The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #2 "The Penguin Huddle " 🐧🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

Hello Ladies

Starting a new penguin huddle thread as the first one is getting very full. This is for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

Getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

Let's start the roll call:

Me:
No living children, 3rd pregnancy, currently 8+3. Had early scan at 7 weeks that showed baby measuring right for 7w with a heartbeat. Got another early viability scan booked in for this Tuesday at 8+6. Really scared I've lost this one again.
2 previous pregnancies ended in mmc at 12+3 (baby stopped growing at 5 weeks) in July 2018 and mc (CP but hate that term) in November 2018. Before then had been TTC for 5 years so our journey has been 6 years since starting to TTC.

@KnitKitty @Yukka @rubyroot @Bluebelltulip @MyHeartisBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Amanda81 @boboelephant @Newbie21

Who have I missed?

@Catconfusion in your situation I would book an appointment with your GP purely to discuss the anxiety arising from this pregnancy and your issues with the midwife. I have had EXACTLY the same issues - my MW didn't want to see me at a booking appointment so early "because they take a long time to complete and early on there is still a high risk". My GP booked me an early scan with EPU as my dates were unclear anyway due to previous MC. It's shit that generally the midwives seem to be quite unhelpful. I've got the same one I had with DS and she was a cow back then as well - made some very sarcastic comments about our home and told me off for going for a walk a week after his birth. You can request swapping midwives as well? Mine is on her last strike!

My GP appointment went well. Had a lovely locum who was very understanding and kind. He listened to my concerns and noted down my dates (second person who has done that!) so it's officially in my notes that I'm pregnant and 4+3. He's happy I'm getting an early scan from epu and said to book in with midwife once I know what's going on.

He suggested going off sick for a bit to make sure I rest as much as possible - not sure if being off would mean I have too much time on my hands though.
He said my BP was a bit high and was probably my anxiety. He also thinks ill be under midwife + obstetrics due to the fibroids.
He said its fine to call the hospital to tell them about the pregnancy and it shouldn't affect our place (although there's no records that I'm being seen by the fertility clinic at the hospital at all!)
He said just to call the consultant secretary and they'll be happy to hear I'm pregnant.

So feeling more reassured, today! Just need to keep taking one day at a time.

Has anyone else got a ridiculously sensitive sense of smell? Was driving down the road with the windows open and could smell something vile, turned the corner and caught up with a bin lorry that had been at least half a mile away. Secretly feeling good that I've got lots of symptoms though, so am not complaining.

@rubyroot my doctor said aspirin increases blood flow so if blood clotting is an issue it might help. Blood clots more easily with age plus heart attacks and strokes at a young age run in my family so it's not going to hurt.

I think mine was chromosomal to be honest but this time it's been good to talk about what can be done to prevent another loss. With the progesterone and aspirin I feel like I'm doing all I can in case there's something else going on. I accept if it happens again it is most likely chromosomal but even if there's a small chance of something else I feel more covered. Xx

Thanks @Frillyfarmer and I'm sorry you had to deal with such rudeness. Surely a walk is good to get the blood moving. I've just seen my GP who is amazing so I'll mainly deal with her. The midwife today again told me not to though as they deal with everything pregnancy related yet they won't see me for 4 weeks and won't send me for an early scan 🤷🏻‍♀️. Anyway I hope yours is better with you this time if she's on her last strike! Xx

That's great news @VenusStarr so glad you got on well. You're one day ahead of me. Looking forward to sharing this journey with you. 🤞 for us both! Xx

P.s @VenusStarr I'm the same with smells. The neighbours were cooking bacon and eggs which usually is lovely but it was so strong I wanted to 🤮 xx

Glad you had a supportive GP appointment @VenusStarr.

The amount of inconsistencies in the NHS is staggering. Aspirin use seems to be for a lot of different reasons and some doctors recommend it but others don't. DD1 was smaller than expected so it was recommended that I took it for DD2 to increase blood flow to her, this time it's not being recommend though. It also appears that communication of polices is poor so midwives and GP's say they can't refer to EPU when EPU say they could. I also don't understand why midwives can't be more sensitive it doesn't take much to be nice and understanding. I'm lucky that my community midwife is lovely but people's experiences on here and what other people have said on the SANDS forum are appalling, people who are in a pregnancy after loss need more support and deserve better.

Thanks @Bluebelltulip and I couldn't agree more. I just think generally the mental health element of pregnancy loss is brushed aside. I can't speak for infant loss but I hope the support you've had is better. So glad your midwife is a good one.

The EPAU and the hospital were absolutely amazing but ultimately there is no follow up and then when you're pregnant again there's little empathy. I just felt this morning like her biggest concern was me taking up her time when I might just lose the baby anyway. Even if the worst happens I'll still be pregnant for x amount of weeks so deserve some support. They should be positive and encouraging about a new pregnancy after loss and sorry for previous experiences.

Anyway I should probably stop devoting energy to this now. Xx

Thank you @Catconfusion @coconutlatte44 @Newbie21 @VenusStarr @InDreamland @Beaglemum93 @sadtoday21 and any I've missed! Waiting for scan now.

@Catconfusion sorry you've had another bad appt, I can't believe the lack of compassion you've experienced. You need to show the midwife the evidence (I don't have it to hand!) that added monitoring and scans is about the only thing proven to reduce the risk of mc! Definitely complain.

@VenusStarr glad you had a good appt and they were happy to get the ball rolling. When's your scan?

Oh @Catconfusion your midwife sounds horrible! I’m sorry you have had to deal with all this on top of the already traumatic experiences you have been through. Can you swap midwives or hospitals? Or at least complain.

Definitely agree with @Bluebelltulip that people who are pregnant after loss need more support. I don’t think loss, whatever form it takes, should be underestimated or minimised, and that is what this kind of treatment does. Compassion and understanding go a long way but sadly the understanding and support around miscarriage or pregnancy loss isn’t quite there. Attitudes overall, both in healthcare and outside of, need to change to fully recognise the impact these losses can have on our mental health.

Glad you have had some better care @VenusStarr and yes to the sense of smell! In my DD pregnancy smell was one of the first and only symptoms I had. This time around it made my nausea worse but even now it is super heightened. I swear could smell a dog from the far end of the tube carriage this morning!!!

I hope your scan goes well today @Navy123!

I have also had another scan today after my freak out earlier this week over my work friend. All is bang on track and Little Boy was looking lovely. My anomaly scan is on the 19th and I am now determined to relax and believe and more importantly, NOT SPEND ANY MORE MONEY ON SCANS! Worked out today that I have spent over £600! (Although that did include the Harmony test, which was £400) However, it makes me feel ridiculous and I am berating myself for spending so much

@Catconfusion I guess you take what you think is going to help. I guess rightly or wrongly I've just taken folic acid, not drunk or smoked, drank water and trued to eat relatively healthy and then hoped for the best. No doctor has recommended anything differently. And now I hear from the over 40s thread that if I'd had taken dhea then perhaps I wouldn't have had a t21 diagnosis at 13 weeks.
So perhaps I haven't done enough... Who knows?
I did read that dhea was to treat low ovarian reserve though which I don't have.

@Catconfusion that’s really bad I’m so sorry this is bound to be adding to your anxiety. I had similar when I got pregnant after my mmc had been previously told that I would have an early scan but then the midwife point blankly refused when the time came around.
I now live somewhere else and the standard of care is SO much better I can’t believe it.
There are definitely problems in the system in a lot of places.

Also a member of my family is gynae consultant. He recommended I take aspirin (gastro protect aspirin that’s important) low dose 75mg daily in my second pregnancy because I had low Papp-a. However the reason I thought the info could be useful is because he said unless you have known blood issues there is no harm in the low dose at all.
Although I had issues in the second pregnancy it wasn’t related to the aspirin/low Papp-a issue.

@Catconfusion sorry you had a crap appt and didn't feel listened to.

@VenusStarr glad you are doing well and getting booked in for a scan. I totally hear you on both the insomnia and smells

The aspirin discussion is interesting. I am 39 and diagnosed with APS. They wanted me on the heparin straight away but not immediately on the aspirin, as they are concerned it can cause implantation problems. (Which I do struggle with). Advised from 7 weeks although I started a little earlier. It seems to be very variable tho by hospital/doctor .

I haven't bothered booking in with midwife yet. I have another scan in a couple of weeks time and then plan to do it then if still a heartbeat. On LMP I will be 9+2 before I book but I just can't face doing it yet after so many losses... do you think that's ok? I have all my meds and am being seen by st Mary's so am getting great care.

@Bellasblankexpression that's so handy to have a gynae consultant in your family! God I would be boring him/her with questions all the time!!

I think I'm just paranoid about the effects of any medications. I feel like I'm going to have to bite the bullet and have my root canal treatment started though as my tooth is getting more sensitive and I don't want another flare up. I'm so scared of local anaesthetic thinking it might do something to baby's development. I'm a paranoid mess!

@fnej01 I had a scan at hospital and there's a heartbeat, they asked about booking in with midwife and I said I didn't plan to until at least 10 weeks and they didn't bat an eyelid. I just don't feel like it at the mo.. Not right now.

It's rubbish that the quality of care depends where you live - that's just not right!

@Bellasblankexpression out of interest, why should the aspirin be the gastro protect one? I've been taking the dispersible one and you've got me worried now!

@fnej01 I don't plan on booking with the midwife for a while yet either. I don't think it matters too much as long as they've got time to get you in for your 12 week scan.

Scan earlier went well - she said all looks good for about 5 weeks (I asked her to be more specific about number of days and she wouldn't) and I'm 5+4 so that sounds good. Saw sac and yolk sac. Booked in for another in 2 weeks time to hopefully see more. Trying not to get my hopes up too much though, it's still so early!

@navy123 it won’t do any damage to baby, but it can really upset your stomach lining. The gastro protect one is more designed for daily use apparently.

@fnej01 I was 8/9 weeks when I asked the gp to refer to maternity services. My 12 week scan is when I'm 12+6 and I think if I had asked earlier I could have got an earlier scan but it should be ok whenever you book.

@Navy123 the dispersible aspirin are fine for every day use too but just make sure you take it with or after food.

Oh yes sorry those are fine as beagle says it’s only if you’re taking tablets they should be the gastro ones

This thread is moving fast...finding it hard to keep up...

Hey @Catconfusion - sorry you are not having a good time with the health professionals, sounds like they are all being an insensitive bunch, apart from your GP that is. In my experience I have found the majority of health professionals good when related to pregnancy/miscarriage- but you do get the odd few that just don't meet the standard...they seem to lack emotional awareness. As you know I'm also on low dose aspirin, and was recommended to take it by the specialist I went to go see after the 2nd MC. The specialist said that it can't hurt you (GP also agreed) but I should stop taking it at 36 weeks. The midwives that I have seen have also noted the 36 week mark, so pleased that they are all advising the same thing. It's hard sometimes to know what to do for the best regarding medication, but as long as you are getting the advise from a medical professional, then it can't hurt. Hoping you are okay xxx

Really wishing you the very best of luck tomorrow @sadtoday21 - I hope you are holding up and are keeping the anxiety at bay. Please do let us know how you get on as soon as you can...I have everything crossed for you xxx

Thanks @Amanda81 and @Catconfusion!!! I am really anxious about the scan tomorrow and unfortunately it’s in the afternoon again so I’ll have to wait a bit. Just holding my breath really right now and hoping the night passes quickly. 9 weeks is a hard milestone for me...thanks for thinking of me!!! Xxx

@Catconfusion I’m really sorry to hear about your appointment today - so did they just refuse to do the scan?? That is completely unacceptable given everything you have been through!! Hoping you can talk to the GP and get it sorted out soonest.

@Amanda81 when is your next milestone? I can’t believe how fast it is going!! But I’m sure it seems slow to you xxx

@rubyroot it sounds like you lead a healthy lifestyle so I'm sure you're doing all you can. I guess you just make the best choices you can armed with the information you have at the time. I think I looked at Dhea but the risks and side effects looked a bit scary. I guess there's no way to know if it would have made a difference. I'm so sorry you had to go through a tfmr. It must have been horrific.

Also @rubyroot The only reason I got my bfp early was because I need a root canal and they wouldn't treat me if the chance I was pregnant so I took the test to rule it out and book it in. I'm seeing the dentist tomorrow to come up with a plan now I'm pregnant. I'm also worried about a flare up but scared of the anaesthetic. Xx

Thanks @Bellasblankexpression and I'm sorry you had it too. We shouldn't have to fight for treatment we've been told we can have. Glad you've got good care now. Xx

Thanks @fnej01 I completely get wanting to hold off on the midwife. I've heard of ladies not booking in until 12 weeks so I'm sure it's fine. TBH I don't really trust them anymore so I'm going to focus on my lovely GP. Xx

@Navy123 I'm so glad your scan went well! Xx

Thanks @Amanda81 it's really disappointing. I am however counting my blessings as having such a clued up GP now is a great reassurance. She's really rooting for this baby and pleased to do anything she can. She did mention about stopping aspirin late in the pregnancy so I'll stop then. I hope you're ok. Loved hearing your good news the other day! Xx

@sadtoday21 I just wanted to say I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and I hope all is well. We're all rooting for you and here for your most likely good news tomorrow! I tried zoning out completely when I had my scan and just focusing on my breath in and out. I'm sure you've thought of that but it made me a bit calmer. Xx

@sadtoday21 I told the midwife my gp was referring me for a 7 week scan and consultant led care. She snapped and said the midwife handles everything and the EPAU wouldn't see me if I'm not spotting or cramping. I know my go will refer me so it's fine. She also said the gp shouldn't be getting involved. It's like they are little hitlers protecting the little power they have. I will see the gp if any problems rather than calling the midwife. I'll see how the booking in goes. Maybe the midwife I've been assigned will be ok. Xx