Sonogropher accidently told us the sex of baby

[HollyLou93x]

So I had a growth scan on Monday 37+6 weeks. As midwife was concerned that baby was on the large side for dates. Scan did reveal that baby was already 8lb with two weeks to go. I’m not surprised my LO (boy) was born 10 days late and weighed 9lb 6oz.

When we went in for the scan we explained that we didn’t know the sex of baby and didn’t want to. She said ok, and seemed to understand this. During the scan she asked my LO what he wanted baby brother or sister he said brother and told her what his name would be. She told him that he’d make a great big brother etc. And then minutes later she said look at your brother.
I take that as we’re having a boy. Over the moon about we were happy with boy or girl as long as baby is healthy! I had a feeling boy all along but can help feeling disappointed that she revelaved this special information weeks away. We love the surprise at birth that’s why everyone gets the choice to find out gender right?

Would anyone complain or try to get confirmation??

You can’t complain because the sonographer engaged in polite chit chat with a little boy. You would look look petty and ridiculous and what do you think would change?

I think you might enjoy netmums more than Mumsnet, go and have a look, it’s far fluffier.

So, having read the OP updates, I'm still unclear.

Did the sonographer say to you (the parents) after this slip of the tongue that yes, you are unconditionally having a boy?

Or is it possible that she was simply saying "brother" to your son, in talking-to-a-child-mode, and didn't mean for you to take her literally?

Have you asked her? Brought it up with her?

Maybe something like "Oh, you were talking to our son about him getting a brother, does that mean the baby is male, or were you just playing make-believe with him?" rather than complaining.

I think it's is a shame that she may or may not have let it slip that you are having a boy, but please don't complain about it.

I am another person who has been on the receiving end of devastating news at a scan. It's truly awful and you are so lucky you have a healthy baby.

The reason people get prickly about these threads is that when you know how bad it can be, finding out the sex of your baby a couple of weeks early is really not the end of the world.

Good luck for the rest of your pregnancy and enjoy all the new born cuddles in a couple of weeks time. Try not to let this cloud your view of the birth. I promise it will still feel amazing once you are holding them in your arms!

Poor u hun, demand another scan xx

Brilliant!

Sp sorry Sylvanian

You are joking about complaining aren't you?!

I know NHS is stretched and she’s only human I wasn’t suggesting I want her strung up for this!!

But you clearly came here expecting answers saying you should complain about her!

As you say, the NHS is stretched and she's human - it was either a slip of the tongue or as others have suggested, perhaps she was telling the baby to take a look at his/her brother. Including you other LO in the procedure is laudable and going beyond her designated task of doing the scan. And you think it's reasonable to complain about her?

Complain? Are you serious??

How about think about it this way... If you hadn't brought DS with you then she wouldn't have felt the need to try and include him and this wouldn't have happened. Most hospitals advise not to bring young children to scans but the staff understand it's hard to arrange childcare sometimes so they accommodate children as best they can. However it is often distracting and inconvenient to have children in the scan rooms. Noise, chatter, pacifying bored children who don't want to be there, tantrums, some people even sit down and immediately get the snacks out which often end up all over the floor.

So how about you be a bit more grateful that the sonograper was able to both do her job AND make the effort to include your DS and help make him feel involved and not left out. Honestly, NHS staff just can't win can they?

Be grateful you are in a country with such a great NHS - being able to have a scan at the drop of a hat.

Please don't complain it wasn't done maliciously - not much point of getting someone into trouble - just enjoy the rest of the time you are pregnant - congratulations!

Perhaps the sonographer was bored and decided to play a little trick and send you into a tailspin.

See that actually would be worth a complaint, unlike what seems to have happened. I’m very glad all of the sonographers I’ve dealt with were utterly professional, during the good scans as well as the awful ones.

This is why they don't like children at scans try to be nice to them and look at the complaints they get

@SylvanianFrenemies
So sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Please try to take care of yourself

Is your username your name and date of birth?!

Ha welcome to Mumsnet OP - people don't pull any punches - it's renowned for it! If you're being a bit daft (which you are) you will definitely get short shrift around here!

This isn't AIBU. No need for the pile-on.

OP is a new poster. You might not agree with her post but it's possible to do it without all the vitriol. She's hardly likely to come back now if she needs help or advice in the future is she?

Best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy, OP. Enjoy those newborn cuddles.

Poor u hun, demand another scan xx

This made me lol. (Yes, I believe the PP was being funny)

Never did understand this "surprise at birth" thing. Surely labour and bith is interesting enough without needing the promise of a surprise at the end of it to keep you engaged with the process. And surely it would only be a genuine surprise if it turned out to be twins, intersex or something.

Yes that's a good point actually OP, why was your small child at the scan? There were evidently two adults there so you could have chosen for your partner to stay outside with your son. Actually I'm surprised they allowed it.

DH goes mad if he finds out a sports results before he's had a chance to see it!

I'd have been really disappointed too OP but I think I would probably have whinged there and then

Nothing to be achieved by taking it further I don't think - it's not like you can un-know now, even if the sonographer is subjected to the Viking Blood Eagle execution for her sins.

Hope all goes well with the birth of your new baby and that your DS enjoys his new sibling

I find myself feeling quite defensive of the sonographer, and the NHS. Maybe that explains the pile on.

Crikey. 10/20 years ago people might have been happy they got a health check of their baby.

I guess this is why people are called snowflakes these days. Op; it doesn't matter. Your baby has a heartbeat and organs in the right place. You want a sonographer to be disciplined? Really?

It sounded like they were talking to your son anyway and you're looking for something to complain about.

If you complain OP, what is it that you want, as a result of your complaint?
for the sonographer to get a telling off? be suspended? get sacked?

For you to get a written apology?
Or some sort of financial compensation?

I had hoped for a surprise but during the scan it was obvious we were having a boy. I was a bit disappointed for a few days that we had found out early but didn't tell anyone so did the reveal to friends and family on the day. I laugh about it now with DS, it won't matter when you hold him.

Never did understand this "surprise at birth" thing.

I know! What has humanity been thinking for all these thousands of years?!

My theory is that the OP secretly wanted a girl.