Pregnant at forty and over - thread 2

[cloudjumper]

To continue the support for those of us who are pregnant at forty and over.

Yeah and in the first trimester I was even more tired than I am now, which a lot of people say. And my mum, sister and friends with varying degrees of tact, all told me I looked like shit (- 'blooming' now apparently -) so on the bright side, it will probably get better! Anyway you've done this before I'm shitting myself so you'll be fine! (smile)

Hi Vodka
I'm Mel I'm 45, 9 +2 and have a 18 and 16 year old. Was a massive shock for us too as I thought I was going through menopause aswell lol. One month no periods then others 2 periods so was not expecting this. To start with I was very emotional thinking how was I going to cope and like you we will be 60 when this one is 16! We are now quite excited and have had 2 scans and all is ok. I am worried about the nuchal scan though as at 45 very high risk, but just gonna go with it and see what happens.
I'm actually off sick at the moment as had some spotting last week and I can't stop vomitting so feel I wouldn't be able to do my job at the mo. I am a nurse and it can be heavy on my ward, so just taking it easy.
Good luck with everything and I'm sure you will get lots of info from this lovely thread.
Mel xx

I've just found out I'm pregnant at 46. I'm in total shock. I have 2 kids aged 10 and 12 and thought my baby days were well over.

DH has been a rock, and keeping the baby was an easy decision to make, I'm just unsure what to do next. I referred myself to the Maternity Unit, but the person I spoke to seemed irritated that I couldn't give her the date of my last period, and said I would get a booking-in appointment within the next couple of months!! I asked if I could talk to someone about early tests and a dating scan, but she said GP would be best. However, I'm really struggling to get a GP appointment.
I thought I'd ring ARC later for advice.
When I get a bit of time, I'll read through this thread for advice and reassurance. I've seen this thread on MN so many times.... never thought I would be joining it, but so glad you're all here.

Bluebird, NurseMellie, and LittleBoat - congratulations, and good luck, especially with all the nerve-wracking tests.

I'm 43, and 33 weeks pregnant. DD is 6, and DS is 3. I do wonder at times if I really am able to do this a third time. Especially as I am really tired today.

I got put on a course of antibiotics by the gynae last week Monday for bronchitis / sinus / whatever. This was after nearly 2 months of not improving, and a course of antibiotics that made me sick as a dog. Then I was called on Wednesday to say that my urine tested positive for a massive bladder infection, so now on second course of antibiotics. I think I'm getting better (FINALLY!) but the cure is at times worse than the disease. This morning I had diarree and I was throwing up.

In the meanwhile DD (6) also has a bladder infection and some upper respitory thing, and has been on antibiotics since Friday (btw, I feel strongly not to overuse the stuff). Yesterday she developed a big cold sore inside her mouth, so this morning before work I took her to the pharmacy to get something to put on it. After I dropped her at home with a caregiver, it was nearly impossible to get out of the house. She was clinging to me as if she was glued to me. Tears. Jumping into the car and refusing to get out. Etc.

Five weeks of work left. I cannot wait!!!!

Hi NurseMellie, Marquand and Littleboat - so good to find others out there of the same age! Good luck with the scans NurseMellie - are you going to do a private blood test for Downes etc? We did one at 14 weeks just to put our minds at rest and no way was I having amino.
Littleboat I hope you get an appointment soon, it must be such a shock if you weren't trying. Hang in there Marquand, surely things will get better soon x

Bluebird what are the blood tests?

Congrats, Vodka and LittleBoat and welcome. I'm 43 and 36+1 with my second. My daughter is 2. My experience is that age doesn't necessarily make a huge amount of difference but that it's more to do with the shape you're in, plus your existing commitments. When I got pregnant with my first, I was much fitter, running 15k a week and I think I found the pregnancy a bit easier. This time around, I'm a bit lot less fit and a bit more tired but I'm running around after a toddler. I work three days a week and am not on maternity leave yet, either. First trimester was a slog but that's because it IS a slog - tiredness, sickness, nausea, moods all of that stuff - not just the domain of us older mothers. Apart from those early days, I've had some SPD issues and other usual suspects like cramp and terrible indigestion. Just like all the other much younger mothers to be in my Mumsnet antenatal club!

Age might be a factor, but it really doesn't automatically make everything 126 x harder than for anyone else. Your bodies are still geared up for having babies, so nature does know what it's doing! Hooray!

Nurse hope you're managing to rest up a bit and you don't get any more spotting.

There's a number of different ones eg Harmony or the Nifty which I had -that might be a South Wales version. Costs £450 - £500, with around 99% success rate for detection of Downes, Turner (I think) Syndrome and many other conditions, as well as giving you the sex if you want to know. It gives you the risk factor if that makes sense, which is then believed to be 99% accurate. Then there's a one in 1000 error margin to factor in as well. Sorry if unclear, maths is not my strong point!! So my result for Downes came back as a one in 300 million chance. It's still a chance, but pretty reassuring. A lot of money I know but I couldn't contemplate risking baby via amino. The risk due to my age was one in 30 for Downes Syndrome, prior to the blood test.

Hi there. I am a bit confused. I am 16+5 and AF my 12 week scan I had a Nuchal measurement and they (NHS) also took a blood test. Then j got s letter with the chances of Downs Syndrome. Which the letter said was not a probability to worry about. Is that the same as the Harmony etc tests? Or is that something extra you can do?

Anyone else struggle with their DP understanding your fears/worries about labour/your body and everything? Just had an argument with mine as his crude joke about my body (it was only to me - not in public) went down badly with me and instead of apologising properly and feeling bad (which I would do if it was the other way round) he just said I was hypersensitive and got all defensive and angry. I'm so sad.

Rugby - Your DP ought to know better than make jokes about your body! It is never appropriate, but really, doing it in the middle of a pregnancy is bloody stupid. What did he expect? You gently laughing along??

He is probably stressing too, and trying to be funny (and NOT succeeding).

My partner has been good - apart from that thing where it came out, as I was about to leave for a checkup (24 or 28 weeks, I cannot remember), that he had an affair last year. We're working on it. He's trying hard to make amends.

6 weeks today and so unwell with nausea not had anything proper to eat since Saturday . I had an ice lolly and 1 foxes glacier fruit yesterday.
Don't know how I'm going to face work tonight I'm a nurse and work 12.5 shifts

Awww teabagsmummy. I'm a nurse too and have gone off sick due my sickness. If you don't feel well then don't go in. Nights are horrible and when you feel so rubbish Aswell. I find that eating little and often is helping and drinking milk helps me too.
Hope you start to feel better soon.
Mel xx

Hi. I am also a nurse and have signed myself off sick. I had some spotting last week and I work on a busy elective surgery ward so didn't want to do anything that could do more harm. I've also had sickness and I can't seem to move without being sick. I'm 9 and 4 days. I'm 45 and have two teenage kids.
I've found milk really good and eating when I get the sicky feeling.
Hope you start to feel better soon.

Thanks mel I managed 2 slices of toast the thought of milk turns my stomach and I usually love milk

Yes Ruby , the Harmony test and others are private, 'extra' tests you can have if you choose.

Yes Ruby , the Harmony test and others are private, 'extra' tests you can have if you choose.

My tablet is going nuts! What is wrong with these men? Marquand just saw the bit about the affair at the end of your post -what a time to find out. I hope you can find a way through it. I love my DP to bits but he is not an easy character at times and can say insensitive stuff.

Hello everyone

Finally feeling confident enough to post, having had several losses in the past. Am 21 weeks pregnant with my first at the ripe old age of 51. It almost goes without saying that it was IVF & egg donation. We jolly nearly ran out of time - and although I'd pretty much given up hope fortunately my husband hadn't!!

We've now told all the family & friends & so far no one has said anything about my age or looked at me sideways - maybe they are too frightened??? I saw the consultant at 12 weeks & asked if I was her oldest & she said no she had had a lady at 53 and another at 56. So I felt like a spring chicken in comparison.

Am rather surprised given our dire history to have so far got off rather lightly - no sickness really and nothing negative at all so far. Apart from sleeping like the dead (in the evening my husband asks what programme I would like to sleep through that night). Oh yes - and I have a pain in both my big toes when I point them that apparently isn't gout or sciatica. But given that I am not a professional ballet dancer this isn't really a life-limiting condition!!

I haven't bought a single thing yet - partly from superstition & partly because I've got no idea what I'll need. But I have been buying clothes on eBay - in fact I have almost a completely new maternity wardrobe for less than £100 which seems incredible. I'm lucky enough to work from home (my husband & I run our own bicycle business) and just have us & our 2 dogs to look after - so it's much easier for me than for people working or those who have other children to look after.

Really looking forward to getting to know everyone and hearing about your journeys.

Wow a massive welcome corinne65.
Such a wonderful read. Congratulations to you. Do you know what you are having? Or you going to wait for the surprise.
I'm 45 and have two kids 16 and 18 and a dog.
Welcome and enjoy the ride xx

Welcome corinne - great news! And good that you are not feeling unwell.
bluebird and marquand - thanks for the support about DP. It seems he didn't realise how insensitive he'd been. And he is really nervous about the baby too... I guess we're all muddling through somehow. How are you and DP coping after the news he dropped on you, marquand?

bluebird - thanks for clarification on the tests.

As its my first one I keep having little worries about silly things like 'should I have not picked up those two heavy bags of shopping yesterday?' Etc.... And in my job (at a school) always worried a child will run into me!!

Hi everyone, another day closer to the end!
Big congratulations Corrine , you must be so thrilled! Now I feel like a real youngster at a mere 45 . Like you I am doing pretty well symptom- wise, just can't do half as much as I did before.

Ruby I know exactly what you mean about children bumping us at school- I do lots of supply teaching in the same school ( no more class or management responsibilities thank you!!), and there's a number of very challenging individuals who have actually assaulted other staff, so when I found out I just stopped completely. More power to those working full time in stressful environments. I used to do 10ish hour days with a lot of challenges, now I help DP in home office and sleep most afternoons. I'm convinced I wouldn't have been so shattered if I'd got preggers 10 years ago but I guess I have nothing to compare it to lol.

One thing I'm worried about is the discovery that the won't let me go over my due date due to age, so will probably be induced if things don't start promptly. Am starting to consider ECS - anyone else having similar thoughts?

Congratulations Corinne! All the best for the next 19 weeks ahead.

I really envy you symptomless people! I had some nausea initially, but now, in the 3rd trimester, it is really rough.

Bluebird & Rugby - I must say, I've just gone into survival mode. I've had a really rough two months behind me. Our kids are 6 and nearly 4, and have carried every germ in the universe into the house (start of winter in SA). We've all been sick. In the end it took 2 courses of antibiotics (in spite of being pregnant) to get rid of my sinus / bronchitis, and then a 3rd to get rid of the resulting horror bladder infection. (And now I think I might have thrush, but not bad, at least). Being sick has given me bad nausea. Fortunately I'm now starting to feel like a human being again.

In the meanwhile DD (6) had an ongoing horrid ear infection, DS (3) had croup, DP has been sick all the time but never went to a bloody doctor, work has been demanding, and we have started renovations. And a few other things.

In the beginning I just cried a lot - at night only, with DP consoling me and just saying sorry a million times over. There was a recent thread on Relationships on how people are coping after cheating. It made me think - I guess somewhere during maternity leave I will be mulling it over a lot.

Last night I had the first anger coming through (which is probably good), and I told him that cheating a second time will mean the end of our relationship, and that he has forfeitted any rights to keeping his email / phone messages etc private. I am generally not suspicious, and I don't intend to snoop, but if I feel there is a need, I will do it. He agreed to it.

At the moment I simply cannot see how I'd be able to cope as a single parent with 3 small kids, so it is in my best interest to make it work. He begged to stay, and have said many times over that he was an idiot to forget how wonderful his life is, and how much he loves me, and loves being a father, and loves our life as a family. But you never know. Broken trust is hard to fix.

But actually, that is thinking about it more than I have in a while, and it is just making me sad while I'm at work and should be getting on with things. Four weeks of work left. I finish on the 22 July, and the baby will arrive on 28 July with a planned c-section, if all goes according to plan. (DD was born with an emergency c-section, and DS was an elective c-section. I'll be 38w 4 days at the time).

marquand - sounds like you have been very clear with DP. It must have been a really tough few weeks for you. Bet you're counting the days now!

bluebird - good move on removing yourself from those stressful school kids! I think once they know they'll be interested and careful but at the moment I just have to remember to keep out of the way of any danger. And it's quite physical with carrying books, reaching stuff, moving desks etc isn't it, so I am having to be really careful.

How's everyone else doing? Any other close due dates?

Not due 'til October, it feels like I'm wishing the time away. Every day I say to DP, "Do you think we will really get her?" as it just doesn't seem real. Good luck to everyone