The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #2 "The Penguin Huddle " 🐧🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

Hello Ladies

Starting a new penguin huddle thread as the first one is getting very full. This is for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

Getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

Let's start the roll call:

Me:
No living children, 3rd pregnancy, currently 8+3. Had early scan at 7 weeks that showed baby measuring right for 7w with a heartbeat. Got another early viability scan booked in for this Tuesday at 8+6. Really scared I've lost this one again.
2 previous pregnancies ended in mmc at 12+3 (baby stopped growing at 5 weeks) in July 2018 and mc (CP but hate that term) in November 2018. Before then had been TTC for 5 years so our journey has been 6 years since starting to TTC.

@KnitKitty @Yukka @rubyroot @Bluebelltulip @MyHeartisBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Amanda81 @boboelephant @Newbie21

Who have I missed?

@sadtoday21 how far along are you now hun? X

@Yukka only 5w2d so it's all still fairly new. Congrats on only having a week left in your pregnancy! That's amazing. Wishing you all the best Xxx

Thanks @sadtoday21 . Generally speaking cps occur before 5wks, the blastocyst doesn't develop any further after implantation and the body rejects it. During this week the blastocyst develops into a tiny fetal pole and sac to live in after which you can see the little heartbeat flashing on a scan. There's a lot that happens in these first few weeks do stay rested, eat well and stay hydrated

Sorry sent a bit soon by accident as was being attacked by a wasp! I think I said everything anyway! Keep positive and take each day as it's own milestone xx

I did have a small amount of brown blood at around 9 weeks. This was roughly 73 hrs after dtd. I didn't consult with GP/MW, just booked a private scan to confirm all was okay- which it was. Since then however, dtd has scared me a little as I don't want to see anymore blood (even if it is brown). My MW said that if I had phoned the epu they wouldn't have scanned me as it was brown and within 2/3 days of sex. Apparently the cervix is very sensitive. Nonetheless, scared me...and have been hesitant until recently. I recall you having something like a 17 day Luteal phase, are you passed that now, or would AF be due anytime soon (if you weren't preggers that is). Xx

@sadtoday21 - should have tagged you?

@sadtoday21 - not sure what tests they are offering you. Harmony is usually done at 10 weeks. X

Thanks very much @Yukka, that is really helpful info and you are right, just need to take one day at a time! Thanks again for your reply Xxx.

@Amanda81 Totally understand you not wanting to see bleeding - no matter what colour! Esp since 73 hours later, not sure I would have necessarily connected the two things. I've heard of this though - and as you say, cervix is very tender in the early days. Hopefully no more bleeding from now on! So excited for your baby bump coming in :)

I am def past the luteal phase (which used to vary a lot between 13-17 days, not sure why, prob because of the hormones being messed up from the mmc/cp). Now would be around dpo 21. Does NHS even offer the Harmony test? I always thought you had to go private for it and seems quite expensive. The form says "combined test" (ultrasound and blood test) to check from downs, edwards, pataus. I'm surprised they would do that at only 8 weeks (maybe because of the partial molar?) - but I don't really know how any of this works, since my only experience is the (failed) 12 week scan.

Good to hear you are well over your LP @sadtoday21. The combined test on the NHS is a scan to check the rear of the neck measurements and the blood test which checks your levels of HCG and Pappa-a. I would say at 8 weeks the scan would not give the sonographer the option to measure as baby will be too small. But I could be wrong. In wales the NHS offer the NIPT (harmony is one brand) if the women gets a high risk result in the combined screening. Not sure about england, but do think it's not free on the NHS. I decided to opt out of the combined screening with the NHS and paid to go privately for the Harmony test as I wanted to know earlier rather than later if there was anything wrong with the chromosomes (given my family history etc). Also your age plays a factor into the combined screening and as I'm 38, I felt this may play towards a high risk result, which would have caused a lot of worry. I had the Harmony bloods taken on the Tuesday and had the results on the Saturday - amazing turn around.

@Yukka I don't have instinct anymore... Just gloom and doom. The pains went away for a bit and then I started worrying because they'd gone. Now they've come back... I'm worrying again!

@sadtoday21 I'm thinking that at 5.5 weeks I'll be safe from Chem pregnancy, however that means then I'll start to worry about missed miscarriage. At 7 weeks I'll have answer to that as I may go for a scan, then...

Fuck it yukkas right, no point thinking about it is there.

Just got to take one day at a time and deal with whatever if and when it comes.

I'm guessing I'm currently 4.5 but I don't really know when I ovulated and I've had no period so do I start counting from the start of Chem pregnancy?

@rubyroot I would start counting from the day you had a proper bleed ie red. It could be that since it was a CP that you ovulated a bit later but you won't know that until you've had a scan. Try and stay as positive as you can.

Congratulations on the scan @moonpeace.

Wow, having trouble keeping up with everyone here! :)

@moonpeace, glad to hear about your 12 week scan. I am 12+5 today so we are nearly due date buddies!

I have felt a portion of my anxiety melt away since my scan (which was Friday). However, I have only had 1 previous mc and that was anembryonic, discovered at 8 weeks, so having surpassed that time and making it to 12 weeks I am feeling a bit more like this is a "fresh start." Aware that's not a luxury everyone has.

My mother-in-law was desperate to take me out shopping for the baby and I was even able to loosen up and allow myself to feel some excitement as we picked out a couple of outfits.

I'm a teacher so am on summer holidays now and took two (!) short naps today. I haven't been having any nausea lately but I feel disgusting after I eat and am having a lot of gross bloat-y feelings in general.

@moonpeace I'm thrilled for you! So pleased today went well. I told myself I'd feel better after the 12 week scan... I still don't! Well, I have my moments but the anxiety and self doubt is always there. All we can do is take it day by day. And today is a good day for you! Keep looking at that scan photo and hold onto this feeling as long as you can xxx

@InDreamland thinking of you tonight and will be tomorrow too. What time is your scan? Everything crossed for you and positive pants on in your honour. I hope all goes well xxx

@moonpeace @coconutlatte. That's really good news about your scans.

@moonpeace those measurements sound great.. I was 1.6mm with my boy.

Was 5.8 mm at 13.5 weeks with baby before my tfmr.. That's when you know there's a problem!

Do be aware that the unreliability of the tests that factor age in may mean you could still get a scary result. I know several people who have had such a result and then the follow on nipt test said otherwise.

@moonpeace I made an appt with Dr as have had tfmr and then a Chem pregnancy about five weeks ago. I thought I would be discussing some sort of referral for recurrent miscarriage, but I was pregnant again. She basically said there's nothing they'll do until about 8 weeks and to ring up closer to that date for referral to epau. Wouldn't even take two sets of hcg levels. She also said that as I can get pregnant then I have no fertility issues.

So it's just wait and see.

Oh yes @InDreamland fmgoid luck fir tomorrow. You can do this. X

@Indreamland good luck on your scan tomorrow! Thinking of you Xxx.

@moonpeace really glad to hear everything went well with your scan and wishing you all the best for the test results.

@rubyroot that's exactly how I feel...give it a little longer and I may stop worrying about cp and about mmc instead, but we can't give in to it! 7 weeks sounds good for your first scan, that's what I'm doing too. And I agree with @Newbie21, I think you should date it from start of bleed, this is what I have always heard with all forms of mc.

I'm going to tell DH in two days if little bub sticks around - I really hope she does! It will be a relief to have someone to share the anxiety with.

@rubyroot thank you. Keeping my fx that your little bean is just getting comfortable in there for the long haul.

@tinatsarina I know this is a little naughty but could you just turn up at EPU and say you've had spotting or pain or something which is making you really anxious and then hopefully they'll scan you?

@Yukka thanks, I'm trying but just finding things really hard. So exciting you're knicker checking for something different now! Can't wait for your birth announcement here! You'll be our first!

@Amanda81 thank you. Hope you're enjoying the hols. Wish I was there! You're not alone with the ahem dreams .........I don't dare DTD at the moment but my goodness I'm having some naughty dreams!

@sadtoday21 thanks. You should see a heartbeat from 7w, we did almost 2 weeks ago. Keeping fx for you for that.

@moonpeace fantastic news on the scan! Yay!!!!! Must be such a relief to reach this milestone.

@coconutlatte44 great you're feeling like it's a fresh start and felt you could shop for baby. Lovely that things are progressing well.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue thank you. I'll let you all do the positivity for me. I'm not great emotionally at the moment. Scan is at 2:30pm.

I know I've said this before but tomorrow is such a shit day. First anniversary of when I passed first pregnancy after we found out a week earlier we had an empty sac at over 11 weeks and so was a mmc and it's also due date of baby#2. I'm dreading tomorrow and expecting to hear terrible news to make it 3 losses on 16th July that I'll be remembering for the rest of my life. I know pregnancy symptoms mean nothing because my body thought it was still pregnant for 6 weeks after first one passed yet still felt so pregnant. I've had a lot of pulled muscle feelings on both my sides today. I just have a bad feeling about it all and emotionally I just don't know how I can handle it again. Sorry for being so negative.

Or perhaps its a good omen @InDreamland. My little boys due date was exactly the same as due date of mmc. Spooky or what?!

@InDreamland seriously you can do this. You're a strong woman. X

@rubyroot thank you but every little twinge I'm getting at the moment makes me think it's the start of another mc. I shouldn't have booked a scan for tomorrow. I also need to get my booking bloods done tomorrow at the hospital before we head into town for the scan. But then why go for bloods if scan is bad news anyway? But I won't know until after.

Thank you @moonpeace