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Original poster

Sonogropher accidently told us the sex of baby

221 replies

HollyLou93x · 23/01/2019 10:59

So I had a growth scan on Monday 37+6 weeks. As midwife was concerned that baby was on the large side for dates. Scan did reveal that baby was already 8lb with two weeks to go. I’m not surprised my LO (boy) was born 10 days late and weighed 9lb 6oz.

When we went in for the scan we explained that we didn’t know the sex of baby and didn’t want to. She said ok, and seemed to understand this. During the scan she asked my LO what he wanted baby brother or sister he said brother and told her what his name would be. She told him that he’d make a great big brother etc. And then minutes later she said look at your brother.
I take that as we’re having a boy. Over the moon about we were happy with boy or girl as long as baby is healthy! I had a feeling boy all along but can help feeling disappointed that she revelaved this special information weeks away. We love the surprise at birth that’s why everyone gets the choice to find out gender right?

Would anyone complain or try to get confirmation??

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MarshaBradyo · 23/01/2019 11:23

No just leave it

MargoLovebutter · 23/01/2019 11:23

sollyfromsurrey the sonographer's job was to check that OPs baby was ok, developing fine and there were no issues. It sounds as though the sonographer not only did the job thoroughly but also took the time to engage OP's child, which was kind and thoughtful. From what was described the sonographer did not tell OP what sex her baby was, she just had a bit of chit chat with OP's DC1 about a brother, which could be interpreted as her telling the unborn baby to look at it's brother or possibly the other way round. No one really knows.

Where is the lack of professionalism? Why the hell would you be sarcastic and rude to someone who has just done their job and reassured you that your baby was healthy and developing just fine.

Frangipane · 23/01/2019 11:23

Maybe we are sticking together with the woman sonographer?

Personally, I don't give a hoot sbout sticking together with women just because I am one. I judge people on their merits, not their gender.

I can see you are upset, but in the grand scheme of things, you have only found out 3 weeks early. It isn't that world shattering a blunder, is it? Let it go.

LivingInPoppyLand · 23/01/2019 11:24

No, I wouldn’t complain, but maybe that’s because I work for NHS and see how hard my colleagues work. It seems to me that the sonographer was trying to include your son. Do you always focus on the negative rather than the positive?

As for the ‘as long as the baby is healthy’ Biscuit

perfectpanda · 23/01/2019 11:24

I didn't find out with any of my 3 dc and i too would have felt very disappointed if that ' surprise' was taken away as it's a special moment finding out at the birth.

I had so many extra scans with dc3 I am amazed none of the sonographers slipped up though. Unfortunately I think it must be quite common. Sorry you had the surprise taken away.

INeedNewShoes · 23/01/2019 11:25

I also didn't want to know the sex of my baby and the sonographer said during the scan 'I'm struggling to get this measurement as he keeps wriggling away'.

I told myself they just generically say 'he' but when people asked me the sex of the baby I said I don't know for definite but it's likely to be a boy as sonographer slipped up and said 'he'.

I had a girl...

SleepingStandingUp · 23/01/2019 11:25

What would you seek to get from a complaint? It's human error so the oy way to avoid it is to fire her. You could try and get her a warning but is that actually reasonable?

Perhaps she's screwing with you and it's a girl!

Congratulations on your baby

And its sex not gender. Gah, I've been in MN too long

Notquiteagandt · 23/01/2019 11:26

I have had several growth scans and they always ask me what the sex is. When I asked is it because girls and boys are differant sizes the dr said no its so when they do the leg measurement if someone doesnt want to know gender theyd turn viewing monitor off. As would be hard to hide gender with shot between their legs.

So its a pretty poor show by the person doing a scan tbh. Makes no differance to them to tell u to look away and use non gender pronouns.

NataliaOsipova · 23/01/2019 11:26

We love the surprise at birth that’s why everyone gets the choice to find out gender right?

You don’t “get the choice” as such. It’s a medical examination to check the baby. If the sonography can see the sex at the time they will, as a courtesy, tell you if you want to know. I asked at my scan - and my baby had her legs crossed. So they didn’t tell me and of course didn’t offer a further appointment.

If you don’t want to know, don’t ask for confirmation. Then you still don’t know. Some sonographers (I think) refer to babies as “he” to avoid using “it”; their focus is on the medical aspects and the sex of the baby is something they may or may not see during the exam. On the plus side, the HCP was pleasant and friendly to your son, which may pay dividends when the baby is here and he’s been looking forward to it. And congratulations!

SleepingStandingUp · 23/01/2019 11:29

For god sake. Wish I hadn’t bothered though woman stick together so we should take your side simply because we have matchy sex organs? Sonographer was a man I assume then?

SylvanianFrenemies · 23/01/2019 11:29

Thanks @ilovemaxbondi Not the right thread for me at the moment. Feel very defensive of the terrible job sonographers sometimes have to do, and fucked off that I don't have something so meaningless to be annoyed about.

CrazyCrunk · 23/01/2019 11:29

Poor u hun, demand another scan xx

Darkstar4855 · 23/01/2019 11:30

I wouldn’t have minded - I would rather the sonographer was concentrating on the medical aspects of the scan rather than worrying about not letting slip the sex of the baby.

My partner really wanted a surprise but saw obvious “boy parts” on the 20w scan. It didn’t make the birth of our son any less special.

whiteworld · 23/01/2019 11:32

Poor u hun, demand another scan xx

Are you being funny, Crunk? Why would OP 'demand' another scan? She doesn't need one.

myrtleWilson · 23/01/2019 11:32

So sorry for your loss sylvanian please do take care of yourself Flowers

TheOneAnd · 23/01/2019 11:34

It does seem quite odd. You'd think telling the sex or not, would be one of the things sonographers keep on their mental list of what to say or not to say during a scan.

Not much you can do though.

Hope all goes well

LivingInPoppyLand · 23/01/2019 11:35

Poor u hun, demand another scan xx

I think OP is on the wrong website.

oohyoudevilyou · 23/01/2019 11:35

I wouldn't be rushing out to buy blue sleepsuits based on that convo with a toddler! Yes, maybe you are having a boy, but equally sonographer might just've been speaking in words she thought your son would relate to.

I think you'd be VV unreasonable to complain.

GB54 · 23/01/2019 11:36

I’d assume she was just playing along with your DS if he’d just been talking about a brother. It’s still a surprise as you don’t know for sure.

BettyDuMonde · 23/01/2019 11:36

It’s pretty standard for HCP to default to one sex or the other in their heads, often based on their own children. Doesn’t mean your baby is definitely a boy.

WorldofTofuness · 23/01/2019 11:36

I’m in the minority of people who wish to keep gender is a surprise

What is this with people talking about the sex of a newborn (not "gender"--it's a newborn) being a "surprise"? It has an approx 50% chance each of being male or female. The only surprise would be a baby of indeterminate sex. Or giving birth to a puppy, or an umbrella.

(I chose not to find out the sexit's really not that uncommon a choiceand got mildly annoyed by the "Do you want to have a surprise?" comments.)

Mayrhofen · 23/01/2019 11:36

DD is a radiographer, she says that sonographers have a pretty tough job, have to check a multitude of different organs etc. in a very short space of time for which they are responsible for ensuring they report of correctly.

I am sure if it was said it was a mistake and she was probably multitasking. You may be number 10 of 20 that day.

WaxMyBalls · 23/01/2019 11:37

Of course you shouldn't complain. For a start, she might well have been saying to the baby look at your brother, and if you complain and the matter is looked at before you give birth, you'll find out the sex for sure then. You don't actually know it now.

Also don't complain because it's a really bad idea. If she did reveal the sex then it was a slip of the tongue, she'll know she fucked up. This isn't a situation where complaining would improve care in the future. Plus the NHS have infinitely more important things to focus on, and so should you at this point. Do you really want any extra stress or work at this point or in the near future, with a toddler and very pregnant? Putting a complaint in writing is time you could spend having a rest. And lastly, the sonographer was a woman so how about women stick together...

blueshoes · 23/01/2019 11:37

Perhaps the sonographer was bored and decided to play a little trick and send you into a tailspin. You might still end up with a girl.

If I was a sonographer who had to deliver some pretty bad news to some would-be parents and also to humour the non-medical requests of others with perfectly healthy babies, it would be fun to throw one in there.

Oops, slip of the tongue Wink

SylvanianFrenemies · 23/01/2019 11:38

Thank you @myrtlewilson, that's very kind.

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