The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #2 "The Penguin Huddle " 🐧🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

Hello Ladies

Starting a new penguin huddle thread as the first one is getting very full. This is for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

Getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

Let's start the roll call:

Me:
No living children, 3rd pregnancy, currently 8+3. Had early scan at 7 weeks that showed baby measuring right for 7w with a heartbeat. Got another early viability scan booked in for this Tuesday at 8+6. Really scared I've lost this one again.
2 previous pregnancies ended in mmc at 12+3 (baby stopped growing at 5 weeks) in July 2018 and mc (CP but hate that term) in November 2018. Before then had been TTC for 5 years so our journey has been 6 years since starting to TTC.

@KnitKitty @Yukka @rubyroot @Bluebelltulip @MyHeartisBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Amanda81 @boboelephant @Newbie21

Who have I missed?

Oh @ReeReeR I’m gutted to read your update and am sorry that this coincides with the six month milestone of your daughter. Sending much love, hugs and a large G&T. I hope to see you back here soon xxx

Sorry that your sonographer wasn’t more reassuring @Catconfusion. I think 4 weeks is still really early to see anything though. When I went for my 5 week scan all they could see was a gestational sac. The measurements are so tiny in the early stages. I would trust what she said that it is just too early. Sorry you now have another wait to another scan.

@Russkispy excellent news! Not sure what the large yolk sac means? I think seeing a heartbeat is good though and that the measurements coincide with your dates. I’m sure the next two weeks will drag for you but please keep those nerves of steel and positive pants on xxx

@Russkispy I've never even considered size of yolk sac, I've always considered presence of one as a good sign as when I was scanned for missed miscarriage at 9 weeks there wasn't one present.

You poor thing left on limbo and not knowing. Perhaps yoh just have to go with the fact that consultant said it was 'relatively' large and not abnormally large and the fact he/she didn't seem too worried?!
Perhaps use those Russian nerves of steel to stop yourself googling as I know from experience it never helps!

Thank you lovely ladies. Haven't googled one bit about it. What's the point, I thought. And there's no need for it. Just wish it was a bit more straight forward but hey! Nothing i can do but go back in 2 weeks time. He keeps changing my measurements but he doesn't seem to be concerned about this either. I sent info to my fertility doc and waiting to hear from her. In the meantime, I shall soldier on....

@Russkispy I don't think measurements are very accurate at this stage. My successful pregnancy when I had early scan was about 5 days behind my dates but by 12 weeks was my dates exactly. My pregnancy which unfortunately resulted in tfmr was a week behind my dates at 9 weeks but by my 12 week scan was actually 13 weeks so again the same as my dates by the time I got to dating scan. Perhaps not a good example to use. This pregnancy they dated 5 weeks 4 at what I think was more like 6 weeks 2. Will see what they say next Tuesday. So bloody nervous about that one. But, yeah I think measurements are just all Iver the place at this stage which is why they do dating scan at 12 weeks.

Thanks @Bluebelltulip @rubyroot @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I am due to go back to work in two weeks after six months on mat leave. I don’t want this to get me down too much and maybe work will give me something to focus on. It would have been nice to go back to work pregnant again. I am trying to see this as a chemical pregnancy too and would much rather this happened now than later on. This has just brought up the feeling of injustice of carrying a perfect baby for nine months, doing everything right (as far as I knew), even going through a long and painful delivery and still not having her here now. Tomorrow is a new day ☀️

@ReeReer I'm so sorry I can't even imagine the grieving you must be going through. Losing a baby at 13.5 weeks was so tough and to think you lost yours at term is so heartbreaking. Sending virtual hugs x

Great you saw a heartbeat @Russkispy but frustrating they've just dropped the question of a large yolk sac on you. I didn't realise there were differences in sizes. I guess all you can do is wait it out. Well done for not googling. You're right, it doesn't help.xx

It is disappointedly really. The scan was very rushed. All she said was she couldn't see a sac and my ovaries looked relatively normal. It was when we were being rushed out the door I asked if there were any signs of this pregnancy as I definitely had a blazing positive. That's when she said my lining looked thicker than normal. She could see I desperately wanted reassurance yet I had to dig for it. TBH I really wasn't expecting to see much so my issue was more with her manner which was very cold and not very forthcoming. Never mind, at least I don't have an enlarged cyst so likely the pains were IBS related.

Thanks @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue and I realise it's very early. Really wasn't expecting to see much but secretly hoped we'd see a tiny sac so I don't worry about it being ectopic. It's more the sonographers manner that's upset me. Just very bad bedside manner. There was no elaboration on what she was seeing and argued with me about me being 6 weeks when I know I'm four. She just couldn't get her head around the fact my LMP was 6 weeks ago and I knew I ovulated on day 32. Anyway I'm very grateful nothing sinister was found and we'll know more when we have the next scan. xx

I'm so sorry to hear this @ReeReeR and it sounds like awful timing. It's simply not fair. I hope you have some better luck soon. xx

@ReeReeR I'm really sorry I've missed your post. I'm so so sorry to read it! It's so shit and timing is crap too. I hope you have all support around you

@ReeReeR - so very sorry to hear this. It's such a crap situation. Look after yourself

@ReeReeR I'm so sorry that you are going through this right now and especially on the six month anniversary of your daughter's passing. There are no words for the pain you have been through. You are so strong to have made it this far and you will get your baby in the end. Sending hugs and thinking of you xxx.

@Russkispy sorry I don't know what the large yolk sac means - I would definitely be googling it if I were you!! But the hb is the most important, so fx that all will be well next scan.

@rubyroot your scan is coming up too, how are you feeling these days? Any more pregnancy symptoms coming and going?

@Catconfusion sorry to hear about the sonographer, that is absolute rubbish. I am sure you will see something in two weeks time, you've just O'd a bit later and its too early to tell. Try not to worry about ectopic, you don't have pain or symptoms of it, so I think its unlikely. Hope these next two weeks fly by for you Xxx.

Well, just one more day until my 8+6 scan on Friday. Starting to get very nervous!! I think DH might have to drag me in there. I've also had a bit of mucusy discharge (sorry tmi) the past two days, so I'm worried about what this could mean. It's not globs, just a bit of EWCM type of material once and awhile. I know pregnancy discharge can be normal, but this is the first I am having like this. Maybe some hormonal changes around 8 weeks? Anyone else had this? Also, what should I expect to see at the scan this week, assuming baby is still alive, does it look more babyish towards 9 weeks? Even though my MMC was 9+4, the baby didn't look really formed and I'm not sure if that's normal or if it was because of the partial molar. Sorry for all the questions, arrrrgh have to make the anxiety stop and find the positive pants!!

So sorry to hear @ReeReeR :( look after yourself and hopefully we'll see you back here soon.

Good news on seeing the heartbeat @Russkispy, I don't know anything about the size of the yolk sac, I've never heard it mentioned before. Sorry they didn't explain but surely a heartbeat is a good sign. When is your next scan?

@Rmac90 it's normal for symptoms to fade at the end of the first trimester but it doesn't stop us worrying! My breast tenderness faded a bit around then I think and only seems to be coming back now at 20 weeks... When is your 12 week scan?

Sorry the sonographer wasn't very reassuring @Catconfusion.

Hi @Beaglemum93 it seems like the longest wait ever! My scan is next Thursday seems like a life time away!

Thank you ladies, next scan in 2 weeks. Brown discharge returned. Wonder because of the poking during the scan?! Oh well, I was over it before and now I'm definitely over it.

Thanks ladies. I am relieved all was well yesterday. Admit though I am worried about the test results on Friday and won't be able to fully let it sink in until then. I've had too much heartache and with 2 losses cannot allow myself yet to believe this baby will come in February and be alive and healthy. @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I may aswell wait now until Friday for the results - I thought they also had to do the scan first like the NHS test.

One thing I'm wondering about is itching. Straight after the scan yesterday my belly started itching and still is a little. I swear it's the gel she used. Never had it with my 3 private scans. Any ideas? She did have to wiggle the wand thing a lot because baby just wasn't playing ball and wouldn't get into the right position which I never had the problem with before. Yesterday was plenty of arm waving but not moving rest of body until 3rd attempt. So feel like my tummy took a right bashing yesterday.

@ReeReeR no! I'm so upset for you. It seems so unfair. Sending you lots of virtual hugs and hope you have lots of support around you. The timing of it being the 6 month anniversary for your DD is so shit. Really hoping you join us here again for a full 40 weeks very very soon

@Catconfusion that experience sounds very similar to my second pregnancy but ended in mc. I was sent to sonographer for a TV ultrasound as part of investigations into why it took 5 years to get pregnant with first and then why that ended in mc. I was 4.5w at the time so knew it would be early to see anything but the sonographer was IMO rude and dismissive and just didn't care, especially when as soon as the scan ended I started bleeding. Some people just shouldn't be in certain jobs.

@Russkispy great news you saw a heartbeat and measuring right. I've no idea about the size of the yolk sack, didn't realise that they're supposed to be a certain size. Could it be a good sign? Plenty to feed baby until the placenta takes over?

@sadtoday21 fx for Friday. Some CM in pregnancy is normal, I've had it in this one and in my first too. I have found it's helpful to read the start4life NHS page with the weekly update on what baby should look like and what size for that week. Then when the sonographer says the measurement hopefully it's roughly what it should be. For all 4 of my scans I've done this and felt the wave of relief when first they detect heartbeat then tell me the measurement as thankfully it's been what I've expected. Might be worth taking a look.

@ReeReeR I'm very sorry you're going through all this. I hope you have all the support you need and can make time for yourself. Fingers crossed you are are announcing a BFP on here really soon that will go the distance.

@Russkispy glad you saw a heartbeat. That is great news. My sonographer just mentioned there was a yolk sac without any details so not sure what it means.

@sadtoday21 I experienced more discharge from around week 8 and I remember being worried about it cos I didn't really have it with my other pregnancies other than very late on with my DS but in any case all seems to be fine and well. It's actually continued ever since so maybe it's hormones I don't know. I have urine tests at my hospital appointments and nothing has been flagged so think it is normal in some pregnancies.

Oh @ReeReeR I'm so sorry, that's awful, and so unfair. Do you have support around you in real life as well? Awful timing as well with the loss of your daughter, I'm so sorry. Sending you strength, you'll be in my thoughts.

@InDreamland have they already taken your bloods? If so they will give you the Harmony results off these. The second scan will give them the combined test results for which they need the nuchal fold measurement. But the actual Harmony results are just off the blood.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue yep they took the bloods at the 10.5 week scan. I didn't realise the results just come from the bloods.

Yeh just the bloods! They check for the DNA which is free floating in the blood when pregnant. My results were ready 7 days later and they told me to call. So you could totally call them!

So my nuchal screening results came through the post today, 1 in 32000 and 1 in 100000 so I'm happy with that!

Good luck with your results @InDreamland and I'm so glad everything was well at your 12 week scan. I hope you can relax a bit now
Although I'm a fine one to talk because I can't 🙄

I'm currently 13+3, naughty I know but managed to hear baby's heartbeat on a home doppler this evening! Might get rid now or give to someone to look after or I'm gunna have it on all the time and and I know it can give false reassurance and worry!

@ReeReeR I'm so sorry your going through this and I hope you have all the support you need! X

Oh no @InDreamland that sounds really traumatic. They should be mindful that early pregnancy is a time fraught with worry and bleeding is feels horrendous and panic inducing when you don't know why. I'm sorry you had to go through that! Xx

Thanks @Beaglemum93 it was very clinical and not as helpful as it could have been. Xx

Thanks @sadtoday21 and I get what you're saying but ectopic pregnancies are not usually symptomatic this early. It's just a shame we couldn't confirm the location. Having said that, chances are it will be fine so I'm going to try not to think about it. As you say it is early. The sonographer's general manner was the biggest issue.

I remember getting some EWCM the first time so it's probably hormonal changes. I understand your anxiety. Just remember it's a new pregnancy and it's highly unlikely you'll go through something traumatic again. I hope Friday comes quickly. My heart was racing when I went into to scan so completely get how difficult it is. There wasn't a shred of excitement this time. Xx

@Navy123 pleased to hear your GP was supportive. Did you hear back from the epu about a scan? Sorry if I've missed an update.

@ReeReeR I am so sorry ❤️ sending love, hope you're OK. Be kind to yourself xx

@Catconfusion I'm sorry the sonographer wasnt kind. How are you feeling?

Sorry to not tag everyone, feeling completely wiped out today. Hope you're all doing OK 💜

Hey @VenusStarr I'm ok thanks, exhausted too. The scan was nerve wracking and it's a shame to not see more but my lining looked good so just focusing on that. It doesn't seem like a chemical pregnancy as the tests are super strong and no sign of bleeding on the scan. I'm just going to wait it out I guess and stay positive. How are you feeling? Xx

Thanks @rubyroot yes it was a TV scan. She tried through my tummy and then seemed annoyed that my bladder wasn't fuller. Surely she'd have had to do a TV anyway to look at a very new pregnancy so trying through my stomach seemed pointless. It sounds similar to your experience in that it didn't really feel like she looked for it.

I'd love to go for a scan in ten days time but we're trying to save money at the moment. I've taken a lot of time off work through sickness during pregnancy and then our losses. I'll see how my anxiety is in ten days and if we can afford it maybe it's worth it. I guess at that point it'll only be another 10 days until we go to the epau for a 7 week scan. I'm just wondering if it might be too stressful before then if they don't find a heartbeat. Anyway I think I'll just play it by ear! Xx