The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #2 "The Penguin Huddle " 🐧🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

Hello Ladies

Starting a new penguin huddle thread as the first one is getting very full. This is for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

Getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

Let's start the roll call:

Me:
No living children, 3rd pregnancy, currently 8+3. Had early scan at 7 weeks that showed baby measuring right for 7w with a heartbeat. Got another early viability scan booked in for this Tuesday at 8+6. Really scared I've lost this one again.
2 previous pregnancies ended in mmc at 12+3 (baby stopped growing at 5 weeks) in July 2018 and mc (CP but hate that term) in November 2018. Before then had been TTC for 5 years so our journey has been 6 years since starting to TTC.

@KnitKitty @Yukka @rubyroot @Bluebelltulip @MyHeartisBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Amanda81 @boboelephant @Newbie21

Who have I missed?

@Catconfusion sorry your sonographer was so unhelpful. I really think they should have some training in being compassionate to people in our situation!

@Russkispy glad you saw a heartbeat! Sorry the large yolk sac leaves so many questions though. Like you say nothing is straightforward! Impressed at your lack of googling though, you are much stronger than I would be!

@VenusStarr thanks for asking!

I have a scan booked for tomorrow when I'd be 5+4 I think. Anyone know what I'm likely to see? I may have been a bit vague about my dates to make sure I get seen before we go away I was impressed with how quickly it's been sorted though.

Glad you have a scan booked @Navy123, I think you'll expect to see a yolk sac and foetal pole maybe. I'm not sure about a heartbeat at that stage. I remember at my first scan the nurse talked me through about what they would expect to see, hopefully they'll do that for you tomorrow too.

@Catconfusion, I'm OK, thanks for asking. Less anxious today. Think it's because I'm so tired! Went to bed when I got home but didn't really sleep. Looking forward to bed.

@Russkispy good news there's a heartbeat ❤️fingers crossed for your next scan. I'm not sure about the yolk sac, but try to focus on seeing your baby's heartbeat :)

Thanks @Navy123 I told them I'd had a mmc and had the surgery at 12 weeks then the mc straight after. They didn't even say sorry or wish us luck for this time. You're right, they should be more compassionate. You'd think they'd wonder: how would I feel in that situation?

I'm not sure at 5 plus 3. Definitely a sac and yolk I'd have thought, maybe a heartbeat although that can take up to 6 and a half weeks so don't be alarmed if no heartbeat yet. Good luck for tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you! Xx

I know what you mean @VenusStarr it's so tiring but the anxiety makes sleep tricky. I'll sleep well tonight though I think! Xx

@ReeReeR, so sorry to hear your news, look after yourself and fingers crossed that if the worst is confirmed you find yourself back here again soon.

@Navy123 it’s tricky to predict as if your dates are a few days off in either direction what you see could vary significantly! You should probably see a small gestational sac if things are in the right place. Yolk sac is usually visible between 5.5 and 6 weeks so that’s a possibility but if you didn’t see it it could just mean you’re closer to 5 weeks than 6. Heartbeat is unlikely at this point but also possible depending on dates. Good luck!

It’s amazing what difference a bit of compassion/empathy makes isn’t it? With my mmc my initial treatment was really cold and it made the experience more traumatic than it had to be.

I'm hoping to sleep well tonight @Catconfusion, I've been awake since 3.30, early pregnancy insomnia is definitely a thing for me. Sleep well xx

So sorry to read your news @ReeReeR x Take care of yourself and fingers crossed you're back here soon.

I'm very envious of all the scans you're all getting. I'm trying to get a hold of the midwives to book my booking in appointment but they're impossible to get a hold of and my office is open plan, so no privacy.

@ReeReeR so so sorry to read your update. Life is truly unfair sometimes. I hope you’ve got good support around you.

@coconutlatte44 I agree about compassion wholeheartedly. After my first miscarriage my kid wife laughed at me for being anxious about something going wrong in my second pregnancy and made me feel really really stupid. When I ended up having a tfmr for that pregnancy it was all I could do not to march down to the clinic and give her the middle finger.
I also got the “well what do you expect us to do right now?” When I went to a&e (on doctor’s referral) for a suspected ectopic which turned out to be a missed miscarriage.
Medical professionals either seem to be brilliant or absolutely cold and unthinking.

@Navy123 I was scanned at 5 weeks plus 5 days and it showed a gestational sac and yolk sac but was too early for heartbeat. But they also tested my HCG levels which I insisted they do and it showed they were increasing nicely and that gave me the most comfort. I then got another scan when I returned from my hols which showed growth all good and a heartbeat. I would push for HCG tests if you can especially if scan doesn't reveal much. It's great you are getting a scan though.

I'm now 13+5 and my tummy feels really tender. Last night when it bed it would hurt when I moved around. Anyone had this? also when do you have to start lying on left side? I can't remember. I try to do it but then wake up and I'm facing the other way.

Thanks everyone. I’m ok. Feeling a bit down at the moment with everything but I’m sure hormones are playing a part plus DH goes back to work today. Think I will have a lazy TV day! Love to you all x

@ReeReeR it's just simply a horrible thing to happen. Just do whatever gets you through the day. My go to was gruesome real crime documentaries. I couldn't handle anything heartwarming. TV is a great way to escape . I'm so sorry you're in this position! Xx

@Bellasblankexpression that just simply sounds awful. How dare she laugh at you!? I've also found hospital staff a mixed bad. EPAU and the Gynae Ward were amazing but a&e can be so tackless. It annoys me because miscarriages have the potential to be medically very dangerous. It's their job to access immediate risk to health. That's what they should be doing, not acting like they couldn't care less! Xx

@VenusStarr it's just so hard to relax.There's the pregnancy symptoms but also the anxiety. I luckily got a good night last night. Despite the scan not being ideal I'm pleased my lining looks pregnant and there's no bleeding. Xx

So I started the progesterone last night. Can't say I feel any different today. It was relatively easy to use really. Hopefully this gives me a better chance. I am however wondering if a mmc is more likely if there is a problem as presumably the progesterone will stop the bleed. I'll be scanned at 7 weeks so we'll know either way at that point. Xx

Lots of self care sounds good @ReeReeR ❤️

@Catconfusion did you sleep OK? I had a terrible night, could drop off, think I was overtired. Then dh had some sort of nightmare / spasm and I woke up with my heart pounding ten to the dozen, then I needed a wee, then I was just awake.
Definitely good about your lining yesterday :) have you got pessaries for progesterone? Try not to worry too much. I'm trying to keep the faith that this will all work out xx

Thinking of you today @Navy123 ❤️

I'm just at the GP surgery, we can wait for a same day appointment, second in the queue...

@ReeReeR a TV day sounds good.

@Newbie21 I think the sleep position guidelines are second trimester, main one being not on your back. Left is better but right is ok. I've also been told not to worry if you wake up on your back. I have to alternate between my left and right sides during the night otherwise it hurts my hips.

@VenusStarr I'll join you on the not sleeping well, I'm taking ages to switch off at night then waking several times. I was in a lovely dream though when DD woke up which was also annoying.

@VenusStarr yes I had a very good night thanks.
DH has hurt his back so he went in the spare room to sleep on his back and probably snore. I'm sorry to hear you had a bad night. Sharing a bed can be difficult at times like these. Yes they are pessaries so using overnight. It's worth a shot I figure. I have to say I feel better today. There's nothing we can do to control it as the outcome is likely already decided. Good luck at the doctors! Xx

@Navy123 good luck today. Thinking of you! Xx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I've left it this long now so will just wait until tomorrow. They didn't tell me to just call, they said I'll just get results when I go back for booked next scan.

@nzs2019 that's great news on your results. I'm praying for low risk too. NT measured 1.5mm on Tuesday but will see what Harmony results say tomorrow.

@VenusStarr hope you got some rest last night. This pregnancy thing is exhausting isn't it.

Goodness I'm feeling so nauseous this morning and I swear the central line is extra jolty this morning just to make it worse.

@CodlingMoth can you step outside to call the midwives? I did an online self referral, don't know if your Trust offers that as an option.

@Navy123 good luck for you scan today!

@Newbie21 I've not had the belly hurting but it is itching. I have same question about lying on side. I like sleeping on wither my front or back. Front now way too uncomfortable but worried about not being able to stay on my side when I have to. I do try to sleep on my side. How many weeks is it officially 2nd trimester? 12, 13 or 14?

@ReeReeR sending you lots of hugs x

@InDreamland 13 weeks according to the NHS and 14 weeks everywhere else for the second trimester.

I find the pregnancy pillow helps me sleep on my side. I always slept on my side before pregnancy but I'm more comfortable on my back when I am pregnant annoyingly. I'm making myself sleep on my side though.

Good luck for your scan @Navy123!

@Newbie21 many thanks for your reply. I think you start sleeping on your left side at 13 weeks, but I've also been wondering about this tbh. I am a left side sleeper anyway for the most part, but I do occasionally end up on the right and then worry about cutting off blood circulation, etc., although I think its too early for that for me yet.

Good luck today @Navy123! Routing for you for a very healthy bub and wonderful scan.

@InDreamland just one more day to go for the test results, I'm sure the anxiety is terrible! But soon you will have it in end and likely that all will be well and you will have some relief. Thanks for thinking of me tomorrow too, I guess we are both dreading what Friday will bring and just waiting anxiously for it! Fx for both of us having good outcomes! This is so nerve-wracking...

Good luck for tomorrow @sadtoday21 How are you feeling now? Xx

I hope your results are all ok tomorrow @InDreamland Xx

So I just had another bad experience. I called the midwife to book my booking in who argued with me about being allowed a 7 week scan. She said EAPU would not see me unless bleeding or cramping. I then had to recount the gruelling experience of my mmc and how EAPU had told me they'd see me at 7 weeks next time. Also my doctor had said she'd refer me at 7 weeks. In the end she gave in and said shes afraid I'd have to talk to the doctor about it.

She also asked if I was taking aspirin which I am. I don't understand why no one told me to take aspirin with my first pregnancy as I was 39 nearly 40. Now I'm 40 it's a standard recommendation. I'd advise anyone newly pregnant to find a decent GP and see them regularly and talk through concerns. I was worried about miscarriage during the first pregnancy and the midwife just shrugged it off. It's unlikely aspirin would have helped but now I wonder. Xx

Morning all. Had a horrible nightmare last night that I was bleeding, it was all a bit too real and I've woken up feeling thoroughly upset.

Lots of twinges today but also just the one sore boob, I'm sure both my boobs hurt with my first pregnancy!

Scan on Saturday - time is standing still a bit now.

@Newbie21 I didn't sleep on my left. I slept how I wanted generally. Yes, I shat myself in later pregnancy when I'd probably been lieing on my back fir ages. But I read if there were issues with lieing on back you'd generally wake up any way. My midwife didn't thi k there was an issue lieing on back at all. What's the reasoning for lieing on left?

I didn't take aspirin when I was 38/39and of I get further along this time I won't be taking aspirin. Just my choice really

@rubyroot I just find the system a bit problematic. When I was pregnant the first time I was told I didn't need to see the doctor just the midwife and wait for the 12 week scan. The midwife said nothing I could do to prevent miscarriage. Aspirin wasn't mentioned and my preference would have been to take them had I known they can be beneficial to older mums. My gp said had I seen her she would have recommended it.

During my first pregnancy when I got bleeding with cramping at 10 weeks midwife wouldn't send me for a scan so we had to pay privately to find out a mmc. My GP was sad because she would have sent me had I gone to her but I was told the midwife deals with everything pregnancy related. The EPAU were sad because they would have seen me even though the midwife said they wouldn't and I would be taking up the place of an emergency.

Today I've had to argue again about getting scanned at 7 weeks. She didn't even say sorry for what I'd been through just bluntly they won't see me without an issue. I know this isn't true as EPAU are actually trying to make the service more accessible. Something is definitely wrong in the system. They shouldn't be blocking ladies receiving the care they need. The consultant I saw during my mmc said they try if possible to prevent ladies getting to 12 weeks without knowing they've had a loss as it can make it more medically dangerous. I don't understand why the midwife couldn't see if you've had one before it's best to make sure another one isn't happening.

The midwife today also said no point seeing me until I'm further along just in case. I took this to mean I might miscarry so what's the point. I might actually need some midwife support earlier considering an anxious pregnancy but they're not really interested unless there will definitely be a baby at the end of it.

Sorry ladies rant over. I will put a complaint in I think as I have very little faith in the midwives I've dealt with so far after my experiences.They just don't seem very happy to deal with miscarriage related issues. Anyway I'm sure there are lovely midwifes out there somewhere. @Amanda81 yours seemed lovely and very good at dealing with a pregnancy after loss. I'm sadly finding there's not much support where I am so will just see my GP who is amazing. Xx

@Catconfusion I thought that aspirin was recommended over 40 to reduce risk of pre eclampsia and from 12 weeks onwards. Am I wrong? My friend who had ivf had blood thinners and steroids as she had the blood condition with killer cells, but I didn't think they used aspirin for this??
I don't thi k I know what I'm talking about. For me, I believe my miscarriages have largely been chromosomal so aspirin for me will have largely been useless.