Help me control my emotional reaction - SIL pregnancy stealing my thunder

[PugPupsMum]

Let me start by saying I genuinely don’t want to feel upset, bitter or resentful over this and I can compartmentalise my feelings to an extent to see that it is lovely news for their family, but my feelings are hurt...

I was told yesterday that my brother & his wife are expecting their 2nd DC this Xmas, they already have an almost 2 yr old DD who I love to bits.

I am pregnant with my 1st and due early October.

It’s a massive shock & I’m hoping that after it sinks in I will feel better about it. I’m already trying to switch my outlook to a more positive one (for example it’s lovely to grow up with cousins the same age as you)

I’m just really sad about it and feel like my pregnancy/my first baby will be totally overshadowed in our family. I had expected that perhaps towards the end of the year there might be a pregnancy announcement (they said as much to me) but it was a big surprise to hear that their baby is due so close to ours.

I just feel sad and upset that only a few months after our baby comes, it will be followed by another new baby in the family & everyone will be excited over the new baby.

I also (perhaps rather selfishly) was enjoying being the pregnant person in the family & having all the excitement centred around our impending arrival. She’s had her turn and I was genuinely so excited for her, helped her mum to plan her baby shower etc.

I’ve always got the sense my SIL is a bit jealous/competitive with me which is weird because in general her & my DB have been before us to do everything ... buy a house, get married etc. And I have only ever been happy for them.

What makes me really pissed off and upset is that when she told us the news, she happened to mention the month they started trying, and I know it’s the very month after we announced our pregnancy. That makes me suspect that she kind of did this deliberately to steal our thunder and get pregnant as quickly as possible, despite telling me they had their hands full with their DD and weren’t going to be trying until later this year at the earliest.

Am I being unreasonable and irrational? Please go easy on me because not only am I feeling upset at the news but I’m also feeling guilt for the feelings of resentment I am having :( :( :(

Yes am sorry you are being v v u r. Do you really honestly think they are having a second baby purely to get attention?!

In the kindest way possible, you need to get over it. Your news is so exciting and your baby will be no less special or cherished because another baby arrives shortly after.
Try to see the positives. Your baby will have a cousin so close in age as they grow up and you'll have your SIL going through things at same stages as you so can chat about things and have somebody who understands.

Sorry but I think you sort of are. All that matters is you are going to have a beautiful baby. There's no thunder to steal - you'll be a mother and what your family think or do has no bearing on that.

Good lord

Unreasonable

Irrational

Crazy

You name it....

Its most likely the news you were pregnant got them thinking they felt broody and thought lets go for it so they have around a 2 1/2 year (very normal) age gap

My baby was born October and then 12 weeks later triplets were born to BIL and wife. It was actually fine and its lovely to see them all grow up together x

You’re being utterly ridiculous. Seriously. Do whatever you need to do to get over this in private and then get on with it.

Are you serious?! Honestly you're not the first person to be pregnant in the world, yes it feels like it to you but no one else cares anywhere near as much!

Just be grateful for a healthy pregnancy and a baby coming in to a family who love it. You have no idea what some people would give for that!

YABU and a bit mad TBH.
Are they to wait to TTC until your child starts school so as not to overshadow you? Do you think they’re only having this baby to “steal your thunder”?
She’s had her turn? You sound horrid.

You are being totally ridiculous.
From now on, make sure you and your brother check in with each other every time you have unprotected sex, just in case, you know, you steal each other’s thunder.

Yes, you are being irrational and unreasonable. Sorry. In the nicest possible way, you need to get a grip. Your family will love your dc dearly despite your db's second baby. It will be brilliant for your dc to grow up with a cousin close in age. The rest of the world doesn't stop just because you are pregnant. If you show your jealousy /upset to your sil and dB, they will (rightly imo) think you are a complete loon.

It's a huge leap to think someone goes to the extent of having a child to steal your thunder, that would be absolutely insane. You can't help how you initially feel but I think you need to give yourself a reality check and realise you sound totally unreasonable.

I get you wanted to be 'the pregnant one' and have all this attention and also appreciate that when you're pregnant (especially with your first) it's all consuming, but in reality, someone being pregnant or having a baby is only mildly interesting to anyone who isn't the parent or grandparent.

Congratulations on your news

Are you sure it isn't you who is affected by jealousness/competitiveness? You are having a lovely baby. This will be a wonderful, special time. you don't need ringfenced attention from others to make it so.

That makes me suspect that she kind of did this deliberately to steal our thunder and get pregnant as quickly as possible

How did she manage to do this deliberately all by herself?

I found it difficult when my SIL announced her pregnancy because I have fertility problems. What put it into perspective for me was asking myself how I’d feel if anything happended to her baby (devastated). The fact is that she’s pregnant and you don’t really want her not to be, because that would be an awful outcome. So try to get things in perspective and be happy for them if possible. If not then you just need to get your head down and focus on your own pregnancy.

I've told my family after trying for a baby and lots of "are you pregnant yet?!"

Finally told them, was a quick "oh that great news" and since then noone has mentioned a thing. Noone asks how I am feeling, there is no prwgnancy excitement from my family.

The only person remotely excited for me is my SIL but I feel I cant be overly excited and baby talk a lot to her as she recently lost a baby at over 20 weeks, it was a very hard time and I know it makes her think.

I'll tell you the same way I think,
Its our first baby, we are happy and excited, and nervous and scared. But at the end of it, everyone will coo and aww for a while, then it is up to us to build our family on love and happiness. Only we can build the family we want.

Dont worry about anyone else's baby stealing your thunder, nothing will compare when they arrive.

Congratulations OP! X

I'm sorry, you are being irrational.
I completely understand why though, I think I'd be upset in your place, because it's your first it's a huge deal to you and dp.
But please remember, you already knew they were going to have a second at some point, so even though she's said they were going to be trying later in the year, they may have already started when you announced.

At least you know you have someone who will have a child of similar age. You can talk to her in a way only a mother going through it at the same time will understand. I think that is going to be a major positive for you.

Also, why is it your SIL stealing your thunder? Surely you should take umbrage with your brother?

YABVU. I had my first baby three months after SIL had her second. I certainly didn’t have a child just to try and upstage her! My dd and her cousin are really close and it’s lovely watching them grow to together. you’re being extremely precious’s

Is only one person allowed to be pregnant at a time? I’m afraid that rule passed me by

Thanks for the replies, even though a lot of them are harsh. I did say I don’t want to feel like this and I’m trying hard not to. Believe me, I don’t want a cloud over my own pregnancy or to have any negative thoughts about getting a new niece/nephew.

The reason I’m upset is that they’ve had already almost 2 years of everyone fussing over their DC, honestly she’s the absolute shining star of the family and everyone, including me, just loves her to bits.

Of course I was excited for my own baby & to have some of the excitement as well. It’s just a bit sad for me that my baby will be only a couple of months old before another new baby comes along.

I agree with PPs that I do need to get over it, and intend to. These are just my honest feelings at this time. Maybe heightened by pregnancy hormones.

I have cousins my own age and I loved this growing up and my still close to them now, this is the thought I am hanging on to to try and turn my outlook around.

The fact that her and DB told me that maybe next year they’d want to add to their family, then they start trying a matter of weeks after we share our pregnancy news, doesn’t help - like I said, it’s just a shock.

Thanks again in advance for helpful comments. I don’t want to feel like this :( I’m not a bitter person, I’m just sad and Yes maybe my feelings are selfish but they are my feelings. :(

You are being completely daft.
They did not plan a pregnancy to overshadow yours!

Your post makes you sound self-centred and self-absorbed-I really hope you aren’t either! Give your head a wobble and get over it. Your child will have a cousin really close in age-it could be amazing.

The fact that her and DB told me that maybe next year they’d want to add to their family, then they start trying a matter of weeks after we share our pregnancy news, doesn’t help-like I said, it’s just a shock

So you’ve never changed your mind about anything?

They are selfish and irrational. Other people don’t have children just to spite you. And you may be expecting a pfb but your pregnancy will never mean as much to anyone else as it does to you.
This is the baby version of being a bridezilla.