Staying posifrickentive - Thread 7 for ladies pregnant after mc

[Metalhead]

New thread for all the lovely ladies facing the trials and tribulations of pregnancy after mc!

solan I'm sorry you're going through this. Please try to look after yourself and don't be afraid to call your gp or the hospital for advice.

Solan Great advice from previous posters. Take care of yourself.

solan I really hope all is ok for you. In answer to your question I bled for 3 weeks before they gave me a d and c or whatever it's called now. Look after yourself, we're all here holding your hand.

I only heard the end of the news about downs testing. Is it the harmony test? I know it's expensive privately so we won't be. No idea if we'll be offered it on the NHS

Just catching up with everyone's news!

Great news for all the positive scans!!

Manatee I think the dates could vary loads in the early stages when you think the differences between weeks could be mm and as others have said, conception could have been almost a week after dtd, keep positive! I felt the same as you with DS regarding the downs test. I was relatively low risk due to my age but after we discussed it we decided that if the test showed signs of downs we wouldn't want an amnio or termination so didn't see the point in the test.

keys sorry to hear about your relationship, if he's showing you little support you are most definitely better off at your parents, hope they are looking after you!

Solan so sorry to hear you are having bleeding, could your EPU see you this afternoon? If your in England you could give 111 a call, they are great and can refer you to the best service ASAP to put your mind at ease. If it's any consolation with my DS I had a few heavyish bleeds, all bright red bleeding and the first at about 9 weeks, every time they had no explanation for the bleeding. Try to keep faith, big hugs.

Solan big hugs
Try to stay positive. With ds2 I bled so heavily that the blood reached past my knees. Lots of lovely support on this thread. A scan 2d later showed a heartbeat and they advised a SCH and told me to rest. I continued to bleed quite heavily girls for a fortnight, but baby hung on. Thinking if you xx

On the subject of the new DS tests, it is being offered to women at high risk, do offered before an amnio. They would still do a amnio to confirm if required.
My odds with last pregnancy were 1 in 149, so lower than causing a mc, and would not change our decision do we declined. After 15mc we would not take that risk. We had extra scans which reduced our risk further, so would have been eligible for this test anyway. Percy was born with DS. This time we declined all testing.

Read back a little and see I missed a few things:

Keys You're a strong, courageous woman. I am so sorry to read your relationship has broken down, although it sounds as though you have made a decision that is best for you and your baby. I'm glad to hear you are being well looked after by your parents. We're all here for you, albeit in a cyber way!

Cuppa thank you for your insight into the new tests and your own personal experiences. Percy is an awesome name!

Manatee Some great advice from other about the possible cause for delay in conception. My cycle with DC2 dated me as conceiving on CD28!! I do have long cycles (PCOS) but that was quite a shock!

Somebody Is there a wonderful friend/relative/trusted loved one (would your DH/DP be good?) who could work through packing the bag with you?

Hope everyone is doing ok today.

I have a small issue and would welcome your thoughts. My best friend lost her baby at 41 weeks in August. It has been awful and she is dealing with it amazingly. She has recently found out her sister is pregnant and she says she is ok about it - happy for her of course but has brought pangs of sadness too. The thing is she knows we have mc and has asked me if we're ok and if we're thinking of trying again(in a message luckily so I have time to think about my answer) do I tell her we're pregnant? Is finding out two close people are pregnant at the same time a bit much? Equally though I don't want to lie to her. Wwyd?

Lilli If it was me I would probably tell her your pregnant, it might only be harder if you wait and having it said over a message might be easier for her to take than in person as she can take in the news in her own time and come to terms with it so that by the time you see her next it will be out in the open. How far along are you? I think if it's early days and you aren't ready to tell you could say yes you are trying and give her a pre-warning as such and then give it a few weeks to say you are. Such a tough situation as you obviously want her to be happy and excited with you but will be tough for her too

Lilli I'd tell her too.
Having had so many MCs, several of which were late, last time I didn't feel that I could tell anyone until after 20w, however by then problems had been identified. As my pregnancy progressed Ruth more and more problems, it became less likely that there royals actually be a baby, so I never told anyone, (unless I had to, obviously). I was so unwell and in hospitals I much that I think when he was born only about a dozen people had known that I was expecting. Some friends were very hurt (however I did explain).

I would imagine that your friend would rather you told her, than find out by other means. Personally, I would find it far more difficult uk listen to explanations whilst grieving, than to be happy for someone xx

Thank you. I've told her, just waiting for a response now. I was going to tell her in a message whatever so she didn't feel she had to react in a certain way in front of me. I know she will be happy for me but also it will be tough for her. I would tell her if I mc again anyway so even though it's early i don't mind telling her.

lilli It's a really hard situation. Few people know about my mcs but the people I have told have stories of their own. It's incredible how many people are affected by mc and stillbirth. I think you've done the right thing by telling her.

DH isn't so helpful with the bag packing at the moment. He's gone off to work in the snow with the attitude that I'm living the life of luxury on maternity leave! Soon going to put a stop to that. I have to buy the final few things and just pack them. Whatever happens after that will happen and I have to be ok with that. I was kept up all night by tiny feet under my ribs so I'm grumpy today.

I think you did the right thing liliana. My general policy wrt close friends is generally to tell them I'm pg if the alternative is lying by omission in a way that could be hurtful. It's such a difficult thing though. You sound very considerate, I'm sure you found a sensitive way to tell her.

She says she is really happy for us and I know she truly is. She's also going to start ttc again soon. I hope it happens quickly so we can be pregnant together. Thanks for your advice. I'm glad I told her.

Lilli lovely that you feel you have five the right thing

Lovely to see some of you have had positive scans, although I know it's still impossable not to worry.

keys hope you are being well looked
after by your parents, sounds like you're in the best place for now.

sloan I hope tomorrow brings you some answers. Fingers crossed for you.

lilli sounds like you have a lovely friend and are a lovely friend too.

somebody I'm kind of putting together a hospital bag, hoping I don't need it any time soon through. More putting bits for me in a pile on top of the bag and occasionally zipping them in. Do you think you could manage something like that? Literally put in a nightie and towle as they came out the wash, a ratty old t-shirt of dh's, free nappy and wetwipe samples and a handful of bereast pads out of the box that have become nesseary already. My mum is packing a sleep over bag for dd. Or have you considered ordering a pre packed hospital bag that you could just top up with a few bits of clothing for you? While I think it's nice to have your own things, when I had dd more than enough was at hand, if getting them together is currently too much for you.

Have had to give myself firm talking to the past few days as I've been so worried over movement. Bump is as active as normal, but more rolls and streches than kicks, which while I know is normal is taking some time to get used to. Somehow very obvious kicks were very reassuring where as I have to remember to consentrate on the rolling movements.

10 days until I see the consultant for 35 week scan and to make an offical descison on if I need or want an elcs or want to potentially try for a vbac.

When are you due/how many weeks are you dobby?
(Can't find the stats list, sorry)
I was wondering at which stage one packs a bag?
I rarely escaped hospital in the third trimester last time around so it was packed by this time. First time I didn't back one at all as I was young and stupid and hadn't even considered that a home birth might not involve that

cuppa I'm coming up for 34 weeks, due 2nd March. I got given a new 'hosiptial' bag by dh for christmas so have just been dumping stuff in it as and when. Will have to pack it properly after seeing the consultant. Most of the ladies on the March antinatal thread have had theres packed from the 28 week mark.

Last time I did as dobby describes and put stuff on top of a bag. I didn't actually pack it until the night before my induction at 42 weeks don't do that!! I just didn't feel like she was coming any time soon ( and I was very naive nout pregnancy generally) However the theory of putting things aside slowly is good just don't leave it as long as I did!

Hey all thanks for the lovely words but on the OH front I am honestly coping better than I thought he is trying a lot to get us home but at the end of the day if I go back to quick or go back at all it will be ok for a few weeks and go back I've been here before time and time again and this time I've snapped. Being very looked after by parents there amazing.

On another note feeling very scared today I have really bad pains and not feeling as pregnant as I was a few days ago I suppose I'm more anxious as this was around the time I had my last m/c but didn't find out until 2 weeks later. They won't give me anymore scans even though I have a bleed there in my womb which I think is so unfair considering I lost my baby due to the same thing in May.

dobby wow your getting close Hun so lovely to see your nearly have LO in your arms can not wait until you post your exciting news.

As for the bag packing it's I wouldn't have a clue as both my births were premature but I think your the right gestation to start packing them bags. I know it must so nerve wrecking as well kind of makes it so real that it's not going to be long.

lilian I think you made the right decision about telling your friend I think. She would of been more hurt within that situation if you had not of said anything. Great to hear she's going to try again and you could have your LO's close together :).

solan not heard from you. Hun but praying everything is ok.

keys glad you are keeping strong! Was your OH helpful with your other DC? I hope everything works out for you,

With the pains I think we have similar EDDs? I am 9 weeks tommorow and have noticed the nausea especially going right down and no soreness in my boobs like before, I think the hormones surge a lot very early and then start to peak it may just be that. Same with the pains, have been going to bed with a hot water bottle every night because it's so uncomfortable but I do remember having pains with DS so I'm not worrying unless there's bleeding with it!

I'm STILL waiting on my 'early' scan date! Called the Dr last week who said he'd chase it up so I'm hoping soon, I'm too worried to book midwife app before I see the scan but if it isn't this week I'll have to!

keys that must be so tough for you, to be coping with the end of your relationship and now pains as well. Glad to hear your parents are being supportive though. We're all rooting for you

Keys you sound so level headed and great that your parents are so supportive. I hope all is ok - it does sound a bit harsh not giving you any more scans especially given your history. Is there anyone else you could speak to beg ?

We had similar due dates last time (along with another close friend) and only the other friend ended up with a baby. Fingers crossed for this time!

Hope you hear soon crumbles

Thanks Lilli, I made the leap this afternoon and have booked a midwife app for next Wednesday when I will be (fingers crossed) 10 weeks. Worried that if I waited too long the midwife won't be able to book the 12 week scan in time after the wait for this scan!

Does anyone else feel unbelievably tired and crabby?? I spend everyday excited to get into bed and have been sleeping from 8pm-7am every night!

Fingers crossed for you and your friend. All going well you could have your little ones a few months apart x