40+ and pregnant? Come and join the fun!

[cloudjumper]

I am 43 and currently pg with DC2, due early January. I thought it would be nice to have a thread for the pregnant ladies of 'older vintage', similar to the 40+ ttc thread, for advice, support and the occasional moan.

Nicky Congratulations on your 12-week scan! That's one big milestone out of the way I'm not even going to try with the nub thing, I am completely clueless.

ellie How are you doing, has the spotting stopped? Did you speak to the MW or EPU?
The Fb group you are referring to is for the Recurring MC thread, you might want to ask there.

Grizzer Hope your DD is better! What did people do before TV? I remember being bored out of my mind when I had to stay home from school being ill, they didn't have any daytime TV in those days or at least not in Germany where I grew up).

I have 3.5 weeks left at work not that I am counting My projects have started to wind down, so much that I will have to ask for more work soon! Which I am reluctant to do, as this usually means you get given the rubbish projects that no one else wants to do... Ah well.

I've been having quite a few doubts and regrets about not getting the Harmony test in the last few days... Not sure why, maybe because it is all getting more imminent now, and I am worried that something will be found after the baby is born. Not that I can do anything whatsoever now, but still... Kinda wishing I hadn't been so stingy and done the test now. Sigh.
Still haven't packed my hospital bag, but I have started nagging DH about stopping to drink in the evenings. We are going to get the baby stuff down from the loft this weekend, and it'll all be even more real then!

What is making you have doubts cloud? What was your risk at the 12 week nuchal scan? I came back low risk but I guess as there is now a non invasive option that can tell you for definite, there will always be that question of 'Should I have had it?'

I am sure if there was something to be seen it would have been picked up at the 20 week scan?

I still wonder if I should have had one. I had a low Papp A score and that is continually bothering me. I am hoping the 20 week scan will put my mind at rest.

How exciting getting the baby stuff out though!

My combined risk after the 12-week scan was 1:932, so pretty much as good as it can get at my age (even the lady who did the analysis I phoned up about this said so). At the time, I was really happy with that and thought that it was reassuring enough for me to not do the Harmony test (DH and I had agreed that we would do it if the results came back with a high risk - although we did not specify how low that would be...).
Nothing at all came up at the 20-week scan, which is also reassuring! I am just stupid and silly... There are a million things that no scan or test can pick up, and I am well aware of that. But I am a control freak and like to tick all possible boxes

You are definitely not stupid or silly! I know what you mean about ticking the boxes though and being a control freak though!

I don't think we stop worrying until we see our new baby in our arms! It sounds like all will be fine though going on your results and the 20 week scan. I am very excited for you being so close to the end!

Why do I never see things when I check them, but spot mistakes as soon as I have pressed 'post message'!

Im sure they could see the 3 trysomies that Harmony tests for really clearly at the 20 week scan - or at least markers, which they'd have told you about. You could always have another scan? I agree - lots of things they cant test for, but many more that they can, no? In fact, the anomaly scan is so detailed that i was under the impression there's very little (physical) it cant detect. Perhaps am wrong. Im plannign to go for a growth scan as late as poss to see how big this one is having given birth to Goliath last time! That will drive whether we induce early. Current plan is 39 wks (hurrah!). I agree - so exciting to get the stuff down! Except the breast pump - ugh. There'll be stuff in there you'll probably have forgotten about!

Thanks, ladies, you are of course right. And I completely forgot that I have indeed another scan coming up soon, on the 23rd! That will give me the reassurance that I need (and hopefully not confirm my suspicion that I am growing a giant - I am massive!).

lucky Yeah, I don't have fond memories of the breast pump either... Or of breastfeeding, for that matter, it was a source of a lot of stress at the time. I'm hoping to be more savvy this time round and not let it get to me so much!

I've started thinking about the 'this time around' stuff - a lot of the major stuff has been sold (including the cot!) but it's still fairly early days so not too worried right now. I definitely feel different about certain things this time around - not bothered about getting another breast pump as figure breastfeeding will either work or it doesn't (bloody disaster last time and now wonder why I spent so much emotional and physical energy on it), not getting another TENS machine, and certainly not getting another bloody baby swing which took up half the living room and would often start playing music of its own accord in the middle of the night, half scaring us to death

Also on my 'not this time, thank you!' list are sweeps, induction (didn't have one last time but was threatened by doctors when I declined), and also having my nether regions torn in half by another 100th percentile head.

Sorry am very grumpy at the moment as found out a couple of days ago (out of the blue) that my contract isn't being renewed and so will be out of a job by xmas. The job that will be paying my maternity leave, mortgage, bills, etc etc (I'm the main breadwinner). I will only have been working for 2.5 months when I leave so no chance to save up any reserves at all (am self employed). It's the nature of the business I work in, but I had been assured of a renewal and declined another job a few weeks ago on this basis. The fuckers!!

It's directed at me personally but no one will look me in the eye, probably because they know what a difficult position it puts me in. It's going to be nigh-on impossible to find another as a) I will have to cancel nursery soon as can't afford f/t nursery fees beyond my leaving date, b) it's a very bad time of year to get another job, c) I'm only available til easter no not an attractive prospect and d) I'm a pregnant woman so not an attractive prospect (in my industry.

Sorry - will be back later with cheerier thoughts!

Hello, introducing myself. Will be 43 in 10 days, expecting my fourth. Terrible procrastinator, my first baby was born when I was 37, this will be four babies in 5.5 years plus did my masters at same time. Absolutely insane, should get head checked.

I am only11 weeks along with my fourth. Have been very fortunate never to have experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth. Terrified this time. Have had no scans and no heartbeat looked for (Canada, midwives).

Here's a question for you: I interviewed for a job when I was one week pregnant. They took forever to offer me the position (casual, medical, hospital work), waiting 8 weeks! Now I am 11 weeks pregnant and showing.

Should I disclose my pregnancy to my boss before starting? I have the legal job offer on paper, but feel awkward showing up two months after the interview sporting a baby bump! It would literally be an elephant in the room moment, with me looking a bit elephantine. What to do? Also, I am still only 11-12 weeks.... with no scan and no proof of heartbeat. Not sure what to do. I was hired to cover summer vacations and baby is due June, of course!

Advice?

eagle so sorry, what rubbish timing and so frustrating. Hope you are okay.

Welcome Lilli Wow that's a busy few years, amazing! I'm a much bigger procrastinator than you - I'm 42 and 18 weeks with my first! I'm not sure about your question - I work for myself so don't have experience with the workplace system - but it sounds to me like you maybe want to wait for your 12 week scan before. Sounds like you're almost there - how soon can you arrange it?

moon I'm thinking about you today. Let us know how it goes. x

eagle ARGH, how vexing. do you think it's linked to your maternity? Do you have any employment rights at all?

Lilli welcome! I would wait until your scan tbh. You are under no legal obligation (in this country- not sure how it is in Canada) to tell them for quiet a while. It's up to you to decide whether you feel you ought to tell them sooner. Tricky, just do what makes you feel most comfortable and secure.

moon sending you so much love and strength today my love xxx

I am waiting for my repeat dating scan tmw (I am 15 weeks. the dating scan at 12+5 was useless due to headstanding/ twerking baby and my stupid retro uterus.) I am inexplicably riddled with nerves and need to get a gip as I've got a full day at work (and I'm entertaining at an event tonight) so I need to pull myself together and get on. I'm literally powered by Galaxy chocolate today

quiet = quite. GRRR. One of those days already.

Cloud Grizzer thanks. spotting has eased off but at the cost of stopping aspirin on two alternate nights. I'm dead scared abt it. If today is a good day, i go back on 75 mg daily aspirin again. Have any of u had this kind of management plan? Just waiting for some more bloods and scan next week when atleast i reach 6 wks...

Ooh some of you have such busy lives..all i've done in last 6 years is loose 5 babies and gone down in my career graph! But so lovely to see the other side of 40+...:)

Moon u r in my thoughts..good luck for today xx

Moon thinking of you xxx

Ellie I'm on 75mg aspirin and heparin injections, no problems at all with this. Had it for most of my previous pregnancies, it's pretty standard.

Eagle that is so rubbish, the last thing you want to worry about!
Don't give up all hope about finding a job - I managed to get one while of with DS, it's not impossible.

I'm so tired today, feel like I'm going to fall asleep at my desk in the office...

Ellie I had a meeting with a consultant on Tuesday after my scan and said I should go on Aspirin. He also said that if it was causing spotting or bad heartburn, then we'd need to weigh up the bad stuff with the good stuff of taking it and possibly stop it.

city for some reason I was also more nervous about my repeat dating scan at 15+ wks than I was at my 12 wk one. I burst into tears! You will be great. Have fun tonight!

I am having massive problems accessing MN on the computer at the moment! We'll need a new thread shortly, I'll try and set it up.

Ok, new thread has been created, it's called 'Pregnant at forty and over - thread 2'. Can't link on my phone, do come and join!
Maybe someone else can post the link?

New thread is here