Sonogropher accidently told us the sex of baby

[HollyLou93x]

So I had a growth scan on Monday 37+6 weeks. As midwife was concerned that baby was on the large side for dates. Scan did reveal that baby was already 8lb with two weeks to go. I’m not surprised my LO (boy) was born 10 days late and weighed 9lb 6oz.

When we went in for the scan we explained that we didn’t know the sex of baby and didn’t want to. She said ok, and seemed to understand this. During the scan she asked my LO what he wanted baby brother or sister he said brother and told her what his name would be. She told him that he’d make a great big brother etc. And then minutes later she said look at your brother.
I take that as we’re having a boy. Over the moon about we were happy with boy or girl as long as baby is healthy! I had a feeling boy all along but can help feeling disappointed that she revelaved this special information weeks away. We love the surprise at birth that’s why everyone gets the choice to find out gender right?

Would anyone complain or try to get confirmation??

They are human too, if they told you it was obviously an accident.

Don't rely too heavily on the sizing scan, they are well known for being off, my son was predicted to be 9pd and he was 7pd3 born at 40+3 lol

Surely the point of a complaint is to make sure it doesn't happen again. The woman made a mistake. How can she be told not to make a minor slip of the tongue while talking to a toddler again? She probably has 100s of scans to do every day, some of them probably involve finding out someones unborn baby has serious medical problems. Let it go. You will find out in a few weeks anyway, and it cant be unheard!

sylvanian

Sonographer let slip to me too - called baby she then corrected herself with she or he in a clumsy way. It was indeed a girl.

Not as bad as a friend of mine who found out she was expecting twins by the sonographer deleting '1' next to 'number of foetuses' (or similar field on the screen) and typing in '2'! Didn't even say a word... or another who having discovered concerning results at the 12 week scan the sonographer said 'it's bad, off the scale bad' (in fact baby born perfectly healthy at term... )

I don't think it harms to give a bit of feedback about language used and the confusion it might cause to parents who have expressly said they don't want to know.

@PhilipSteak you think OP was extremely rude to somebody, really? Who?? 🤔

OP I think you've had some unnecessarily harsh replies on here, I agree it's disappointing. Especially if you were excited about telling your son when the time comes, and you'd probably built up the excitement and were just weeks away!! There's nothing wrong with being excited about this sort of thing, of course OPs main concern is a healthy baby but that doesn't mean she can't get excited about other stuff too 🙄

Anyway, I wouldn't complain. She was probably busy and it slipped out, so I wouldn't cause her trouble over a mistake. Just continue to be excited and happy and enjoy your lovely family! Good luck with the birth 💐

I was hoping to keep it a surprise too - but he was obviously a he in the 20 week scan. Baby position, and the fact it was a medical anomaly scan, mean sometimes it can't be hidden. The sonographer had a job to do, and it wasn't to humour my romantic ideals about a surprise. In any case, it was a surprise at 20 weeks rather than full term.

You might have had a hint, but you still don't know, and you're only a few weeks off meeting your baby and finding out for certain. It's disappointing to know (or think you know) early, but it's not the end of the world. I wouldn't complain. You should have said something at the time.

I honestly think it is unreasonable and precious to be more than momentarily perturbed by what's happened OP. Please don't complain and waste time and resources!

I'd be disappointed too, but I don't think you have grounds for a complaint. 1 because your baby is healthy, the woman did nothing to put this at risk, she just may have had a slip of the tongue.

And 2, the scan was about the health of your baby, not a bonding experience, just as it's not a gender scan to tell you the sex, it's also not a secret scan to help you meet your wishes of having a surprise, it's a medical procedure and it sounds like she was being nice including your son.

I do get disappointment to an extent, but again some of us have been told in scans that our baby has died, or seriously ill (I've had both), just try to move on and enjoy your family, nothing bad has happened to you here (apart from some pointlessly nasty replies on mumsnet), good luck with the birth OP

If this was NHS, then you got a free scan from someone undervalued and overworked

It's not free, the NHS is funded by taxation. I really don't understand why citizens of one of the richest countries on earth are expected to be grateful for a health service that isn't up to scratch.

And how do you know the HCP was "undervalued and overworked"?

Anyway, you've had some shitty responses, OP, but sadly that's Mumsnet for you. I wouldn't complain but understand you being a bit miffed.

I’d be really annoyed if this happened to me, we haven’t found out the sex with either of our children and won’t when we have the next. I’d have said something to her at the time rather than complain though. We had a lot of extra growth scans with my first child as I had a tiny bump, it never even crossed my mind that they could have accidentally told us.

Could the sonographer have been talking to the baby, saying look at your big brother? My sonographer did this at a scan, I guess he was trying to involve ds1 and help him feel connected.

That's how I took it OP - I think she was referring to your son, looking and him and saying to the baby 'oh look at your brother'.

Argh can people stop telling the OP off? Of course she's grateful to have a healthy baby, what passive aggressive fest is this - no, I don't think this warrants a complain but, hey, well done for revelling in the opportunity of possibly upsetting a pregnant woman

All the best for your baby HollyLou93x

I'm astonished that some people think they have some kind of "right" not to know the sex of their baby. It is a preference, which sonographers will try to respect.

This happened to me too! The day before I had DD I had an emergency scan for cholestasis to see if she was big enough for induction. I had 3 boys and we all assumed number 4 was another boy but had not found out. She asked if we knew, we said no, she said ok and was very discreet until the last moment when as she lifted the scanning wand DD hoofed out at her and the donographer exclaimed "Oh, She kicked me!"

It did take the shine off, but the most important thing of course was that DD was born healthy the next day.

Given what you have said, and obviously we don't know what the sonographer was looking at during that point. I would think along the lines of ok dc has said brother, the sonographer was being friendly and has gone along with it to make the experience more relatable. Not that specifically baby is that gender.

HollyLou93x I get it. This isn't about making a complaint, it's about being disappointed that the sonographer slipped up.

The sex of my child was never important, but finding out when I met them was. Big deal if it's a first world problem, there are a lot of things you can't control when you're pregnant. Having some absolute control over things that mean something to you can make a massive difference to how you process everything once baby arrives.

Best of luck with your delivery, hope it all goes well with zero drama for you

But being rude isn’t really needed is it?
Very insensitive I’m only human.

Disagreeing with you is hardly being rude!
The person who possibly made a slip of the tongue is also a human being and as such is fallible.

I’m only human

So is the sonographer. Let this slide, it was a mistake.

@HollyLou93x

YANBU. You are entitled to have your baby's sex kept between you and your busband if that's the view that you've expressed. The sonographer is there to do a job - properly. Irrelevant whether it's Private or NHS.

I don't think you are "entitled", I think you are allowed to express a preference, which the sonographer will try to accommodate.

you want a surprise

its going to be a boy................................. or a girl

there u go

I would be a terrible sonographer, I'd be constantly letting it slip, it must be difficult not to.

Maybe to make up for the lack of surprise you can do one of those cheesy gender reveal nonsense things. Actually the ones with cake aren't nonsense. mmmm cake

I wouldn't complain or try to get confirmation. I would assume it was a slip of the tongue while talking to my ds (who shouldn't really be at a medical procedure) who wanted a brother and also trying to concentrate on her job at the same time.

I don’t know why you would even consider complaining.

People complaining about silly things like this cost the NHS thousands of pounds every year. You should be thankful that your baby is healthy, lots of woman will have lay on the same bed and been told their baby has a life limiting illness or worse.

Exactly. It's alright for people to put complaints in about stupid trivial things but the administration that goes into dealing with vexatious complaints costs the NHS time and money. They can't just chuck them in the bin.