Sonogropher accidently told us the sex of baby

[HollyLou93x]

So I had a growth scan on Monday 37+6 weeks. As midwife was concerned that baby was on the large side for dates. Scan did reveal that baby was already 8lb with two weeks to go. I’m not surprised my LO (boy) was born 10 days late and weighed 9lb 6oz.

When we went in for the scan we explained that we didn’t know the sex of baby and didn’t want to. She said ok, and seemed to understand this. During the scan she asked my LO what he wanted baby brother or sister he said brother and told her what his name would be. She told him that he’d make a great big brother etc. And then minutes later she said look at your brother.
I take that as we’re having a boy. Over the moon about we were happy with boy or girl as long as baby is healthy! I had a feeling boy all along but can help feeling disappointed that she revelaved this special information weeks away. We love the surprise at birth that’s why everyone gets the choice to find out gender right?

Would anyone complain or try to get confirmation??

Wow, this has been fascinating reading. @hollylou93 - I’m having my first too and yes I’d be really gutted if we were accidentally told the sex of the baby. Fab news that all is well but I think you have a right to be slightly disappointed that your surprise was spoiled especially because it didn’t sound like a slip of the tongue.

My sonographer at my 12 week scan was an absolute asshole to me - to the point that I will be making a complaint about him. There’s a catalogue of things he said and did that made a stressful situation (first pregnancy after a loss) a hell of a lot worse. Not everyone in the NHS has a halo over their head - sorry I’m really not down with defending certain behaviour just because they work for the NHS.

Not a mother (I know you mentioned that as being something that you felt would sway people's opinions), I can see your disappointment. At the same time, I think it is reasonable to also think that you are really lucky that your disappointment is 'just' this surprise being ruined, it seems, accidentally. But these are medical anomaly scans.

You could complain if you wished. Any complaint is valid enough to be considered and replied to.

My overwhelming thought though is that you are really very lucky to have had a positive result from the scan.

I appreciate you are feeling emotional at the minute, but I think it is unfair to call (the majority) of posters rude- you did ask for people's opinion, and they gave it.

It's entirely possible from the sonographer's POV that it was obvious which sex the baby was so perhaps she thought the cat was out of the bag for you anyway. My first baby was like this and she said to me "well it's a good job you wanted to know the the sex. It's a boy as plain as day" and laughed! It wasn't to me but perhaps, as they do these scans day in and day out, it doesn't always occur to them that the scans are difficult to read to the untrained eye.
But no. Don't complain. That would be ridiculous. Don't sweat the small stuff.

It is disappointing but I think you have to go in to the later scans aware that there is a risk you might find out. I think it is natural to be disappointed but unreasonable to make a complaint. Ultimately they are there for the medical aspects and not the ‘experience’ aspects on top. If it had been a private experience scan and they had revealed the sex and you didn’t want to know I think it would be ok to complain in those circumstances.

Ok, so I read the first page and read the last.

I think the rude comment came from the "diamond shoes are too tight" comment. That could have been left out and was just spiteful. Someone typed that just to be mean.

The OP is also pregnant, and hormonal so a little bit of empathy would go a long way.

Now, I would be hugely disappointed if the sonographer told me the sex of my baby, my husband and I don't want to know. I want it to be a surprise like all other babies in the family were (born in 90's/00's) hence why I would feel gutted. It's like finding out your husband is going to propose! Some people just want the surprise.

. However I wouldn't hold it against them, I would just look to future, be positive and prepare for birth.

All the best to you OP. X

It sucks she may have ruined the surprise totally get the disappointment. But I think its unreasonable to complain in this instance.
I'm also pregnant right now and more irritable than usual for sure.

Being a nurse is often emotional, stressful and gross, and she likely does it for bad pay and horrible hours. Doesn't feel right to add to that over something that can't be changed and was by the sounds of it, an innocent mistake.

I wouldn't complain but I would be gutted about it.

Me too. I think OP is getting a hard time here, TBH. We didn't find out the sex of any of ours until they were born, and that surprise was magical. I feel bad for you, OP, that that has been denied to you.

OP I'm sorry you were disappointed and I'm really sorry for other posts on this thread.

If it was me I'd be really upset especially as i had stated that I didn't want to know.

But I don't think you can be sure that your baby is a boy. It's still going to be a surprise because you can't be sure.

I hope the last few weeks pass quickly for you.

Reads to me like she was humouring your son, but perhaps it wasn't the best way to go about it. Either way, let it go. You will know when he or she comes in the next few days/weeks, and it will matter not a jot what bits they've got then.

@HollyLou93x
It sounds like they said look at your brother as your DS said he wanted a brother?

If you complained they may just say sorry, but a week later you may give birth to a baby girl

I think the sonography do could well have been talking to the baby as in 'look at your (big) brother come to see you' and given you are not 100% sure what she did mean as you said you would need to ask for confirmation that she had made a slip, I would convince myself she was talking to baby, not son, and you are still none the wiser

OP - I do understand!

I never found out the sex of all three of my children. We wanted a surprise each time. I had to have extra scans with each of my pregnancies and I made a point of telling the sonographer as soon as I walked in that I didn't know and didn't want to know the sex of baby.

I think the sonographer slipped up at your scan. She might even have realised after she'd done it but didn't want to highlight it incase you hadn't picked up on it.

It's unfortunate and I too would feel a mixture of annoyed and disappointed but I think you'll have to let it go.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancies and birth!

Why haven't you come back OP?
A bit unfair to accuse people of being rude when they've given you their opinion after you specifically asked for it. It's kind of a fact of life that people won't always have the same opinions as you. It's something you learn as you grow up. Fwiw completely agree with previous posters you are behaving incredibly ungrateful and petty to even consider a complaint.

Really? Why hasn't she come back? Seriously??

1). The responses were unkind - why would she continue to read them when feeling fragile and hormonal
2). No one has any obligation to update for the satisfaction of other posters (many of whom were not very nice)

I would have hidden the thread and not given it another thought tbh and I presume the op did just that!

"AIBU to consider complaining?"
"Yeah, you are really."
"Oh all right, I won't then."

Three days and 200 posts later:

"You are SO entitled and unreasonable and ungrateful and immature OP, I can't BELIEVE you are considering this! ...Hey, why don't you come back?"

53rdway 😂

Exactly.

@blablaa I still can't believe so many are suggesting OP reacted badly to difference in opinions she called people rude because they expressed themselves rudely. You can say she shouldn't complain in your opinion, that it'd be harsh to do so, its a medical scan etc but it IS rude to call her spoilt, ungrateful, petty and if I was her I would ignore you as well. If you are still confused then ask yourself if you would say those things to your friends and if the answer is no then why would you say it from behind your keyboard, if the answer is yes, how many friends do you have? X

I can't believe some of the replies to this post, people can be so rude!! :/

I'd be gutted if she'd ruined my special surprise after I'd waited all of that time and was so close to the birth :( I definitely think it's worthy of a complaint - not a 'I want to get her in trouble' kind of thing, just an email to say that your surprise has been ruined and your unhappy about it. Unless, how will this woman know not to do it again?

It's a pretty difficult thing to slip up with if someone has blatantly said "I don't want to know the gender." But understandably, mistakes are made sometimes. But I would definitely tell them about it so that it doesn't happen again for someone else.

On a more positive note, I wish you all the best with your birth and getting to meet your little one :)

@HollyLou93x I agree with you here. If I said I didn't want to know the sex and the sonographer blurted it out I would be disappointed too. Especially if you were hoping for a girl say for example since you already have a boy and such..
I guess there's no going back though now you know.

Also ignore all these commenters giving you grief for this. I recognise A LOT of the usernames and they also (tried) to give me shit over the whole gender/ sex debate before. Nothing but trolls trying to stir the pot and cause arguments. You asked a simple question and unfortunately you do get people who like to try and be funny about it.

Good luck on your pregnancy girl 😊 xx

I think they might of been saying to the baby look at your brother and engaging. I don't think they'd forget that soon after you said you didn't want to know the sex. I'd still be waiting for a surprise

Unfortunately a complaint won't go very far at all, there's nothing they can really do, it will be Filtered off and you'll get a automated apology they probably won't even investigate it as no one has been harmed, I wouldn't waste your time as you haven't got long left and need to rest x

I can completely understand how frustrating it must be

We had to have some growth scans near my due date (didn’t know the sex) and I was anxious about accidentally seeing.

We had gone through the entire pregnancy not knowing, used a lot of will-power to decline finding out at the 20-week scan, all in order to find out at the birth. I was also very anxious about the birth after previous birth trauma and knowing I was having the surprise of the baby’s sex helped me feel at ease.

I just think finding out at the end of pregnancy but before the birth is pretty rubbish. Would rather be told at the 20-week scan and enjoy pregnancy ‘knowing’ and bonding, or the lovely surprise at birth... finding out so late on is just the downside of both.