing and small was more concerning? Good that your midwife isn't concerned. I also shed some tears on Tuesday, I can never get over my two losses, even if I have Bubsy. It's a long and tough journey.

@InDreamland Yay for team yellow!! Some days I'm convinced it will be a boy others a girl, I just want them to be healthy and still a way to go before I know that.

Booking in appointment was long an hour and a half. Luckily bloods which were taken at an earlier appointment were all clear but I am freed high risk because of my auto immune issue, so am being referred to fetal medicine and the screening team, plus my mum has just developed type 2 diabetes so will have to have a test at 27 weeks. I got my bounty mum to be pack and my notes! I have an appointment with obstetrician a week on Monday which my Gp had arranged off the back of some earlier blood tests so will be interested to see what they say. Midwife was lovely so hope I see her again. Now just on countdown to next week as they said I could phone after 7-10 days for the harmony results. If they are ok then next step will be the fetal heart scans which they need to arrange.

With regards to your rings, my fingers swell when I get hot, I think I will choose to remove them if this pregnancy causes swelling as they are vintage ones and I couldn't replace them if they were cut off. As it's destined to get colder maybe you will be able to keep yours on for a bit longer!

@InDreamland I'm also getting the odd small movement that I'm not sure if I imagined it or not. But I'm going with I didn't imagine it. You sound like me during my first (successful) pregnancy, which strangely after one miscarriage I worried more than this pregnancy and I've had two losses prior to this one.
You're inventing things to worry about. I was convinced on two things. 1. I had gestational diabetes, a seed planted in my head by a nurse practitioner and 2. The baby had cord wrapped round its neck and couldnt breathe. Obviously because he was hicupping so much this was definitely the case. I even had a scan to check the blood flow in the cord. 🙄Neither was correct. You'll be fine, likelihood there's nothing wrong with your cervix.

I also gave my pet some stuff for tics without gloves and got a bit on me, washed it off and spent the next few weeks thinking I had given him brain damage. Then there was a bit of mildew on my bedroom windows from the winter and having the curtains closed! Of course that will have harmed baby.

But somehow, amongst all that anxiety, I did enjoy my pregnancy and loved my bump and the kicks and was so happy to be pregnant. I really hope that amidst the pregnancy freakouts and worries that you enjoy it too, as I know nothing I will say will ease the anxiety. You won't be happy till the baby is born

@InDreamland if your rings did need to be cut off they can be repaired at a jewellers. When we bought my wedding ring I commented that I hoped I wouldn't ruin it horse riding and he then started telling us about all the mangled rings he had repaired over the years!

My new worry of the day: weird pain down below. Sometimes a shooting pain but also hurts when I sit down. Not sure if it's the bottom of my pelvis of inside my vagina 😳 Reminds me of the well-loved endo symptom commonly referred to as 'fanny-daggers' which I used to get on my period 😩

Oooh yes the fanny shooting pains? Think that's normal

Good! Pregnancy is so glamorous 😂

@Kayjay2018 I'm with you, all I want is a healthy baby that's happy. My booking appointment (this pregnancy and first pregnancy) was 1.5 hours too, they are long. Fingers crossed all is well for the Harmony results. I hope I can wear my rings longer. In my first pregnancy I removed them and that was first trimester but it was also in the middle of the summer heatwave.

@rubyroot that's the other thing I'm worried about, the cord getting around the neck. I just can't believe after all these years we'll actually get our much longed for and loved baby to bring home and raise. Do love my bump and I'm okay for a couple of days after a scan or hearing HB at midwife appointment but then that anxiety creeps in again. You do sound so positive about your pregnancy and like you're enjoying it which is so lovely.

@janey15 good to know they can be repaired, we would take them back to the jewellers we commissioned to help design/create and make them. Then if Bubsy arrives safely DH will be getting me an eternity ring designed and made from them too ......well that's what I've told him anyway. Any excuse for some new bling. Think I deserve it after the last 18 months. Ah yes, the fanny daggers ..........I had them bad at around 6-7 weeks, so very early on but I could barely sit still, was so embarrassing at work in meetings as I was constantly shifting around because of the pain. So totally normal I'd say.

@InDreamland I've already been looking at eternity rings 😂 It sounds really stupid but I always felt like I didn't deserve one because I couldn't get pregnant. I'd love to commission one as my engagement ring is unusual but my wedding ring is plain and I can't see any that are just what I want.